How to learn to love yourself: recommendations from a psychologist. Loving yourself is a psychological technique

15.10.2019

"How to love yourself" The topic is perhaps very important and relevant. More than once I stop repeating that before you want something, for example, respect for others, you must first start with yourself. That is, start respecting yourself. I often hear things like: "How can you demand love from another person if you are unable to love yourself?" Therefore, today we will learn to love ourselves, because if we want to experience love for us from others, and indeed the love of our World, then we need to start, it would seem, from the smallest (and this is not so) - to love ourselves myself. And until we do this, it is unlikely that we will be able to feel that someone loves us.

Man does not know how to love himself. Why? Firstly, he has low self-esteem (read the article: "How to Raise Self-Esteem" and, Secondly People often confuse self-love with selfishness. Selfishness is when a person does everything exclusively for himself and cares about others, he categorically does not. Even to loved ones. Self love implies respect and enjoyment of one's own nature. Until we love ourselves, no one loves us. And even if he loves, we doubt it. In addition, we ourselves cannot adequately love someone. Why? Because we can't do it. Maybe this person is dear to you, but how much do you love him, if you cannot do even the most banal? Love the person you love the most - yourself!

When a person loves himself with the "right love", he is confident in himself. He has enough energy to give this love of his. And get more in return more love from others and from the world in general. If you intend to become a self-confident person, if you want to live a free and wonderful life, if you want to have great relationship with loved ones, relatives, with your soulmate - it is important to love yourself.

How to love yourself?

Now let's move on to practical tips that will help you realize your Self and help you truly love yourself. The tips are not very simple and will require a little effort and time from you, but the reward will be great!

Tip #1: Stop beating yourself up.

Let's start with what you need to stop doing. Some people self-eat every day and do not notice how they exhaust themselves. If this has become a habit for you, you yourself noticed how you closed yourself off from the world, from those around you and from yourself. Literally every day you destroy yourself. For small failures, you are ready to humiliate yourself so that every time your soul is pierced by a sword with a sharp end. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but it will be clearer to you.

While you scold yourself, you won’t get rid of your suspiciousness, you won’t raise your self-esteem, you won’t open up to the world, you won’t do something sensible, you won’t love yourself, you won’t give your love to the world around you and nothing useful at all. Therefore, once again I remind you that the topic "How to Love Yourself" important and difficult. In this advice, you should just stop berating yourself for all the failures, small or big, for your character (work on it) and just become calmer (read the article: "How to become calmer. 5 ways").

2nd tip - be aware of yourself.

You must understand what you like in life. What do you love and what do you want to do? You must set yourself a goal. As long as you have at least one goal in life, life becomes more interesting. When a person knows what he is needed for, it becomes easier for him to love himself. After all, he is aware of his importance.

Maybe you work as a veterinarian, and every day you rescue and treat animals. It's already great!!! You love animals and give them your love and receive it in return. You may not notice it directly, but when you return home, you feel that you are satisfied with everything that happened that day. You have often heard thanks from a little girl for helping her kitten. And it brings you joy.

When we are self-aware, we can do good deeds and receive love in return. There is one exercise that helps to realize and find yourself in this life. Of course, this is difficult to do and it will not work the first time, but still, do it. Who knows what quick effect you can achieve?!

Take paper and divide it into two columns with a pencil. In the left column write:

Who am I?
What am I proud of?
What am I striving for?
What is the best thing I can do?
Who do I admire?

In the right column:

Why don't I love myself?
What do I not like about myself?
What do people not like about me?
What is the worst thing I do?
What am I avoiding?

By doing this exercise, you will get to know yourself even closer. You will have the opportunity to eliminate your shortcomings. In no case do not put up with them, because humility is just watching when you can correct. And you can fix a lot.

3rd tip - Point out your strengths.

This is the opposite of the first advice. Instead of humiliating yourself, you look for dignity in yourself. Every person has them, and everyone has had victories in their lives. Now is the time for us to remember them, and not just once, but every day to remember them.

Man is such a creature: he forgets his victories quickly, but he remembers his failures forever. Is this about you by any chance? All you now need to do is take the paper again and write down on it all the victories that you have achieved in life and all the qualities that you like in yourself. You can do this every day throughout the day. What did you manage to do today? Can you refer to this article? Hmm ... for me it's like a plus for starting a new life.

4th tip - get started new life.

There are two main things here: constancy and slowness. If you have begun to change yourself and your life, you need to do it constantly, and not quit right away. You want to change your appearance. Every day, step by step, move towards this dream, I understand that you need everything at once, but this does not happen. In addition, there is one nuance here as a plus: time flies quickly, and you will not notice how another year has already flown by. If you were to work on yourself this year, what would you be like now? Is it worth stopping then? Should we hurry if time is not kind to us anyway?

You have to figure out what you don't like about yourself and start changing it. This is how you start a new life. As you become better, you will praise yourself for your achievements, and, consequently, love yourself. Remember about time. You don't have to rush things.

Tip #5: Be kind to yourself and others.

Kindness is the light both inside and outside of you. Why don't you bring another light into this world? Start smiling even if the day is not good. Now you have to tell yourself 80% that everything is fine and life is beautiful and 20% already express your dissatisfaction (it is better to do this on paper). Why do I advise expressing dissatisfaction? The fact is that when a person expresses his dissatisfaction, he gets rid of it. This can be done at the gym, or while you're cooking. Openly expressing yourself alone is a useful thing, but only when it makes up no more than 20% of your life.

Now, when you go anywhere, put a smile on your face. I remember when I walked on the street, I smiled, because I had to do it because of this and the habit is already like that. I saw passers-by also begin to simply smile in response. How it lifts their spirits (although some only marveled at my smile). She's so contagious. As long as you smile - you look like the most attractive person, and life smiles at you!

6th tip - change the environment.

There are people who underestimate you. That's why you lose self-esteem, that's why you don't love yourself. There are such personalities in life - overwhelming . It's kind of energy vampires, which feed on someone else's energy, as they quickly deplete their own.

If you have such people and you know them, you can just talk to them about it. If you love each other or are friends, then such a nuance from your life in a relationship will disappear. If not, end the relationship.

7th tip - new beliefs.

You should program yourself to love yourself. Affirmations about self-love will suit you. Every day in a state of meditation, you should listen to affirmations and feel with all your heart that this is so. Waking up in the morning, say the first words: "I love myself for who I am." After 90 days, these lines will settle down in your root, and you will no longer be able not to love yourself. No matter what they tell you, you will still love yourself.

These are all tips and methods that you should use. In order to fully love yourself, you need not so much time. When you do this, love yourself, you can succeed in life more and become truly loving and happy man. Great love To you!!!

In our Russian book market, various kinds of publications have long and firmly settled down, the meaning of which boils down to the fact that they are trying to teach us how to live correctly. Let's leave catchy titles of books like "How to learn to love yourself", "How to instantly get rich and become a powerful person" or "How to succeed in life and make it more harmonious" on the conscience of Western authors.

It is clear that the publishers are thinking with bait titles to attract a potential reader and increase future book circulation. But if it were only this ... Alas! The paradox is that the psychology of Western thinking really suggests that any problem can be solved, you just need to know how to approach it. Find the treasured key that opens this door. And find it as soon as possible. Time does not wait.

How to learn to love and be loved

Without going into the subtleties of the differences between Russian and western types thinking, can be limited broadly famous words Rudyard Kipling: “The West is the West, the East is the East, and together they cannot converge” This is the absolute truth, together we really cannot converge today or in the foreseeable future. It is often difficult for us to even understand each other ... And such complex issue How to learn to love yourself requires a very detailed approach.

American and European pragmatism approaches a person as a complex mechanism, where all the details are in clear interaction. So, by influencing certain parts of this mechanism, you can achieve the desired result: "press the button - you will get the result, and your dream will come true."

The Russian understanding of the human soul, psychology is traditionally different, sometimes paradoxical. No wonder the “mysterious Russian soul” entered the proverb; it is not for nothing that the “exotic” Russian classics are so popular in the West, turning all the usual ideas around - Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Chekhov.

For us, truths like “wealth is good, poverty is evil”, “if you don’t get an adequate response from your beloved, part with him”, etc. The heroines and heroes of our favorite novels often behave irrationally, and this is their charm.

I dwelled on this in detail because I wanted to immediately warn the reader: do not flatter yourself that you can instantly learn to love yourself and, like the Frog Princess from a fairy tale, shed your old skin and become a beautiful princess. The path to self-change is long and difficult.

It is very important to understand how to achieve love for yourself and why. An ideal person in the understanding of Western authors - a person who goes through life towards his goal, regardless of other people and circumstances. And he clicks the emerging obstacles and barriers like seeds, leaving those around him with a feeling of slight shock and dizziness (from healthy pressure and pragmatism).

A striking example applied psychology in American style, old Carnegie with his advice on influencing people and making friends (read "crutches" to help you move through life) and countless remarks: "Smile, smile, smile ..."

But we will go the other way, and Carnegie is not a decree for us. The Russian mentality is different. In our country, the inner, spiritual life of a person has always been considered the most important, and not wealth and not a career, although in recent times priorities, of course, have changed a lot.

Becoming a different person in my understanding does not mean turning into a soulless mechanism that actively reacts to external stimuli and quickly changes them in accordance with its goals and objectives.

To become a different person means to realize your “I”, your individuality and, in the end, understand what you really need from this life. It is for you, and not for mom, dad, neighbors, work colleagues.

Why you need to love yourself

Why is this really important and why is a crisis in this sense beneficial and even necessary in order to generally learn to love yourself and improve your life? The fact is that a crisis is often an indicator, signaling either that you are living incorrectly, or that you are confused in life guidelines and do not know where to go next. It's no secret that in fact most of us live according to the principle "like everyone else" or act under the pressure of those people whose opinion is in this moment the most important.

A simple and illustrative example. Do not count the women who are married, because:

"All the girlfriends are in pairs, only I am alone." Disorder!
He liked his mother, grandmother, aunt and my beloved dog Dzhulka. I will not disappoint anyone and will bring joy to my mother, grandmother, aunt and beloved dog Julka.
He was my friend's boyfriend, and I took him away from her. Oh and I'm cool! (As a rule, in such cases, the marriage breaks up with the speed of a meteorite rushing at full speed towards the Earth. Bam-s - and fall! Lord, who is this next to me?! What kind of horror is this in the flesh?! Get out Shout!)
He walked, walked with me, and then he took and married Svetka, whom I considered my best friend. I cried and cried and finally decided to marry Kolya, who had been courting me for a long time. I'll show everyone that I'm not alone! Kolya, come here, I'll make you happy...

The situations are very familiar. Perhaps one of them is yours. How can you learn to love yourself? Speaking seriously, it turns out that we live some part of our lives, as if paying tribute to other people's schemes, without thinking about whether we really want this? Perhaps, having asked ourselves this question and tried to honestly answer it, we would have acted differently and would not have reaped the bitter fruits of our own stupidity or, more precisely, irresponsibility after some time. How can we make sure that no one can manipulate us and impose their thoughts and actions?

To do this, you must first learn to love yourself, to say “no”, defending your right to your own understanding of life and, which is also important, precious time, which each of us is not given so much. Remember a few simple rules.

Before taking on any business, think carefully: do you need it, or is it a well-camouflaged task of a friend, colleague, or just an acquaintance.

Realizing that by and large you don’t need it, politely refuse, but don’t apologize or invent excuses for yourself - in this case, you will still feel an underlying sense of guilt; which means that next time they will put a stronger pressure on you, and you will agree.

Remember that the refusal must be polite but firm. You must demonstrate your position to the interlocutor and let him understand: persuading you is a waste of time.

Why You Can't Love Yourself

Why is it important to be able to say “no” when someone tries to take advantage of you? Yes, because this is your first step towards clearly delineating the boundaries of your personality. Thus, you create a space for yourself, in which from now on you will act at your own discretion and in accordance with your needs.

Therefore, we still have to learn this most difficult of the arts - self-love. And there is no getting away from it. A crisis is like a desperate SOS signal that our “I” sends us, begging us to pay attention to it. Where to start? How to learn to love yourself?

With a small psychological warm-up, which should be done every day at any convenient time. It will be better for someone to do this in the morning, before the start of the working day, for someone in the evening before bed.

You should stand in front of a large mirror and take a good look at yourself. Imagine that in the place of your reflection - unknown woman that you see for the first time. Here it is very important to move away from yourself, how to get out of the boundaries of the body and observe yourself from the side. Only in this case the exercise will be effective. Slowly glide your eyes over yourself, starting with your feet. Examine each part of your body with an admiring glance, find something beautiful in it and express your admiration out loud or to yourself. For example:

I like my legs, they are slender and long (option: not very long, but beautiful shape etc.) I look and admire them, I like that they are tireless and often help me out in life. I like to emphasize their shape and beauty, so I wear mini-skirts (long skirts with a sexy slit, tight pants).

I like my hands, narrow graceful fingers, reminiscent of the noble hands of a pianist (soft, rounded brush, like those of Titian women). It is pleasant for me to slide my fingers over the computer keyboard, at this moment I admire them. I also like to look at my hands at breakfast when I drink coffee...

How to learn to love yourself? There are many options here. The main thing is that the words come from your soul, sincere, confidential intonation is important here, you talk with your body and admire it. You look at him from the position of a man in love, who is thrilled and touched by absolutely everything, and he is ready to tirelessly lavish compliments on his beloved.

Let's move on to the face. You must find in it a certain zest, something that is inherent only to you and no one else. Never in your thoughts or out loud compare yourself with someone else. This applies not only to movie stars or catwalk beauties, but also to the people around you.

If you consider your appearance from these positions, then you can always find a woman who has something better than you. Marina B. has longer legs, and Tanya P. has a more beautiful oval face. You need to fall in love with yourself, with who you are.

Of course, you can do self-improvement, go to fitness clubs or attend aerobics classes, but in no case should you think that happiness will come when you reach perfect figure. First, the ideal is the ideal, that it is difficult to achieve. Secondly, the fashion for a particular type of figure is constantly changing. And thirdly, where is the guarantee that the taste of your chosen one coincides with your chosen ideal.

You will have to learn to love yourself here and now. If in the fifties of the last century the standard for women and the dream for men the globe was Marilyn Monroe with her rounded forms, then in the sixties the whole world was shocked by the Englishwoman Mary Quant, who invented the miniskirt as a symbol of female sexuality and independence.

Extravagant Englishwoman brought to the podium new model Twiggy, who looked like a teenage girl with flat chested and skinny thighs. And it seems that the fashion world is still suffering from twiggimania, although recently in life and in modeling business there is a return to a more feminine silhouette.

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem

Take a closer look at yourself in the mirror. Not once or twice. Realize your individuality and praise your face precisely for its uniqueness. You won't need much time.

After you have done this regularly for two or three weeks psychological exercise, you can move to positive settings for every day. I would call this exercise good mood" or "sunny bunny".

We kind of charge ourselves with good positive energy for the whole day. Why am I not giving this exercise right away? The fact is that setting up to create your own positive image requires so much emotional strength that at first it is better to focus only on it. Only after mastering the first psychological exercise, move on to the next.

In the morning, without getting out of bed, stretch and say to yourself: Good morning". Then close your eyes and imagine a summer green meadow generously flooded with sun. Imagine it in detail: tall bright green grass, where strawberry bushes lurk, dark red berries, lilac-violet bluebells, pink clover, yellow buttercups...

Smell the scent of herbs and fragrant flowers warmed by the sun. Feel this life-giving energy pouring into you (green and yellow are the most therapeutic colors). With every cell of your body you feel warmth and light, as if you are bathing in this stream of dazzling light...

Lie down like this for about ten minutes, then slowly get out of this state and do your morning chores. Do not think about the work ahead, or about any worries of the coming day, or even about the fact that you urgently need to learn to love yourself. You must cross the threshold of your apartment in the state that you have just created for yourself.

Our self-esteem is influenced by many factors that surround us in everyday life. Quite often, life tests our already shaky belief in our own worth. Therefore, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman is an extremely relevant, important, deep and reverent topic for everyone who is dissatisfied with themselves.

Attitude towards oneself is formed in childhood and adolescence when we begin to know the world and the place in it more deeply. Love and confidence comes from self-esteem, and for many women it is, unfortunately, underestimated. It certainly affects the quality of life. To be truly happy, you need to seriously approach the question of how to love yourself. Be responsible for your own life - start correcting the situation immediately.

What is unconditional love?

The term "unconditional love" means "love without conditions." It is the acceptance of a person, independent of any time frame, material goods or states in which we are.

Love doesn't need a reason. They love not for appearance, not for a hairstyle, not for a figure. They just love it.

So where to start? First of all, understand what love is. Understand who you are. At the beginning of your journey, you need to realize: love is a feeling when we accept ourselves. Completely and unconditionally. With all the advantages and disadvantages. It is a down-to-earth and modest sense of oneself and one's life, which has nothing to do with conditional love, which breeds narcissism, selfishness and pride. Love is not pathos, not a desire to prove to others that you are better. It is not even a state of constant happiness and satisfaction with life. Harmony with yourself and inner world, self-respect in all situations. It is simplicity and modesty. Self-sufficiency. Confidence in own forces. The ability to truly rejoice and feel the value of one's own Personality. This is the feeling of lightness with which we go through life. This is the way. Movement towards yourself. Continuous process. When you do not need comparisons, because you clearly distinguish: you are you, and others are others.

To make it easier to understand how to love yourself and be happy, it is important to follow the recommendations of psychologists.

Step-by-step instruction

forgive yourself. For bad deeds, for what did not work out. Let go of all grudges against others and situations in which you were wrong. Get rid of negative thoughts - they pull you down. Be kind to yourself. You've made mistakes in life and that's okay. Realize this and do not blame yourself for the failures that have accumulated like a snowball in the secret corners of the soul. Everyone has the right to make mistakes.
Accept yourself for who you are. Understand that you are an individual, a person. There is no such thing and never will be. This is a fact that you need to realize and accept, as well as your exclusivity, value in this world. Yes, it's not easy. However, only in this case you will sincerely understand how you can truly love yourself.
Realize that you self-sufficient personality . Self-love should not depend on other people. Someone thinks that it can be obtained, for example, from a man, but this is not so. Love is within us. You just need to get to its deepest strings.
Learn to see and respect your Individuality. Even with all the weaknesses! Everyone has black and white, but this does not mean that you need to love only the good. Take the other side too! Love begins with respect for oneself. Appreciate your work, experience, thoughts and actions.
Strive to become best version myself. Recognize the negative qualities and weak sides that prevent you from getting better. Correct them. Movement in this direction will bear fruit. Praised odes are powerless if you do not look deep into the soul. Psychological affirmations along with narcissism will only give a temporary effect. If your goal is to get to the very bottom and know yourself with all your heart, start with the inner content.
You need to love yourself in any state and mood. This should not affect how you treat yourself. This value is constant and should not be changed under any circumstances. Loving yourself for appearances alone is self-deception. Look for the Human in you.
Do not judge or criticize yourself. From the point of view of psychology, criticism brings only negativity and self-destruction. It is absorbed by the mind, takes possession of thoughts and sets you up for failure in the future at a subconscious level. Find words of encouragement and be kind and patient with yourself.
Don't complain, don't whine. Is there something you don't like and don't want to put up with? So take it and change it! Look at the situation soberly, rationally, think sensibly. Respect your mind. Only you have the right to take responsibility for your own actions and results. Nobody likes whiners. I want to love strong personalities, open, sincere, with kindness in their hearts, who bring joy and positive to the world, sharing their happiness with others. This is possible provided that Love reigns in the soul.
Stop paying attention to others and depend on someone else's opinion. Do not let him put pressure on you, pass through the prism of personal views. Sort opinions and draw personal conclusions. You must have your own clear position on certain things. Therefore, use good and useful sources of information, analyze and nourish the mind necessary knowledge. Don't tolerate what you don't like. This will not let you unsettle, but will allow you to love yourself and be confident in your own worth.
Set goals, achieve, develop as a Personality. This will help boost your self-esteem. By achieving your goals and getting what you want, you will increasingly strengthen your self-confidence. At great desire man can do anything! Goals will help you believe in your abilities, point you in the right direction, which will eventually lead you to victory!
Don't compare yourself to others. Don't try to be like everyone else. Such a strategy is doomed to failure and disappointment. best example- it's you. There are no better or worse people, we are all equal. There are those who believe in themselves and those who do not. So be the one who accepts himself for who he is! No need for masks, games, riddles - they are appropriate only on stage.
Do not judge or criticize others. Do not allow yourself to think and speak negatively towards others. This empties the soul, takes away energy, accumulates anger and irritation inside and blocks the path to Love. Is this the life you wanted to live? With hatred in your heart towards yourself and others? We often interpret situations through the lens of our views and moods. Don't be a grumpy grandmother. Tune in to the positive. Your task is to bring goodness and light into the world. What you give is what you get.
love people. Truth. With all my heart. Yes, it's definitely difficult. However, try to see the good in them and focus on the positive qualities. There is one Golden Rule: Accept others as they are without trying to change. When you love someone and are insanely happy, you are ready to hug the whole world and all the people around! So let this state begin with your love for yourself!
Spend time in successful society . Strive for positive social circles. Connect with kind people smart people that pull you up, not down. With those with whom you feel happy, cheerful, sunny, loved, who radiate positive energy, and do not take away. Avoid grouchy, always dissatisfied, gossipers, all those who cause negative emotions and makes you suffer.
Learn to say "no". Going against your desires means losing yourself over time, gaining insecurity and a decrease in vitality. Don't act to the detriment own desires. It's your life and you have the right to do what you want! Have a personal opinion and desires. Let others reckon with them. Be honest - first of all with yourself. If you don't like something, you don't have to tolerate it. To be true to yourself means to understand your “I” completely. The ability to refuse will help you respect personal boundaries and truly love yourself.
love your body. Realize: wise Nature does not err. Appearance you received as a reward, so why not accept it? Answering the question of how to love yourself and your body, we can say with confidence: this is possible only through self-care. Go in for sports. Go for a massage. Eat healthy food. Take a break from the Internet and TV. Spend more time in nature, feel an integral part of it. She gave you something special - life. Strengthen your strength of mind and health. Do sports and follow healthy eating- this is already a considerable reason to be proud of yourself!
Don't be sloppy on the outside. Our appearance says more about us before we even open our mouths. The untidiness and inaccuracy in appearance and clothes - a sign of lack of self-respect. It is enough to look clean and decent.
Develop your femininity. Girls are emotional and sensitive, often exaggerate, focus on the little things and shortcomings in appearance. First you need to understand a very simple thing: ideals do not exist in nature. But there is such a thing as self-improvement. Strive to develop your femininity and positive sides. When confidence in your own irresistibility grows stronger (without pride, selfishness and pathos), others will be drawn to your inner strength and energy. Fill yourself, develop your feminine qualities. A woman who loves herself is betrayed by an inner feeling of happiness - she “shines”. They say about such people “with a twinkle in their eyes”.

Psychological techniques in practice

And now practical advice and work on the bugs. Your task is to work on your weaknesses, changing them to strengths overcoming obstacles. The goal is to improve your Personality.

Making a list

Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two parts. First, write your positive traits. In the second - what you do not like about yourself and what you would like to change. Then, in turn, cross out each negative quality on the list. Tear off this part of the sheet and tear into small pieces. (By the way, psychologists say that even after such a procedure, the soul feels better.) Memorize the remaining text and repeat it regularly. For example, every morning or evening. Then make it a point to add a new word to the list every three days. These simple psychological tricks affect not only the conscious but also the subconscious.

We are looking for a reason to be proud of ourselves!

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. And every day, take small steps to improve your own version. For example, you decide to pull yourself together and go to the gym. Do you know this sweet feeling when, having overcome a bunch of obstacles - laziness, excuses, and so on, you went to training? Or, despite fatigue and lack of time, completed on time the right job? At times like these, we are proud of ourselves! It is these feelings that you need to focus on in the process of increasing self-esteem! Focus on good times that have already been achieved. If you set goals for yourself and achieve them, the feeling of satisfaction will never leave. Learning to appreciate your own efforts, work, yourself, in the end, will be much easier.

Self improvement

This is something that needs to be carefully worked on - replacing the negative with the positive. Try to imagine in detail your image that you would like to see in front of you. Each of us has weaknesses that it would not hurt to get rid of. For example, you are not punctual. It is annoying, angry, but you do nothing to change it and no longer feel dissatisfied with yourself. So the new you must learn to control your time and develop high level self-organization. And so - with all the qualities that do not suit.

Psychologists advise writing down your own path to Love on paper. Buy a beautiful diary or notebook, to which you will devote part of your time, which will become a friend, helper and reflection of your own “I”. Write down the changes that have happened to you. Start small and see how nice it is to get better!

It is impossible to take and love yourself at one fine moment, when you want it. We repeat, this is a constant process, the path to the knowledge of one's “I”, a great and hard work to which one must strive. Only feeling unconditional love to yourself will make you happier and spiritually richer! Being confident is a luxury you can afford! This is the real key to happiness and success!

All it takes to have love is to be love.
Love does not require conditions.
This experience is absolute and perfect.

Let us examine in detail the question of how to develop self-love.

What is this term often confused with?

This concept has nothing to do with narcissism!

True self love is a natural and modest sense of self that you accept in yourself.

There is no pressure or effort involved.

Having this feeling:

you are in harmony with yourself;
you walk the world easily;
feel confident in any situation;
respect everything you do and everything you say.

It's such a down to earth and natural feeling.

Let's figure out where to start in order to love yourself completely and completely. Consider all 19 ways.

1. Realize that no one and nothing external will complete you, you are already self-sufficient

2. Accept yourself completely

Accept yourself the way you are

Love yourself in any manifestation and expression, in any verbal and non-verbal expression.

Love all your mistakes you made in the past.
This is important because people often judge themselves, hate themselves and despise themselves for the things that have been done in the past.
At that moment in time and with that knowledge, that action was the most correct for you. Realize that you did those actions in the past that led to mistakes, because you thought at that moment that they would be the most correct for you.
Of course, then you admit the mistake, but you love yourself with these mistakes and accept them.
Thanks to your mistakes, you are where you are now..
They made you stronger and stronger. Implement this knowledge and no longer worry about how to learn to love and respect yourself.

When you no longer associate the word “acceptance” with weakness, you begin to live with ease and calmness that you have never seen before.

Accept all your flaws and love yourself with them: there is what is

Mantra for all occasions: “There is what is. And that's okay."

Example. I screwed up in front of people yesterday, I couldn't make a presentation and didn't prepare.

There is what is, and that's okay.

Use this phrase like practical advice about how to love yourself and stop self-flagellation.

What is the fine line which many people forget:

This does not mean that you have now resigned yourself to the fact that you are a dull and boring creature and now you are always lying on the couch and doing nothing! No.
You still strive to be the best version of yourself.
You just don't judge yourself for your shortcomings.

3. You don't need a reason to love yourself.

You are self-sufficient and should love yourself for no reason.

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, then love will not be complete and complete, and doubts and reasons for the opposite immediately appear in your head. You don't need a reason.

As soon as you start thinking: “I love myself because…”, there are immediately reasons not to love yourself!

If you are looking for reasons to love yourself, you find reasons to doubt!

You love yourself, period. Without a reason.

You are already self-sufficient and there is no reason to be otherwise.

Thanks to this realization, you will know everything about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman or a man.

4. Stop putting people on pedestals and realize that everyone is equal

No one is better or worse than you.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and undermine your self-esteem.

Otherwise, you will get into an endless race with yourself and you will never solve your questions about how to love yourself and be a self-confident person.

Get out from under the influence of social programming. Be aware that.

Make a choice and allow yourself to be equal with everyone and experience inner lightness.

5. Never compare yourself to others

Comparing oneself to others always causes a feeling of lack of self-sufficiency and condemnation of oneself.

Never chase after others and do not strive to be what you are not!

Example. You look at your neighbor, how he lives successfully and how his business is flourishing, you compare it with your state of affairs, and you upset yourself and are loaded because of this comparison.

Comparing yourself to others gets in the way of self-acceptance.

You cannot be what you are not. You can't live someone else's life. No matter how hard you try, you'll be able to be a cheaper, duller version of the person you're chasing!

The best thing you can do is be yourself.

Don't try to be what you are not. Don't try to be like everyone else.

Be yourself and go beyond your limits, expand your comfort zone.

It often happens that unconscious girls compare themselves with each other. And as a result, then they are always competing with someone. It's like an endless wheel of suffering and chasing.

With this type of thinking, women's questions about how to love themselves and increase self-esteem in the psychology of perception will forever remain open.

With whom can you compare yourself?

The only person you should compare yourself to it's you yourself!

For example, what were you like yesterday and what are you today.

A fine line. Try to compare yourself with yourself NOT with regards to the results achieved, but with regards to the new knowledge and awareness received.

Ask yourself these questions daily:

What have I become wiser than yesterday and what have I learned new?
What lessons have I learned from today?
Am I out of my comfort zone today?

Only such a comparison with oneself has a place to be.

If the answer is no, then you remind yourself of what you need to work on and where to strive.

6. Respect your body and your mind

Consider the sixth advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself.

Respect your body and mind means you love yourself as spiritual man capable of thinking and being conscious, and you love your healthy body and follow him.

Respecting your body means living a healthy lifestyle

How to respect your body:

Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and other harmful substances. You must love your body, and love for it is expressed by the fact that you do not stuff it with harmful smelling, alcoholic, inhaling things and do not undermine its health.
Develop your body, go to the gym. Feel the pain of muscle growth when it comes to understanding that the muscles are using their full potential and you are using them correctly. It's fine.
These feelings of body muscle development and nutrition right food give you more confidence and lightness in the body. Appreciate your body for it.

People get drunk and live their lives this way because they hate themselves and don't know anything about how to learn to love and appreciate themselves.

Respect your mind and consciousness, do not stuff it with false information

What does this mean and how should it be implemented:

You don't have to watch trash on TV.
You need to think positively, have clear and distinct thoughts. Have pure thoughts. And then you will close your questions about .
You remove all negative thoughts that only hinder progress.
You need to develop your mind, explore new concepts, ideas, topics, look for better solutions.
Let your mind rest.
Meditate. You can read more about .
Show him that you respect him.

The implementation of these principles will be one of the main trump cards that close the question of how to start loving yourself.

7. Remove the negative grumpy granny in yourself, judging other people and yourself

Why you need to stop judging others and yourself

This will also be the main advice of a psychologist on how to love yourself for a woman after 50 or an elderly man.

But, alas, this bad habit is also found among the younger generation.

An example of how judging others limits you

For example, a man sings songs on the street with an accordion.
And you and your friend go through and start throwing mud at him: “Here, Chaliapin was found, there is no voice, there is nothing to do, let him go to the circus,” etc.
There comes a time when you already have to speak to people on the street and sing a song. But you begin to shake, you are tense and confidence is lost somewhere.
It is this grouchy grandmother, judging others, that limits you in your actions.
Never judge anyone. Both yourself and others.

The only thing you can blame yourself:

Have I done my best?
Did I do everything I could to get better?

8. If you don’t like something, then don’t endure it, act

You can verbally tell the person that you don't like it, or use facial expressions and gestures to show that you do not approve of it.

From childhood, your mother taught you to endure in difficult situations and let them be.

It was the same at school. No need to be patient!

These are not necessarily words, they can be actions that stop what you do not like.

Example: The man smokes in the car. And you can't stand cigarette smoke and have never smoked. You immediately look for solutions to an unpleasant situation for you and say it out loud.

I suggest that the person get out of the car and smoke on the sidelines.
I'm talking about the fact that I can't stand the smell of cigarettes and I'm allergic.
I say that we will not be able to communicate with him until he stops smoking.

Implement this psychological technique and it will become easier to love yourself.

The more you decide unpleasant situations for you, the more love and respect for yourself will appear.

9. Have personal boundaries: what you accept in people and what you don't

Why it is important to have personal boundaries:

Example.

I don't like it when a man sits on my neck.
I do not like gossips, liars and hypocrites.
And so on.

Also write your preference what you value and respect in people.

This way you will know what you want. You will know clear answers to questions from psychology about how to love and respect yourself.

10. When you achieve your goals, reward yourself in every possible way: for example, buy yourself sweets.

If you set a goal for yourself and realized it, please yourself with pleasant things.

How it helps you further:

Thus, unconsciously, you reinforce in your head that achieving goals is doubly pleasant and tastier.
There is more energy to achieve the goal.
Buying something for yourself, rewarding yourself for the result - emphasizes it, causes natural love for yourself for the efforts and efforts made.

For example, I like to buy sweets for myself: chocolates, cake. To whom to taste. It's always nice.

Implement this and you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to start loving and respecting yourself.

11. Don't whine or let whiners cry into your waistcoat.

You are not a sponge and not a vest in which you can cry! Make it clear to everyone around you.

When you yourself whine next to people for life and for people, you just show them that they can also do the same to you.

Whining does not solve the problem in any way!

You don’t want to love a whiner, you want to love a strong personality!

How to stop whiners:

If the person next to you whines and complains about life, on people, pours out his soul to you and cries, ask him: “How will you solve your problem?”.
If he keeps whining, then he's not going to solve anything.. This means that a person just wants to feel needed for you, pour out his soul to you, feel your empathy.
Ask yourself: “Why do you need such people?”. Get rid of the whiners without a doubt, and you will already feel how you began to love yourself more for it.
Get the whiners out of your social circle, and around you there will be a strong and healthy ecosystem of emotions and only strong personalities beside. No whiner will drag you down.

12. You create all situations yourself: take responsibility for yourself and your actions

How to learn it with a piece of paper and a pen

Apply this effective method from psychology on the topic of how to learn to love yourself, in practice.

An example with a situation where a man had a fight with a man on the street

How did the person bring the situation to this point:

I myself behaved too aggressively and emotionally.
I myself called names and provoked a man.
I could just leave at any moment.
I was looking for my own adventure.
I pushed the man first.
I myself attracted the negative that I had been accumulating for a long time.

13. Know your strengths and unique values, write them down and remember them.

Know exactly what value you have, what attractive characteristics and qualities.

If you don't know this, you won't be able to develop self-love and dealing with people will be harder.

For example, it's great if while communicating with people, you, without even straining, bring such things as:

Whoever you are you already have value, if only because you are unique.

Write down your unique qualities in writing and remember them. This will help to cope with restless thoughts about how to learn to love yourself as a woman or a man.

Answer the following questions in writing:

What makes your personality attractive?
What are your hobbies, interests, hobbies?
What sensations do you give to people who are in your environment without trying and without making an effort?
How deeply can you express your interesting personality when interacting with other people?
How independent and free are you on the inside?

Values different people various. As your personality develops, your values may change.

Video on how to increase objective self-esteem

14. Trust yourself and your intentions more, act according to your desires

Say what you want.
If what you do comes from good intentions, trust them, do and realize them!
Whatever your desires and intentions, act according to them.

Don't be afraid to show yourself what others don't want you to see! Because this is your life and you live for yourself, and not for others!

The more you trust yourself and act on your desires, the more you live the life you want.

Examples of how people limit themselves in life because of the opinions of others:

Some people do not want to fully express themselves and their personality because they are afraid of offending other people.
Some people don't want to dance because they're afraid of getting looks of disapproval or bringing smiles to the faces of others.

You can read an article on how to ignore other people's opinions and get rid of shyness.

15. Be more interested in yourself, do introspection, strive to be your best self

How to learn to love yourself and be a confident person

Stick to these principles, and you will no longer worry about how to learn to love life and yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions:

What are your passions in this life?
What excites and excites you?
What kind of humor do you like?
What kind of music do you like?

16. Set yourself a big goal that will excite and keep you awake, and realize it

Set yourself a goal that will excite you and keep you awake!
Live this dream and make it a reality every day.
The more you set a goal for yourself, the more energy you have in your body to implement it and make it a reality.
If the goal is low and petty, then there will be so much energy.
Thus, on the way to big goal you will live interesting life , there will be respect for yourself and a feeling that you are growing, and not standing still.

Remember the importance of the goal and you will close your questions about how to learn to love yourself and become an interesting person.

17. It's Important to Love Other People: Don't Try to Change Them

It is important to love and accept people for who they are.

Be aware of these principles, reread them occasionally, and don't worry about how to love yourself and other people too.

18. You don't have to be a super perfect person.

Our society, mass media and television inspire perfectionism and the desire to be super-ideal and correct.

Apparently you must have perfect body, education.

In fact, no one wants to be perfect and correct!

Replace this desire with the desire to fully accept and love yourself in any manifestation and expression.

People want to be themselves.

Allow yourself and others to be who they are.

In this way, you will know everything about how to accept yourself and love.

19. Do not forget to respect yourself and just look neat

Enough to conform to your idea of what is normal

To be in pretentious cool places, it is absolutely not necessary to have super expensive clothes.

To do this, it is enough to look appropriate to your idea of \u200b\u200bwhat is normal.

Well, it is desirable, of course, to find out in advance about the requirements of the institution and comply with them. If there are no special requirements, then there is no need to comply with anything.

It is very stupid to advise a person to always think positively.. This is tantamount to keeping in mind and forcibly clinging to some thoughts.
Any condition is temporary and impermanent.. For all people, the state changes and there is no point in forcing a person to depend on the state and constantly chase after it.
This does not mean that now you can be a vile evil grandmother. No.
You gotta love yourself no matter what state you're in. Be congruent with yourself and love yourself in any manifestation.

This is where all the advice ends. Now you know everything about how to love yourself correctly and correctly interpret this concept.

Wise words

Love is the absence of separation and boundaries between people. This is when you are dissolved and see yourself in every person.

Loving all people is much more beautiful than loving yourself alone or just your partner.

The modern world puts quite serious demands on each individual person. And in this cycle of claims, one can very often become so disappointed in oneself and one's capabilities that it will seem that the situation is hopeless. However, it is worth remembering that there is always a way out of any situation. The purpose of this article: to talk about how to love yourself and how you can return a person's faith in their strengths and capabilities.

About the essence

It is worth mentioning that today there are quite a few various ways that tell a person how to love themselves. The methodology provided in this article consists of a list of steps as well as several simple tips through which a person can rediscover his identity.

Step 1. Criticism

How to love yourself? The very first and most important rule: you must discard self-criticism. Everything that happens should be perceived positively, all failures should be understood as a life experience gained, and not as a punishment for some kind of inability. It is worth saying that the strength of a person lies in the ability to properly adapt to everything that happens in life. However, the practice of self-flagellation is so widespread among us that we have been using it almost since childhood.

Exaggerated demands of parents, the desire to be better than others by any means - all this kills faith in one's own strength, makes a person become a machine, and not remain a person. You need to learn to perceive yourself as you are, with all the pluses and minuses. How to love yourself? Just do not strive to become perfect, ideal in the eyes of others. You need to live exclusively for your own pleasure, to enjoy everything that happens. A person who learns to love himself will treat himself like a flower: he will grow the useful, while eradicating the weeds.

Step 2: Self-Intimidate

The next step in understanding how to love yourself is to stop bullying yourself all the time. This is also inherent in us from childhood. Our people are simply accustomed to constantly being in fear that something can happen, go wrong, fail, and fail to grow together. This attitude towards negativity creates life path man, his attitude to everything and everyone around him. If a person is negatively inclined, in life almost always it turns out that way.

Another thing is to set yourself up for a positive outcome of the case, to visualize it. With only thoughts alone, a person is able to both draw himself into misfortunes and become a successful and successful person. What do we have to do? As soon as bad thoughts begin to visit, you need to learn how to switch to positive. If something was done or said wrong, you can’t feel a constant sense of guilt for it. You need to gather strength and courage and apologize. Otherwise, negative thoughts can simply blacken a person from the inside, completely killing self-love. Setting yourself up only for the good and with good mood perceiving reality, you can not only love yourself again, but also drastically change your life.

Step 3 Love

What science can tell you how to love yourself? Psychology. What do scientists in this field of knowledge advise? So, we must learn to treat ourselves with love. What does this mean? You need to ask yourself the question: "What does it mean to love a person?" The answer must be brought to life, but not in relation to others, but to oneself. Everything is very simple. You need to praise yourself, be kind and gentle with yourself. Be sure to pamper yourself, do not skimp on gifts and wishes to yourself. At the same time, you need to remember that you need to be patient with own mistakes Because everyone is learning from them. By the way, our mistakes are excellent teachers, allowing us to take a slightly different look at life and, perhaps, even reconsider certain views and principles.

Step 4. Relationship to consciousness

How to love yourself as a person, what needs to be done for this? Be sure to learn how to treat your mind correctly. No one is immune to negative thoughts. However, do not scold yourself for this, scourging. You just need to learn how to eradicate them, turning everything negative into positive. Excellent helpers in this situation are various meditative and relaxation techniques. You need to learn how to relax even in the middle of the most stressful day, you must constantly listen to your inner wisdom. Only by thinking purely, positively, calmly, you can calm your mind, set it to positive and love yourself again.

Step 5. Care

How to make yourself fall in love and fall in love with yourself again? You just need to start taking care of yourself. However, not only behind the body (although it is very important to love your appearance, your reflection in the mirror), but also behind the soul, the mind. Much has been said above about the purity of thoughts and thoughts. It is also very important to constantly be in the process of self-development, to strive to learn something new. To do this, all means are good: you need to read as much as possible, study new sciences, master the skills of interest. If a person does not stand still, develops, he is interesting not only to himself, but also to others. With such a person you want to communicate, he becomes a sought-after person. Well, how can you not love yourself, such a necessary and useful person?

Step 6. Now and never again

How else to love yourself? Psychology advises to start working on yourself this very minute. No need to put everything off until tomorrow or later. It is necessary to live and develop, change and change the world around you right there and now. Do not delay, so you can simply miss a lot of useful and interesting things from what is happening around at the moment. You should not be afraid to let people go, break off difficult relationships, get rid of unpleasant acquaintances. Only by freeing your life from all negativity, you can love again and find yourself.

Step 7 Gratitude

What else is very important to remember when you are going to learn how to forgive and love yourself? You just need to be grateful for everything and everyone. First of all, you need to stop for a moment and think about what good things happened in life. You should not remember the bad, you just need to concentrate on the good. It is safe to say that there will be many thanks. A great idea and such a self-training: keep a gratitude journal. Here you can write everything for which you can thank someone for the day. Having learned to love everything that happens (i.e., life itself), you can easily love yourself without even noticing how it happened.

About women

It is also very important to dwell on the moment of how a woman loves herself. Indeed, most often today, ladies do not love themselves so much that they do not allow even those around them to do this, constantly being left alone with their fears, sorrows and problems. What do you need to know first of all a lady?

You don't have to focus on looks. It is worth remembering that youth passes, the years go by. However, this does not mean that a woman becomes worse, becomes stupefier. A lady is like wine, it only gets better with age. You need to love yourself in any form, in any situation. And not only for appearance, but also for everything else: actions, thoughts, aspirations, principles, etc.
Gotta understand simple truth: You can't love someone more than yourself. Our women often give themselves entirely to their beloved man, family, relatives, completely forgetting about themselves. It is not right. Such a lady becomes uninteresting over time, she does not cause delight. You need to remember that first of all you need to take care of yourself, and then about everyone around you.
A woman who loves herself is able to love others, to pass this love on. Every person has self-love, but sometimes it just needs to be found. It is quite simple to do this: every day you need to devote a certain amount of time exclusively to yourself, to your self-development. Only bit by bit rebuilding yourself, putting yourself in order, you can fall in love with yourself again.
You also need to clarify one more rule for yourself: if a person is loved, then by definition he cannot be bad, bad. So why not love your good self?

What else can you advise people who want to love themselves again? So, you can use the following tips to help you qualitatively change your life for the better:

Simple Conclusions

Be sure to say that a person just needs to love himself. This is the only way to become a successful person. Otherwise, you can simply lose yourself and dissolve in others.