What to do your best friend pisses you off. Why do my friends annoy me? The psychologist Leonova Tatyana Alexandrovna answers the question

24.10.2020

My girlfriend annoys me. and got the best answer

Answer from Divergent[guru]
Baby, you remember once and for all one simple truth: your MOST best friend in relation to you has always been, is and will be a SNAKE. This is how you always treat your best friends. This will save you in life from many troubles and sorrows.

Answer from Party WILL OF THE PEOPLE[guru]
And you don't scratch it.

Answer from Valentina Fryshko[guru]
Lord, how much is heaped up, not to your liking, tell her directly and stop talking, what kind of children's snot

Answer from Alice[active]
Why don't you talk to her about it?

Answer from eve.dot[guru]
there is no need to quarrel, but communication should be limited and gradually she will find a friend for herself and leave you alone)

Answer from Michael[guru]
Pretend to be a hose. When you can't find a way out, it helps. Ignore her... insolently, the result will not keep you waiting!

Answer from Yovetlana Van-Du_lin[guru]
You are just completely different. And you really shouldn't be friends. Do not bother yourself with what to do? Yes, it’s nothing now, holidays, reduce communication to a minimum and that’s it.

Answer from sergey xxxxxxxxxx[guru]
I have 3 daughters, two over 20 and one 9 so I explained to everyone that they are individuals and you need to respect yourself and everyone has the right to their own opinion and does as they see fit so respect yourself and love yourself if you want to be treated well

Answer from *Flower*[guru]
Are you so dependent on her? Will she tower over you for the rest of her life? No need to behave like an amoeba, you need to be able to resist any negativity! Get yourself another girlfriend, even if not from your school, but your relationship must be terminated, even if you talk to her, this person will not understand you, she has chosen the role of leader! Change your social circle, don’t invite home anymore, tell your relatives to come and will be visiting you for some time!

Answer from Yoel Tatiana[guru]
Based on everything written above, you can say for sure that she doesn’t consider you as a friend with such people, you need to completely limit communication, you don’t need to swear, just smartly move away from her. If now she chooses a guy for you at the age of 14, then what will she choose in two years

Answer from Iya astakhova[guru]
And what? Read all the answers!! For me, so awesome girlfriend)))))))))))))) Toli will still be (((((

Answer from cher[guru]
This is the most addictive girlfriend. Love her, kiss her, respect her, honor her.
Don’t even dare to quarrel, believe me you won’t find such a thing!! ! with such an individual you will not get bored.
But what to do - study tactically, predict, look for negativity, build your own profit ... believe me, you won’t find such material during the day with fire.

Answer from Michael A. Trumpe[guru]
"Citizen investigator, don't talk to me about female friendship! I've been selling hats in Stoleshnikov Lane for 20 years. Not once has a lady come to buy a hat without a friend. And not once, mind you, not once did her friend give her the right advice!"

Answer from berry raspberry[active]
don’t call her to visit, don’t walk with her, talk so dryly, at school hello for now, how are you and that’s it))) she keeps you sorry for the fool whom she can say anything, otherwise you won’t say anything in response to her just conveniently with you, don’t share anything with her, don’t reveal your secrets, because tomorrow anything can happen and your so-called girlfriend will become the worst enemy who knows everything about you) and don’t be afraid of anyone, no classmates there, well, figs with them that they won’t communicate and you tell them one sheep does not communicate now and the whole herd obeys her)) good luck))

Answer from Kseniya[guru]
and you let her read it .... she will understand everything)))))))))

Answer from Alex A[guru]
The girl is quite flawed (I'm talking about your girlfriend). She wants to elevate herself in her own eyes at the expense of others.
in this case, humiliating you.
It is logical to start ignoring your girlfriend.
simply and silently.
it won't hurt your dignity in any way.
The main thing is not to succumb to provocation. and not start talking to her again
you need to stay away from such people.
believe

Quite often you can hear that female friendship does not exist in principle, and all friends are a temporary phenomenon, since often such communication ends at best with a quarrel, or even a banal betrayal. In fact, only those who have already encountered such negative precedents in their lives can voice such a point of view. It is possible and necessary to be friends, even if sometimes it seems that a friend is immensely annoying. A simple rethinking of friendly habits will help in this situation.

Photo Shutterstock

It is especially peculiar to hear how men speak negatively about female friendship, because the statements of those who, due to their physiology, simply cannot feel like a woman and understand her thoughts, are unfounded.

The subtleties of female friendship

But even in such relationships, there are times when a friend becomes unbearable and you want only one thing: to remain alone and not listen to a point of view that is radically different from your own. Especially often this happens when a guy or a man appears on the horizon and a third superfluous penetrates into such a strong and seemingly eternal friendship. With the creation of families, it becomes even more difficult to be friends, since not only a girlfriend can annoy, but also her choice. The answer to the question of what to do in this situation is quite simple: - stop expecting a friend to guess thoughts or put her life on the altar of common friendship; - to think about whether the girlfriend herself or her behavior is annoying - and how much.

If, on a scale of the degree of intensity of feelings, your own emotions go off scale with indignation, you may need to take a break and stop communicating. And time itself will put the dots in the future, showing whether the irritation was the result of a bad mood, a certain stage in the life of a friend, or it only clearly demonstrated that female friendship with this person is not so reliable.

Unfortunately, no one is safe from a break in relations, because if irritability nevertheless led to its completion, it is possible that this will be better for both ex-girlfriends

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 8 minutes

A A

Life, as you know, is unpredictable. And once a friend with whom you went through fire, water and, as they say, copper pipes, and with whom, like sisters, shared sorrows and joys for so many years in a row, suddenly begins to annoy and even ... enrage.

Where do such emotions come from, how to deal with them, and does irritation mean that friendship is over?

The best friend began to annoy - why is this happening?

There are many reasons why loved ones annoy us. Man is an emotional being, and mood swings are quite normal.

Another thing is when the irritation becomes constant, and there is a desire to hang up while talking with a friend, to cross the street when meeting with her, or even to end the relationship altogether.

What could be the reasons for this phenomenon?

You no longer have the common interests that bound you so closely . She now babysits the children and cooks borscht for her husband, and you have a busy life in which the "brood hens" do not fit.
You have new circles of communication , each has its own.
You have nothing else to talk about. Everything you can discuss comes down to your shared past, but you both live in the present. You absolutely do not want to hear about the next achievement of her little child, and your friend about how much fun you had at the club on Saturday.
Both of you (or one of you) have a family. There are practically no unifying moments left, and it is impossible to maintain relations artificially.
One of you has a personal tragedy which the other cannot understand or share.
Your (or her) friendship requirements have become too high.
You have outgrown your girlfriend (note - intellectually, for example).
Are you tired of your girlfriend's selfishness (she only talks about herself, and she is not interested in your problems).
Everything is “too good” for you, and this annoys your girlfriend (jealousy ruined a lot of relationships). Or, on the contrary, a friend has become lucky, and your “karma” overtakes you every day, as the winner of the competition of losers.

How to behave with a girlfriend who infuriates - the basic rules to keep calm and peace of mind

Not every female friendship, unfortunately, passes the test of time. Most often, irritation reaches a "boiling point", after which - only parting.

But, perhaps, it makes sense not to throw out emotions, but to understand yourself and assess the situation. If a person is still dear to you, you should look for a way to maintain peace of mind.

Don't exaggerate the problem. Perhaps you perceive the situation too sharply, dramatize, or even see something completely different from what it really is. For example, you suffer from the “selfishness” of a friend, and she just has a difficult period in her life, and she has no one but you to pour out her soul.
Analyze the situation and try to find the true cause of your irritation. Do not rush to dump the blame on your girlfriend, first of all, pay attention to yourself.
Mark for yourself the moments that annoy you the most in communicating with your girlfriend. This will help you make the right decision about what to do next.
Try to accept your friend for who she is. With her capriciousness, nervousness and "eternal whining", with her lifestyle and character.
Look for the good in your relationship. Focus on the bright moments of friendship, and not on the negative.
Don't build up irritation. If you don’t like something, it’s better to bring it to the attention of a friend than to wait until this emotional “snowball” rolls over both of you.
Realize that irritation is not a disease , which you need to cure, but only a reaction - to actions and events (your own and other people).
Remember that a friend is someone who is always there when you need help. who knows how to listen and hear, who is able to endure and does not demand anything in return. But at the same time, don't let it sit on your neck. A hungry man is usually given a fishing rod, not a fish - this rule in friendship is one of the most important. You don't have to solve other people's problems, but you can guide the person to solve them.

And finally, talk to your girlfriend frankly. Still, this is not an outsider, and she also deserves sincerity towards herself.

What to do if a friend annoys more and more - the end of friendship or her resuscitation?

If a friend is constantly annoying, and your irritation only intensifies, then, of course, this is a problem. But this is your problem. Not girlfriends.

This is only your feeling, which arose as a reaction to words and deeds. This means that it is in your power to change the situation - taking into account the mistakes that you can easily see in your relationship with your girlfriend.

Primarily, try to have a heart to heart talk . Do not tell her how she infuriates you, but explain that something is wrong in your friendship, and both parties will have to try to restore comfort to the relationship.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! I am 22 years old, I live in the same room with a girl (she is a little older). We have been living together for almost a year now. At first, when we first met, the relationship was great. We had dinner together after work, discussed how the day went, laughed, could not talk enough, walked together and had fun. At some point, I began to notice that she is a very bad hostess - we share the living space, and I want household duties (cleaning, maintaining general order, purchasing the necessary common funds, resolving current issues with the owner of the apartment) to be divided equally. But in this regard, she is an absolute zero. For example, it is not difficult for me to cope with all this myself (which I do), but here it is a matter of principle. In general, many times I hinted to her and directly said that she also has a share of responsibility, but she does not understand this at all. Once I made a remark to her (for the umpteenth time the same thing) and she got very angry, threw a tantrum, we shouted at each other very much. She insisted that she would still do what she needed, and I said that this would not happen, because the three of us live (there is another girl in a separate room) and if both of us are not satisfied with the way she treats order, then she simply will not live here. In general, we no longer returned to this scandal, did not apologize, but simply began to behave as if nothing had happened. But! From that moment on, she became very annoying to me. I stopped waiting for her for dinner, I got sick of her talking about work, I felt sorry for her everything that she didn’t ask, I even began to feel sorry for her time and now I prefer to bury myself in the Internet than chat with her or watch a movie together . And she, on the contrary, began to somehow "suck up" to me or something. It has become very silky and it makes me even more uncomfortable. Now I don't know how to deal with her. There is no desire and opportunity to disperse now, and every day it annoys me more and more. Could it be me? If not, how do you behave? Is it worth it to somehow stretch the relationship, or vice versa, to reduce to "no"? Thank you.

The psychologist Leonova Tatyana Alexandrovna answers the question.

Hello Alice. The fact that she annoys you is your problem, for which she is only indirectly to blame. Annoyance is your personal feeling. She is just a trigger. It is up to you to decide whether to continue to live with her or leave. But here it is important to understand that it is very easy to destroy relationships, it is much more difficult to maintain them. In order to decide what steps to take in order to improve the relationship, you need to determine what it is about her and her behavior that annoys you so much. Anything can be the cause of irritation, from your childish attitudes to simple resentment. You described the moment of such an attitude towards her. It was a scandal, after which you did not talk and did not make it out, but simply began to communicate, pretending that nothing had happened. But there was a quarrel, and in order to resolve the conflict, it is necessary to sort it out and forgive each other.

Her behavior now may be due to the fact that she cannot be in a state of conflict for a long time and strive to improve relations with you. Try to talk to her and sort out the situation that happened. But, when communicating, strive to use "I statements." It is very important here that you can hear each other. It is possible that she did not perceive your requests, as she assessed them as orders "Somehow I made a remark to her." Try to develop a specific list of responsibilities. It is important for her not only to understand what she is doing for the house, but also to see what you are doing. Very often, such everyday things as cleaning and maintaining cleanliness are not noticed and not appreciated, especially when a person is not used to doing this, but has always lived in good conditions created by others. By writing down a list of responsibilities, and distributing them, she will clearly perceive that everyone has a responsibility.