How to position a person? - Useful psychological techniques. How to learn to win over people

16.10.2019

Sometimes communication with strangers can bring discomfort. By knowing how to win people over, you can avoid many communication mistakes and even make friends. Regardless of how the dialogue takes place (face to face, on the phone, in social network or via e-mail), the ability to interest the interlocutor will always come in handy.

remember the name

Exist various ways win people over. Already from the first minutes of acquaintance it is worth remembering the name of the person, the place of your meeting.

It is better to ask the interlocutor's name several times, so that later you can use it in a conversation. This method makes it clear how interesting the person with whom the communication takes place. This will endear you.

Smile

How to win people over? An important and indispensable way is the ability to smile. In this case, the interlocutor makes contact easier and feels more comfortable. However, avoid artificial and insincere smiles.

by the most the best way polish social communication skills is to support existing relationships. After all, if you are able long time be boring for someone, then getting to know a new person will be easier.

Demonstration of interest

Trying to understand how to win over people, it is important to learn to listen and hear the interlocutor. Breaking the conversation every minute to express your view on the issue, trying to always keep the conversation under control, you will not make real friends. But demonstrating your interest in the opinion of the opposite side will only facilitate communication.

nice offer

A good way to draw positive attention to yourself, as well as to defuse the tension among unexpected guests at home, is to offer them something to drink or eat. This will immediately make the formal conversation more friendly. And if you learn to cook some simple but delicious snacks of the most common products, then the meeting will only be a joy.

"Elevator Rules"

How to win people over? Now consider another noteworthy way. To support the door for a person walking behind, or to open it for someone who is nearby, is considered a sign of good taste. If you have already begun to behave this way, do not change your habits. Keep showing small signs of attention, and those around you will definitely appreciate it.

Acting according to the “elevator rule”, it is better to let your companion pass in front of you and release first. It is better to do this not only in the elevator, but also on the plane, bus or train.

Some more rules

So how do you get people to like you? Now let's explain a few simple rules.

Short, clear, and politely written emails are always a pleasure to read. After all, long and slurred letters are only annoying and are not a good way to convey information.
Talking on mobile phone, you should remember the place where you do it and the time. The whole bus should not know what you ate today or what diseases the doctor found in you.
By showing interest in another person's hobby, you, firstly, earn his respect, and secondly, you yourself can acquire an additional hobby.
Self-confidence certainly attracts people. This commands respect.
If someone else approached your company, it would be polite to immediately bring him into the essence of the conversation.
Each person reacts differently to the discussion of what is happening to them. You should remember this before asking about events in your personal life. In addition, you should keep a distance when talking and avoid intrusion into the personal space of the interlocutor.
By learning how to introduce yourself correctly, you can easily establish contact with other people. Today, many cannot do this.
How to win people over? The next method can be titled under the slogan "Always be an optimist." Whining and complaining about life is unlikely to attract anyone, but only spoil the impression of you. No one likes dull bores.
In addition, talkers are also hard to earn respect. Everyone is familiar with "tongued magpies" who are constantly talking, and it is difficult to shut them up. For the most part, people want to communicate on an equal footing, and not listen to long monologues.
Be patient and tolerant. Sometimes these qualities allow you to find out what secrets are hidden in a person’s soul.
Trying not to argue in vain with other people will show them respect. In addition, in trying to understand their point of view, you may find that it is not without common sense.

This list is not final and may be supplemented by other provisions.

Carnegie Rules

Showing a genuine interest in people.
Smile.
Mandatory mention of the name of the interlocutor in the conversation.
Make people want to tell you about themselves, listen to them with genuine attention.
Consider the other person's interests when talking to them.
Let people feel important and irreplaceable.

These simple rules will help you find new friends.

It is unlikely that at least one person will argue that the ability to win over absolutely any person with just a couple of words is an almost incomprehensible art. However, there are a number of ways to make this task much easier.

Make a mistake

In communicating with a person, make a fairly obvious mistake, make a reservation, as if by accident you stumble. Does it seem stupid? But this is exactly what will help break the ice, let the interlocutor understand that he, too, can afford to make mistakes and not be ashamed of it. Thanks to this, he will begin to feel more confident, not so constrained, he will also become more open, he will begin to communicate more freely with you.

This trick works especially well in dealing with shy and not very confident people. It's about not only about speech reservations, supposedly by chance you can demonstrate your non-ideality in many ways, the main thing is to make it clear to the interlocutor that you are not at all embarrassed about this, such a simple and open behavior easily and quickly locate those around you.

Praise the interlocutor on behalf of another person

A direct compliment is perceived by many with hostility. It sounds insincere, hypocritical, intrusive, and a person immediately has a strong feeling that the flatterer is simply trying to achieve some of his personal goals through compliments. Therefore, many people are reluctant to accept such compliments, embarrassed or annoyed. However, the same compliment can be conveyed in another way: from the 3rd person.

Template compliments like “you look great today” or “what a beautiful jacket you have” sound especially hypocritical and false, even if you really think so. The most convincing are compliments that extol the skills, abilities and achievements of a person. If, for example, there is a need to ask a colleague Olga Viktorovna for a favor, you can casually mention that the boss recently mentioned her labor qualities and admitted that he considers her the best worker in the department. It is not only about professional qualities opponent, it would not be superfluous to mention the merits and achievements of a different kind. You can note the sense of humor or the ability to cook by addressing a compliment on behalf of the same boss or mutual friend.

Don't forget to show empathy

It's no secret that any person is incomparably more interested in his own person than in any other person. There is nothing strange and shameful in healthy egoism. Therefore, if you really want to get close to a person, you should talk less about yourself, listen more to the speech of the interlocutor, periodically asking questions with an air of genuine interest in this person.

It is important to consider that people love to be sympathized with. What exactly is meant by this? Any interlocutor will be glad to notice that the opponent is listening to him carefully, and not buried in the phone or “incredibly important” papers. It is equally important to understand what emotion a person is trying to express and convey to you, and then share these emotions. No one will talk about their problems to a person who, over and over again, will say in response: “You yourself (a) are to blame (a), stop complaining!” There is no need, of course, in response to a story about problems at work, to start stroking the interlocutor on the head with the words: “Poor thing, how hard it is for you!” The golden mean in this situation will be a phrase like “It seems that you had a difficult day today, but it's okay, because after the black stripe there is always a white one!” Remember: our task is to assure the opponent that we understand and support him, that we are on his side. Support will help to convince him, but it will prevent him from making an accurate reproduction of all his own remarks. It is highly likely that in such a situation the interlocutor's brain will suspect something was wrong.

Allow the interviewer to praise himself

As already mentioned, direct compliments are not always necessary, because they are not so often effective. In this case, you can make the opponent praise himself on his own, giving him a reason to do so. Let's give an example: a classmate tells how he learned 40 pages in one day educational material. To this one can answer: “Perhaps only a very capable, responsible and purposeful person with an iron will is able to master such an amount of material in just one day.”

Almost anyone in this situation would have said something along the lines of “That’s right, it took me a lot of time and effort, but I certainly did a great job, you can’t argue with that.” It is unlikely to achieve that the interlocutor praised himself and you did not have to do this, it will work out the first time, but practice will certainly help you learn to like people.

Ask for a favor

If you need to ask a person for a rather serious and large favor, it is better to ask him for a less significant service some time before. A person who has shown someone a favor grows in his own eyes. That is why you should not offer a person a service, but rather, ask for it if you want to please the interlocutor. Remember: by helping people, you will surely enlist their help in return, but also instill in them a sense of duty, which, of course, does not bring people together. However, it is also undesirable to ask for services too often.

The above tips in no way call for hypocrisy and manipulation. We set out to simply teach people to please the other person. Occasionally to achieve their own goals.

The ability to please is the same art as any other, it's just a pity that it is not taught in educational institutions. In fact, someone who knows how to win over a person will achieve more success than someone who has more talents but no communication skills. If you hold a leadership position, work as a teacher, lecturer, salesperson, journalist, then you simply have to understand how to win people over.

Ask a provocative or unexpected question

Maybe even off topic. That will help to talk even the most closed person. There is a well-known example of a journalist who went to an interview with a physicist who had previously worked at a classified facility. Traditionally, such people are not particularly talkative. And the journalist began the conversation with a completely unexpected question: why are atoms always depicted as round, and not, for example, triangular. The physicist also became thoughtful, and then a very interesting conversation came out.

Telling about ourselves

Sincerity and spontaneity will help win over a person when communicating faster than all the skills and methods of manipulation combined. If it seems to you that the interlocutor does not really make contact, start with a conversation on an extraneous topic and tell him about what worries you right now. This will create space for communication.

Mirror

You yourself are the closest person to you. Your interlocutor is closest to him. That is why, in order for a person to open up and trust you, you can try to become like him. Copy his plasticity and speech. If a person stood up during a conversation and walked around the room, you can also get up, but if he knocks on the table with a pen, you can tap on the same table with your finger. It shouldn't be comical, but it should be.
The same applies to the voice and tempo of speech, intonations. Let them be like you. If the person is sitting, it is good if your face is on the same level with the face of the person with whom you are talking. You can also change the voice. More low voice and fluent speech inspires much more confidence.

Feel free to challenge

Don't try to please the person. Let him strive to please you. That will only spice up the conversation. So, one graduate student during the defense of his dissertation asked his opponents to ask him questions abruptly. As a result, opponents tried not so much to fill up young man how much to think interesting questions. So the graduate student turned opponents into objects of his own evaluation. Many people are accustomed to chattering, but slow speech inspires much more confidence. So, speak slowly.

Show interest in the topic

Have you ever noticed that if someone finds a person with the same hobby and the same interests as himself, then he considers him almost a relative? Take advantage of this feature. Ask the person to explain the most important points, repeat what he considers the most important, etc. If the interlocutor is too arrogant, do not admit that you are poorly versed in the topic. Better ask again. Even if you are very far from the topic, try to find something “for yourself” in it. This is related.

Give appropriate compliments

Raising the self-esteem of the interlocutor is simply necessary. To say after five minutes of acquaintance that he is the smartest person in the world is not worth it and is generally ridiculous. But it is necessary to notice something interesting and highly appreciate it. In order to learn to notice and give compliments, train outside, in public transport, in the shops. Our people are not accustomed to unexpected compliments, but it is interesting to observe the reaction. However, if a person is arrogant, real flattery will be appropriate.

The significance of the interlocutor can be increased in another way. Be sure to say that what the person says is very interesting, write down the main points and repeat the most significant phrases.

See also:

Choosing an individual style of communication

In any case, remember to always call the person by their first name. The secret is that people can miss a lot of things, but given name- No. Learn the name, and then, during the conversation, say it at least three times. This simple trick does wonders. The same rule is relevant when communicating on the phone, as well as when corresponding by phone. e-mail and in social networks.

Share your feelings and talk about your reaction

If you are interested and positive emotions, then share them without sparing. And if they are negative, it is better to talk about them as an observation and from the point of view of an observer.

smile

Classics like the manipulator Dale Carnegie wrote about this secret, and contemporaries write about it - authors of the 21st century. But keep in mind, they did not mean a Hollywood grin, but a real and sincere smile. Still, a person with a smile on his face causes more sympathy than a gloomy and angry face.

For a real smile, remember those you love, something sweet or just a happy moment in life - and smile ...

Ask the Right Questions

It is better to start any question with the phrase "Tell me." This will allow you to give a detailed answer, which can turn into a heart-to-heart conversation. Let's not forget that what more people speaks himself, the more sympathy he feels for you.

Relax

A tense person is not very conducive to communication. Therefore, before important conversation with a stranger, you can meditate or just take a dozen deep breaths.

Think about something nice too. This will change for the better the facial expression, the style of communication, and the look.

Follow the interlocutor

Behind the facial expressions of the interlocutor, behind his plasticity. And not only to mirror, but also to understand what thoughts are hidden behind his words. So you will better understand all the shades of the interlocutor's speech and will be able to understand when the conversation turned in the wrong direction for you. It is equally important to follow all the gestures and facial expressions of a person: it will be easier for you to understand where he is lying.

And most importantly, never lose confidence in yourself, positive and optimistic. positive people to communicate and always inspire confidence.

Very exciting research in the field of communication psychology proves that it takes only 15 seconds to impress your new acquaintance. In these first 15 seconds of communication, everyone determines for himself and decides whether further communication will take place between you. What should you pay attention to on a first date?

Not only that, scientists believe that the first 15 seconds, in fact, create the foundation of your relationship if it starts to develop. Therefore, it is so important in the first 15 seconds of dating to have time to create not only good impression about yourself, but also try to win over the person.

Experts have noticed that in order to win over a person from the very beginning of an acquaintance, you need to give him at least three psychological “pluses” or pleasant gifts in communication.

A smile is able to win over a person from the first seconds of non-verbal communication.

Your smile is the first pleasant gift to your interlocutor. Such a seemingly trifle as a sincere smile helps to quickly win over a person. One smile of yours can warm the coldest heart. Smiling is not just an expression good relationship to the interlocutor. What repels people in interpersonal relationships?

The smile creates pleasant impression about you as benevolent, an open person, and this impression can already endear you to any person, even a gloomy bore.

It is advisable to accustom yourself to the fact that a warm, friendly smile becomes the usual expression of your face. You can even practice in front of a mirror so that your smile does not look like an idiotic facial expression that will frighten off your interlocutor. Your smile should be open, sincere and adequate.

Give the right compliment to endear yourself to someone.

To win over any person, you need to learn how to give a compliment. At first glance, a compliment is the easiest thing to communicate. But to make it masterfully is the highest art. So, the compliment can be indirect.

We praise not the person himself, but what is dear to him, and such a compliment, believe me, will immediately endear the person to you. For example, you go into the office of a new boss or boss, and praise the cozy atmosphere in his (her) office. But, if this environment is really cozy and do not overdo it with compliments. How to become interesting in communication?

Remember, an indirect compliment is a compliment that is dear to the person you are complimenting. What a wonderful dog you have!, You have a very obedient child! and similar indirect compliments in the first 15 seconds of communication contribute to the location of a person.

There are compliments that we say against the background of a small remark. Such compliments are perceived differently by the interlocutor, but they should be used to attract attention. For example, such a compliment when meeting someone might be: I don't like blondes at all! But you are a very effective and charming girl. AT business communication such compliments also endear a person to themselves, for example, “Perhaps I can’t say that you are a good worker, you are an indispensable specialist for us!”

The psychological effect of such a compliment is that after a remark a person is lost or indignant, and after a while he hears the opposite flattering words.

With such an emotional contrast, your compliment will be remembered for a long time and will surprise a person. And such surprise, believe me, contributes to the fact that you will be remembered by a person and this can endear you. Most importantly, do not overdo it with the remark. It should be small, in relation to the dignity of the interlocutor. Methods of persuasion and argumentation

In general, the most important thing in communicating with a person who is pleasant for you is to make sincere compliments. Only such compliments will be successful, and can not only win over a person, but also create a good impression about you.

How to win over a person with the help of his name?

It is said that the sweetest sound for any person is his name. So use this technique in any communication and then success will not keep you waiting long. You will quickly become not only the soul of the company, but also be able to win over any new acquaintance.

Signs of male sympathy

Here, the main thing is to remember the name of your interlocutor and, when addressing him, call his name. Believe me, you will not be bypassed if you make it a rule for yourself: to greet a person by calling his name.

For example, Hello, Masha!, Good morning, Vladimir Sergeevich. A second of business, but this second creates a very pleasant impression of you.

How to win over a person

It has also been noted that conflict situations are resolved faster and more efficiently if you address your opponent by name. The sound of the name also helps in making the person listen to what you are saying, especially in situations where you need to convince the person.

What else can help us in communication in order to win over a person in the first 15 seconds of meeting?

How to position a person? Focus on personal value

Absolutely every person has such a need as personal significance. This one of natural needs a person who wants someone to depend on him or something to depend on.

Emotional attachment to a person

And sometimes it is enough to give a person the opportunity to realize his own significance so that he gladly agrees to do what we ask. For example, "I would like to consult with you!". A person at this moment thinks like this: “They want to consult with me. I am needed!".

Of course, this phrase is universal, but the whole art of liking a person lies in the ability to vary, to look for the words that are most suitable for the situation.
The main thing is to sincerely ask a person for this or that help.

Dale Breckenridge Carnegie

How to win over people

Remember that happiness does not depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think. Start each day by thinking about what you have every right to be thankful for. Your future largely depends on your thoughts today. Think of confidence, love and success.

Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie was a pioneer in what is now called human development. His books and lectures helped people different countries become self-confident, personable and influential.

In 1912, Carnegie organized his first oratory course at the Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) in New York. As was customary at the time in public speaking courses, he began the course with a theoretical lecture, but quickly realized that the students were bored. Something had to be done.

Dale interrupted the lecture and, pointing to a student sitting in the back row, calmly asked him to stand up and give an impromptu speech about his education. When he finished, he asked the next student to tell about himself - and so on until everyone spoke. Thanks to the attention and support from fellow students and the help of Dale Carnegie, they all overcame their fear of public speaking. “Without understanding what I was doing,” Carnegie later recalled, “I found best method overcoming fear."

Carnegie's course proved so popular that he was invited to lecture in other cities. Carnegie improved it over the years. He realized that students are most interested in how to increase self-confidence, learn how to communicate, become successful in their careers and overcome fear and anxiety. It was to these topics that the Carnegie course was now devoted, which had once begun with the teaching of public speaking. The disciples' speeches became a means to an end, not the end itself.

In addition, Carnegie intensively studied the biographies of successful people.

A dispositional person: what should he be

Thus was born his most popular book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

It quickly became a bestseller. Since its first publication in 1936 (and a revised and enlarged edition in 1981), over 20 million copies have been sold. The publication has been translated into 36 languages. In 2002, it was named the number 1 business book of the 20th century. In 2008, Fortune magazine named it one of the seven books every leader should have on their shelf.

In 1948, Carnegie published How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It has been translated into 27 languages and has sold millions of copies.

Dale Carnegie died November 1, 1955. An obituary in a Washington newspaper described his contribution to society: “Dale Carnegie did not discover any of the great mysteries of the universe. However, he, perhaps more than anyone of his generation, taught people to get along with each other - and this, as it sometimes seems, is one of the greatest goals.

This book written to acquaint readers with the teachings of Dale Carnegie. It is based on his writings and course content offered by Dale Carnegie & Associates. To bring the publication closer to the realities of the 21st century, the material is illustrated with examples from today's life.

Arthur R. Pell, editor

Some people are attracted to you like a magnet. They are so sunny, bright and cheerful that they do not need to knock and ask to let them in - all doors open before them, as if inviting to enter. Their mere presence is comforting. These people are able to win over to their side without saying a word. They are very popular, and their careers are moving forward by leaps and bounds.

It is very difficult not to succumb to the charm of such a person, it is impossible to treat her with disdain. There is something unspeakably attractive about her. With such people I want to communicate again and again.

This quality, difficult to describe, is present in many leaders, such as John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan.

Do you want to be like this? Yes it is possible! Personal magnetism is not necessarily an innate quality. Anyone who really wants to become responsive, sensitive and friendly, this is quite possible.

Analyze the character of people who have natural magnetism. You will see that they are characterized by generosity, generosity, warmth, optimism and willingness to help - qualities that we admire.

All these traits can be developed in yourself, if you spare neither time nor effort. Dale Carnegie and his followers at Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc. For more than 90 years, we have been helping people, regardless of their age, nationality and level of education, acquire these traits and make their lives richer. This book is based on the teachings of Dale Carnegie. She will teach you:

“I don’t get acquainted with strangers,” Zhvanetsky once joked. And you and I need to get to know each other, because connections are the basis of networking, and how your first conversation with a stranger goes, depends on whether you become good comrades or avoid each other in disgust. How should you behave while meeting a person in order to leave a positive impression?

Address the person by name. There is such a psychological term "the joy of recognition", widely used in advertising: we are sympathetic to what we recognize. Therefore, addressing a person with whom you have just met by name, you arouse sympathy in him - not only because he hears his name, but also because you remember it.

Watch yourself. Facial expressions, eyes, gestures - all this information is read by people from other people unconsciously. Even if you, overcoming yourself, are trying to show a person your interest in him, a wandering look and crossed arms will indicate your indifference. If noticed, such gestures will cause an even more negative reaction, since you tried to hide them, which means you lied. Such signals can be monitored and controlled: thus, showing a true interest in a person, he

looking straight into your eyes;

does not cross arms or legs;

the body of his body is turned in your direction;

involuntarily copies your gestures and certain words.

Last time we discussed the topic of where the most delicious sushi is prepared in Odessa, and today we will talk about the secrets of effective communication.

Smile sincerely. This fact was noticed by both psychologists and ordinary people - a smile in almost any situation causes a return smile - which means it cheers up and evokes sympathy. Coming up to to a stranger, feel free to smile - of course, not in all 32 teeth, so as not to scare the person. A light, reassuring smile best start acquaintance.

Also read the material about where they cook the most delicious sushi in Odessa.

Address the person by name. There is such a psychological term "the joy of recognition", widely used in advertising: we are sympathetic to what we recognize.

How to position a person? – Useful psychological techniques

Therefore, addressing a person with whom you have just met by name, you arouse sympathy in him - not only because he hears his name, but also because you remember it.

Show the person that you hear him. Any person wants to be heard, and an ungrateful listener who yawns during a story, inserts remarks inappropriately, or constantly diverts the conversation into his own channel will not at all arouse sympathy. When the interlocutor tells you something, do not hesitate to react vividly (but not overacting) to what you hear: nods, assent, surprise or smiles. This will make the person realize their importance to you and love you a little more.

The last piece of advice I'm going to give you may sound trite, but it doesn't make it any less true - be yourself. Sincerity has always been valued by people, and any manifestation of falseness in communication will be noticed and accepted unfavorably. Understand the importance of this acquaintance, and with my advice it will be easier for you to make it good.

Vadim SHLAKHTER

In order for the work to be productive, it is worth learning simple tricks. With the help of psychological tactics, you can win over people and enlist their support at the right time.

Techniques based on psychology have been tested not only by time, but also by many thousands of people. These techniques help to gain respect, mitigate conflict situations, and turn a controversial case or task in your favor.

Psychological methods of location

1. When going to an interview, remember that information is best perceived by a person at the beginning and end of the day, so try to be the first or last candidate on the list. When talking with a future employer, look into his eyes, but not with a challenge, but in a friendly way, looking at the bridge of your nose. So you show your interest and disposition for a detailed conversation.

2. AT conflict situations with superiors, when you feel aggressive, try to sit as close to them as possible. This will avoid the squall negative emotions and reduce the unpleasant conversation to a minimum. Proximity is dumbfounding, and the fuse to “quarrel” quickly fades away. Turn your whole body towards your opponent, and point the toes of your shoes in his direction. Thus, you will show your maximum location, and participation in the conversation.

3. In a difficult conversation, when you want to find out the truth, and a colleague is in no hurry to give details, pause. At the same time, keep looking into the eyes of the interlocutor. This so-called psychological pressure, an artificially created awkward moment, will force him to feel uncomfortable, and fill the pause.

4. Another effective psychological technique is an artificially created desire to trust and care. Ask for small, feasible favors from a person from whom you want to achieve sympathy and disposition towards yourself. Instinctively, on the subconscious, he will have sympathy for you. After all, we appreciate those who have been taken care of at least once.

5. It is quite simple to arrange an interlocutor. It is important to remember his name when you first meet. This technique will give the opponent confidence that you singled him out. Use the mirroring method when communicating - repeat some body movements of the interlocutor, for example, straighten your hair as well, or touch your ear, just do not go too far. Such a method trusting relationship works flawlessly, and disposes people to frank conversations.

6. In an awkward situation where you have to get through a crowd of people, don't waste time yelling at everyone. Look into the gaps formed between people. This technique will force them to part in front of you without further explanation.

7. You can attract a person you like with the help of strong emotions or shock. Find out what the object of your adoration prefers, and be there for a moment of adrenaline rush. It could be a trip to high speed, watching a horror movie, flying on an airplane, rides. An emotional greeting will also help to get closer. A slightly more relaxed and joyful meeting will make your partner rejoice at you also violently at the next meeting.