Infantilism: what is it in psychology. Causes, signs, how to get rid of. An infantile person is a person who does not want to grow up

- Fly with me to where you will never grow up!
Never is a very long time...
"Peter Pan", J. Barry

Who did not like to listen to stories about the charming Peter Pan in childhood and dream of a country where you can remain a child forever? After all, being small, especially when you have already grown up, is so great: you can express your emotions without restrictions, not think about your daily bread, not be responsible for your actions and calmly skip classes, lying in bed, eating tons of raspberry jam and without stopping watching your favorite cartoons.

But an adult will smile for a moment at such fantasies - and will again run about his adult affairs. And he will not say that he wants to give up everything and find himself in a carefree childhood. Because the life of an adult is no less interesting.

Or I'm wrong?

Alas, among us there are many such “Peter Pans” who show infantilism, irresponsibility, unwillingness to admit their mistakes in life. They demand love from others, while they themselves are simply not able to give it. Their emotions are like emotions small child: tantrums are replaced by unbridled delight, deep resentments arise out of the blue, childish tearfulness appears every now and then, melancholy rolls.

This is a collective image, and infantilism in each individual case manifests itself in different ways. But it is quite possible to systematize it.

Infantilism: the meaning of the word

What do we know about infantilism? Wikipedia gives this definition: "this is the desire to satisfy one's needs without expending energy, the desire to receive everything that is needed for life without doing anything for it."

There is another, albeit similar concept - infantilism. Wikipedia clarifies that this is the immaturity of development, behavioral traits that are characteristic of past age stages.

At the training System-Vector Psychology Yuri Burlan this concept is considered more broadly. We can say that infantilism is an insufficient development in each vector that occurs in childhood before the onset of puberty. Natural properties, which for some reason have not received sufficient disclosure in due time, are strongly reflected in the character of a person, in his worldview and behavior.

If we imagine a certain scale of development of the vector, then its highest (development) value is the ability of a person to live not for the benefit of himself, not for his own benefit, to do everything not for the sake of own interests but for the sake of the whole society, for the sake of others. The so-called outward development. And the value marked on an imaginary scale somewhere in the middle, below average or at the very bottom - this is life "inside", or real infantilism. The meaning of the word in this interpretation, you see, takes on much more meaning: we can call infantile not only a person who lives at the expense of a parent, but also anyone who is seen in the manifestation of underdevelopment of properties.

Infantilism in fear of responsibility

Remember the sweet and kind hero of the country's most New Year's film "The Irony of Fate ..." Zhenya Lukashin: an adult boy, but still lives with his mother, solves his problems at her suggestion and, in principle, looks very infantile.

It's good if Nadya Sheveleva or someone else appears in the hero's life. It's bad if life is parental home, under the parental wing lasts until the first (and last) gray hairs, and the desire to acquire their own home, work and family does not appear.

What is it? The arrogance of a child who has not matured, the selfishness of a sexually mature child, or the excessive kindness of parents? Or maybe it's just a fear of responsibility, which has settled deep, deep inside and whose roots are all in the same childhood? A kind of mental infantilism?

If a we are talking about the anal vector, it is important for such a child to learn to accept himself and adequately evaluate even before the onset transitional age. And in this he definitely needs the help of his mother. Caring, capable of supporting, praising where necessary, helping to take the first steps in this life.

A child with an anal vector will not be able to cope with problems on his own - such is his nature. And if he is “thrown” by his parents to be torn apart by these problems, his negative experience, his resentment, self-doubt will just lead to the “activation” of such life scenario, such a stereotype of behavior - the behavior of an infantile boy or an infantile girl who has not learned to live an independent life (and is unlikely to learn). At the same time, infantilism in women and men with an anal vector manifests itself almost the same, but more often it occurs in males (who are more closely connected with their mother).

How to deal with this type of infantilism? Don't rush, read on.

Infantile emotionality

For the last 15 years my ex-wife she lived as if she were still 17. She bought clothes in teenage departments, could not force herself to cook something at home, often forgot about her promises. I took on everything: shopping, and control of the family budget, and our joint vacation. Yes, and I mostly earned, and she - so, for tights and hairpins.

She was shocked when I said that it was time for us to leave ... I said that I was tired of living with a little capricious girl, that I needed a normal wife. She knew something about her infantilism, but she always thought it was cute. And another family life did not imagine. I really got tired of her eternal tantrums and the behavior of an unbalanced teenager

There are options for everyone. Regardless of what mark you are on on the same scale - at the level of love for cats and dogs or the level of visual intellectual snobbery.

The article was written based on the materials of the training System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan

Any personality disorder includes a system of characteristics that violate the generally accepted behavioral standards of society. The patient in any scenario experiences a negative attitude of society, resulting in problems with adaptation. Such disorders are difficult to treat, since the individual transfers the blame to his environment, which does not perceive him, and does not feel the need to medical care. There are several types of personality disorders. This article will focus on infantile disorder.

Why does it occur?

Infantile personality disorder according to ICD-10 (International Classification of Diseases) refers to the section "Other specific personality disorders" (F60.8). One of the most common factors in the occurrence of the disease is considered to be heredity. In addition to the presence of ancestors with mental pathologies, alcoholic parents can also be attributed to the reasons: sick children are most often born in such a family.

Uncontrolled anger and aggressiveness can provoke violations hormonal background. Often the reason for the tendency to depressive states is insufficient production of the hormone of happiness - endorphin.

Some symptoms in children can be explained by unsuitable developmental conditions. For example, hyperactivity is a consequence of lack of space, stiffness of movement. Emotionally unstable parents or other people who are constantly near the child cause concern. But a balanced atmosphere in the family helps to reduce the severity of symptoms of disorders.

Signs of Infantile Personality Disorder

Patient Consciousness with Data mental illness extremely immature. Adaptation to stressful situations he does not have it: like a child, a person diagnosed with infantile personality disorder is not able to plan, confused and shy.

The disease can be detected in adolescence. Constant changes in hormonal levels in adolescents often provoke emotional jumps. There are difficulties in identifying an infantile disorder in children who have some of which can be taken as a rationale for making this diagnosis. It should be understood that it is optimal to put it when a person is already 16 years old.

With age, the symptoms become more pronounced. The disorder manifests itself in the fact that the patient cannot control any emotions: joy, fear, anger, anxiety.

Living in an imaginary world, a person with infantile personality disorder cannot cope with harsh realities. Encountering difficulties causes panic in such people. In addition, they are easily excitable, emotional, panicky and avoid responsibility, they often experience mood swings.

Of such kind pathological manifestations are not included in the acceptable norm, so do not confuse the disorder with pronounced character traits (accentuation) that are on the borderline of the norm. The difference is that a person with an accentuation does not have problems with adaptation.

Types of infantile disorders

depending on symptoms and emotional state The patient can be divided into 4 types of infantile disorders:

Should a patient with an infantile disorder have to serve in the military?

Due to constant nervous tension patients with infantile personality disorder are not allowed into the army. The same applies to any service in military conditions, work in law enforcement agencies.

General patterns of treatment

Treatment of infantile personality disorder is usually difficult. The complexity of treatment can be explained by the fact that psychotherapists most often have to work with people who have an advanced stage of the disease with pronounced symptoms. The success of therapy also largely depends on high-quality diagnostics.

Most often, specialists carry out treatment with psychotherapeutic methods. When symptoms of other abnormalities are added to infantile personality disorder, specialists treat with medications.

Treatment of borderline infantile disorder

Treatment for this type of disorder often involves a flexible plan that combines various techniques. The following methods can be used:

1. (aimed at eradicating negative thought patterns from the patient's consciousness).
2. Dialectical behavioral therapy (develops skills to overcome unwanted reactions).
3. Cognitive - based on awareness (prevention of relapses by referring to the consciousness and thinking of the patient).
4. Group therapy.
5. Search for a point in the patient's visual field, eye contact with which will lead to improvement (Brainspotting).

Treatment of Infantile Theater Disorder

Most effective method in the fight against this problem - group therapy. Communication with the team helps to build the atmosphere of trust and mutual understanding necessary for treatment. In combination with group therapy, other methods are used:

1. Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy.
2. Yoga and meditation.
3. Psychotherapy based on social interaction.
4. brainspotting.

Treatment of infantile disorder of the narcissistic type

Therapy largely depends on whether the patient is aware of the problem and whether he is ready to deal with it. Psychotherapists most often use:

Treatment of infantile disorder of antisocial type

Antisocial disorder is difficult to treat. Doctors often use psychotherapy, but this method is rarely effective. He is powerless if the symptoms of the disease are severe or the patient is unwilling to admit that he has serious problems. It is often possible to diagnose a disease only by clarifying the patient's relationship to loved ones.

There are no specific medications to treat antisocial disorder. Psychotherapists prescribe drugs only to relieve certain symptoms, such as aggression, anxiety, or depression.

In most cases, it brings a lot of suffering to the people around. To overcome aggression and protect against violence and anger, there are support groups for families and friends of people with antisocial disorder. If you have a loved one with this personality disorder, it is very important that you also receive psychological help.

Until now, the diagnosis of infantile personality disorders is extremely difficult, since it is impossible to bring all patients under one pattern of disease development. The most important thing in treatment is to find a qualified doctor who can draw up an individual treatment plan that takes into account all the features of the course of the disease.

And yet he is no longer fifteen years old? Congratulations, you've contacted an infantile!

Who is this infantile man?

The main features characteristic of infantile men are selfishness, narcissism, increased resentment, increased forgetfulness, laziness, avoidance of problems, unwillingness to bear responsibility and make decisions, strong attachment to parents, etc.

Such a person plays with toys all his life- and his family can become his toy. If he gets tired of her, he will leave her without regret and find another entertainment for himself. An infantile man is like a baby: he demands attention, love, care, and everything else does not bother him.

He sincerely believes that they should be dealt with, feed, dress, look for lost things for him, put a handkerchief in his jacket pocket, wake him up in the morning for work, etc., etc. He was so used to it, he didn’t know any other attitude, and only this state of affairs is him natural. Parents love their child so much, cherish him so much that the child begins to consider this the natural state of affairs in the universe.

Types of male infantilism

Infantile men are often divided into two types.

Infantiles of the first type are typical sissies. And in relations with the opposite sex, they prefer to behave in exactly the same way as with their mother - in a childish way. These men are subconsciously looking for women who would exercise strict control and close guardianship over them, who would take care of them and serve them: feed, water, darn socks and wash shirts.

At the same time, such an infantile will not behave like a good boy. He will constantly be capricious and offended. He will never keep his promises and will constantly lie.

Psychologists say that some of the men of this type can easily go over to the camp of homosexuals. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that their homosexuality will be of a natural nature.

They are rather attracted social type a homosexual, a pampered, languid man who has a mature and wealthy partner who takes care of him and supports him.

Those infantiles who belong to the second category sharply reject reproaches of their infantilism.

The path of these men is self-affirmation at the expense of women who are not distinguished by either beauty or talent, and therefore are extremely meek and undemanding. That's what they hunt for.

Relationships with strong independent woman such an infantile is beyond his power, because he is not able to meet the high standards for which these women are known. Having married a nondescript and starved girl, they very quickly lose their initially weak interest in her, stop appreciating and even begin to despise, but they are in no hurry to part with them. After all, this is an endless source of self-affirmation.

What to do if you managed to get on an infantile? The most correct would be, of course, the termination of these relations. Unless, however, you experience deep inner comfort from the fact that you play the role of "mom".

It is impossible to re-educate an infantile man, since all his life and behavioral attitudes are the result of upbringing, it is like a program sewn into the subcortex of the brain, which is not likely to be rewritten.

Eternal children, dependent and naive, avoiding responsibility - all these are the characteristics of an infant. Infantilism is the result of the destructive. What kind of actions educate the infantile, who are the infants, how do they and those around them live? Let's figure it out.

Infantilism - personal immaturity, developmental delay, stuck in previous stages of development. An infant is called an adult or teenager with childlike features in behavior or appearance.

The infants lag behind in the development of the emotional-volitional sphere, they are not able to make serious life decisions, avoid responsibility, and react childishly to difficulties (whims, tears, screams, insults).

What about the relationship between adults and children exist? First of all, the social difference in positions is recognized, which means that children are pitied, they are forgiven a lot, they are not beaten, they do not wait for a constructive resolution, they do not demand anything important and they do not expect much - “a child, what to take from him”. So the infant puts on this mask so that they don’t touch him, don’t offend him, don’t sort things out, defend him, give way.

Both men and women are susceptible to infantilism, but it is more common in the former. Is there among your acquaintances a "child" of 30-40 (or 20) years old, living with mom and dad, sitting on their neck? This is a real infant. Older children rarely start families, often tired parents begin to offer their child one or another option, but he is already fine: they will feed him, wash the dishes, wash and buy clothes. If the marriage can be concluded, then the role of mother falls on the shoulders of the wife. The husband plays computer, eats, sleeps, sometimes works, but family relationships plays the role of a child.

Female infantilism is more often manifested in burning life, going to clubs, karaoke, casinos. Adult girls avoid childbearing, marriage, keeping household. They are supported either by parents or "sponsors".

Infant or creative person?

Infantilism is often confused with. Non-standard, spontaneous people who love everything bright, unusual, new are called infantile. However, this is far from the case. Creative personalities have infantile traits (otherwise a person would not be able to use and create so actively), but they are not infants if this does not interfere with their life and relationships.

How to distinguish creative personality from infantile? The first, no matter how she looks, and no matter what she is fond of, is responsible for herself and other people, independently earns a living, pays her bills on time, does not forget to eat and take care of her appearance, knows how to resolve conflicts and discuss problems. Behind pink hair, a unicorn sweater and a cartoon lover may be the most responsible and diligent person you know. And for those around him, he is the best support.

The Infanta, on the other hand, always needs someone to take care of. He does not know how to keep track of time, his own, appearance, life. The Infante is not able to speak openly about his needs (let them guess), to provide for himself. He tries to remake people and refuses to work on himself and relationships. By the way, his wardrobe and hairstyle can be the most conservative.

Signs of an infant

Recognizing an infantile person is easy, because everyone knows how children behave. Here the infant seems to be an adult, but himself:

• (there is only his opinion and wrong, only his feelings, needs and interests; the world revolves around his personality);
• playful (the game is the leading activity in childhood, it also remains predominant in the infant, this means not only games directly or virtual space, but also clubs, bars, entertainment, shopping);
• dependent (poorly developed in the infant, he follows the path of less resistance and life in pleasure, avoids solving problems);
• irresponsible (categorically denies responsibility for their actions and life, shifts it to others (as a rule, these people are easily found);
• insolvent (lives one day, does not think about the future, health and material well-being);
• unable to evaluate and know himself (the infant does not know how to learn from the events that have happened and accumulate experience);
• prone to dependency (inability or unwillingness to serve themselves).

Causes of infantilism

Infantilism is laid in childhood, when parents:

• forbid the child to show independence, especially during the period;
• do not trust the child, overly control and patronize;
• severely punished for disobedience (manifestation of independence), which discourages the desire to try to do something yourself;
• suppress the will, feelings and personality of the child (convince him of insolvency, criticize, compare with others in a negative way);
• do not want to recognize the growing up of the child, let go of themselves;
• force the child to realize the unfulfilled dreams and ambitions of the parents;
• they cultivate the personality of the child, indulge him, bring him up as an idol of the family (a conviction is formed in superiority over others, permissiveness).

In addition, being stuck in childhood can be a defensive reaction, a way to survive. For example, the divorce of parents or a childhood lost for another reason can provoke infantilism.

In each person, according to, live a child, an adult and a parent. In the infanta, the conflict between the parent and the child reigns, which results in children's reactions of opposition.

How to get rid

To get rid of infantilism, it is not necessary to contact a psychologist. Sometimes his help is required, but it's about special occasions caused by severe psychotrauma. Otherwise, you can adjust the behavior yourself:

1. Learn rationality. Infantile man lives. Make it a rule not to make decisions right away. Set a time limit (for example, 5 minutes) during which you must analyze the situation.
2. Learn to understand other people's feelings. Challenge yourself daily to be interested in other people's opinions, especially in controversial situations. You do not have to take someone else's point of view, but you must be able to hear and understand it.
3. Get rid of egocentrism. You do not only person on the planet. You do not need to sacrifice yourself, but you need to develop a sound and. All social relationships are built on mutual respect and concessions.
4. Move away from the position of “want or don’t want”, get acquainted with the terms “should” and “should”. Each person has not only desires and rights, but also duties. Ask your family what responsibilities you have.
5. Before talking about yourself, take an interest in the affairs of another person, ask if he is tired after a working day, how his day went. Infantes talk more than they listen.
6. Learn to make decisions. Not only your own life will help in this, but also the events of films or articles, world current topics. Every day, analyze some case in relation to yourself.
7. Learn to plan your day, week, month, coming years. Make a to-do list right now.
8. Learn to set immediate and distant goals, determine your capabilities and ways to achieve these goals.
9. Prioritize with far-reaching perspectives. What do you want to become? What do you need for this? What do you need to donate? Every time you're torn between want and need, make a list of gains and losses for both. What ultimately outweighs the value, then choose.
10. Provide yourself with a stable source of income, rent a house, think about buying your own house (apartment). If you live with someone, make a daily contribution: clean, cook meals, help financially, etc.
11. Ask family and friends to help you grow up: to trust, not to rush to the rescue without asking, not to make decisions for you. You need to be in order to learn to take responsibility for your life. Close people are needed for support so that the infant does not drink himself or die in another way, but you need to stop living life for him. I have a toothache? The infant must himself make an appointment with the doctor and go to the appointment. Doesn't go? So, the tooth does not hurt so much. Delayed treatment, and the tooth needs to be removed? This is an experience. The main thing at such moments is not to attack others (“You see what you brought yourself to again”), but to support (“Yes, it turned out badly, but now you know what you need to do, and you won’t let it happen next time”) .
12. Get rid of romanticism, nihilism and cynicism. Realism is necessary for a productive life, but one can become a realist only through practice, through personal experience.

Forget old grievances, get rid of the fear of failure and criticism. Parents offended you because they themselves were deeply unhappy and. All people make mistakes. Ask people you know about their mistakes and the lessons they learned. Mistakes are very useful things. They help to develop, become smarter and more interesting.

The infantilism of a child is the fruit of the efforts of the parents. To recover, you need to separate from your mother and (or) father, and not so much physically (to move) and financially (find a job), but psychologically. Infantile people always hear the voice of a critical or protective parent in their head, even if the parent himself is not alive. As long as the inner parent persists, tension also persists, which means the desire to go into one's own world or reproduce old childish behavior patterns.

What is infantilism and what are its causes? This is childishness in the behavior of an adult, the so-called emotional immaturity. If for children whose personality is just being formed, this is a normal trait, then for an adult it is unnatural to be infantile.

Adult infantilism

It is good when an adult is able to perceive the world as joyfully, easily, openly and with interest, as in childhood.

So who are these infantile people? This is when a person (personality) behaves like a child, when he has fun, plays, fools around, relaxes, “falls” into childhood for a while.

In a conflict or anxious situation, a person uses an unconscious return to children's behavior patterns in order to protect himself from excessive worries and experiences, to feel safe. It's a mechanism psychological protection- regression, the consequences of which - infantile behavior. After overcoming the external or the person again returns to normal behavior.

Infantile girl runs with balloons in her hands

The problem arises if infantilism is not a situational manifestation, but a delay in the development of the personality. The purpose of infantilism is to create psychological comfort. But infantilism is not a temporary protection or state, but habitual behavior. Infantilism - the preservation of forms of behavior corresponding to age period childhood in an adult. In this case, the question inevitably arises of how an adult can stop being a child and grow up emotionally.

At infantile personalities deviates in the development of the emotional-volitional sphere. Man-Child does not know how to make decisions, control emotions, regulate behavior, behaves like a dependent baby.

When others say to an infantile person: “Don’t act like a child!”, They provoke advising behavior in response. The Man-Child will not ask the question: “Am I really acting like a child?”, will not listen to criticism, but will be offended or angry. Many articles have been written about how to get rid of infantilism for a woman or a man. But people with a similar temperament are not inclined to study such literature or heed the advice of loved ones, because they consider their own behavior to be the norm.

An adult, consciously or unconsciously, chooses a childish style of behavior, because it is easier to live this way.

Causes and forms of infantilism

The phrase said by a parent to a child: “Don't behave like a child!” sounds paradoxical, but this is how adults teach children to strive for independence and responsibility. Parents should urgently take action if they notice that an infantile child is growing in the house. How to help him grow up and raise a full-fledged personality, you can understand on your own, knowing the origins of the problem.

The causes of infantilism lie in the mistakes of education. Therefore, few people already ask themselves the question of how to get rid of infantilism in adulthood, considering their behavior and worldview to be the norm. The main mistakes parents make are:

overprotection, that is, the suppression of the child's initiative, when he could not take responsibility for himself and, accordingly, could not learn self-control,
lack of love and care in childhood, which the individual seeks to make up for as an adult,
started too early adult life when a person does not have time to be a child,

Treating an adult like a child is also the reason for the development of infantilism in him. A person takes everything for granted, more and more confident in the correctness of his own behavior. Before you ask yourself how to deal with infantilism for a woman or a man, you need to know how and in what this character trait is manifested.

Infantilism manifests itself as follows:

Laziness. Inability to arrange life, unwillingness to serve oneself (cook food, wash things, and so on), shifting household duties to relatives.
Dependency. An infantile person may not work, live at the expense of relatives, or may go to work, but have no desire to work.

Young infantile people laugh

Egocentrism. The Man-Child believes that others are obliged to satisfy needs, to try for him, forgetting about himself, while he himself does not think about others. Such individuals are ungrateful, and the good deeds of others are perceived as proper behavior.
Passion for games and entertainment. An infantile person is drawn to fun and carelessness. Shopping, beauty salons, chasing gadgets, hen/stag parties, nightclubs, discos, entertainment centers, all kinds of games (gambling, computer, and so on).
Transferring responsibility. Decision-making, fulfillment of duties and other responsible activities, the person-Child shifts to relatives.
Disorganization of life. An infantile person has no plans, he does not set himself goals and objectives, does not know what the daily routine is, does not think about accounting for money.
Unwillingness to develop An infantile person does not see the point in development, because everything suits him anyway, he lives in the present, without analyzing past experience without thinking about the future. Adults behave like children when they want to remain children, do not want to grow up.

How to overcome infantilism

You can be infantile only when there are close, loving and caring people nearby, on whom responsibility is shifted.

If in the relationship of two adults one person behaves like a Child, the second takes the role of his Parent. When an adult is so immersed in the role of the Child that it takes over his personality, he should turn to a psychologist or psychotherapist. Because the inner Adult is unable to overpower inner child and outside help is needed.

They get rid of infantilism, realizing it as a problem and engaging in self-education.

You need to learn to be responsible, organized, independent. However, for people who are too insecure and tense, infantilization is sometimes extremely useful. For example, in psychological support groups there are even special courses that involve creating an atmosphere of general trust, fun and emancipation. Adults are taught to be liberated, based on the behavior and character traits of children.

And also self-educate in yourself:

activity,
accuracy,
thrift,
prudence,
thoughtfulness,
and other qualities of a mature personality.

Tips on how to get rid of infantilism in adults:

To find interesting work which assumes responsibility for other people. If the work is pleasant, it is easy and pleasant for a person to take responsibility. Find serious tasks, set intractable tasks, come up with strong-willed tests.

Infantile girl blows bubbles

Get an animal. A helpless animal will become a "child" for an infantile person, he will have no other choice but to become a Parent for him. The role of the Parent involves organization, punctuality, care, responsibility, problem solving, and meeting the needs of a helpless being.
Create conditions when there is no other choice but to grow up. Independent life, separated from guardians and parents or moving, help to grow up quickly. Also, a person becomes an adult when he has a family and children.

Being frivolous is easy, but being able to stand up for yourself, overcome life's trials, and provide the conditions necessary for survival on your own is difficult. Being an adult can be learned through education and self-education.