life scenarios
1. Not yet
This is the scenario of those who are not able to enjoy life. The principle of living "here and now" is very difficult for them to apply. Perfectionists, whether they are housewives or businesswomen, cannot relax and, at least for a while, forget about their obligations for the sake of their own business. The quality of life inevitably suffers from the habit of constantly postponing pleasant moments for later.Berne equated this life plan with the myth of Hercules, who had to perform a dozen labors in order to become immortal. But there were only twelve feats. Count how many times this week you gave up your desires for the well-being of others?
This attitude is dangerous because a person loses confidence in the possibility of success, and it is very difficult to live with this. Instead of “I won’t succeed until…” say to yourself “I will definitely succeed if…”. Learn to accept the gifts of fate. Some rewards come from hard work, some just come from the sky. And this is natural.
2. After
This attitude presupposes the belief that for everything good that happens in life, sooner or later you have to pay. The idea of inevitable retribution does not allow a person to feel full happiness in joyful moments, he is already thinking about future retribution.Want to get married? Forget about freedom, you have to take care of the house and children. Dreaming about successful career? Get ready for the envy of colleagues and. Enjoying dessert? Soon the waist will say goodbye to you.
Living with such thoughts, you lose a lot of energy to overcome the fear of punishment. There is an analogy here with Damocles. The Greek king had fun at the feast until he noticed a sword hanging over him on a horsehair and lost his peace.
To stop being afraid is unrealistic. You need to be aware that actions have consequences, but you also need to control your fear.
A little adjustment will help improve the situation. First, it is worth throwing the categorical “inevitable” out of your thoughts. You need to convince yourself that a positive outcome of your undertaking is much more likely than a negative one. And even in case of failure, there will be much less worries than about a missed opportunity.
Yes, marriage is a responsibility, but also love and support. The path to the career top is thorny, but the feeling of self-realization and pride in one's success is worth it. Sweet harms the figure, but this harm is easily neutralized by exercises or a long pleasant walk.
3. Never
This is the plan of a lost person who finds it very difficult to believe that he will get what he wants more than anything in the world. Unfortunately, there are many people living behind this scenario, and this fact must be recognized.But before you finally join the society of mediocrity, you need to make sure that you are not hiding big ambitions somewhere deep in yourself. If the idea of leaving a mark on history, or at least showing what you are capable of, is close to you, then you should realize that the lion's share of your fears are far-fetched.
Throw away that hateful "never" that paralyzes your will to act. Living badly, but habitually, watching what is happening from the side of the road is a convenient, but a failed strategy.
Eric Berne compares such experiences with Tantalum torments. The hero was doomed to be thirsty and hungry, although food and drink were under his nose. I also recall an ancient saying: before you is a clear path, why did you yourself scatter stones in front of you ?!
You feel dissatisfaction, but it is already so familiar and understandable. Get out - here only decision. Understand your reasons for not taking risks. Sometimes a change in life course is hindered by those closest to you. It hurts, it's difficult, but you need to show firmness of character. Dissatisfaction with yourself and your life will sooner or later make itself felt, and the care of loved ones will not save you. "Never" should not become synonymous with your life.
4. Always
Some people make the same mistakes over and over again with amazing consistency, which teach them nothing. They ignore the lessons of fate and step on the same painfully familiar rake. Vivid examples- we choose the same type of partner that does not suit us, change jobs every few months, not wanting to compromise with superiors and colleagues. At the heart of this behavior, oddly enough, is the desire to remain dissatisfied, instead of trying to achieve more. “I knew it”, “I am always unlucky”, “all people are like people, but I ...”Bern in this case recalls the myth of the skilled weaver Arachne, who defeated the goddess Athena. Athena admitted her defeat, but, holding a grudge, turned Arachne into a spider doomed to weave her web forever.
People with this attitude are sure that they are being pursued by evil fate. But in fact, bad luck is only in their head. Berne argues that such persons tend to behave in such a way that their gloomy forecasts come true. Do you always come across a heavy ticket, or did you not really prepare for the exam?
There is also an elementary inability to focus on what you are doing. The bus always runs away from you, or are you unable to organize yourself and leave the house early?
The habit of analyzing your actions will rewrite the negative scenario. Self-hypnosis of one's own luck is also suitable. Be guided by the motto - no matter what happens, you need to go through life as if you have the whole world under your feet!
5. Almost
The property of not finishing what has been started is not uncommon. Some resign themselves, others earn neurosis from constant guilt and self-flagellation. In addition, unfinished business eventually gathers in a big pile, burying dreams of a career or a beautiful relationship under them.Berne gives an example of the hero Sisyphus, angry and doomed to roll out on high mountain huge stone. Every time the hero was very close to the top, the stone slipped out and rolled down. The unfortunate man had to start all over again.
With such a harmful life attitude, it is certainly worth fighting. Ask yourself: what is stopping you from reaching the finish line? At what point does the "bummer" occur? Perhaps the reason is emotional burnout? Then you should work on motivation or turn to a coach. Before starting the task, write a list of pleasant dividends from the work done. And in moments of discouragement, re-read. Or look for inspiration in the past, when you managed to brilliantly bring the matter to a victorious end.
The realization that events can develop in different ways provides the key to freedom. You need to understand which of the installations most hinders you from achieving your goals, and take care of yourself, saying “stop” in time. Berne said that war, psychotherapy and love help to get rid of the negative scenario. We definitely vote for the last option! With the help of love, it's so nice to change an unsuccessful plan for the right life course and write your sixth unique script!
Why does someone succeed in everything, and someone is haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction? Looking closely at the events that happen to us, you can notice certain patterns.
Recurring events are a sign of the presence of a script in our life, that is, a life plan that exists in the subconscious, which is formed in early childhood and gradually unfolds over the years, often against our will.
How to identify trends that indicate the presence of a scenario? I would suggest several options for scenario analysis that anyone can conduct on their own, without the help of a psychotherapist or consultant.
Analyze repetitions
Let's analyze the recurring events of our personal or business life. Which of them happen against our will? Let's make a list of situations of the same type and try to understand what unites them. At the same time, we will try to be as objective as possible, focusing not on assessing the behavior, intentions or character of other participants in the events (“envious”, “slanderers”, etc.), but on our own actions. This will help to see certain patterns and, perhaps, to understand the reason for the failures.
Take a look at yourself
Pay attention to your manner of speech, vocabulary, facial expressions, gestures. For example, a loser, as a rule, is extremely surprised by his achievements. Even if he succeeds, he repeats: “No, there’s something wrong, it can’t be ...” He seems to be programmed to expect trouble, some kind of catch.
The winners are calm, self-confident, they like to repeat: “Victory is ours, success is guaranteed to us, next time I will do better.” The very appearance of the winner suggests that he is a successful person, and failures only mobilize him.
Remember your favorite story
The “program” laid down in childhood can be brought to light by analyzing fairy tales. Having “discovered” a scenario fairy tale, one can determine the program according to which an adult lives.
The fairy tale "helps" to form the outlined scenario. Let's remember who was our favorite hero in childhood, what books we read to holes. Let us remember how parents were tortured, forcing them to re-read the same thing several times. Perhaps we will find a surprising resemblance between ourselves - an adult, serious person - and some beloved hero. Maybe he imperceptibly controls our lives? ..
GO ANOTHER WAY
Scenario analysis is one way to help a person look at his life from the outside. Then everyone decides for himself whether he needs to change something or not. You can continue to play the same role if the script is quite satisfactory, or you can take on the director's functions - rebuild the mise-en-scenes, or even stage new performance with a different story.
Getting rid of an unsuccessful script is not so easy. Here, according to Eric Berne, "war, love and psychotherapy" help. But we can also recall other statements, for example, “saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves” and “going the other way” (by the way, both of these slogans are undoubtedly scripted). It makes sense for a person who decides to rewrite his program to take the following steps on his own.
Understand your script
Sometimes this alone makes a very strong impression on a person. He is going through emotional shock, a flurry of emotions turns everything upside down not only in his soul, but also in life. One day I accidentally got into a conversation with a successful businessman. He said that he always achieves his goals, but only on the third attempt - this was the case both when he studied and when he was engaged in science and business. This pattern obviously annoyed him. Word for word - it turned out that since childhood he liked the fairy tale "Glass Mountain", where the hero tries to get to the princess and he succeeds - but only for the third time. I explained to him the meaning of his scripted fairy tale, he was amazed, laughed for a long time and at that moment, apparently, parted with his script. At our next meeting, a year later, he said that he was no longer wasting time on rehearsals.
Break with unambiguous attitudes
It is important to learn to listen to yourself. Let's pay attention to what and how we repeat to our child or subordinates. For example, we like to say: “You will not succeed until ...” These words carry a strong negative charge, doubt about the possibility of success. A strict condition is set: “You won’t get an A until you learn the theorems ...” or “You won’t get promoted until you get an MBA.”
By themselves similar statements quite controversial. After all, you can not cramming theorems, but understand how they are proved, and promotion is not necessarily associated with an MBA. But the essence of scenario programming, its strength lies in peremptory, unambiguous. To understand that in fact there are many options is to already find the path to freedom.
Let's try to modify, rewrite this program phrase as follows: "You will do better if ..." This is also the so-called "script with a condition", but it is much softer. Now we can say to ourselves: “My life will become more successful when I part with unambiguous attitudes that interfere with me.”
Deal with your "provocateurs"
Let's try to mentally review the same type, repeating against our will unpleasant situations and appreciate your role in this horror movie. What actions of ours provoke these twists of fate? Who acts as provocateurs - what words, deeds? Having calculated provocateurs, you can try to change the situation and do something fundamentally new in familiar situations, at least as an experiment. After all, if we do what we have always done, then we will receive what we have always received.
Create your own set of restrictions
By analyzing repetitive situations and understanding where we constantly stumble, we can draw up a certain set of rules and prohibit ourselves from participating in certain situations. For example, I know that it is difficult for me to communicate with people of a manipulative-moralizing warehouse. Entering into contact with them, I doom myself to defeat in advance, and if I still want to achieve victory, it will come to me at too high a price. So, I should make it a rule to avoid such a situation by any means or modify it so as not to step on the same rake every time.
Enter into a dialogue and get "permission"
Permission is a special procedure used by the therapist in scenario analysis. When a person is freed from the script - it's like a miracle, they say: "It's as if they disenchanted him."
Not only a therapist, but also someone from significant people, which is not inferior in strength to the parent figure that created this program. For example, a coach, saying to a timid youngster: “You can do it!” But if a person is ready for transformation, even the words of a random fellow traveler can affect him. Many can remember a case when one phrase or meeting turned out to be fateful, changed their whole life.
YOUR OWN DIRECTOR?
Should not be taken life scenario as something necessarily negative and immediately try to get rid of it.
If there were no scripts, our life would turn into a continuous improvisation. But not everyone wants to, and not everyone is given the opportunity to improvise, it is more convenient and calmer for someone to “play by notes”. There are people who are not allowed to compose at all - if their parents do not write a script for them, it is not known how they will live their lives. So for many, the script is the anchor that keeps them going.
A worked out, run-in scenario is a kind of panacea for surprises and troubles. And an attempt to break out of the script is not always successful: external world can be unfriendly, and most importantly - unpredictable. Therefore, some people are comfortable even in unsuccessful scenarios, benefiting from them in their own way. And this is not surprising - unconsciously following the script allows you to save time and energy.
Our life path- the result of the action of many forces. But scenario analysis is interesting in that it makes it possible to look at the events of our life from a new, unusual angle, to find an explanation for actions that are inexplicable at first glance, to break out of the vicious circle of repetitive events.
Why does someone succeed in everything, and someone is haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction?
Winner, loser and "golden mean"
Why does someone succeed in everything, and someone is haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction? Of course, we ourselves plan our lives, and our destiny is determined primarily by our decisions, our intuition, the ability to think, to adequately relate to everything that happens in the world around us. But, looking closely at the events of your life and the lives of those around you, you can notice certain patterns.
How often does this happen! A person constantly has problems in the service: no matter where he works, he immediately has conflicts with the management, and he feels that they find fault with him, overwrite him, undeservedly offend. He moves from one company to another - it would seem, new people, different corporate culture, but history repeats itself: an "envious", "schemer", "rival" or "gossip" will certainly appear next to our hero, who interfere in his relationship with the boss, do not allow him to work productively.
One has been trying to save money all his life, denying himself everything, but as soon as a certain amount is accumulated, he instantly lowers it. Another, helping his neighbor, for some reason constantly encounters ungrateful people, then suffers, reproaches himself for indiscretion, but the next time the object of his charity again becomes a person of the same kind. The third takes on a new business with pleasure: a bright start, bright prospects, wide opportunities, but ... interest gradually fades and finally fades away, and the business is never completed. And the person takes on the next case with the same enthusiasm, and again there is no result.
It seems that these people act according to some given scheme. Circumstances of place and time change, but the mode of action remains unchanged, events repeat themselves, as if the same plot is being played out - only on new stages and with new actors. What is it - evil fate, a mockery of fate?
There is a perfectly rational explanation for this. We will focus on one - from our point of view, the most interesting - approach: scenario analysis, proposed by the famous psychologist Eric Berne. Usually, recurring events - a sign of the presence of a script in a person's life(in English - "script"). A script is a life plan that exists in our subconscious., which is formed in early childhood and gradually unfolds over the years, often against our will.
Scenario elements are present to a greater or lesser extent in the life of any person. no matter how free (from conventions, stereotypes) and independent (morally and financially) he considered himself. True, their specific weight, significance in the life of each of us is different. Some people follow a certain scenario all their lives, others plan their lives based on free will, free aspirations. Do not forget about what we call "His Majesty the case."
Our life path is the result of the action of many forces. But scenario analysis, in my opinion, makes it possible to look at the events of our lives from a new, unusual perspective, to understand the motives of people's behavior, to find an explanation for actions that are inexplicable at first glance, to correct one's own behavior, to break out of the vicious circle of repetitive events.
The script is formed in relationships with people from our immediate environment. As children, we are more receptive and trusting. Therefore, some judgments of adults, especially those that are repeated many times, cut into our consciousness for life. And our further fate largely depends on what exactly we heard in childhood.
When a child is supported, encouraged, never tired of repeating: "We believe in you, you can do anything, you are great, you are smart, talented, strong" - and at the same time he is ready to make efforts and overcome difficulties, then a self-confident person grows up more likely, with high self-esteem, feeling adequate in any situation, able to constructively resolve all emerging issues.
Often parents, grandparents or someone else from significant adults, watching the child, repeat something like this: “You are stupid, you can’t do anything, nothing good will come of you, you are nothing but trouble, don’t be arrogant, you are the same like everyone else" etc..
Statements like these—also known as "parental prescriptions" or "script curses"—can have a twofold effect on later life children. One can come to terms with such a forecast of his future and, becoming an adult, live according to the scenario prepared for him by his parents. Another, a strong personality, on the contrary, will try to implement the anti-scenario, that is, act exactly the opposite, proving to parents that it is worth something.
There are many scenarios. Any classification is rather conditional, but for the convenience of analysis, we will divide the scenarios into three main groups: scenarios of the winner, the loser and the "golden mean".
FORTUNE'S FAVORITES
About the strong successful person often say:"He's from a breed of winners." As a rule, winners know how to manage themselves, soberly assess their strengths and weak sides. They know what they will do tomorrow, they are at the right time in right place they are always lucky.
They can create a lot of problems for others: all the time they come up with something, organize, involve people in something, fight, "cut off the heads of dragons", not for a moment doubting that victory will be theirs. The winners feel that life is successful - it is written on their face, and, among other things, the very image of a successful, satisfied with life a person really helps them to succeed.
But victory, success are relative concepts, it is rather a state of mind, and not external attributes.
The winner is the one who sets a goal and achieves it. It is more important for the winner how he himself evaluates his achievements, and not how others evaluate them.
The scenario of the winner is formed by people whose parents believed in the capabilities of their children, invested a lot of effort in them and supported them, never tired of repeating: "You will succeed." And children grow up confident in themselves.
Often the winner scenario emerges as an anti-scenario. For example, children from dysfunctional families, strong natures, trying to resist negative programming or "scenario curse", begin to act with extraordinary perseverance and perseverance contrary to parental forecasts, proving their strength and significance to themselves and the rest of the world.
So, a single mother constantly told her son: "You have no one to help you, you have no father, you will not be able to break through. And your heredity is bad." If the boy were weak and dependent, he would certainly become a failure. But he turned out to be a strong man, and his life turned out differently: he became the owner of a large holding, is engaged in politics and does not take a drop of alcohol in his mouth. All his life he puts his achievements at the feet of his mother like war trophies, proving that she was wrong.
Any of us will surely find among our friends and acquaintances people from the cohort of winners. Each of them goes to victory in his own way, acts according to his own scenario.
Looking at people who know how to achieve their goals is not only interesting, but also extremely useful. You can see certain patterns in behavior that help them win, understand what basic qualities they rely on. Each "winner" has his own "proprietary" strategies for doing business, negotiating, resolving conflicts, etc.
It is worth taking a closer look at yourself, analyzing your own successful strategies and thinking about how to use them more effectively - this will surely help you become more successful. After all, winners are not born, winners are made.
PEOPLE OF THE "GOLDEN MEAN"
It's not just mediocre who managed to avoid the fate of losers, but never received the laurels of the winners. They are the very "golden mean" without which no society can exist.
Non-winners are adherents of basic human values, keepers of family and national traditions, a reasonable counterweight to those extremes that both winners and losers so often fall into.
Most non-winners live by the principle "the main thing is not victory, but participation" it is more important for them not so much to succeed as to avoid failure. If a non-winner sets a goal, he achieves it, however, his goals are usually modest. He is predictable, loyal, not prone to self-affirmation, and usually does not enter into open confrontation. Life will not pass him by, although without much ups and downs. He will live with dignity and in accordance with generally accepted standards.
Representatives of the "golden mean" are hard-working, conscientious, and, as a rule, occupy average managerial positions. They often follow the path of least resistance, lower the bar: they enter a university where the competition is smaller, they make an offer to a girl who definitely will not refuse.
The non-winner scenario, as a rule, is formed by parents who love their children, but at the same time constantly hold them back, beat their hands, and from the best of intentions, the desire to protect them from trouble. They never get tired of repeating to their children: be more modest, keep your head down, mind your own business, etc. initiative is punishable, so it's safer to be like everyone else, even if you have great potential.
"Golden mean" is the majority. Therefore, there are a great many scenarios for this part.
FAILERS: OBVIOUS AND HIDDEN
A person with a loser scenario often feels left out by fate, a sufferer even when everything seems to be fine with him. He always waits for something unpleasant, unforeseen to happen, pities himself and revels in his own suffering. If the child "agreed" to the parent's "instruction", subconsciously believed that nothing would come of him, then he would never succeed and become an obvious, "outright" loser. Everything is simple here.
But there are also hidden losers. Unfortunately, often they are capable, even gifted people. Strange as it may seem, such losers can also be those who were inspired by their parents that everything was “ok” for them, but did not teach their children to work.
As a rule, these people were given without much effort what others spent a lot of time and effort on. They always felt their superiority over their peers, they studied easily, without straining. But when the work required some effort, they could not finish the job.
At first glance, they even seem quite successful. A "scenario curse", or a negative parental prescription, can appear unexpectedly - at the most inopportune moment, a person seems to break down, stumble and make an unfortunate oversight.
HOW TO UNDERSTAND YOUR SCENARIO?
Today, as well as 500 and 1000 years ago, humanity is tormented by the same questions: why is fate favorable to some, loyal to others, and cruelly punishing others?
Someone throughout life stubbornly repeats the same mistakes, while someone, on the contrary, uses the same successful strategies. And if the winner rarely cares about the reason for his success, then the loser constantly asks himself: why?. No one and nothing will help a person if he himself does not want to figure out what forces make him act this way and not otherwise.
To How to identify trends that indicate the presence of a script in a person's life? I would suggest several options for scenario analysis that anyone can conduct on their own(without the help of a psychotherapist or consultant).
Analyze repetitions, that is, recurring events in your personal or business life. Which of them happen against your will? Make a list of similar situations and try to understand what they have in common. At the same time, try to be as objective as possible, focus not on assessing the behavior, intentions or character of other participants in the events ("envious", "slanderers", etc.), but on your own actions. This will already help to see certain patterns and, perhaps, to understand the cause of failures.
Take a look at yourself. Pay attention to your manner of speech, vocabulary, facial expressions, gestures. For example, a loser, as a rule, is extremely surprised by his achievements. Even if he succeeds, he repeats: "No, something is not right here, it cannot be ...". He seems to be programmed to expect trouble, some kind of catch.
The winners are calm, self-confident, do not fuss, they like to repeat: victory is ours, success is guaranteed to us, there are no problems, everything will be “ok”, next time I will do even better.The very appearance of the winner says that this is a person successful, and failures only mobilize him.
Put on the "scenario T-shirt" of the winner with the inscription: "The main thing is to be the first", "Who does not take risks - he does not drink champagne", "Well, let's see who wins", etc.
What will the person of the "golden mean" write? "Always do your duty", "Be a professional", "You have to be good boy" etc.
And finally, the loser: “You can’t trust anyone”, “I deserve more”, “Everyone envy me”, etc.
The "program" laid down in childhood can be brought into the light of day by analyzing fairy tales. Having "discovered" a scenario fairy tale, one can determine the program according to which an adult lives.
The fairy tale "helps" to form the outlined scenario. Remember who was your favorite hero in childhood, what books you read to holes. Remember how they tortured their parents, forcing them to reread the same thing aloud several times. Perhaps you will find a surprising resemblance between yourself - an adult, serious person - and some favorite hero. Maybe he imperceptibly controls your life?
So I propose a few steps that will help you unravel your own life scenario. Surely everyone who is interested in this method will come up with other options for analysis.
HOW TO CHANGE THE SCENARIO?
Scenario analysis is one way to help a person look at his life from the outside. Further each decides for himself whether he needs to change something or not. You can continue to play the same role if the script is quite satisfactory, or you can take on the director's functions - rebuild the mise-en-scene, or even put on a new performance with a different plot.
Getting rid of an unsuccessful script is not so easy. But let's try to recall statements like "saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves" and "to go the other way" (by the way, both of these slogans are undoubtedly scripted). It makes sense for a person who decides to rewrite his program to take the following steps on his own.
Get to know your script. Sometimes this alone makes a very strong impression on a person. He is experiencing an emotional shock, a flurry of emotions turns everything upside down not only in his soul, but also in life.
One day I accidentally got into a conversation with a successful businessman. My interlocutor said that he always achieves his goals, but only on the third attempt - this was the case both when he studied and when he was engaged in science and business. This pattern obviously annoyed him. Word for word, it turned out that since childhood he liked the fairy tale "Glass Mountain", where the hero tries to get to the princess, and he succeeds - but only for the third time. I explained to him the meaning of his scripted fairy tale, he was amazed, laughed for a long time and at that moment, apparently, parted with his script. At our next meeting, a year later, he said that he was no longer wasting time on rehearsals. No wonder they say: humanity, laughing, parted with its past.
Break with unambiguous attitudes. It is important to learn to listen to yourself. Pay attention to what and how you repeat to your child or subordinates. For example, you like to repeat "you will not succeed until ...". These words carry a strong negative charge, doubts about the possibility of success. A strict condition is set: "You will not get an A until you learn the theorems ..." or "You will not be promoted until you pass the management exam." By themselves, such statements are quite controversial. After all, you can not cram theorems, but understand how they are proved, and promotion is not necessarily associated with passing the next exam. But the essence of scenario programming, its strength lies in peremptory, unambiguous. To understand that in fact there are many options is to already find the path to freedom.
Let's try to modify, rewrite this program phrase as follows: "You will do better if ...". This is also the so-called conditional scenario, but it is much softer. Now you can say to yourself: "My life will become more successful when I part with unambiguous attitudes that interfere with me."
Deal with your "provocateurs". Try to mentally review the same type of unpleasant situations that repeat against your will and evaluate your role in this "horror movie". What are your own actions that provoke twists of fate? Who acts as "provocateurs" - what words, deeds? Having calculated the "provocateurs", you can try to change the situation and do something fundamentally new in familiar situations, at least as an experiment. After all, if we do what we have always done, then we will get what we have always received. So, experiment?
Create your own set of restrictions. By analyzing repetitive situations and understanding where we constantly stumble, we can draw up a certain set of rules and prohibit ourselves from participating in certain situations. For example, I know that it is difficult for me to communicate with people of a manipulative-moralizing warehouse. Entering into contact with them, I doom myself to defeat in advance, and if I still want to achieve victory, it will come to me at too high a price. So, I should make it a rule to avoid such a situation by any means or modify it so as not to step on the same rake every time.
So, if the scenario weighs us down, it is important to avoid (at least at the first stage) any situations that could turn into a repetition of our negative program: in a clear and conscious adherence to this rule will be our strength, not weakness, as it might seem at first glance.
Enter into a dialogue and get "permission". Permission is a special procedure used by the therapist in scenario analysis. When a loser is freed from the script, it looks like a miracle, they say "the person seemed to have been disenchanted."
A scenario program can be removed not only by a therapist, but also by one of the significant people, who, in terms of the strength of influence, is not inferior to the parental figure who created this program, for example, a coach, saying to a timid youth: "You can do it!". But if a person is ready for transformation, even the words of a random fellow traveler can affect him. Many can recall an example when one phrase or meeting turned out to be fateful, changed their whole life.
Your own director? You should not perceive the life scenario as something necessarily negative and immediately try to get rid of it.
If there were no scripts, our life would turn into a continuous improvisation. But not everyone wants to, and not everyone is given the opportunity to improvise, it is more convenient and calmer for someone to "play according to notes." There are people who are not allowed to compose at all - if their parents do not write a script for them, it is not known how they will live their lives. Therefore, for many, the script is the anchor that holds them back.
A worked out, run-in, prosperous scenario is a kind of panacea for surprises and troubles. And an attempt to break out of the script is not always successful: the outside world can turn out to be unfriendly, and most importantly, unpredictable. So some people are comfortable even in their failed scenarios, taking advantage of them in their own way.
Unconsciously following the script allows a person to save time and energy. As a rule, winners living according to tough scenarios are not inclined to think and doubt, they are purposeful and efficient, they are people of action. The script laid down from childhood tells them the right strategy.
Scenario analysis cannot answer all questions about human life, and of course it would be naive to assume that all of our behavior is script driven. But if you think about it, you can get information to think about why fate turned out this way and not otherwise. It is extremely interesting and quite accessible to everyone. published
Introduction
The question of the degree of awareness of human life has been facing psychology for a very long time. Every person in childhood, most often unconsciously, thinks about his own future life, as if scrolling through his life scenarios in his head. Everyday behavior of a person is determined by his mind and attitudes received in the past, and he can only plan his future. original idea said the founder of transactional analysis, E. Berne, who believed that each person has his own life scenario, the model of which is outlined in early childhood. A script is a constantly unfolding life plan, a psychological impulse pushing a person forward with great force towards his destiny, and very often regardless of his resistance or free choice. However, this does not mean that the behavior of people and all human life reducible to some formula. In accordance with their life scenarios, people act in one way or another, determining their existence.
Object of study: personality behavior.
Subject of study: human life scenario.
The purpose of the study: to study the state of the issue of life scenario in modern psychological science.
Research objectives:
1. Based on the analysis of the literature, define the concept of a life scenario.
2. To identify the main mechanisms of the scenario's influence on a person's life.
3. To study the main points of the emergence and development of a person's life scenario.
Life scenario as a subject of study in psychology
The concept of a life scenario
The famous psychologist E. Berne was the first to propose the idea that each person has one or more basic life positions or life scenarios. They dictate to us our actions, our behavior in general, and our relationships with other people. Currently, the concept of scenario, along with the ego-state model, is the central idea of transactional analysis.
What is a "scenario"? Berne defined it as an "unconscious life plan", which is drawn up in childhood and has a clear structure in our view: a beginning, a middle and an end. A person unconsciously acts according to a plan that is familiar to him, understandable and, predictably, conveys to him the illusion of “habituation”, which means control over the situation and security. Starting to react to what happens to him in life, following the usual scenario, he already knows what the beginning will be and what the ending will be. We can say that life scenarios are a subconscious psychological protection of a person from all kinds of emotional stress. And the protection is so firmly rooted and familiar that it has already become part of his personality, character. It often happens that a person does not realize that he is living according to a script. Nevertheless, he acts in such a way that he is clearly moving towards the finale, which was determined by the usual scenario that developed in childhood. Later, Berne defined script as a life plan that is made in childhood, reinforced by parents, justified by subsequent events, and ends as it was meant to be from the beginning. In some sources, a life script is also called a script.
However, the fate of each person is determined primarily by himself, his ability to think and reasonably relate to everything that happens in the world around him. Man himself plans his life. Only freedom gives him the strength to carry out his plans, and strength gives him the freedom to comprehend if it is necessary to defend them or fight against the plans of others. Even if a person's life plan is determined by other people or to some extent determined by the genetic code, even then his whole life will testify to a constant struggle. There are people who constantly live as if in silence and fear. For most of them, this is a great misfortune. Only relatives and their very close friends can understand that the life of such a person is spent in struggle. In most cases, he lived his life deceiving the world and, first of all, himself. Every person in childhood, most often unconsciously, thinks about his future life, as if scrolling through his life scenarios in his head. Everyday behavior of a person is determined by his mind, and he can only plan his future, for example, what kind of person his spouse will be, how many children will be in their family, etc. The script is a constantly unfolding life plan, which is formed, as we have already said, in early childhood and mainly under the influence of parents. This psychological impulse with great force pushes a person forward towards his destiny, and very often regardless of his resistance or free choice. However, this does not mean that human behavior and all human life can be reduced to some formula. Quite the opposite. A real man how a person acts in a spontaneously rational and predictable way, taking into account the opinions and actions of other people. And a person acting according to a formula is already an unreal person.
Today I invite you to understand what influences our thoughts and our psycho-emotional background. Let me remind you that our mental state has three levels: the level of emotions (instant reaction), the level of mood (our state during the day, week, month), and the deepest level - the psycho-emotional background (peculiar to a person throughout life). It is on this third level that the thoughts that will prevail in human thinking depend.
The fact is that the psycho-emotional background is the beliefs, worldview of a person. This is his life script, according to which he plays his role. And what a person believes in will depend on his mood, reactions to current events and, of course, those thoughts that are spinning in his head. Therefore, in order to change your thoughts, and with them your actions, it is sometimes necessary to deal with those roots that are deep in the subconscious.
Where do our beliefs come from? And how is our life script formed?
There are three main origins of beliefs:
Parents are what they laid in us day by day for many years;
Personal experience - events that influenced our beliefs about something;
Today I want to introduce you to a wonderful way by which you can identify and change your generic programs, that is, those life scenarios that are passed down through the genus. We all know many examples of how single women raise girls who then also cannot build a happy relationship, or boys who follow in the footsteps of an alcoholic father, and many other examples of negative life scenarios that repeat from generation to generation. Why is this happening? The life scenario of a person directly depends on the beliefs that parents lay in him by their example.
If you want to understand what kind of life scenario is embedded in your subconscious by your parents, then I suggest you do the following exercise.
To do this, start a diary or document on your computer and write in it now:
Your mom's beliefs about the following aspects life:
Attitude towards yourself
Expectations from people
Expectations for the future
Attitude towards men
Psycho-emotional background, that is emotional condition, which prevails throughout life.
Write down the beliefs about each of the above areas of life that you think your mother holds. What do you think mom would say about these areas.
If you've written down your mom's beliefs, you can move on. If not, then I recommend that you do this first, and then continue reading this article.
Your mom's beliefs are what she believes in. But these are also precisely the beliefs that mom laid in you. You may be aware of it or not, but this is the program of your life actions - your generic scenario. The thing is that each of us has mechanisms psychological protection and therefore in ourselves we can not always discern problematic beliefs. But if you see some negative beliefs in your mother, then most likely it is also in you, and in the appropriate situation it will definitely manifest itself.
But this can and should be worked on. And now our task is to change those programs that you do not like for those that will be more positive, effective and favorable for you and everyone around you.
To do this, firstly, you need to understand why this belief was needed, that is, what positive function it performed. It could be protecting, avoiding or getting something, etc. Either way, it was something of vital importance to us. Because our subconscious is always taking care of something important, but not always in effective ways.
Therefore, the second step is to replace the old ineffective beliefs with new, more favorable and effective ones, but fulfilling the same vital important features for us. For example, if it was getting love or security, how can you get people's love and acceptance more efficiently and intelligently. You can do this with each belief according to the scheme: Old belief - benefit from it - new belief.
Now you need to introduce these programs into your subconscious. To do this, you can write a new generic script. Take a blank sheet of paper and write on it "New Life Script Full Name". And then write about what old negative programs you are replacing with new, more effective thoughts and actions. Put a number and signature. But do not forget that they were vital, as they fulfilled some positive intentions, and therefore it is necessary to replace them with new programs.
The same work needs to be done with your dad's beliefs.
This exercise can not only change your destiny, you will also transmit these more auspicious and effective programs to your children and grandchildren, so it’s worth a try, because you don’t risk anything!
In future episodes, we will explore in more detail how to learn to think with those new beliefs. happy person that you have prescribed.