Causes of jealousy. What does envy lead to? Torsunov O.G. What is really dangerous envy and how to overcome it

25.09.2019

We, women, sometimes do not even imagine how often others envy us. You won’t believe it, but not only ancient neighbors or a saleswoman from the meat department can be malicious envious people, but also our loved ones, whom we trust. How many people stumbled on envy best friend, which took, and broke the family. And how many more women have suffered from envious colleagues at work? Imagine, sisters, brothers and even your own mother (who else can be dearer and closer?) sin with this vice.

I would very much like to touch on the topic of envy in our modern life: what it is, why it is dangerous, from whom and how to protect yourself, and why young children are most vulnerable.

What is envy and why is it dangerous?

Envy is a very negative and all-consuming feeling that eats a person from the inside and pushes him to mean deeds. They envy beauty, success, a happy marriage, good earnings - everything that has value in the eyes of people deprived of these benefits. It is because of her that people often curse each other and destroy not only other people's energy, but also their own.

This sinful feeling is dangerous because it begins to control the life of the envious person, and he does vile deeds to annoy the one whom he envies. In addition to purely moral and physical negativity, there is another danger for the victim - a weakening of the biofield, that is, energy. The more it weakens energy protection of a person, the more often he gets sick, the less success comes into his life, the worse the relationship in the family. Vital forces disappear from his body under the influence of the negative messages of the envious person, especially if the victim has constant contact with the pest.

Children are most susceptible to envy. They are very easy to jinx and spoil, because their energy is still weak, and the Guardian Angel has not gained enough power to protect him from evil. No wonder our great-grandmothers used all sorts of conspiracies and charms from envious eyes and bad tongues. In fact, there are not only conspiracies, but also church prayers, helping to maintain a balance of power when dealing with an envious opponent.

Who is jealous of us?

So, protecting yourself and your family from envy is not only possible, but necessary. How to do this and how to generally determine who wishes you unkind? I am sure that any person who is able to listen to his feelings will feel where the “wind blows”. “Symptoms” can be too frequent stares in your direction, attempts to be sarcastic and hurt, spreading gossip and rumors, open actions in order to annoy in the absence of provocations on your part.

I can give you a few examples from my own experience:

Girlfriend. She regularly discouraged me from buying those things that suited me perfectly. How many times I did not listen to her, and then brought my sister, brother, aunt to try on a dress or trousers - everyone refuted her opinion. She gave me no less bad advice about young people. Those who, in all respects, were worthy candidates, in her words looked like completely negative characters.

Colleague. I couldn’t understand in any way who was so stubbornly telling everyone at work that I never put money in a common pot for the holidays (this was how it was with us), although this was a blatant deception. Then I didn’t understand who spread the rumor that I had lost the key to one important drawer, although I had never held it in my hands in my life. When, nevertheless, the sources of lies were found, I analyzed the behavior of the spreader of rumors from the moment we met. She always looked at me intently and did not forget to give out another portion of sarcasm about my appearance.

Native grandmother. The grandmother has two daughters. Eldest daughter(my mother) successfully married and has an apartment, a loving husband, two children - a simple female happiness. The less fortunate groom made up the younger party. They wound up on business trips and rented apartments, were able to master only one child, and acquired their housing only by the age of 40. Both my mother and I always felt that my grandmother was extremely negative about any positive events in our family, but on the other hand, how she rejoiced at the slightest advances in life youngest daughter! That granddaughter was the most intelligent, good and decent, but in me and my brother my own grandmother tried to find some kind of wormhole and procrastinated for years.

If you have similar examples in life, then I congratulate you, you are surrounded by envious people from whom you need to defend yourself.

We protect ourselves from envy without pity and regrets!

I have a scheme of personal protection developed over the years from such malevolent lovers to feed on other people's happiness:

We reduce the distance between you and them as much as possible. Even if it close relative try to minimize contact.
In direct communication, do not let the envious person touch you, your clothes, things. Avoid physical contact.
When insolently examining your person, also look intently and brazenly at the pest without looking away. Get the person to look away.
With such people, it is important to learn to visualize invisible protection. For example, I imagine that there is a dense glass dome around me, from which black sharp spikes emanate in all directions, or an iron wall surrounded by water. Why water? Because it washes away negativity very well.
Do not try to culturally listen to the flattery of such a person. Cut it off on the approaches. Does he admire your wonderful hair? You, in turn, say that he has them even better and try to touch with your hand. A few reflected attacks, and the envious will fall behind.
Do not talk about your personal life, show off your successes less, do not try to stand out from the team so as not to attract a lot of negative messages from other employees. I knew a woman who lived lavishly on the support of her husband and worked in the department of social protection solely for the experience. She liked to invite a manicurist to her work at lunchtime and gave almost a third of her salary for nails. I think you can imagine how many snake heads hissed behind her.

The best protection will be a magpie about the health of your envious person and you. It will not be superfluous for you to be cleansed through a prayerful petition in the church, but the higher forces will direct the wrecker and guide him on the true path - his thoughts will stop returning to you.

Do not forget to order prayers for children, because it is even easier to spoil them, and sometimes our negativity passes to them “by blood”. And remember what fewer photos we put it on public display, the stronger our health!

We are accustomed to consider envy as a feeling that discredits a person, as a kind of soul-destroying circumstance of an impartial black color. "Envy is a passive state, and it is not surprising that later it develops into hatred." - wrote Goethe, not even suspecting that he was laying the foundation for a rather one-sided conspiracy theory against his own personality, because by completely depriving ourselves of the ability to envy, we deprive ourselves of the ability to move forward.

So who is this individual who thinks he has much less than he could have - an enemy lurking around the corner, an unfortunate person or an understimulated person?

What is envy

The very word "envy" comes from the common Slavic "to see", somewhat modified in an intermediate state into "envy". Seeing what you don’t have, and what, perhaps, is not really necessary, but since someone has it, then you must have it too - this is the most impartial definition of envy. There are others who, in the beautiful style of the Russian language, describe all the meanness of pernicious self-criticism, and not a single one considers the concept of envy as a variant of a trigger that provokes accomplishments. However, no - otherwise, if not in a positive way, our classic Pushkin says about it: "Envy is a competition, so it's definitely a good kind."

So, an envious person - who is he?

Cause and effect

To understand what kind of envy is hidden at the root of our actions, you just need to remember the mental context of the decision that prompted you to take this or that action. To envy your neighbor’s beautiful car and find a second job to afford yourself no worse is good, but to look at a colleague’s expensive watch and behind his back discuss the origin of such a disproportionate purchase with others - allow yourself to sign in a black feeling. It is unlikely that an adequate adult will admit that he was motivated by black envy, and certainly caught unawares will try to justify himself in uncontrollable emotions, but are our desires so beyond our control?

How envy is born

Every human desire goes through several stages before reaching an attempt to translate into action. At the first stage, the soul-stirring “I want the same ones” can disappear without a trace in everyday matters and remain unrealized.

At the second stage, desire is achieved only with repeated voicing of the “sick” topic or endless flashing before the eyes of the “desired”. A person who has more reason than emotions, and at this stage will be able to pull himself up and not engage in reasoning with himself "if only, yes if only."

Another thing is a weak personality, initially an envious person, accustomed to giving freedom to empty fantasies, a sort of "Jewish" Porfishka Golovlev. This one will come out in dreams and become a general, and conquer half the world, but in reality he will draw devils in the fields in a tattered robe. Dealing with such a person is not so much dangerous as unpleasant. Actually, the embodied hypocritical fantasy is already a transition to the third, extreme stage of envy, which cannot be called anything other than deeply black.

Shades of black are also endowed with such unpleasant “final” actions as gossip, petty dirty tricks, false emotionality - all these are clear indicators of when the feeling of envy is entirely built on a false idea that it will not be possible to achieve the desired anyway.

Another branch of the third stage of the state of envy is the search for a solution for the realization of a dream. Of course, there may be negative aspects here too, because in order to get what you want, you can steal it, and take it away, and sue, and beg, but it will still be a dynamic, albeit in a negative way. Ideally, the stage that precedes the action should encourage healthy competition, which A. S. Pushkin voiced in his statement about envious people.

Examples of such envy translated into action and achievement can be seen at every turn - a politician who rose from the middle class of society, an entrepreneur who built a million-dollar business starting from selling newspapers in the transition, a housewife who wrote a book that became a bestseller. It's hard to believe, but each of these undertakings was once nothing more than someone's "I want", which then became "I can" and only then - "I will do it."

Black and white

Before conditionally separating such concepts as white envy and black envy, we will make a reservation right away that there is no envy painted in light colors. Even if a person achieves something in life based not on his own passion of imitating someone else's success, he will definitely do it in order to arouse this passion in other people or someone in particular. M. Twain described such a turn of events with his inherent directness: "If in order to achieve love, a person is ready for a lot, then in order to arouse envy, he will do anything."

So, envy is the main engine of almost any achievement in the life of an individual, and it does not matter whether it is by nature or due to individual circumstances. But you really don’t want to sign a bad feeling when you sincerely believe that you are walking your own path with pure intentions! This is where the term “white envy” comes to the rescue.

White envy - is it there?

In other words: "I badly need all the best that you have, but since I'm a good person, I'm not angry with you because you already have it all, but I don't."

Thinking like this and remembering that he is a good, envious person, he can casually even admit his "white" feeling - without fail with pathos and a wide smile. But this is not because the confession will be sincere, but because envy is so strong that it is no longer possible to hide it otherwise than disguise it as worship of someone else's luck. In general, escaped words of this kind are very good sign for the interlocutor. Comparing the stormy and misplaced joy at someone else's success with body language, which will be discussed later, smart man will understand that it is better to stay away from such a "well-wisher".

An envious person, but at the same time making the right conclusions (“yes, he bought good car, but this is because he does not work 8 hours a day, like me, but 16 "), will not rush in front of the lucky person with congratulations of an ambiguous nature, and will not discuss the event with others. He will react with restrained sincerity and will try his best to repeat the triumph of his comrade. Such a factor, if you really want to reward him with a stamp, can be called “white envy”.

How to recognize an envious person by gestures

“Envy was born before us” is an old folk wisdom that very correctly reveals another important truth- being our "dowry" by default, as well as the ability to laugh or cry, the need to envy is hidden in human essence very deeply. You can learn to control it and even almost completely get rid of it, but at the moment when the insidious feeling has already taken possession of you, it is almost impossible to control it. It is easy to recognize an envious person just at the moment when all his harsh negativity is brought down on the interlocutor by non-verbal signs. Who does not know - non-verbal in psychology is called body language, which is in no way connected with oral speech.

His whole body can work against an envious person, so it is important to compare several signals at once, so as not to mistake simple boredom or hostility for a bad feeling, which do not always mean that a person is envious. Another thing is simulated boredom, and dislike hidden under a smile, but more on that below.

So, you are envious if:

the interlocutor shows with all his might how bored he is and, while he is being told about someone's successes, lazily tosses and turns in his chair, looks around and even yawns;
the interlocutor cannot keep his eyes on you - his eyes endlessly “run away” and eventually turn into narrow slits;
from the eyebrows or the brow part of the interlocutor's face lay thin folds to the back of the nose - such a mimic picture means the highest degree contempt and embarrassment at the same time;
the person opposite smiles, but in such a way that the smile seems to be stretched over the face or glued unevenly;
the body of the interlocutor sitting on a chair is tilted towards you, and Bottom part the torso is unnaturally tense.

Hands are a very revealing part of the body in terms of non-verbal communication, but in the case of an envious person, the signs on the face are much easier to decipher. At the moments of the maximum outburst of negativity, the person opposite can clench his fists, but he can also hang them lifelessly, so try to focus on undeniable signals, and additional signs to add to the existing picture.

How to stop jealous people from ruining your life

Even knowing in advance from whom one should not accept assurances of a sincere disposition, it is not always possible to completely exclude this individual from the social circle. It may turn out to be a leader or work colleague, a close relative, a business partner - that is, a person who is aware of your mutual dependence on each other and becomes even more annoying from this.

Involuntarily, being involved in this game, the person who inspired envy may begin to experience irritation and show all the same impartial behavioral traits as envious people. How to protect yourself from this? First of all, do not allow yourself to be manipulated, that is, do not accept the imposed rules of the game:

do not allow to belittle their achievements;
do not respond to reproaches, nit-picking and petty remarks, even if they come from superiors;
in any situation in which the quality of your work is publicly questioned, be able to counter this with icy calmness and iron arguments that this is not so;
never make excuses - black envy is characteristic of what makes a person feel inferior, casts doubt on the justice of his victories.

It is best to observe the behavior of people after you have shared the good news with them, and then the envious person will immediately reveal himself. Even if during the conversation he radiated joy, after the conversation his mood will worsen, he will become boring, taciturn. And if the object of your pride is obvious, for example, new clothes, a child’s toy, expensive kitchen utensils, the envious person will try to “not notice” him as much as possible, showing with all his appearance that such phenomena are familiar to him.

At the end of the subtopic on how to prevent someone else's insolvency from controlling you, it is appropriate to quote about envious people from Bernard Shaw himself that "envy is best form recognition of all possible." This means that you will always remain head and shoulders above the one who tilted his, looking at the fragments of his broken opportunities.

Women's envy

For the most part, this feeling in women is directed towards family success or financial well-being, and the woman hardly thinks about money itself, but desperately dreams of what she could realize for the missing amounts. successful marriage girlfriends, the birth of children in a strange family, a significant purchase in the life of someone from the environment - this is the main list of reasons for a woman's mental torment, although it is far from exhaustive. They can envy health, beauty, the success of children, the ability to do everything.

The main trouble of female envy is the influx of impulsive thinking. That is, in those moments when an unpleasant feeling in her intensifies, you can expect anything from an envious person - from the rapid spreading of gossip behind her back to actions directed against the health or even life of the one to whom the negative is directed.

Often, having cooled down after the surging hatred, a woman begins to repent of her deed, less often tries to correct the situation. But this should not be the reason for the approach of a person who has already once shown himself in this way, since envy, already launched and having sufficient nourishment, is ineradicable. By allowing an envious person into your environment, you will only give her the opportunity to injure you from close range.

By the way, envy on the part of a woman may be unconscious, but here the vigilance should be shown by the “lucky woman”, exposed to the blow. If she notices that her habit of dressing, styling her hair, her manner of communicating find a second embodiment in an outsider, this is already a reason to think. Also, the envious woman, without even realizing this, will try in every possible way to prick the “object”, to bring her to emotions.

Most The best way get yourself out of the "fire zone" - do not react to bullets whistling over your head. Women whose attacks are ignored very quickly leave their rivals and switch to someone else.

male envy

For a man, the object of envy is often external status and the ability to realize all his abilities through his own means. A man can envy just money - a frequent occurrence when the amount he has accumulated with difficulty lies completely intact for a long time, as men simply enjoy the feeling of their wealth and suffer severely when they are forced to spend it.

The average guy rarely in his dreams allows himself to step over more than one or two steps of the social level, since the life and successes of people who are beyond the visible space reach him as if from another world. Most men have a mental bar, beyond which they do not allow themselves to fantasize until they reach it, but even having reached it, they often calm down on this and reap the fruits of their labors for the rest of their lives.

Large businessmen and politicians are rather an exception to the rule, so there are much fewer of them than holders of small ones. outlets or managers of small industries. The law of the "blind zone" applies here - having reached the level previously set for oneself, most of men ceases to see prospects ahead of him, but begins to ennoble and push the boundaries in breadth, expanding the comfort zone, but not transgressing it.

Amulet from envy

The formation of a protective shell around oneself, through which the corrosive scab of someone else's negativity cannot break through, is a task, rather, of a psycho-emotional plan than a mystical one. However, no one is forbidden to borrow some of the power from the energy space, to which you can connect only by sincerely believing in it. For these purposes, manipulations are intended to create personal talismans.

It is not for nothing that the creation of such a man-made amulet includes many stages. While a person is making an amulet, he tunes in to the frequency of his own intention to get rid of the problem, and as he observes certain rituals, he seems to grow in himself a firm belief that the resulting product will take him under its protection.

First of all, the material is selected from which the amulet from envious people will be made. To make it fit the purpose as much as possible, let it be a tree that suits you according to the Druid horoscope or a stone according to the zodiac relationship. If the material is plastic, runic symbols are applied to it, with the simultaneous pronunciation of a prayer suitable for the occasion (the “algiz” sign is suitable). Then the talisman is sewn into a canvas or leather bag and is constantly worn with oneself, nourished from the body and giving confidence in being protected from bad people.

“Envy was born before us” and will not die with us - so we can continue. So in the fight against this invisible enemy, it is better not to forget that each of us can be on one or the other side of this feeling. This means that not to lose faith in one's own strengths and to perceive other people's achievements as an opportunity for one's own growth is the only real way to defeat the envious person both in oneself and in the person nearby.

Envy- this is an unpleasant feeling of a person, caused by irritation, as well as displeasure from the well-being and achievements of other people. Envy is a constant comparison and desire to possess something intangible or material. An envious feeling is characteristic of all people, regardless of character, nationality, temperament and gender. Conducted sociological research showed that this feeling weakens with age. The age category from 18 to 25 years old is acutely jealous, and closer to 60 years this feeling weakens.

Cause envy

The reasons for this condition: dissatisfaction or need for something, lack of money, need, dissatisfaction with one's own appearance, lack of personal achievement.

Envy and its causes lie in a difficult childhood through the fault of the parents, if the child was not taught to accept himself as he is, if the child did not receive enough unconditional love, but only received praise for fulfilling certain requirements (washing dishes, playing the violin). If the parents scolded the child for any deviation from the rules, using offensive phrases, as well as using physical force. If parents taught their child that poverty, limitations, sacrifice are normal, but being rich is bad. If parents forced to share and did not allow the child to freely dispose of their things, if they pressed with guilt for the achieved happiness, joy, if they taught them to be openly afraid of manifestations of personal happiness in order to avoid the evil eye. If the parents did not give the attitude to expect good things from life, but inspired personal life attitudes, like "it's hard to live" or "life is a big problem."

As a result, a person grows up who does not know how to enjoy life, who has a huge number of complexes, beliefs, self-restraints, norms adopted from parents. An envious feeling instills in someone who is not internally free, who was instilled with self-criticism, sacrifice, who was kept in strictness and was not taught to expect bright and positive things from life. Such a person grows up in limitations and further limits himself, does not give himself freedom, does not allow himself to show joy.

What does envy mean? To envy means to live constantly in a system of comparison and identification. "Better - worse" is the main criterion for comparison. An envious person, comparing himself, begins to realize that he is worse in something else. In fact, these two concepts do not exist by themselves, they live in our heads.

The reason for envy is also explained by the fact that we communicate with ourselves around the clock, and to whom we envy, we observe only a moment. Here contradictions collide: the line own life and flashes of brightness of someone else's life.

Signs of envy

Often, having told someone about personal joy, we feel that they are sincerely not happy with us, although they try to show it.

How to learn to recognize the signs of envy? Sign language will help you recognize and see the signs of envy of your interlocutor. Pay close attention to the face of the interlocutor. A forced smile reflects the dual state of a person. It's easier than ever to fake a smile. A crooked smile of the mouth and the absence of a gleam in the eyes speak of an insincere smile. If you notice the smile of the interlocutor with one mouth, this is an insincere facial expression, but just a mask. An envious smile opens or closes the teeth, may be less wide than usual. At the same time, the lips are tense, the corners of the mouth are often unnaturally stretched. A person is trying with might and main to show joy, while overcoming his own resistance. The smile visually looks like a glued one, living separately from the face, while the corners of the lips are lowered down, the eyes are sharp and attentively observing. A person unconsciously extinguishes his smile. Sometimes a person smiles with only one side, showing more of a smirk than a smile itself. The head is tilted to the side. Such behavior is more likely to be skeptical. Sometimes a person squints his eyes, and holds his hands near his mouth, covering it. Closed postures (hands hidden behind the back, in pockets) indicate a person’s desire to isolate themselves.

The slope of the body also says a lot during a conversation. If a person moves away during a conversation, this indicates that he wants to suspend it, perhaps it is unpleasant for him. The degree of sincerity is determined by the change in the degree of freedom, as well as the amplitude of movements. If the interlocutor is extremely constrained and restrained, then there is a possibility that he is holding back his thoughts and, if possible, does not show them to the interlocutor.

The study of envy

Many people claim that the envious feeling is unfamiliar to them. This is a controversial statement. Philosophers considered envy as a universal human phenomenon, which is noted in destructive functions, as well as in the desire to possess other people's property or to appropriate the achievements of another. Spinoza attributed the envious feeling to displeasure from someone else's happiness. Democritus noted that an envious feeling gives rise to discord among people. Helmut Scheck presented a comprehensive analysis of envy, including the entire socio-psychological and social aspect human behavior. Envy leads to "ego-exhaustion", gives a state of mental fatigue. G. Shek relates it to the disease. Once rooted, this condition becomes incurable.

Research National Institute radiology (NIRS) of Japan revealed that the reaction of the brain during the period of envy is noted in the anterior part of the cingulate gyrus and the same area reacts to pain.

Melanie Klein notes that envy is the opposite of love and that an envious person is uncomfortable seeing pleasure in people. Such a person is good only from the suffering of others.

Christianity classifies an envious feeling as one of the seven deadly sins and compares it with its kindred despondency, but it differs in objectivity and is determined by sorrow for the well-being of one's neighbor. The main cause of envy in Christianity is pride. The proud cannot bear his equals, or those who are superior and in a better position.

Envy is born when the well-being of another arises, and with the cessation of well-being, it ceases. There are the following stages in the development of an envious feeling: inappropriate rivalry, zeal with annoyance, slander against an envious individual. Islam condemns envy in the Quran. According to Islam, Allah created people who feel envious as part of the worldly test, but warned them that they should avoid this feeling. There are tips to prevent the emergence of an envious feeling.

Envy is an ambiguous feeling that stands at the origins of wars and revolutions, shooting arrows of witticisms. This feeling keeps up the vanity and also starts the black flywheel social movements, acting as the wrong side of the cloak of pride.

The study of envy has also discovered another function - stimulating, inducing a person to creative activity. Experiencing an envious feeling, people strive for superiority and make discoveries. The thought of creating something to make everyone jealous often leads to good results. However, the stimulating function is closely related to the destructive activity of a person.

How to protect yourself from envy? To avoid an envious attitude towards themselves, people try to hide the information about their well-being.

There is interesting data: 18% of respondents never tell anyone about their achievements and successes, up to 55.8% of respondents tell others about their successes if they trust their interlocutors.

Some philosophers, as well as sociologists, believe that an envious feeling is very useful for society. Envy breeds modesty. The typical envious person never becomes the one he envyes, and often does not get what he envyes, but modesty provoked by the fear of an envious feeling has an important social significance. Often such modesty is insincere and false and gives people low social status a feeling of illusion, as if they are not forced to arrive in this position.

In the time of Cain and Abel, the envious feeling suffered continuous attacks. Christians attributed it to mortal sins, leading to the death of the soul. John Chrysostom ranked envious people among beasts, demons. And the crowds of preachers, thinkers, public figures attributed health problems, ozone holes, civil wars to the concentration of envy in the blood of earthlings. Only the lazy did not speak negatively against the envious feeling.

How does envy affect a person? In different ways, in some ways it is a useful thing. List of the virtues of envious feeling: competition, competition, survival mechanism, setting records. The lack of envy leads to the fact that a person remains unsuccessful, does not demand justice for himself.

Sheck argues that individuals are unable to heal from envious feelings, and also this feeling does not allow society to fall apart. Envy, in his opinion, is a natural reaction of the individual to. The negative emotions that have arisen towards the object of envy (anger, annoyance, hatred) act defense mechanisms, masking a sense of their own inferiority, while finding flaws in the object of envy, which makes it possible to reduce the significance of the object of envy and reduce stress. If a person realizes that the object of envy is not to blame for him, then aggression unfolds inside the envious person, while transforming into an emotion of guilt.

G. H. Seidler believes that an envious feeling leads to emotional experiences that are difficult to bear (despair). The envious person is characterized by the presence of shame - this is a discrepancy with the ideal Self and the result of self-reflection. The emotion of envy has physiological manifestations: a person turns pale or yellow, blood pressure rises.

Types of envy

Envy can be characterized by such epithets: caustic, hostile, burning, fierce, cruel, hidden, malicious, evil, harmless, good, respectful, powerless, ferocious, wild, inexpressible, incredible, strong, painful, limitless, light, unrestrained, limitless, deep, involuntary, sharp, unsatisfied, simple, jealous, slavish, timid, terrible, deadly, secret, quiet, frank, humiliating, cunning, black, cold, white, omnipotent, aching, salieric, satanic.

M. Scheler investigated impotent envy. This is a terrible kind of envy. It is directed against the individual as well as the essential being of the unknown individual, it is existential envy.

Types of envy: short-term (situational or envy-emotion) - victory in competitions, long-term (envy-feeling) - a single woman envies a successful married woman, and an envious colleague a successful employee.

Bacon identified two types of envy: private and public. The public form should not be ashamed or hidden, unlike the secret (private).

Feelings of envy

Envy is a complex feeling that arises in the process of comparison. It is a mixture of irritation, resentment, aggression, bitterness. An envious feeling arises when comparing one's health, oneself, one's appearance, position in society, abilities, one's successes with those people who undeservedly and deservedly have more. Frequent envy causes stress, wearing out nervous system. The psyche connects the safety algorithm and causes contempt for the object of envy.

Envy gnaws and discontent grows if someone has something that is desirable for the individual. Dissatisfaction with the luck of another individual is expressed in hostility towards him. In some cases, annoyance, depression due to the alleged inferiority of oneself, a thirst for the missing property is manifested. Due to the fact that the desired object is often unattainable, the envious feeling is resolved through the rejection of desires, as well as the acceptance of reality.

The feeling of envy is conditionally divided into black and white. In the first case, it is marked by a conscious desire for indirect or direct harm to the individual we envy. Religions do not share the feeling of envy, referring it to mortal sins. There is another side to this feeling, pushing for personal achievement, being an incentive for progress.

Psychology of envy

Human envy is manifested in a feeling of annoyance and irritation, hostility and hostility, caused by the success, well-being, superiority of another person. An envious person attributes the object of his envy to the winner, and considers himself the loser. No reasonable arguments are able to stop negative emotions. Human envy turns someone else's success into their own inferiority, someone else's joy provokes their own annoyance and discontent.

Human envy forces the individual to experience a bouquet negative emotions: ill will, resentment, anger, aggression. The manifestation of white envy allows you to rejoice at the success of others.

The psychology of envy and its occurrence is associated with several theories. The first relates this feeling to innate, genetically laid down and inherited by us as a result of evolution from our ancestors. It is believed that human envy primitive society was the impetus for self-improvement. Men's envy pushed them to improve their fishing gear, weapons, and women's to attract men through constant adornment of themselves.

Teenage envy

Teenage envy can be directed to a variety of attributes: talent, physical strength, height, hair color, physique, possession of gadgets. Adults should be sympathetic to teenage envy, which is exacerbated during this period. You should not immediately respond to all the requests of a teenager and satisfy his desires, thus pleasing. The mistake of parents is that they immediately acquire the desired thing, brushing off the problem, and the next time the situation repeats itself and the envious feeling takes root, turning into a habit.

None of us is born envious; in the process of life, this feeling develops. When adults give an example of a more successful peer, they thereby cultivate their own embittered envious person, and do not create healthy competition. Never resort to such comparisons. In each such case, the child will have an envious feeling that will turn into irritation. The teenager will experience his inferiority, and also hang on himself the hated label of a loser. The world of the child will be perceived in a distorted reality, and comparison with other adolescents will become dominant.

How to overcome envy? The task of parents is to help the teenager to assert himself, as well as to determine his personal position in life. Explain to the child that an envious feeling first of all harms with its experiences. These experiences are reflected not only in the psyche of a teenager, but also in physical condition. Envy must be treated as personal enemy and not give the opportunity to win over yourself.

Knowing the reasons and reasons that provoke an envious feeling, and this is someone else's wealth, the beauty of another person, good health, wealth, talent, intelligence, you can prepare yourself to meet this. It is necessary for yourself to identify personal achievements, talents, in no case compare yourself with others. A person is imperfect, so the smart ones tend to be content with what they have and what they themselves can achieve, and we will always be envious a little. If in early age to convey to the child all these simple truths, then the teenager will grow up happy and free. Therefore, it is important to help children decide in time by making the right choice. Parents should prove this by personal example and in no case should discuss with him enviously the success of relatives, as well as neighbors.

How does envy affect a person? An envious feeling acts as a means of manipulation and is a danger to the weak in spirit. Such individuals will go to any lengths to achieve what they want. Envy is similar to anger, but anger, having become active, splashes out, and the envious feeling lurks and destroys a person from the inside. The envious feeling, condemned by society, must also be condemned by the person himself. That is the only way to get rid of it. A teenager must independently learn to recognize an envious feeling that he tries to win over to his side, thereby destroying relationships with friends, making him joyless, gloomy.

A common theory is that it notes the emergence of envy in a person in the process social life. This theory is of the opinion that envious feeling is a consequence of the wrong upbringing of the child, which arises when compared with other children.

How to get rid of envy

Your life should include control and introspection. Control your own emotions, thoughts, negative desires. As soon as the first signs of envy appear, try to understand yourself, look for the roots of this feeling. Try to figure out what you really want for yourself. There is nothing wrong with this. Think about what you lack for this and, for example, increase your productivity, become punctual, engage in self-development, and you will achieve the same success as your object of envy. If your envious feeling is destructive, and you want a person to lose something, then ask yourself, what will it give me? Envious people are often unaware of the existing problems of those they envy. Don't judge a person's well-being by outward signs because it visible side someone else's life, often imaginary.

How to get rid of envy? Focusing on your affairs and life will allow you to switch from an envious feeling. Stop thinking about other people's virtues and successes, don't compare yourself, think about your own uniqueness. Think about how to become the first in your favorite business. Engage in self-development and. Sudden attacks of envy will leave you if you engage in meditation,. Offended by fate and envious, we thereby save Bad mood. We make mistakes in life, complicate our lives. To break out of the vicious circle will help to cultivate a sense of gratitude for what we have. Appreciate what you have.

Get rid of someone else's envy following tips: do not share success with envious people, ask for help from the envious, this will disarm them, enter into their confidence, do not stoop to a showdown with an open envious feeling. Distance yourself from the envious person and do not make contact with him.

“I remember the song from the movie “Dog in the Manger”: “Affectionate - therefore, Velcro. He keeps himself strictly - that means a snarky one. This is an illustration of how we are trying to deal with this strong, complex emotion. It is not without reason that the epithets “caustic”, “burning”, “painful”, “sharp”, “terrible” coexist with her, Irina Gross reflects. - In fact, envy is pain that arises in response to the happiness, joy, success of another. He has something and I don't. This unpleasant feeling is accompanied by anxiety, annoyance, gloating, a sense of injustice. She has many shades and impurities.

The nature of envy

This feeling is born from an unconscious need to get something, to own something. It seems to a person that this is impossible, and he finds a way out - to “devalue” the other: “With such and such dimensions, he, of course, needs a big jeep”, “Just think, the model has dressed up. Empty!

Comparing oneself with the object of envy, a person feels that he is losing, experiences pain from failure and dissatisfaction. Envy relieves this pain, covers it, soothes: “It’s not me who is a loser, it’s something wrong with them.” A threat to self-esteem (“I don’t have a jeep”, “I’m not a model myself”) forces us to defend ourselves as best we can.

The question of the origin of envy remains open. Are animals jealous? Does this feeling have evolutionary and genetic prerequisites? “In my opinion, envy is rather a social phenomenon, it can be observed in children from about two years old,” explains Irina Gross. - It occurs during social interaction". There is no object of envy - there is no envy itself.

Sooner or later, children are faced with the first assessments addressed to them. As a rule, they come from the closest, from indisputable authorities - parents. “Imagine two brothers. They are constantly compared, set as an example to each other. The younger one is praised, the older one is scolded. How does someone who gets a bad grade feel? The question is rhetorical.

Comparison in the family and unequal attitude towards children - "black soil" for growing envy

Usually we do not envy those who are far away, out of reach: idols, idols. Grievance is directed at those who are close, who can be seen: neighbors, friends, relatives, colleagues. Novels have been written about envy between siblings. Fairy tales are composed about the envy of an aging mother for a young daughter.

“I once observed such a picture in the sandbox. My daughter collected sand in a bucket, poured it on her head and laughed with pleasure all over the site. The children began to come up and repeat after her - not because they wanted to be in the sand, but to also experience such joy, - the expert recalls. - Often we envy what is considered "cool", associated with pleasant emotions, although in fact we may not need it. For example, a luxury yacht - we can envy its owner, but if you think about it, why do we need it?

The world is unfair and social inequality- a reliable foundation for envy. Someone was born in a prosperous wealthy family, and someone - in a family of alcoholics. It is difficult to look indifferently at a peer whose parents provided comfortable conditions for development. How does he deal with it? “Well, well, put up a photo with new car, scored "likes", could have been more modest.

Someone else's boasting often provokes envy. Today, this topic is becoming more and more relevant thanks to social networks. Many post "documentary evidence" of their successes and merits for precisely this purpose - to be envied.

Protection from envious people

Why are we unpleasant and even afraid when we are envied? What if the envious person is a colleague, relative, friend or even spouse? When should you be alert and take action?

“We are afraid of losing what we have. The more we have, the more we fear. And this fear is justified: there are many cases when envious people take revenge, douse with acid, gossip, slander, ”reminds Irina Gross.

Tell us about your feelings, find out what exactly your loved one is jealous of

One way out of the situation is to give yourself the right to make mistakes, remove yourself from the pedestal, add self-irony to your arsenal, limit communication with envious people and take responsibility for your life.

If relatives with whom it is important to maintain a relationship are jealous, talk frankly with them. Do not lash out with accusations: tell about your feelings, find out what exactly your loved one is jealous of. Tell us about the other side of your success. Also, think about whether you are provoking envy yourself. In this case, it is worth demonstrating your achievements less and showing off your successes in the presence of this person.

One is poison, the other is a resource

What is envy for? Does it have a resource for the envious and can it be used for peaceful purposes? This emotion helps to realize one's own needs, desires and aspirations. “If I envy someone, this is a reason to ask myself questions: what do I envy, what prevents me from getting what I want,” says Irina Gross.

Envy comes in many colors and flavors. Some of its types destroy us, others stimulate competition and push for new achievements. When destructive envy seizes us - let's call it black- we are ready to destroy, to wipe out the object that causes pain from the face of the earth. The trouble of another is a reason for joy. This feeling is dangerous not only for the object of envy, but also for the envious person himself. He is engulfed in hatred, negativity, all his attention is focused not on himself, but on something else. At such moments we literally able to harm the object of envy.

Meets green envy: an envious person cannot live in peace if someone has more material wealth. It is not as destructive as black, but the envious person is in a “swamp”, where there is no movement, no change.

White(constructive) envy speaks of joy for other people's success, of admiration. In this case, the desire to harm does not arise.

Envy can be turned into a springboard for personal growth

Bright envy is open, it is released and does not eat away from the inside. More dangerously dark, hidden: the envious person is engaged in self-digging, trying on the role of the victim, or actively following the object of envy, discussing, commenting. This is especially noticeable on social media.

Constructive envy sounds like this: “I want, like you, teach me!” The destructive one says: "You have no right to be better than me, you stole my success!" “In order for it to turn from a destructive emotion into a constructive one, you need to become aware of your own feelings, take responsibility for your life, and confess your fear of realizing dreams. Finally, we need to start putting them into practice.”

About the expert

Clinical psychologist, specialist in transactional analysis and gestalt therapy. More details on her website.

Many people cannot be happy for other people's successes. At such moments, an unkind feeling arises in their soul, called black envy. The energy of the envious negatively affects your success, but it can also be blocked.

For many people, envy has become a habitual feeling. Envious people cannot rejoice at the successes and victories of others. Not a single person is immune both from the appearance of such an envious person, and from his negative energy, up to the evil eye. According to psychologists and bioenergy specialists, the feeling of envy can be really dangerous. Sometimes we do not notice that even in our close circle there may be a lot of envious people hiding. That is why it is necessary to find out how black depends on those who are envied.

Why black envy arises

Each of us at least once in a lifetime had a feeling of envy. Psychologists divide this emotional feeling into constructive and destructive.

Constructive or "white" envy does not make a person angry or offended by someone who is much more fortunate than him. In this case, the very feeling of envy pushes us to improve our vital signs. At such moments, each of us has a desire to achieve great success, to find what we want, or at least to be on the same level with successful people.

Black envy is one of the negative feelings. It occurs when a person is not able to enjoy other people's successes, and even wants to harm him. From an energetic point of view, its influence is similar to the evil eye or unconscious damage. It generates negative feelings and emotions, the influence of which destroys our energy field.

What are the causes of black envy

main reason the appearance of black envy - low self-esteem. When a person notices that others are trying and can achieve heights, the envious person has a feeling that his talents, appearance or mental abilities are far from ideal. The unwillingness to develop and strive to achieve their goals makes a person completely disappointed in his own life. In this case, a person needs to stop analyzing someone else's life, and do it as soon as possible.

Sometimes the causes of envy lie in childhood. If parents often scold a child because of poor grades and set him an example of excellent students, over time he has an opinion that classmates are much smarter than him. In this regard, he has complexes. Which make themselves felt already at a more conscious age. Remembering pictures of childhood, a person will constantly think that his friends or colleagues can achieve more only thanks to mental abilities. In the aftermath of which arises black envy.

When a person is envious, on a subconscious level, he compares himself with someone who is much more fortunate, the comparison criterion is the concepts of “worse” and “better”. If someone is more fortunate than an envious person, the realization comes to him that he is, in some way, worse than the other. However, this criterion does not matter, it is just present in your head.

The influence of black envy on a person

According to psychology, envy is a manifestation of weakness and self-doubt. In all religions of the world, this feeling was attributed to the number of mortal sins. Bioenergy specialists of the website site claim that it is it that destroys the energy field and blocks the flow of health of a person who is envied.

Talking about their successes to others, many people do not realize what human envy is capable of. You can notice the influence of black envy very quickly. First of all, it blocks financial flows, scares away luck and attracts trouble. This means that soon you will be haunted by failures in business, at work, worsen financial position and there might be serious problems. That is why you should not brag about your successes in life in front of others. This is especially true of the female representatives, who will not miss the moment to tell their friends about meeting a man, a romantic date or an upcoming wedding. Perhaps you can see the forced smile of your friends and their fake joy, but this can turn into a real collapse of female happiness for you.

The manifestation of envy can also affect your health. You may notice a breakdown, blues, a sharp decrease in working capacity. When black envy does not come from one, but from several people at once, more serious diseases may occur.

Not only external factors, but our internal qualities can also affect the state of health. Some character traits not only repel others, but also lead to serious illness. To avoid unpleasant consequences, try to get rid of them as soon as possible. We wish you happiness and good luck and do not forget to press the buttons and