How to let go of past experiences and live happily? How to Forget the Past and Live in the Present

There are several effective ways Set yourself up to live in the present and forget the past. First, be honest with yourself and analyze why the situation bothers you. long time. You may feel guilty and unable to let go of past events. In this case, it is better to take a piece of paper and clearly write down all the negative events that you still care about. After that, burn what is written or tear it into small pieces. So you can let go of a number of situations psychologically.

Setting to present

You must set yourself up for what your life is priceless gift, and time is running out with every minute with incredible speed. Existence here and now will bring you positive emotions only in the case of full awareness of the importance of the moment. If you start to return to the problems of the past again, then think about how relevant this will be for 5 years from now. Will you focus on what you are torturing yourself with at the moment?

The Right Motivation

When a person's thought about the past becomes an obsession, then, as a rule, this means the position of the victim. Misunderstanding, resentment, disappointment, painful perception of reality - all this is associated with the actions of other people. Experiencing such sensations, you automatically set yourself up for life in the past. Let go of people and situations that are negative. Accept the idea that only you are responsible for your actions, life and relationships with other people. As a result, you will come to the conclusion that life exists only here and now. The past is a segment that cannot be returned, and the future is unknown. Accordingly, worrying about these periods of life does not make any sense.

The urge to cling to the past can be overwhelming, especially if strong pain or trauma haunts you from personal past experience. But letting go of your past is good for you, and it's extremely important if you want to get the most out of your life right now. Here are some tips for letting go of the past and moving on.

Steps

Let go under any circumstances

Meditate and pray. A calm, balanced mind is an absolute must when you let go of past pain. Any source of pain will carry a strong emotional response, especially if that pain has been inflicted for a long time. Meditation can bring your mind to a more emotionally stable state, and prayer can focus your mind and soul on something bigger than your pain.

Take a step back and be objective. When you really think about a past incident that is dragging you down, try to think about it from an outsider's point of view rather than your own. A person can define himself in relation to what happened in the past, but a stranger without knowledge of your past will view you more objectively.

• If you're haunted by something that happened back in high school and you're in your 20s, many if not most of the people in your social circle today may not even know you then. They don't see you as a teenager; they only see the real you, and if they are your friends, they will accept you for who you are.

1. Accept what happened. You can hide the painful past and pretend it doesn't exist, but contrary to what you might think, ignoring or denying the past will prevent you from letting it go. When you need to spend energy fighting the past, you give it the power of your attention.

   • You may have wasted years in a miserable or degrading job, or you may regret early relationships and decisions made during those relationships. Instead of worrying about how others might react if they knew your story, come to the conclusion that it happened and that you are a different person now. Everyone who is worthy to be around will accept the present you, and not pit your past against you.

2. Fix yourself in the present and look to the future. Let go of your past after you learn to accept its existence. The only time that really exists is the present, so you must focus on living in the present as best you can. However, looking to the future can give you the motivation to move forward.

   Be grateful. Even if your past is dark enough to overshadow your present, there are usually at least a few things a person can be grateful for. When you feel tempted to focus on your negative past, shift your focus and consciously think of things you can be grateful for.

   • If you've ever suffered from an eating disorder or been involved in some other form of self-harm, for example, think about something that will get you back on track and how grateful you can be for that influence. Also consider what kind of person you have become now, having gone through this dark period of your life.

3. Tell yourself to get well. When past pain is strong enough, you may be tempted to think that you will never be able to heal from it. Instead of telling yourself, "My heart will never be healed," say to yourself, "All pain dulls and goes away with time." Even if you don't believe in the latter at first, after repeating it to yourself often enough, the idea may change direction.

   • You may never fully recover from the loss of a loved one or the pain of betrayal, but when you accept the idea that you are allowed to heal and move on, some level of healing can still happen.

4. Get rid of fear. If your past pain has created some fear of a certain circumstance or part of life, work actively to counter that fear and push it back. After all, your memories of the past are not the problem. The real problem is how these memories affect your present and future.

   • If you missed the main main goal or relationships in the past, don't tell yourself that you will fail in something similar in the future. The past is the past, and just because you haven't been able to do something doesn't automatically mean you won't be able to do it again.

5. Remove blocks. You might not be able to define the consequences of your past as "fear," but any negative feeling that stems from your past is an obstacle to your future. Disarm this weapon that you use against yourself, and the path ahead will be clear and easy to travel. .

   • If you don't trust people after betraying a friend or relative, work on ways to get yourself back into the world and interact with people again. Invest your trust wisely to avoid needless pain, but don't close yourself off from people completely.

6. Start small. You don't have to defeat your past all at once. A small step forward can be as significant as a giant leap forward in faith, if not more so. Returning yourself to a healthy state of life can help positive habits take root.

   • If big car accident left the feeling of anxiety when staying in the car, slowly start sitting in the car for a while while it is parked. After that, go on a short trip for a short distance. Slowly work on this problem until you feel comfortable being in a car for a long drive somewhere.

   Let go of past failures, mistakes and regrets

   1. Forgive yourself. If you look at your past with serious feeling regret or disappointment in yourself, the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself for what happened.

      • You might think that this is easier said than done, and you would be right. However, telling yourself that the mistakes of your past should not reflect who you are at present is an integral part of letting go.

   2. Believe in yourself. Past failure can damage your self-confidence and make it hard for you to believe that you are capable of doing anything worthwhile now or in the future. You must remind yourself of the abilities you have in order to regain lost trust and learn to believe in yourself and your dreams again.

      • If you have experienced a major setback or setback in one area of ​​your life, remind yourself of other times you have succeeded in that same area. If nothing comes to mind, think of other areas of your life where you may have struggled in the past and now excel.

   3. Use regrets as fuel for the future. If past regret is strong enough, you can use it to improve yourself as a person. Tell yourself that you will never make the same mistake again and set your sights on a future where the past has been overcome for the better.

      • Basically, it all comes down to learning from your mistakes. Some of the most effective lessons are those learned from big mistakes or failures. Instead of feeling shame, pain or fear about your past, analyze it calmly and figure out how to respond to similar situations in the future in a better way.

   4. Think of the worst results. Past results may be bad, but there is often the possibility that a bad situation will get worse. Think about what these various worst outcomes could be - that way you can learn to appreciate how things really turned out.

      • For example, if in the past a blunder caused a major project to be delayed at work, think about what might have happened if the bug hadn't been caught and the project had failed completely, or what would have happened if your supervisor had decided to demote or fire you. for a mistake.

   5. Look for hidden benefits. In many cases, even bad and unpleasant events can lead to unpredictable consequences that may actually be somewhat good.

      • Maybe a huge misfortune led you to another, the best way, or maybe a major mistake strengthened the relationships in your life that you used to help you deal with the situation. If a failed romance helped you strengthen the bond between you and the relative or friend you lost touch with, there could be a hidden benefit.

   6. Consider the big picture. Your failures may seem huge to you, but in the rich palette of life, they may actually amount to little. Think about how your mistakes and regrets compare to life on a larger scale.

   Let go of past friendships and relationships

   1. Acknowledge your feelings. If you still love the person who hurt you and left you, or if you feel very bad about the person who is still in your life, you must acknowledge these feelings to yourself. Before moving on, you must understand what, in fact, you are trying to move away from.

      • Realize that it's normal for feelings of love to linger after the end of a relationship. Love is strong emotion, eventually.
      • Anger is also completely natural, so you can feel angry and not be a bad person because of this. Anger is bad once it becomes an obsession that leads to destruction.

   2. Push yourself into the present. While you can and should acknowledge the past, you must remain in the present. Whenever you lean into the past, you must push yourself into the present by intervening in the current activity that requires your attention.

      • It can be anything from hanging out with friends to relaxing on the couch with a good book. As long as the activity allows you to focus on the present and does not threaten you in any way, this is probably what you need.

What we spend our energy on - both positive and negative - accumulates over time. If you dwell on pain, regrets, and guilt, they will continue to haunt you. If you focus on happiness and joy, you will notice that there are more of them in your life.

You must have had situations in your life when you tried to get rid of stress, but as a result, you started to get even more nervous. Or they wanted to calm down, but found even more reasons to worry.

The same thing happens when we try to let go of the past. Until we turn our attention completely to something else, we will continue to suffer from painful memories.

accept reality

Do not deny or push away painful memories. You can't focus on a problem and find a solution. Because the solution is always not where the problem is.

Try to switch. To do this, first accept reality. Don't argue with your thoughts and feelings. Don't resist. Don't push them away. Instead, let them exist.

For example, to come to terms with your guilt, tell yourself: “Yes, I am guilty.” If you can't forgive someone you've been wronged, say, "Yes, I can't forgive that person."

That doesn't mean it's all true. It's just a way to control negative thoughts and emotions so they don't control you. By agreeing with them, you stop the fight. And if there is nothing more to argue about, then negative thoughts and memories lose their power. 1:0 in your favor.

Let something new into your life

Change always causes fear, especially when we do not imagine what lies ahead for us. This is one of the reasons why we cling to painful memories so much. After all, they symbolize that habitual and familiar, from which we are afraid to refuse.

To prevent this from happening, try to imagine as carefully as possible what will happen in the future. Instead of pushing away unwanted emotions, let positive ones into your life.

Focus on your desires

Mentally scrolling through our mistakes, dwelling on the past, we only get upset. This not only darkens the future, but also makes the present bleak.

Stop pushing away painful memories and accept reality. Say yes to worry, guilt, and other negative thoughts. So you can free yourself from their influence.

Then imagine how you would like your life to be. Focus on your desires, not on the past.

But it's one thing to occasionally nostalgic for bygone years, and quite another to live in the past. Colombian writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez once said, "Don't cry, because it's over. Smile because it was." But it's easy to say "don't cry and smile" if there is nothing attractive in the present! For example, if personal life did not work out, but “after all, twenty years ago I did not know the end of the suitors!”. Or if there was a family before, but not now. The stronger the contrast between the beautiful past and the dull present, the more you want to escape into the past. At least mentally.

Briefly immersing ourselves in happy memories is beneficial: we feel young, healthy and happy again. And we enjoy it. However, it is dangerous to be “stuck” in the past forever, because the longer you live in a world of dreams and illusions, the less you appreciate real life. Instead of seeing the advantages of today (and they certainly are!), You notice only the disadvantages: “In our time, people were kinder” (gardens are more magnificent, clothes are more beautiful, fountains are bluer). If you do not get out of a minor mood, the matter may end in depression, and the present will seem even more gloomy.

Therefore, you can not "escape" to the past too often. They took out a mental "book of memories", leafed through their favorite pages - and put them back on the shelf. You have something to remember, and it's wonderful. However, one should not idealize the past - then, too, there were problems and worries. Just over time, the bad is forgotten, and the good is remembered. But real life can also give you a lot of joy! However, first you need to learn to live in the present. Here are some tips.

Goodbye nostalgia! How to love the present

Arrange a holiday for yourself: Go visit, or better yet, invite your friends over. Holiday chores will pull you out of the captivity of memories.

Concentrate on what you are doing. For example, if you are baking a cake, feel the joy of this moment: the warmth of the hearth, the smell of cinnamon, the happy faces of children and grandchildren. Are you walking in the forest? Take a break from thoughts about the past - be "here and now": listen to the birds singing, the rustling of grass, feel the breath of the wind.

Forgive yourself. People tend to analyze their lives, including negative events. From the height of past years, it seems that one could have acted differently: “If I had been more tolerant, my husband would not have left”, “If I had not yelled at the boss, now I would work in good location". But what is the point of constantly torturing yourself with these “if only”? You can't roll your life back. All you can do is work on the mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future. And torturing yourself in vain is the path to neurosis. The only way say goodbye to regrets about your actions - forgive yourself and others. Let go of the past and it will let you go.

Stop lying on the couch all day, indulging in nostalgia. Simple household chores (cleaning, shopping), talking on the phone or walking with friends will help you move to the present.

Realize old dreams: learn to drive a car, sign up for courses foreign languages, go to theaters, museums. First of all, new experience- it's always interesting. Secondly, it is useful: unusual activity stimulates mental abilities. In addition, by concentrating on learning new things, you are concentrating on the present. Thirdly, new knowledge may be useful to you in the future. Perhaps your finest hour more to come!

First Reader

Vladimir Lyovkin:

“We need to try to create for ourselves such a present in which there is no place for negative thoughts. Find yourself some new occupation, hobby and devote everything to it free time. Then there will simply be no time to indulge in unpleasant memories.