A woman raising a surrogate grandson is looking for a new grandmother for him. The grandmother gave birth to her granddaughter. Because she loved her daughter very much. With her grandmother, best friends.

Surrogacy. There is an opinion that such methods of solving the problem of infertility are unnatural. On the other hand, is it more natural to remain a childless woman all her life? The doctor of medical and theological sciences, head of the Society of Orthodox Doctors of St. Petersburg, rector of the Church of the Icon reflects on this topic Mother of God"Sovereign" Archpriest Sergiy FILIMONOV.

A good deed will not be called a surrogate

A good deed will not be called a surrogate. After all, what is a surrogate? Surrogate (lat. surrogatus - put in place of another) - a substitute that has only some of the properties of the replaced item; forgery, falsification. The Council of Bishops in 2000 examined the issue of surrogate motherhood and clearly determined that the ROC does not accept surrogacy, since such a solution to the issue of infertility is completely unnatural and sinful. Why? Let's figure it out.

The first option of surrogate motherhood. The wife's egg and the husband's sperm are taken, and the baby is carried in the womb of an outside woman. It turns out that the husband is the same as having sinned with a strange woman, simply speaking, he is a bigamist...

Second option. If the husband is infertile, his wife's egg is taken, the donor sperm of other men, and all this is planted in the womb of a certain woman. It turns out that genetically it is generally an alien child, grown in an alien organism. And if we trace such surrogate motherhood along the chain, then it is possible that a child has three fathers and two mothers at the same time ... Then who are his biological parents? - the one who endured it, or whose biological material it carries in itself? After all, he also carries the genetic information of his surrogate mother, since he feeds through her blood. It turns out a terrible incest, in which up to five people can take part.

Third option. If a woman is infertile, then the sperm of her husband and the egg of a surrogate mother are used. And it turns out that the husband has a child from his mistress. That is, the very appearance of a child is sinful, he is illegitimate. By the way, this method was resorted to even before the revolution. A barren wife sent her husband to a healthy young girl. The girl conceived, and then the born child was ransomed. But how many cases are known that men then abandoned their wives and married a woman who bore them a child. Consequently, families collapsed, and this is a sin.

It is necessary to take into account the psychological moment. A lot is known litigation when a surrogate mother does not want to part with her child. According to the law, he is taken away by force, and the woman begins to nervous disorders, because the child that she managed to love was taken away from her: from the moment of conception until the moment of birth, the child is fixed in her mind as her own.

Fourth moment. Surrogacy increases the risk of mixing genetic material. After all, it is impossible to find out if your chosen one (groom, bride) is a blood relative. A child born to a surrogate mother can marry or marry the child of his or her surrogate mother or a child born to the same biological donor father. In fact, brother and sister get married. As a result, physical and spiritual freaks can be born. It is not for nothing that the Church observes the rule of inadmissibility of marriage between blood relatives.

Take the breviary of Metropolitan Peter Mohyla: half of the breviary is devoted to schemes and calculations of blood relationship, so that, God forbid, this blood crossing does not happen anywhere. It was the 15th century, but even then they already knew that incest leads to the degeneration of the nation. For example, the former Samaritan peoples who lived in Israel. Now there are about 200 of them left, because they have developed incest and incest. So life itself has shown how the degeneration of incest is going. Here in Old Testament we read about the daughters of Lot: "And the elder said to the younger: therefore, let us give our father wine to drink, and sleep with him, and raise up from our father the tribe ... And both daughters of Lot became pregnant from their father" (Gen.19.31,32,36 ). But even there it is already said about the dangers of this. Alas, now one often has to deal with the fact that cousins ​​marry cousins, uncles marry nieces. But if a couple comes to get married, the priest first of all asks: are the bride and groom related? And if it turns out that they are blood relatives, they are denied a wedding.

Fifth moment. Not so long ago in Brazil there was a nightmarish incident. The woman could not give birth to a child, and then her mother took the genetic material of her daughter's husband and became a surrogate mother. It turns out as if the son-in-law sinned with his mother-in-law. And the question is: who is this child for her - a granddaughter or a daughter? And the child himself gets two mothers, one of whom is also a grandmother ... Absurd! Therefore, of course, the Church cannot bless the incestuous methods of resolving infertility.

In addition, surrogacy is performed for money, the subject of sale is a person, which is a crime in itself.

Childlessness is a cure for evil

“But is it natural for a woman to remain an empty color?”

- Holy Scripture says that this is just completely natural. Remember the words of the Apostle Paul: "To the unmarried and to the widows I say: it is good for them to remain like me; But if they cannot abstain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to be inflamed" (1 Corinthians 7:8,9). But the first is higher than the second. If a woman remains childless or has lost her husband, this must be accepted as a life cross, which is saving for this particular woman. St. Nicholas of Serbia in his "Thoughts on Good and Evil" has golden words: "God is just in relation to every person, knowing the properties of the fog covering his soul. He puts everyone in such a life position in which that fog can most easily be dispersed by the light. humble life so that the soul would become accustomed to humility and thus be cured of threatening pride. If that fog represents self-love, God will put you in a position in which there are more opportunities to sacrifice yourself for the good of other people. If the soul is prone to despair, God will place it in an environment of the most intense work, where it is difficult to give way to despair. If a soul is born with a propensity for carnal lust, God will put it in a position in which lust cannot be easily satisfied. "That is why it so often seems in this world that no one is in the right place. And the Lord offers His blessed medicines for every created soul Therefore, childlessness is not evil, but the position in which the Lord puts a person to heal from his inner evil.But if people show dissatisfaction with what God intended for them, they repeat Adam's sin of disobedience.

But after all, the husband will leave a childless woman, i.e. commit a sin, destroying the family. He will look for someone who can bear him children. And the abandoned wife - what? Should one age cuckoo?

It is in such a situation that human loyalty and love are tested. And if the spouses are married, this test will prove their humility and hope in God. Therefore, the Council of Bishops says that spouses should accept childlessness as a life cross and take care of adopting someone else's child ... For example, parents died in a car accident, a child was orphaned. Then the Lord allows that a certain family will not have their own children, but will accept an orphaned child. By the way, I know many cases when a married couple, having adopted a child, after a while gave birth to their own. This is a gift from the Lord for their mercy.

- But it also happens that after the birth of a native child, an adopted child becomes superfluous, interferes and annoys.

- Yes, in non-church families, it happens that they take for adoption only in order to expand the living space, or as a free nanny for their children. Yes, and they get good money every month for foster children ... But such cases do not happen often, and we are not talking about such people now. On the other hand, cases when the Lord rewarded people with his own abundant offspring for the adoption of an orphan are not uncommon. This is the way people should be educated. And then in our country there will be no abandoned children and there will be no families left where children's laughter is not heard, little feet are not stamped, the words "mother" and "dad" are not heard.

Questions were asked by Irina RUBTSOVA

http://pravpiter.ru/pspb/n194/ta012.htm

Surrogacy is not necessarily selling yourself as an "incubator" for the sake of receiving an impressive fee. There are cases when grandmothers become surrogate mothers for their daughters, who for one reason or another are unable to bear a child. Thus, these women simultaneously become children and mothers and grandmothers.

In 2013 Ukrainian Anna Shulga at the age of 55 endured and gave birth to twin boys for her daughter, who became barren as a result of the operation. Anna's daughter, Irina, has son Artyom, but during the second pregnancy, Irina suffered a serious illness, and the pregnancy had to be terminated. As a result of the operation, Irina lost the ability to become a mother, and painfully experienced this. At that moment, Irina's mother decided to come to her daughter's aid. With the help of in vitro fertilization, Anna was able to become pregnant and carry two babies at once, biologically being their grandmother. The pregnancy was difficult - towards the end of the term, it was already difficult for Anna to walk, and she went to the hospital for preservation. She even had to move around the department with the help of crutches. Fortunately, the pregnancy ended successfully with the birth of two beautiful babies.

The first case of such an unusual birth occurred in South Africa in 1987. 48 year old Pat Anthony gave birth to healthy triplets for her own 25-year-old daughter, Karen Ferreira-Jorge, who was her only child. Karen already had one son, but due to the removal of the uterus during the first birth, she could no longer become a mother. Pat Anthony became the first grandmother in the world to give birth to her own grandchildren. Since then, other grandmothers have appeared, following the example of Pat Anthony.

In 2008 three girls at once for own daughter gave birth 56-year-old American Jaci Dahlenberg, who, before this unusual pregnancy, had already managed to become a mother for four daughters. The first two IVF attempts were unsuccessful, but the third one immediately brought a triple result.

In the same year 61-year-old Japanese woman gave birth to her own grandson, becoming the oldest surrogate mother-relative at that time, who safely endured and gave birth to a child. Her 34-year-old daughter lost the opportunity to become a mother due to surgery to remove the uterus.

In 2006 in that Japan 55 year old grandmother carried the child of her daughter.

In 2011, a 61-year-old American from Illinois became a surrogate mother for her own daughter. Christine Casey had already given birth and raised three children of her own, and was not going to become a mother again. However, after her daughter despaired of becoming a mother after several miscarriages, Christine made the decision to become a surrogate mother for her daughter, Sarah Connell, and son-in-law, Bill. After the first IVF attempt, Christine gave birth to her own grandson.

In August 2012, she became a surrogate mother for her own 25-year-old daughter. 49-year-old Linda Sirua from Maine, USA. Her daughter could not become a mother due to heart problems. Linda safely endured and gave birth to her own grandson.

There were similar cases in Russia too. So, in 2011, a 50-year-old Russian woman gave birth to a girl for her 23-year-old daughter.

In 2016 in the UK A 45-year-old grandmother carried a child for her own daughter, who lost the opportunity to give birth on her own at 18 as a result of cervical cancer. The boy was named Jack.

54 year old Tracey Thompson became a surrogate mother for her daughter, enduring pregnancy and giving birth to her own granddaughter through caesarean section. The young couple was treated for infertility for 3 years. Three IVF attempts ended in failure, and then the grandmother offered herself as a surrogate mother, despite the fact that she had been in menopause for several years.

Children from dead fathers

In 2006 Yekaterinburg resident Ekaterina Zakharova used the services of a surrogate mother to get a grandson from her son Andrei, who died 9 years earlier from cancer. His sperm was stored in Israel, in a clinic where he underwent treatment, unfortunately, without success. The egg was a donor from an outside woman, because. ex girlfriend Andrea refused to participate. But the grandmother had problems with the registration of the child.

In 2010, a resident of St. Petersburg Natalia Klimova a surrogate grandson Yegor appeared. Now Yegorka calls Natalia Klimova mother, and in the birth certificate of the child, the 50-year-old resident of St. Petersburg is officially recorded as his mother. In the column "father" there is a dash. Although it is known that the biological father of the child is the son of Klimova Artem. Yegorka was born a year after his death. The surrogate mother endured and gave birth to the boy, and the anonymous egg donor became the baby's biological mother. Difficulties arose with its registration, which were resolved through the court. And although instead of the name of the father in the birth certificate there is a dash (according to the law, it is impossible to recognize the parent of a person who died before conception), the boy bears his surname and patronymic - Klimov Egor Artemovich.

In 2011, the 58-year-old Lamar Kelesheva- Doctor of Medical Sciences, physiologist and teacher of one of the capital's universities became the grandmother of four grandchildren at once, born from surrogate mothers. Her son died as a result of acute leukemia, but before starting chemotherapy, his sperm was sent for cryopreservation. The first five attempts of embryo replanting were unsuccessful, but at the end of the conference, two surrogate mothers became pregnant at once, who were born almost simultaneously: on January 6 and 8. One granddaughter and three grandchildren were born. The girl was given the name Maria, because this is exactly what her untimely deceased son Mikhail wanted. The first boy was named Theocharis (translated from Greek as "God's gift") - in honor of his grandfather, the second - Ioanis (in honor of John the Baptist), the third - Michael in honor of his father. But with the registration of children, the grandmother had problems: according to the law, use the services surrogate mother Only parents can, not grandma.

I have never seen or read anything like it. Absolutely implausible real story. Roof-bearing. Life sometimes offers such plots for which any writer would be thrown rotten eggs, accusing him of feeding the reader with fictions that have nothing to do with reality.

You can see for yourself:

Six-year-old Yegorka calls Natalia Klimova mom. She is, in fact, his grandmother. But even in the birth certificate of the child, the 50-year-old resident of St. Petersburg is officially recorded as his mother. In the column "father" there is a dash. Although it is known that the biological father of the child is the son of Klimova Artem. Yegorka was born a year after his death. The surrogate mother endured and gave birth to the boy, and the anonymous egg donor became the baby's biological mother.

Lost all loved ones

Modern advances in medicine seem fantastic: new program posthumous reproduction allows you to get offspring from a person who is no longer alive. In Russia, children conceived and born after the death of their fathers can be counted on the fingers. Yegor Klimov is one of them.

I was a very successful and wealthy person, - Natalia Klimova told KP. - Managed a large international business, was involved in politics, social activities. It was not only ambitions that pushed me to such a crazy tension life, but also a series of tragedies. I buried my mother and my grandmother who raised me. My brother was killed in a car accident. The husband died of lung cancer. Then I lost two beloved men, both were killed in the dashing 90s. All this did not break me. But fate sent me a test that was already beyond my strength. My The only son died of cancer at age 21. This loss changed my life. I was left all alone, without a single close relative. The question “Why live, for whom, and what is all this previous “money-power-career” fuss for?” became more relevant than ever.

Two years of fighting cancer

Natalia believed to the last that her son would be saved. In 2007, a 19-year-old medical student was diagnosed with an oncological tumor - Hodgkin's lymphoma. The disease progressed rapidly. Artem was treated by the best doctors, Natalia even turned to Professor Volker Diehl, who invented chemotherapy, which is being treated all over the world today. By 2009, Artyom had two stem cell transplants, but the disease did not recede. The last donor bone marrow transplant was at the Center. Raisa Gorbacheva, but a strong reaction of rejection began.

When his heart stopped and I saw a straight line on the monitor, my first thought was: I will definitely continue the life of my son! - recalls Natalia Klimova. - I had such an opportunity.

On the advice of doctors, Artem donated the biomaterial to the sperm bank before starting chemotherapy. Doctors warned that after chemotherapy, sperm may become infertile.

A few days after the death of her son, Natalia turned to geneticists in order to get a grandson of her own blood. There were four failed embryo transfer attempts with different surrogate mothers. And with the egg, everything is not so simple. Natalia wanted the child to look exactly like her son. And such an egg donor was found. For each such procedure, Klimova paid a tidy sum. Hope melted away: with each attempt, the son's biomaterial decreased. When there was only one, the last embryo, it was he who took root.

The gynecologist looked and said: “The baby should be born on October 27,” says Natalia. - And October 27 is the anniversary of my son's death!

copy of father

And yet the child was born a month before the fatal date. Difficulties arose with its registration: the registry office of St. Petersburg refused to issue a birth certificate to a boy whose relatives only have a grandmother, his mother is an anonymous donor, and his father is no longer alive. The issue was resolved in court. And although instead of the name of the father in the birth certificate there is a dash (according to the law, it is impossible to recognize the parent of a person who died before conception), the boy bears his surname and patronymic - Klimov Egor Artemovich.

Natalia Yurievna is amazed at how Yegorka is a copy of her dad. For her, this is both a joy and a misfortune. At the age of six months, the boy was diagnosed with a huge cyst, which was located exactly in the place where his father had a tumor. Fortunately, everything worked out.

Egor had two-thirds of his right lung removed, the operation lasted five hours, says Natalia.

And a year ago at the Institute of Neurosurgery. Egor Burdenko had a brain cyst removed. And every time Natalia's heart breaks in anticipation of a diagnosis: is it a tumor?

The boy grows up smart and inquisitive. He goes to kindergarten, is engaged in sections, rests with Natalia abroad.

For the sake of Yegor's grandson, Natalia Klimova made a circular facelift to look younger - like a mother, and not like a grandmother.

Egor is the meaning of my whole remaining life, Natalia admits. - I am madly in love with him, and there is not even a thought that I am his grandmother. Of course, I'm his mother, I feel that way. But... After the death of my son, I found myself in total loneliness. When Artem died, I moved away from all my previous affairs. Opened my charitable foundation and I help children with cancer, I am engaged in the upbringing of Yegor. I have no relatives left. Friends fled, in fact - just betrayed me. There are no financial opportunities that I had, being far from being a poor person. I was forced to leave the environment in which I was (there you are a friend while you are connected by something, and you are nobody when interests diverge), a complete vacuum in communication formed. I did not expect that I would be completely alone - both physically and psychologically. There were half the city at my son's funeral. From the next day, no call. Still. And I cut these people out of my life.

"My mom died"

Natalia Klimova did not immediately come to the idea of ​​looking for a grandmother for her grandson. This decision was prompted by chance.

My son and I came from kindergarten, I opened the door to the apartment and... woke up in a hospital room. I ask the nurse: "Why am I here?" She replied that I had an operation. I ask: "Where is my son?" Nobody knew anything. I thought I'd go crazy. Where and with whom was the child all this time? And here's what happened. I had a kidney stone and I lost consciousness. The child began to scream: “My mother died,” the neighbors ran out and called an ambulance. And then they took their son to the apartment, told him to go to bed, and left. When Yegorka got frightened at night and again ran out to the site with cries for help, the neighbors took him to the concierge. No one was filled with compassion for the five-year-old boy who was left in trouble. No one wanted to take him for a while. All the time I was in the hospital, Yegor sat in the concierge's closet and ate only crackers with tea.

Could no one feed him normally?

I then asked the concierge: why didn’t they feed the child a normal dinner? She replied that she did not know if I would compensate her expenses.

Then Natalia decided: since they have no friends and relatives, Yegor should have a grandmother. Not by blood, but by spirit.

I am ready to invite, in fact, a strange woman and invite her to become a member of our small family, a grandmother to my child, she says. - This woman I take on full content. I wrote a message and posted it on the Internet. There are 20-30 responses to an ad a day, but they are all from lonely people who have lost themselves in this life, who have nowhere to live, nothing to eat and who are doing poorly. But I'm not ready to invite any single woman. I suggest interesting life and a family for a worthy and interesting woman. A woman who is ready in her old age to realize herself in raising a wonderful boy. I hope that not everyone is still embittered by the failures of life and in search of money and only money, that there are still women in retirement age who, like me, miss family. The child needs a friend. I need an insurance assistant. The only problem maybe a question psychological compatibility, it will become clear already at the first communication.

Egor was born very similar to his father: on the right is Natalia's grandson, on the left is her son Artem in childhood.

Natalia Klimova is not the only woman in Russia who has found a grandson after the death of her child.

✔ The first grandmother-mother was Ekaterina Zakharova from Yekaterinburg: in 2005, a year after the death of her son, her grandson Georgy was born.

✔ In 2011, 58-year-old Muscovite Lamara Kelesheva, three years after the death of her son Mikhail, who died of cancer, became the grandmother of four surrogate babies. After the death of her son, Kelesheva waited two years for the embryos to take root in the surrogate mother, but five attempts at conception failed. Then the embryos were planted immediately to two mothers. Both endured and gave birth - a pair of twins each.

A young family from Texarkana, Arkansas, really wanted a child, but 29-year-old Kayla Jones, at the age of 17, underwent a partial hysterectomy, so she could only have a child through surrogate mother.
The problem was to find a surrogate mother.
"My ovaries weren't removed, so I can still have a baby biologically, but I'm unable to carry one on my own," says Kayla. “So my husband and I had to use a surrogate mother.”

After trying unsuccessfully to find a suitable candidate, the couple decided to turn to the husband's mother. “My husband and I got married in 2012 and my mother-in-law always joked that she could be our surrogate,” Kayla explained. "After a couple of our surrogacy options didn't work out, we started taking my mother-in-law more seriously."

After many tests, studies, doctors agreed to such an experiment. It didn't work the first time. "We were devastated but decided to try again." “In May 2017, we found out that we are pregnant!”

After 7 months, their boy Allen Jones was born by caesarean section. And this is a real miracle.
Grandma Patty is feeling great and is about to go back to work.

It looks like a normal family photo shoot.

Kayla and Cody searched for a surrogate mother without success

While 50-year-old Patty Rezeker agreed

When pregnancy is confirmed

The family received their happiness through surrogate motherhood and the dedication of their grandmother, for whom this pregnancy was not at all easy.