Leil Lowndes How to make anyone fall in love with you. A short theoretical course and the most complete practical guide to the psychology of romantic love

and not only. I wanted you to be able to read and understand where the elementary ches is, and where the practical things are.

A few years ago, a book of the same name written by an American was published.

Our life is fast, everything changes at lightning speed too.
The tips that were relevant yesterday are no longer relevant today.
Those tips that are written in another country look ridiculous in ours.

And now - read!

How to fall in love with anyone on the Internet?
Best-selling authors of The Rules: The Time-Tested Secrets to Winning the Heart of a Decent Man and Rule II, Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider, wrote The Rules for Online Dating. All Rules are based on three main ideas: - A man must initially feel sympathy for a woman. - A man must conquer a woman. - All men love to overcome obstacles. For Internet communication, the authors formulated seventeen Rules:

1. Do not look through men's dating ads and do not write to them first. If you chose someone's profile and wrote it first, it means that you are winning a man. And it's no different than walking up to him at a party or in a bar, calling him or asking him out on a date. He will never know that you like him. Consider the game over with this. If he does start dating you, you'll never know if he's with you because he's comfortable or because he's really crazy about you.

2. Come up with an attractive nickname. Choose a name that isn't trite or overly flashy, colorless, or marriage-centered. Do not go to extremes and do not find the option that will only attract sex-crazed men. Strive for the sweet spot and be descriptive. Try to have a nickname characterize you.

3. "Less is better" - here is a guide to creating a questionnaire. When answering a questionnaire on a dating site, give the impression that you casually filled out a few fields and inserted one nice little photo because you were in a hurry to the gym or to work. For everything else, you're too busy. And in no case do not write something about yourself that you would not say on the first date. Typical mistakes: - write that you are looking for love, want to get married and ready to move; - post more than one dating ad on the same web site. website (despair is read in such a gesture); - publish three or four photos in your ad; - write long-winded answers that are too lazy to read.

4. Post a photo of yourself smiling. Men don't read what you write as much as they look at your picture. True, it is not necessary to post something provocative. For girls who are afraid of being recognized by friends or acquaintances: overcome your fears and post a photo anyway. It's not such a big feat.

5. Wait 24 hours before answering.

6. Do not write letters on weekends and holidays.

7. Write light and carefree emails. Do not enter into correspondence with men who do not have a photo or have not filled out a questionnaire. If you received a letter from a person who has not published a picture, answer: “I prefer to see the faces of the interlocutors. Thanks". Only this and nothing more. When a person refuses to post a picture, there is always a good reason for this. If you received a letter with a photo, and you liked the man, it is enough to respond to the picture with the words: “Thank you!”, “Nice!” or "Beautiful!" Do not tell a man that you carefully studied his profile. Do not comment on the knowledge gleaned from there, such as "my brother also works as an economist."

8. Never text a man a second time if he forgot to reply to your email. If you receive an angry message saying that he expects more from you than three lines in a letter, feel free to press DELETE and go to rule #13.

9. For the first three months, do not act as the initiator of the correspondence, just answer. When he sends you jokes and remarks, "Did I already tell you that you're attractive?" don't reply. Wait for the third message, and only then write.

10. Do not use instant messaging programs (ICQ, MSN, M-Agent, etc.) in correspondence with a man.

11. Don't offer your phone number first.

12. If he doesn't ask you out after exchanging four letters, feel free to delete him.

13. Weed out the bad guys.

14. Don't waste time on chronophages (devourers of your free time).

15. Don't rush the transition from letters to phone calls.

16. Remember safety first.

17. Do not interrogate on the first date.

Now go meet online and fall in love!

Which of these tips is completely irrelevant and even harmful for a modern woman in the post-Soviet space? What are the options?

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How to Awaken Primal, Exciting, Sexual Feelings in Your Quarry

Let's now talk about the third technique for your main organ of romantic love. This technique creates in your Quarry those primordial, exciting feelings that overwhelm people when they begin to fall in love.

When speaking, people have a habit of looking away at the end of a sentence or during pauses, except when they are carried away by the interlocutor (or hopelessly in love). Expression “he couldn’t take his eyes off her” not just a metaphor. People who love each other not only indulge in much longer eye contact during a conversation, but they don't look away from each other even after they finish talking. It is very exciting when someone's eyes linger on you during silence after you have finished speaking.

A few years ago, I hired a carpenter to add an extra window to my office. Jerry was not a handsome man, he was definitely not an intellectual giant, but for some inexplicable reason I found him extremely attractive. Jerry had a vague, mysterious quality about him. It was something exciting, primal, sexy.

I did not allow myself, however, to indulge my little infatuation. Perhaps I thought that seducing a carpenter would be neither socially acceptable nor politically correct, nor, on the other hand, desirable under these conditions. Or maybe Jerry's other qualities didn't fit my love map. Nevertheless, thoughts of Jerry filled my fantasies for several more weeks.

I haven't seen him for several years. Then, more recently, while working on this book, I needed shelves to store research materials. Naturally, I called Jerry. He came to my door, ten pounds heavier, three years older, but still sexy. This time, after five minutes of our conversation, I understood why he was so attracted to me. Every time I said something, Jerry's eyes lingered on me. After I stopped talking, even during silence, his eyes remained glued to me. This feature was what I found so exciting, so exciting, so sexy.

As our conversation about shelves continued, I also realized why Jerry established continuous eye contact. He didn't try to be sexy at all. He was not fascinated by me. It wasn't because he couldn't take his eyes off me. This was simply because he wasn't very bright, and it took extra time for my phrases like "I need eleven inch wide shelves" to settle in his head.

Now we're going to turn this into a primal, exciting, sexual experience that will rock your new Potential Love Partner.

Reception number 5:

"Sticky" look

Whenever you speak to your Quarry, let your eyes remain as if glued to her or to him for a little longer than usual - even during silence.

A gaze, held for a while, awakens primitive, slightly exciting feelings and sensations. It triggers the release of the same chemicals that flow through our veins when we feel in love.

If you must look away, do so reluctantly. Avert your eyes slowly as if they were stuck in your Quarry like toffee on your teeth.

We now come to the last way in which our eyes can cause the aforementioned chemicals to flow through the veins of our Quarry. There are carefully crafted actions that a man and a woman must take when meeting each other so that the love between them can grow and develop.

One of these necessary actions requires the participation of our eyes. A curious phenomenon occurs with the eyes when a man and a woman begin to feel comfortable and calm with each other and the music of love begins to echo in their bodies. When lovers are lulled into positive emotions, their eyes become bolder. They begin, gently and lovingly, to slowly wander over each other's face, hair, eyes. Then they become more confident and decide to go down on the partner's shoulders, neck and torso. It's time for fantasies and dreams.

In order to take your relationship with the new Quarry to this next level of intimacy, use the technique I call "Visual Journey" As you speak, allow your eyes to slowly move down from your nose to your lips. Touch the lips with your eyes for a moment or two, then allow yourself to slowly lower your gaze further to the neck, and then, if everything goes well, then lower.

Reception number 6:

"Visual Journey"

When you talk to your Quarry, let your eyes move and roam a little - but only in safe territory at first. Take a "visual tour" of his or her face, focusing mainly on the eyes. If you think he or she is enjoying your expedition, take small excursions to the neck, shoulders, and torso.

Women, you can move more freely in this territory. Men, be more careful. You sail in dangerous latitudes and could destroy a ship if your eyes travel too far south and stay there too long.

These four tricks for the eyes - Deep Gaze, Seductive Gaze, Sticky Gaze, and Visual Journey– are scientifically proven and tested aphrodisiacs 10
Aphrodisiacs are drugs that increase sexual desire. - Note lane.

When you try them on your Quarry, you will feel the results. However, you do not need any science to understand that you cannot make anyone fall in love until you are introduced to him or her and introduced to each other. Unless, of course, you managed to arrange an acquaintance without outside help. In common parlance, this is called "picking up" or "taking off" someone. Proponents of political correctness would reject the term with disgust. As for me, I have nothing against this notion - if it is done, let's say, in a way that is decent, appropriate for the situation and befits the people involved in it.

Let's now learn some basics of this art. We will look at how you can arrange an acquaintance with a Potential Love Partner without any outside help.

8. Your first encounter

Biologists, observing how animals meet each other, sniff, growl, hiss, then sniff each other, and finally copulate, have established a certain courtship ritual that is repeated over and over again. The same patterns of behavior in the form of submission and aggression were repeated over and over again. If the sequence of actions of an individual deviates from the standard pattern of behavior, copulation often does not occur.

There is no difference between animals and species Homo sapiens(that's us), but we're facing a major hurdle. Unlike most animals, our brains are not driven by our instincts. In other words, we think too much. We ask ourselves and other people around us too many questions. “Will he consider me too frank? Should I appear inaccessible? Do I look good? Is my tie tied correctly? Maybe I should go to the bathroom first and put on my lips?” Restraint often takes over and paralyzes us, and we behave like a deer, which, once on the road, freezes in the headlights of an approaching car.

Rabbits have no such reflexes. Shouldn't have them either us, when we spot our Prey. We should just take what the researchers say are the right steps to take when we notice him or her.

Gentlemen, what should you do when you meet a woman that you would like to make part of your future? There is no room for controversy here. You must approach her, and you must do so quickly. The old proverb “He who did not have time is late” is, alas, a harsh reality in the jungle of lonely people.

One day, my male friend (PDM - Platonic male friend - that's what we called male friends at the institute for whom we did not have tender feelings) and I were having lunch at a restaurant. My PDM Phil saw an extremely beautiful woman sitting alone at the bar counter behind him. He turned to me and said, “Here is the woman I am going to marry!”

"Congratulations. And how are you going to get to know her?” I asked defiantly.

Let's see, he thought. “Maybe I’ll just go up to her and say hello.” No, he decided. - It's too primitive when it comes to my future bride. Maybe I should go up and buy her a drink... No, that's trite. Or maybe,” he joked, “I’ll come up and say that I’m passionately in love with her. No, it's too brazen. Tell her that I want her to be the mother of my children? No, it's premature."

While Phil joked about it, I looked over his shoulder as a nice man walked straight up to Phil's chosen one and sat in the empty chair next to her. By the time my friend turned around, this newcomer and Phil's would-be fiancee were deeply engaged in conversation. "Love at first sight" was for Phil "defeat at first sight." As is usually the case with Hunters who hesitate and procrastinate.

What is the best strategy of behavior if you notice an attractive lady? Let your body do the talking. First, use your eyes. Look at her and hold eye contact for a few extra seconds. Be prepared for her to look away. Women are used to lowering their eyes when a man looks at them. This does not mean that she is not interested in you. Analysis of courtship patterns tells us that if, after looking away, a woman looks up again within 45 seconds, she is pleased with your attention.

Gentlemen, mark the time. If she's pretending that something else in the room is suddenly extremely interesting, see how long it takes her to look at you again. If this happens within 45 seconds, proceed as written below.

Reception number 7 (for Hunters):

act fast

“Acting fast” does not mean that you are bee hovering around your Prey, scaring him to death. This means that you immediately let her know about your presence by showing your interest in her. Here is the best method.

Make eye contact. Maintain direct eye contact with her and keep it a little longer than usual.

Smile at her. Make sure your smile is friendly and respectful and doesn't look like a sly grin or a lewd grimace.

Nod to her. If she looks at you again within that crucial 45 seconds, give her a light nod. A nod means, “I like you. May I speak to you?”

Come closer to her. The last step is to get close enough to her to talk.

Smile and nod your head at her. Think of it like booking a table at a fancy restaurant. When you got a woman's attention, you reserved yourself the opportunity to talk to her. Let go of all thoughts of “what will she think of me if I walk towards her and come too fast?” She is nothing she will not think of you - neither good nor bad - if you never get to know her. If you don't start act quickly then each the woman will be the one who passes you by.

You are now in your starting position for the conversation. What should you tell her first? Get out of your head the expression "introductory words." The words will come to mind. After my seminars on the psychology of love, many shy Hunters asked me: “What opening words would be appropriate in this situation?” It terribly touches me that men are worried about such problems.

One day, an extremely shy guy attending my seminar pulled a crumpled book out of his pocket called How to Pick Up Girls. Apparently, he was not the first to study this manual. This book is 25 years old and has sold two million copies, mostly thanks to advertisements in men's magazines. She suggested using approximately such ancient (as the world) compliments: “Just don’t tell me that such a beautiful girl like you is not dating anyone today” or “Are you by any chance a fashion model?” These masterpieces of wit may have worked when our dads dated our moms, but in our more enlightened times, women pay little attention to words. Much more important is not what you say and as you look and as you speak, whatever you say.

Gentlemen, your opening words should be relevant to the woman or the current situation. Ask her what time it is. Compliment her watch or appearance. Ask her to show you the way. Ask how she met the host or hostess of the party. In fact, the less abstruse your words are, the better, because at the beginning of the relationship she does not evaluate your words yet - she considers you. Her brain is busy processing information and forming an opinion about you based on your appearance, demeanor and the words you speak. Whatever you say she knows, that this is just an excuse for you to talk to her. If she likes you, she's fine with it.

Although you do not need to memorize any introductions, you should Pay attention to the first words you say. Just as the first glance at you should delight the eyes of your Quarry, so your first words should delight its ears. Remember that the first sentence spoken to your Quarry is 100 percent determined by its further attitude towards you. If this is a complaint, then you will remain a bore to her. If you start with a smug remark, she will remember you as a braggart. But if your first words please her, she will find you charming.

Gentlemen, you must be wondering why you should keep a low profile. Why do you need to be astute and careful at the very beginning of a relationship? All of this is in our nature. When she looks at you, deep within her instinctive feminine essence, a subconscious judgment is formed about you as a potential partner. She wants to feel that you are passionate about her. But she also wants to know that you are able to control your animal passion, showing what a polite and helpful partner you can be in life.

This, too, is one part of the great plan of nature. In the animal kingdom, love-hungry individuals attract each other by singing, shouting, dancing. They are much more outspoken than Homo sapiens. Female chimpanzees, in the heat of passion, noticing their Prey, “roam around the male, putting their buttocks right under his nose to attract his attention. Then they literally force him to copulate.” This behavior is known as "female provocativeness". The "provocativeness of the female" (as opposed to the "receptiveness" of the female) is known to our species, although we are, I hope, not so frank.

How do women start dating? In the same way as children. Just like birds, bugs and all other wonderful creatures of God: using various tricks to attract attention.

Lady, let's say you spot Mister Beautiful Stranger - dancing in a disco, sitting opposite you at the table, or puffing on a nearby machine in the gym. What should you do? It usually goes something like this. Noticing him, the woman looks at him for a split second and then looks away. More courageous women smile and after they look away, hoping that he will take the initiative (after all, she does not want to seem impudent).

Just as out of fifty thousand seeds sprayed by a flower, only one sprouts, your chances of falling in love with Mister Beautiful Stranger may be no more than one in fifty thousand, if all your efforts are exhausted by this. You have to do more than just smile, leaving everything else to their fate.

Let's take a look at the research results and see what's really works and gives results. Researcher Monica Moore probably also heard that women start two-thirds of all relationships, and decided to find out exactly how they do it. She conducted a study in which she observed the behavior of more than two hundred women at parties and recorded what scientists call "non-verbal seductive signals."

Here, in descending order, are the results of Monica Moore's research. The number associated with each action indicates the number of times Moore observed it tested positive during the experiment. Need to explain? Hunters, these actions make a man come up to you at a party and talk to you.

sisters, don't delay feel free to be the first to act. If you don't have the courage, look at it the other way. Mate choice is a right given to a woman in the course of evolution so that she can find the best male and thus ensure the survival of the species. You are simply fulfilling your natural destiny when you openly seduce Mister Beautiful Stranger. Mother Nature will justify you.

Are you still shy? Do you think that he will consider you too impudent if you smile widely in the crowd or “accidentally” straighten your toilet in front of him? Nothing like that, because, fortunately, the male ego is retroactive. 11
Retroactivity - the impact of the current event or process on events or processes that took place earlier. - Approx. per.

Ten minutes later, he won't even be aware that it wasn't him who made the first attempt to make an acquaintance. Researcher Monica Moore said that men think they are taking the first step towards dating, when in fact they are only responding to a woman's non-verbal invitation.

I decided to contribute to the research started by Monica Moore when I recently dined at a restaurant in Albany, New York. The next morning, I was supposed to be teaching a group of single people, so now, as I finished breakfast, I replayed the program for tomorrow's seminar in my head. In my speech, I planned to discuss the “problem of a smile”, that is, to explain to women how important it is for men to smile.

I thought to myself, “Layle, you are terribly hypocritical. Tomorrow morning you'll be telling women about the importance of having the courage to smile at strangers, but you'll never have the guts to do it yourself." Thinking about it, I noticed a pleasant man who, while reading, was finishing dinner a few tables away from me. I thought, “So, Leil, a little courage. Try". I took it and smiled at this handsome stranger.

The poor guy looked dazed, he looked down at his book in embarrassment. Soon he picked them up again. I smiled again. Once more his nose disappeared behind the pages of a book. A few minutes later, a charming stranger got up and walked past my table to the toilet. As he walked by, I forced myself to smile again. Completely bewildered, the boy kept walking, scratching the back of his head.

Then it got even more interesting. On the way back he passed my table very slowly. Once again I looked at him and, as you probably guessed, smiled. Mr. Beautiful Stranger stopped. After so many smiles, it was quite logical to start the conversation as if we had known each other for a very long time. He sat down at my table.

I invited this gentleman - his name was Sam - to attend my seminar the next morning, which he did. To illustrate the "smile" part of my workshop, I told the workshop participants a story (without impersonating Sam, of course) about how my smile helped set up an introduction to a lonely man at dinner.

After the workshop, Sam said, “You know, Leil, I think you were talking about me in this story. But,” he added, looking very embarrassed but quite sincere, “I thought it was I who took the first step towards you". Of course, Sam.

I tell you sisters, the male ego is an amazing thing. Have the courage to smile broadly, nod, point to a chair and invite him to sit down—or almost any of Monica Moore's tactical maneuvers—and he'll forget he didn't take the first step.

Reception No. 8 (for Hunters):

Act first

Hunters, when you've set your Prey, don't wait for him to do something about it. Nature requires you to take the first step. Use any of the tried and tested methods. They all act like you've injected a dose of PEA into his buttock.

Do you remember school history lessons? How was the life of ancient people? Men went hunting, and women created comfort and kept the hearth. Do you think everything has changed? Not at all! It's the 21st century, and men still unconsciously strive to build relationships according to the same ancient model. They need to be leaders. They still want to "get food", to be the head of the family, and not its "tail". A sense of self-importance in a relationship with a woman allows them to fulfill this need. So let him do it! Be a weak and fragile creature that needs protection. Let him take care of himself. Let him always have the last word (at least let him think so).

Let him feel like a hero

Every man secretly dreams of being Superman. Ask his opinion, consult with him and be interested in his point of view. It is important for every man to understand that he is valued. Ask him to help you from time to time. Make him feel irreplaceable. Say, for example, that you just need to hang a shelf, but you yourself can’t cope with it in any way. A real man not only will not refuse, but at the same time will hang a picture for you, move the closet and fix the faucet in the bathroom. Remember, men are ready to work tirelessly, but only on one condition: it is important for them to see respect in our words and deeds.

Do not encroach on his freedom

As you know, you can't be forced to be nice. Keeping someone against their will next to you is, frankly, an impossible task. Therefore, forget about frequent calls, sms and constant joint pastime. Let a man feel free and not soul him with your love ahead of time. Don't be jealous of his friends. Every man should be able to get away for a day or two. Not to the left! And go fishing, to the cottage with friends, to the bath or just to your own world. Give him the opportunity to be alone with himself.

Let him be proud of you

It is important for him to see that you attract the attention of others, and to feel that his choice is approved by other men. Maintain your appearance. Be attractive, charming and sexy. It is important for a man that his girlfriend is the best.

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At the same time, be faithful to him and do not give reasons for jealousy. He must know for sure that, despite the interest in you from other men, you choose him. Be friendly and welcoming to his relatives and friends. The approval of loved ones is very important for any man.

Be free on the inside

No need to inform him about every step you take and try to spend as much time together as possible. Meet friends, go to visit parents, communicate with interesting people. When a girl is constantly at her side and reports her every step, a man simply stops paying attention to her.

Make him feel comfortable

Don't skimp on praise

Every man loves praise. Try to say nice things to him more often. The main thing is not to overdo it and not turn innocent compliments into rude flattery. It is not necessary to tell at every step how beautiful he is. Here we are talking about respect and recognition of its undeniable merits. You don’t want your relationship to be based on the “cuckoo praises the rooster for praising the cuckoo” model, do you? By the way, praise is another, and a sure way, way to increase his self-esteem.

Be different

As you know, men love with their eyes. This does not mean at all that you need to put tons of cosmetics on your face and disappear day and night in SPA-salons. The girl should be well-groomed, not vulgar. Natural beauty combined with feminine secrets of attractiveness is your main weapon in the fight for his heart.

Cook a delicious dinner

Here we remember about the way to the heart through the stomach. Invite him over and cook a delicious dinner. Let him perceive you as the only one who can build him a cozy family nest.

Be humble

No, this does not mean that you should lower your eyes when he speaks and dress like a school teacher. First of all, do not “unwind” a man. Do not be too intrusive, demanding and do not make claims to him. Whims and threats - this is what only irritates and causes hostility. Don't be too loose. You should not engage in self-promotion every minute and tell how good you are, listing your virtues and praising yourself. The time will come, and he himself will be convinced of this. Prove it with deeds, not words. Always remain a mystery to him. Do not rush to devote a man to all the vicissitudes of his past life. Do not tire him with excessive talkativeness: this can spoil the impression of communication in an instant.

Leil Lowndes

How to make anyone fall in love with you 3. Biochemistry of love

© Leil Lowndes, 2009

© Publication in Russian, translation into Russian - Good Book Publishing LLC, 2015

Foreword

Love. This word is just a faint echo of the symphony of ecstasy that we sink into while experiencing this feeling. In anticipation of love, we spend years, and sometimes a lifetime. If we are lucky enough to find her, we pray that she does not leave. But if love eludes us, we seek it again and again. Let's face it: we are obsessed with love!

As soon as Cupid's arrow pierces the heart, substances enter our brain that seem to cover it with a veil, forcing us to perform inexplicable actions. However, you will get an explanation by reading this book. You will know about love as much as very few people know about it, and you will gain the ability to ignite a spark of sympathy for you in your chosen one, from which the flame of your love will then kindle.

In addition, you will learn why the chemicals that nature controls our feelings and actions are different at different stages of relationships and throughout life, and how they replace each other. Finally, you will learn to cope with this changing chemical environment and use your “attachment hormones” to create a strong love connection so that you can truly live happily ever after, and not until a divorce separates you. This new knowledge is needed not to send Cupid into retirement, but to keep him in your life forever.

"What is happening to me?"

You've probably experienced this: your heart is beating like a hammer, your tongue is turning to stone, your palms are sweating, and syllables are mysteriously falling out of your speech. "Hello" suddenly becomes the hardest word you'll ever know.

But as soon as your vital signs return to normal and a semblance of rational thinking returns to you, you excitedly ask yourself the question of whether your new acquaintance (or acquaintance) felt the same towards you. In the case of a negative answer, lovers who have not met reciprocity decide that they are powerless here and there is nothing left for them but to torment themselves, sob, cursing everything that exists, and take offense at the cat. But as you will soon learn, they are wrong.

Why did this particular person strike you on the spot, while when meeting others you feel only “boredom at first sight”? It's all about your unconscious, hidden in the depths of the brain, the ability to instantly evaluate a candidate. This skill has evolved and is rooted in a time when our lives depended on a quick fight-or-flight response.

Our gift for this "clairvoyance" has evolved with us over many millennia. Just as DNA experts can tell a lot about a person by examining a piece of his fingernail, all people are endowed with an incredible ability to subconsciously feel whether they will feel good together with the chosen one, whether he will be able to give them what they need, whether he fits their individual a list of desirable qualities, which can contain a million different characteristics.

All your life you have been setting the stage for your love, and it remains to wait for the star of the show to appear in the spotlight. Your experiences from birth to the moment you pick up this book determine the qualities that make up the image of the person you will love - or could love. This image that is called your love card and bears the imprint of your personality, can contain many details, down to facial features, character traits, intelligence, aspirations, sense of humor and hundreds of other qualities. Interpersonal neuroscience, the newest field of science, explains how your interactions with other people are constantly changing the neural connections in your brain. Even a short flirtation that you don't want to continue can change your love map forever.

Most of the characteristics depicted in this card were determined in your childhood, before the age of five. If it went well, you were surrounded by loved and loving people, mostly your relatives. You are used to this closeness, and it has programmed your choice: you are likely to feel a special connection with a man who resembles someone who was close to you as a child, or with a woman whose appearance shows the same genetic features. Have you noticed how often partners look alike?

This image of your potential lover can be influenced by events from just a split second to millions of years ago. In addition, every time memories are recalled from your memory store, they are overwritten, further complicating the circuitry. It is not surprising that it is very difficult to understand how sympathy arises.

How quickly does sympathy develop?

How long does it take to feel sympathy or attraction for another person? For comparison, consider the big scandal in the 1950s associated with the use of subliminal advertising in movie theaters. Entrepreneurial advertisers from Madison Avenue pasted frames into the film with captions like "Hungry?" or "Buy some popcorn!" and brand names such as Lipton. The inscriptions appeared on the screen during the screening of films only for a fraction of a second, and the audience did not have time to read them. Moreover, according to cinema goers, they did not even notice them. But after such sessions, popcorn began to sell much better!

The "invisible" shots, not having time to be imprinted in the minds of the viewers, not only made them feel hungry or thirsty, but also inspired a desire to buy certain products. Customers who had previously ordered just tea now chose a specific brand - Lipton, of course. Not surprisingly, neuroimaging studies show that it only takes a fifth of a second to feel liking or attraction.

Does the time of the meeting matter?

Undoubtedly. Much may depend on the events that are currently taking place in the life of your potential partner. Maybe he's already in love with someone, or maybe she's going through a tragic loss right now. It happens that you are talking with a person who turns out to be smart, sensitive, stunningly beautiful, sensual - and besides, free, and could be an ideal partner for you. You are instantly smitten with this outstanding representative of the human race, but he hardly suppresses a yawn or looks over your shoulder in search of a more interesting interlocutor.

Leil Lowndes

How to make anyone fall in love with you - 2. How to win the heart of a man or woman who previously seemed completely inaccessible to you

Copyright © 2004 Leil Lowndes.

© Dobraya kniga Publishing House LLC, 2004, translation and design.

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use, without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Introduction

How many times, sitting in a cafe or restaurant, have you looked at your boyfriend or girlfriend and thought: “Well, why, why am I sitting next to this ...“ frog ”?” Perhaps you justified yourself: “There are no interesting men left in this city”, or “So far I have not met that magnificent woman that I dreamed of”, or “All decent suitors have already been sorted out”.

Or maybe you, with obvious masochism, attributed your failures to your imaginary shortcomings. Gentlemen, how many times, while dining at a restaurant with another girlfriend, have you squinted your eyes to the side, secretly watching the beauty at the next table, flirting with her beau, and quietly angry with yourself: “Yes, such a gorgeous beauty would never date me "?

Women, how many times at the gas station, sitting in an old dilapidated car and waiting for your boyfriend pumping diesel into this four-wheeled rarity, you eagerly looked at the refined gentleman filling his Jaguar with high-octane gasoline, and asked yourself: “Why can’t I get such a man?”

Deep down, you know that you deserve more. “If he had known me better, he would have seen all my wonderful qualities and would certainly have fallen in love with me.”

In the meantime, you continue to meet with those whom, deep down, you consider unsuitable partners for yourself. Why? What for? The reasons for this lie much deeper than you think!

“What is the matter?” - you ask. For example, you may simply be afraid to enter into a relationship with a more successful and attractive person, because you do not want to take the risk of hurting your own ego and undermining self-esteem in case of failure. Secondly, before you may have experienced a painful breakup with a person who was “not a couple”, and now you are afraid of relationships with bright and extraordinary people. Or maybe you don't feel like you have the money, the education, or the good looks to make friends with "worthy" people, even though you realize you're "too good" for the society you're currently living in.

Why is this happening? The fact is that you probably became picky not so long ago. As if a person who has rapidly lost weight and is not yet accustomed to his new look is still suffering from low self-esteem “by inertia”, you suffer from “inertia” in your own ideas about a “worthy” partner. You continue to meet people who completely suited you a few years ago, although now you evaluate them in a completely different way.

Or maybe you tried, but never mastered those tricks and skills that help win the favor of people who really deserve you. You have made no effort to consciously develop in yourself those qualities that would allow you to smash everyone on the spot. You can easily lure a yard cat to the door of your house with a saucer of milk, but a thoroughbred individual will not even look in your direction. In the same way, bright and extraordinary people, who are usually referred to as the cream of society, differ from the majority: in order to seduce them, you need a completely different bait.

It's time for a change

It's time to increase your self-esteem and radically improve your skills in order to attract a partner or partner that you could only dream of before. Once you become more selective, you will find that being an elite is not about quantity, but about quality. Successful people do not at all strive to have mountains of clothes, carriages of furniture and many contacts and fleeting connections. All they need is a few smart suits in their closet, an elegant home with the finest furnishings, and a life filled with meaningful relationships with a small circle of people they care about.

So in love, in the most important relationship for us, we want to have only one partner, an extraordinary man or a beautiful woman, with whom we could live life together. We are accustomed to calling a person who is much better than us and, as a rule, remains for us a pipe dream or an unattainable ideal, “Prince” or “Princess”.

Almost every little girl, lying in bed and wrapping herself in a blanket, dreams of a beautiful Prince who will one day ride by on a white horse, fall in love with her and take her to his fairy-tale world, where they will live happily ever after. Almost every boy who has just started shaving, looking at himself in the mirror, dreams of a beautiful Princess who will be crazy about him and fall into his arms with a sigh: “Take me, I am yours.”

Since our childhood, these dreams have not changed at all. But our ideas about Princes or Princesses grew with us, and each of us has our own ideas about the signs and attributes of “royal blood”. You may not mind if your Prince or Princess's bloodline is not rich, but you expect him or her to be infinitely kind, sensual, or intelligent. Or maybe you are passionate about having an honest and sincere friend-lover or a well-educated girlfriend. Maybe you dream of a man or woman who is wise, faithful, highly spiritual, or possesses some unique skills, being masters of their craft. Or maybe you want them to be surrounded by a halo of glory. And, of course, for many of us, not the last place in the list of requirements for a partner or partner is success in life.

The list goes on, and for each of us it will be special. The only common feature will be the willingness to start looking for a new companion or companion - a person who will be much better than those “frogs” with whom you “croaked” together until recently, sitting in the same pond.

Solution #1

I'm looking for the right person

You have made a decision. Just as a spider must weave a web to catch a fly, so you will have to weave a web of skills, attitudes and habits to catch your Prey - an excellent partner or partner. It all starts with a deep conviction - conscious and subconscious - that you deserve better.

Who are they - my Prince or Princess?

For more than ten years I have been teaching seminars on the art of communication and interpersonal relationships. Every time a workshop participant complains that they can't find anyone "better" to date, I ask them what that "best" means to them. The vast majority of them report that they want to find a person who is “smarter”, “beautiful”, “more interesting”, “with a higher position in society”, “wealthier” or “more honest”. Hunters and Huntresses, hunting for a butterfly and a bear, you must use different gear. So it is in love: in pursuing the woman or man of your dreams, you must have completely different skills and qualities in order to catch a noble Prince, a beautiful Princess, a rich or noble Prince or a creative Princess in your nets. To strike the heart of each of them requires a special set of skills and specific qualities. I'm going to give you both.

Solution #2

I will use different tactics

for different partners

In spider webs woven for flies, do not catch a bear; a fly will always slip between the wings of the trap. You must use special traps and special bait to successfully hunt representatives of each type of thoroughbred Prey. Some people are incredibly beautiful, others are rich, others are noble, others are talented, and each of them must be lured using various tricks.

A few words about terminology

Before we continue, I will say a few words about terminology. Ladies, please don't get hysterical about my use of the word frog. In the same way that we used to mean politically correct by the word “partner” both men and women, now we use the word “frog” to refer to those whom you consider to be unsuitable partners for you, with whom you are dissatisfied with relationships, but with whom, nevertheless, continue to meet and maintain a close relationship. “Frogs” are men and women of the “amphibian” class, with whom you simply must part. A “frog” is a man or woman to whom you have become attached or “used” to love, but with whom (and now you know it) you need to leave in order to build a relationship with a more desirable or suitable person.