How to convince your son to go to college. “My teenage son dropped out of school, does not work and steals from his family. And he wanted to be a lifeguard
A desperate mother wrote a letter to The Guardian asking for advice on how to deal with a difficult teenager. The young man does not study, almost does not work, and he was again caught stealing. The father said he didn't want to live under the same roof as the thief. Psychotherapist Angela Evans answers her mother's letter.
mother's letter
Having quit studying, from time to time he got a job where physical labor was needed, and it was paid, of course, badly. The son was never particularly open, and now his life is a mystery behind seven seals. He never brings friends home.
My husband and I both work, we have a cozy house, good living conditions. We give our son complete freedom, we do not get it by any special requirements. He has his own room, a full refrigerator is always at his service. But he lives in the house as a stranger: he comes and goes. He can be both exceptionally sweet and terribly rude to me and my sister if we touch on a topic that is unpleasant for him. For example, let's take an interest in how the job search is going.
A few weeks ago, money disappeared from my daughter's room.
Decorations that are dear to us primarily as a memory have disappeared from the house. The son said that he knew nothing about it. And a few weeks ago, money disappeared from my daughter's room. That morning, when I was cleaning at her place (both of my children, alas, are rather slovenly), I saw them. After I looked around his room and found confirmation that he took the money. I asked about it directly, and he replied that he needed money, but he will return everything(however, he did not do so).
My husband was furious and angry at me for not telling him about this sooner. BUT I tried to avoid scandal by giving my son a chance to get his money back. It's been a tradition for us for so long: my husband loves to build everyone too much, and I think that he is too harsh, so I often collude with the children to protect them.
Now the husband has declared that he will not live under the same roof with a thief. The son could move in with friends, but most of them do not work anywhere and smoke marijuana (as, I suspect, my son does). I'm afraid if we deprive him of his home, his problems will only get worse.
Answer by psychologist Angela Evans
In your letter you write that you are cleaning the rooms of your grown children. Maybe, you still can't give up the role of custodial mother(think about it: it might help you better understand your own behavior) because of what the son cannot separate from you and become an independent person.
In adolescence, the child is separated from the parents, and in a sense you have to deal with an outsider. Most likely, your son feels like a failure - no education, no goal, no job. Try not to ask again how things are going with the job search: this will only provoke his anxiety. And besides, these are your plans, not his own. In my experience with teenagers, lying and stealing are very typical for many teenagers when they are angry or feeling rejected,- this behavior helps them fill the void.
You mention drugs, but somehow in passing, and I think about how important they are in this whole situation. If your son uses drugs, then his behavior controlled by the apparently non-conscious part of the brain.
If you consider stealing as a message, what do you think your son is trying to tell you? The fact that he stole jewelry that was dear to you as a memory looks like an act of exceptional aggression (if he even considered his act at all).
You don't write about the relationship he has with his sister. It is also interesting that he steals from you and from his sister, but not from his father.
The key is that you and your husband are a team.
What to do with all this? The key is that you and your husband are a team. You need to talk to each other and find something in common that brings you joy. After that, you need to talk to your son and listen to him. You have to work out an agreement that will allow the whole family to live peacefully. Teenagers need you to acknowledge their growth. But theft must be excluded.
You will have to make an effort to connect with each other, learn to respect everyone's space. It would be good if your daughter also agreed to the contract and took part in family discussions. Together you need to agree on certain rules of conduct, under which everyone will subscribe. If the son does not meet you halfway and does not agree with these rules, try to agree on at least something. It makes no sense to set conditions: "If you don't do this, then this will follow" until you are absolutely sure that you will be able to keep your words. You clearly lack confidence in communicating with your son.
Finally, stop cleaning your kids' rooms. Give them the opportunity to take responsibility, encourage their independence.
For details, see website The Guardian newspapers.
About the expert
Angela Evans- psychotherapist, often works with difficult teenagers.
Text: Prepared by Alina Nikolskaya
Daughter took academician
My eldest daughter (out of 3), 18.5 years old, is smart, beautiful, a good, understanding person. Since the age of 18 she has been living alone, she wanted to. Everything would be fine, but 5 days ago she reported in "ICQ" that she took an academician, because there are a lot of debts and it is unrealistic to pass them (being in the 3rd year out of 4!). Perhaps, on the scale of the world revolution, this is a worthless trifle, but it seemed to me that I see how her life is crumbling - now she is an academician, then she is married (there is such an option), there is already pregnancy, baby. It will remain ignorant.
She is not interested in studying at a medical school, how uninteresting the process of study itself is in principle (to my great regret and chagrin), although she chose a successful profile - massage, and she understands this herself. He understands that in life one must rely on oneself, and not on support from a man.
I believe that having an education is almost the same as having a normal job (including as a massage therapist, after all, a “paper” is needed).
Opinions
Help financially while studying
I'll just tell you how my daughters, aged 21 and 16, live, the eldest studies at the institute, lives separately, receives money from us: once a month a certain amount and not a penny more. She studies herself, she found a part-time job, she solves her personal life and the problems that arise. The youngest is also quite free, while she worked part-time she collected tails, now she is pulling up, she is sitting without a scholarship, we (parents) give money. And again, there is no control over learning. But my girls know while they are studying, I will support them financially, drop out of school / graduate - forward to adulthood.
Change your attitude towards the situation
Is it not a parent, as a close person, who should help to understand and understand if she herself does not succeed?
Undoubtedly. But it is indisputable only for one case - when the child himself comes and asks for help in order to figure it out. You, as I see it, have a different situation - your daughter has already figured it out herself, she made a decision herself (whether it was bad or good - it doesn’t matter now, it has already been accepted and implemented, you can’t rewind time, you won’t live again).
And all you can do now is to survive the situation of the destruction of your expectations. Recycle it within yourself. Accept the fact that - yes, now the situation is like this and this makes you sad, offended, perhaps painful ... and try, even being in such strong feelings, to maintain contact with your daughter.
As for the means of increasing motivation for learning. I think - no way. A high school student is the age when the motivation to study is already either there or it is not. If it exists, there is no need to raise it. If it's not there, then there's nothing to upgrade.
It's never too late to learn
My husband is 35 years old. And he has been studying at the university for two years. In fact, he studies all his life, but he went to the university for a degree for the first time. Before that, there were all kinds of courses, colleges (including a medical school in Moscow), which he successfully completed. Previously, this was enough for him, but now CAM felt the need for university education, and CAM decided where to go. Think it's too late?
His boss is almost 50 years old. She only started studying at the university a year ago. She has a wonderful family: a husband and three daughters. As you can see, everything is possible. And to be successful and happy at your own discretion, and not according to the plan of your parents: school - army - university - the right job - marriage - children (someone may have other options).
Note: there will be a need - the child himself will learn what he needs. This is true if the young man is active and responsible. This one will make his own way in life. If a young man drops out of school due to lack of will (see Lack of will (young man)) and foolishness, then this is a reason for the parent to intervene.
Does everyone need a higher education?
I have a close friend. She and her husband have a schoolgirl daughter and a 17-odd son. Both parents received higher education in Russia. Moreover, this friend of mine herself has a first education in philology, and a second in law. Already under 40 years old. She studied all her life. Naturally, like all of us, she dreamed that her children would also receive a higher education and become successful. BUT!! Her son became interested in billiards. Yes, so much so that he is currently included in the youth team of the country. He wanders around "foreign countries", takes prizes .... That's all now, and three years ago, when the boy could hardly pull through school, running away to training, there were terrible scandals at home. Parents went crazy, son - too. And all this went on until the boy told his mother: "I understand that everyone in our family has a higher education: you and dad, and all the other relatives. But I'm not interested. I love billiards. And don't say me that I should study in order to earn a decent living for myself in the future. I can earn money without a university, but I will go for knowledge when I feel the need for it. I know that this is difficult for you to understand. But look - you have studied all your life in pursuit of a career and degrees, and it brought you happiness? Even if you do not help me, I will still play billiards, but it will be very difficult for me ... "
Does everyone need a higher education - 2?
My mother believed that I would not become a person not only without a higher education, but also without a Ph.D. How! Being pregnant, after graduation she entered graduate school. I even wrote a dissertation. Although I clearly understood that I was doing this for my mother more than for myself. And for myself, from the third year I worked in a different specialty, close, however, to mine - I studied at the philological faculty, and worked as a journalist. No one in the editorial offices ever wanted to look at my diploma. I was only interested in the ability to write and extract information. I recently went for an interview at a very decent office. And in my resume, they were most pleased with the place of my last job as a correspondent - I worked in the regional office of one of the most influential newspapers in our country. And the fact that my graduate school was completed did not touch them at all.
I gave up on defending my dissertation, because it will not be useful to me in my work, and I don’t have extra money that I need to pay for defense. But my classmate recently defended herself. Now she cannot get a job, because the person is 26 years old, and there is no work experience. She did not work anywhere, she was engaged in education. They don't even hire a secretary. And with the "papers" she's all right, meanwhile.
This topic appears more and more often in conferences on the 7th: a student likes to study, but fails to pass exams, or the institute has disappointed, and parents do not know how to help a grown child. It is clear that how many people - so many situations with studying at a university. Another typical case from the series “son dropped out of college” is analyzed by psychologist Ekaterina Murashova.
“Please, will you accept me?” My child is already big, and you have a children's clinic, I understand, but I really need it, please. We visited you once, many years ago, twice, but you don't remember, of course. Please…
“There must be some very serious problem,” I thought. Maybe something that is hard and embarrassing to talk about. I chose a psychologist whom I had already seen once, it is so subjectively easier. As long as it’s not drugs - I don’t know how to work with this at all, I’ll have to immediately send it home.
Meanwhile, the woman sat down in an armchair and somehow very dexterously took out a pack of disposable handkerchiefs from her purse and put it on her knees. “Either she is whiny by nature and has known about it for a long time, or I am not the first psychologist she turns to.” With that in mind, I decided to wait for her to speak.
“You know, I have such a huge problem - my son dropped out of college,” the woman said.
“Yeah,” I said. I have not yet seen a special (and even more huge) problem in this. Well, I quit and quit, it happens. Maybe he just didn't like him. Or failed in the program. Unpleasant, sure, but not the end of the world. The woman was silent.
- Is it about further career guidance? I asked. Is the guy sitting in the hallway?
No, I came alone.
— Was the institute chosen by your son?
- No, you can't say that. He just agreed. By the end of school, in general, nothing but a computer interested him.
- Well, tell me more.
Three generations of techies in the family
The whole story in her presentation (the woman's name was Maria, the son's name was Alexei) looked quite trivial. Everyone in the family up to the third knee in depth - with a higher technical education. Grandpa still teaches at the Electrotechnical Institute. Naturally, it was assumed that after school Alexei would also go to study "something like that."
Moreover, the boy became passionately interested in the computer immediately after it appeared in the house, excelled at school in computer science lessons and at one time even wrote some simple programs.
However, by the end of the school, all enthusiasm for programming disappeared, only games and aimless hanging in social networks remained in the computer, and for the energetic prompting of relatives: well, the time for “h” is approaching, LIAPP, or Polytechnic University, or what in general? - followed sluggishly: I don’t know ...
The family took the lead. A tutor in physics (mathematics was already going well), preparatory courses at the institute - everything was energetic, under control, running and running. It cannot be said that Alexei somehow resisted what was happening. On the contrary, it seemed that he even breathed a sigh of relief: there was no need to decide anything, everything seemed to be decided by itself, that's nice, tram-pum-pum.
When he became a student, he was clearly happy and proud of his newly acquired status. He went to the institute clearly “on the rise”, willingly talked about new acquaintances, about subjects, about teachers. All this ended about six months later: it is difficult and uninteresting to study, and no one studies there, why is it all at all ...
Passed the first session with one "tail". The family acted as a united front - it doesn’t happen that everything is interesting and on a plate, you have to overcome yourself, you will get involved further, it will be better and easier. To their surprise, Alexey almost immediately stopped rebelling, finished his “tail” and seemed to reconcile. For more than a year they lived peacefully and calmly.
Only by the end of the second year did the unsightly truth become clear: the guy had not been attending classes for six months, there was no way to pay off the accumulated debts. The only way out is to pick up the documents. “I didn’t understand anything from the very beginning in some subjects,” Alexei said.
“Okay, you didn’t manage the program, you couldn’t study in this really difficult faculty. But why were you silent? the relatives cried out. - It was possible to transfer somewhere simpler a long time ago ...
“That’s right, I thought to myself: what’s the point in telling you? Alexei retorted strangely.
How do I say at work?
“I have two questions,” I said. What exactly is he doing now? And the second: all this time (at least half a year) he pretended to visit the institute. Where did he go?
- Now he does nothing, that is, he sits and plays the computer. Grandpa is trying to find a way to transfer to another institute...
- Alexei agrees again?
- He says that he would rather go to the army, but you understand that a normal mother ...
- Alexei is physically weak, doesn’t fit well with people?
- What do you! He is almost two meters tall, went to swing, and he always had a lot of friends and girlfriends!
What did he do instead of the institute?
“We don't really know. He said something about walking on rooftops, through sewers, and some other similar stupidity ...
- What did you come to me with last time, many years ago?
Maria carefully took out the first handkerchief:
“May I tell you what I came with now?”
- Well, of course! I was a little surprised.
“My only son is lost in this life. He is sick and I can see it. But I have almost no sympathy for him. I'm angry that he put me, all my family in such an awkward position. The only thing I think about all the time and that I have been feeling for two months now is shame and social awkwardness.
How do I tell at work that my son was kicked out of college? Soon we will have a class meeting (I am one of the organizers), where everyone will talk about their children, their successes, but what will I say? How can grandfather, with his impeccable reputation, feel uncomfortable asking for such a dunce? How did he let us all down?
I confess that I did not want to go to you, I have unpleasant memories of past visits. I went to other psychologists. One of them advised me to leave my son alone, take care of myself and let him solve his own problems. Another said that Alyosha was still immature, now it is common among young people, and we are doing everything right, and he will thank us later.
But I ... I suddenly caught all these feelings of mine and realized that I didn’t go to them for Alyosha’s help, but only for them to reassure me, myself and say that it’s nothing so socially terrible if you have a son from they expelled the institute ... And then I realized that I was a disgusting mother ...
And he wanted to be a lifeguard
“Maria, I underestimated you,” I said honestly.
- We were with you when Alyosha, at the age of fourteen, began to climb some abandoned buildings. There was an adult company there, and it was really, really dangerous. It seemed to me then that you did not understand me at all. You told Alyosha about initiations and about how in the yard of your childhood everyone walked on some plank between buildings at a height of five floors.
And I was told that a child in a family cannot be a social functional - in any case, he will try to break out of the boundaries, not now, then later. They offered me not to forbid, but somehow “join” him, take a walk along his road, give him adult feedback about what he is looking for there.
I thought it was kind of crazy at the time. What does it mean to join him? Climb with him on abandoned construction sites? Agree that walking on beams at a height of ten meters is great and right? My older friend advised me to buy him a powerful computer. I did so. Construction was completed within two months.
- And the second time? You said you visited me twice.
- The second time was Alexei himself, when we pestered him in the tenth grade with the choice of an institute. What you talked about, I don't know. I then went in for five minutes, and you told me: an excellently oriented guy, it is very difficult to enter the Ministry of Internal Affairs school without blasphemy, the Ministry of Emergency Situations School looks more promising and more humanitarian, but in any case, we must try, and he will need your help. We then at home with the whole family laughed for a long time ...
“He never told you at all that he wanted to be an EMERCOM-nickname?”
- He said, it seems, back in school. But we did not take it seriously: is it a profession? In addition, he did not take any practical steps in this direction ...
- Yes? And initiation into an adult group of semi-tramps at fourteen? And what about the gym? And what about diggers and roofers, when did you leave the institute? It has always been in him, and since high school he has been looking for a way to bring it all into a socially acceptable plane. Will he find it now - God knows ...
— Can I help him? - Maria crumpled the second used handkerchief in her fist, looked resolutely.
“Well, of course you can! I shrugged. Who, if not you?
- Well, for starters, stop the family campaign to push Lesha back to the institute and just tell him everything that they just told me.
Like repentance?
- Like an explanation of what happened and is happening to you. In response, you will most likely hear something honest too. From honest, even one-time communication, you can always push off.
Mary came two days later.
- He said that for now he wants to join the army, where everything is in order. It's from cowardice, not to decide? Also social functionality?
- He's your son.
"So, should I let him go?"
— Think.
- Oh sure. I can easily join this. I just wanted to shove him into at least some institute for my peace of mind.
- Great, join.
- He said that in the seventh grade he dreamed about how he, already an adult, saves people either in a fire or during an earthquake. According to him, we told him then (when he told us his dream) with aplomb: “First of all, correct the deuce in mathematics, rescuer. Your job now is to study." And to join was to give him The Catcher in the Rye, right?
“I don’t know, for some reason I don’t like this book myself.
- I like it, but I already read it as an adult.
For lovers of good endings: tall and physically well-prepared, Alexei successfully served in the Airborne Forces and, in the direction from the army, entered the school of the Ministry of Emergencies. Maria met me on the street and told me about it.
But good endings in such cases are far from always; alas, I have repeatedly seen something else ... The longer a child, teenager, young person remains "in the field" of those who decide for him, the more difficult it is for him then to get out from under all this and discover, and then defend himself.
And parents do not know how to help a grown child. It is clear that how many people - so many situations with studying at a university. Another typical case from the series “son dropped out of college” is analyzed by psychologist Ekaterina Murashova.
“Please, will you accept me?” My child is already big, and you have a children's clinic, I understand, but I really need it, please. We visited you once, many years ago, twice, but you don't remember, of course. Please...
“There must be some very serious problem,” I thought. Maybe something that is hard and embarrassing to talk about. I chose a psychologist whom I had already seen once, it is so subjectively easier. As long as it’s not drugs - I don’t know how to work with this at all, I’ll have to immediately send it home.
Meanwhile, the woman sat down in an armchair and somehow very dexterously took out a pack of disposable handkerchiefs from her purse and put it on her knees. “Either she is whiny by nature and has known about it for a long time, or I am not the first psychologist she turns to.” With that in mind, I decided to wait for her to speak.
“You know, I have such a huge problem - my son dropped out of college,” the woman said.
“Yeah,” I said. I have not yet seen a special (and even more huge) problem in this. Well, I quit and quit, it happens. Maybe he just didn't like him. Or failed in the program. Unpleasant, sure, but not the end of the world. The woman was silent.
- Is it about further career guidance? I asked. Is the guy sitting in the hallway?
No, I came alone.
— Was the institute chosen by your son?
- No, you can't say that. He just agreed. By the end of school, in general, nothing but a computer interested him.
- Well, tell me more.
Three generations of techies in the family
The whole story in her presentation (the woman's name was Maria, the son's name was Alexei) looked quite trivial. Everyone in the family up to the third knee in depth - with a higher technical education. Grandpa still teaches at the Electrotechnical Institute. Naturally, it was assumed that after school Alexei would also go to study "something like that."
Moreover, the boy became passionately interested in the computer immediately after it appeared in the house, excelled at school in computer science lessons and at one time even wrote some simple programs.
However, by the end of the school, all enthusiasm for programming disappeared, only games and aimless hanging in social networks remained in the computer, and for the energetic prompting of relatives: well, the time for “h” is approaching, LIAPP, or Polytechnic University, or what in general? - followed languidly: I don’t know ...
The family took the lead. in physics (mathematics was already going well), preparatory courses at the institute - everything was energetic, under control, run-run. It cannot be said that Alexei somehow resisted what was happening. On the contrary, it seemed that he even breathed a sigh of relief: there was no need to decide anything, everything seemed to be decided by itself, that's nice, tram-pum-pum.
When he became a student, he was clearly happy and proud of his newly acquired status. He went to the institute clearly “on the rise”, willingly talked about new acquaintances, about subjects, about teachers. All this ended about six months later: it is difficult and uninteresting to study, but no one studies there, why is it all at all ...
Passed the first session with one "tail". The family acted as a united front - it doesn’t happen that everything is interesting and on a plate, you have to overcome yourself, you will get involved further, it will be better and easier. To their surprise, Alexey almost immediately stopped rebelling, finished his “tail” and seemed to reconcile. For more than a year they lived peacefully and calmly.
Only by the end of the second year did the unsightly truth become clear: the guy had not been attending classes for six months, there was no way to pay off the accumulated debts. The only way out is to pick up the documents. “I didn’t understand anything from the very beginning in some subjects,” Alexei said.
“Okay, you didn’t manage the program, you couldn’t study in this really difficult faculty. But why were you silent? the relatives cried out. - It could have been a long time ago to transfer somewhere simpler ...
“That’s right, I thought to myself: what’s the point in telling you? Alexei retorted strangely.
How do I say at work?
“I have two questions,” I said. What exactly is he doing now? And the second: all this time (at least half a year) he pretended to visit the institute. Where did he go?
- Now he does nothing, that is, he sits and plays the computer. Grandpa is trying to find a way to transfer to another institute...
- Alexei agrees again?
- He says that he would rather go to the army, but you understand that a normal mother ...
- Alexei is physically weak, doesn’t fit well with people?
- What do you! He is almost two meters tall, went to swing, and he always had a lot of friends and girlfriends!
What did he do instead of the institute?
“We don't really know. He said something about walking on rooftops, through sewers, and some other similar stupidity ...
- What did you come to me with last time, many years ago?
Maria carefully took out the first handkerchief:
“May I tell you what I came with now?”
- Well, of course! I was a little surprised.
“My only son is lost in this life. He is sick and I can see it. But I have almost no sympathy for him. I'm angry that he put me, all my family in such an awkward position. The only thing I think about all the time and that I have been feeling for two months now is shame and social awkwardness.
How do I tell at work that my son was kicked out of college? Soon we will have a class meeting (I am one of the organizers), where everyone will talk about their children, their successes, but what will I say? How can grandfather, with his impeccable reputation, feel uncomfortable asking for such a dunce? How did he let us all down?
I confess that I did not want to go to you, I have unpleasant memories of past visits. I went to other psychologists. One of them advised me to leave my son alone, take care of myself and let him solve his own problems. Another said that Alyosha was still immature, now it is common among young people, and we are doing everything right, and he will thank us later.
But I ... I suddenly caught all these feelings of mine and realized that I did not go to them for Alyosha's help, but only for them to reassure me, myself and say that there is nothing so socially terrible if you have my son was expelled from the institute ... And then I realized that I was a disgusting mother ...
And he wanted to be a lifeguard
“Maria, I underestimated you,” I said honestly.
- We were with you when Alyosha, at the age of fourteen, began to climb some abandoned buildings. There was an adult company there, and it was really, really dangerous. It seemed to me then that you did not understand me at all. You told Alyosha about initiations and about how in the yard of your childhood everyone walked on some plank between buildings at a height of five floors.
And I was told that a child in a family cannot be a social functional - in any case, he will try to break out of the boundaries, not now, then later. They offered me not to forbid, but somehow “join” him, take a walk along his road, give him adult feedback about what he is looking for there.
I thought it was kind of crazy at the time. What does it mean to join him? Climb with him on abandoned construction sites? Agree that walking on beams at a height of ten meters is great and right? My older friend advised me to buy him a powerful computer. I did so. Construction was completed within two months.
- And the second time? You said you visited me twice.
- The second time was Alexei himself, when we pestered him in the tenth grade with the choice of an institute. What you talked about, I don't know. I then went in for five minutes, and you told me: an excellently oriented guy, it is very difficult to enter the Ministry of Internal Affairs school without blasphemy, the Ministry of Emergency Situations School looks more promising and more humanitarian, but in any case, we must try, and he will need your help. We then at home with the whole family laughed for a long time ...
“He never told you at all that he wanted to be an EMERCOM-nickname?”
- He said, it seems, back in school. But we did not take it seriously: is it a profession? In addition, he did not take any practical steps in this direction ...
- Yes? And initiation into an adult group of semi-tramps at fourteen? And what about the gym? And what about diggers and roofers, when did you leave the institute? It has always been in him, and since high school he has been looking for a way to bring it all into a socially acceptable plane. Will he find it now - God knows ...
— Can I help him? - Maria crumpled the second used handkerchief in her fist, looked resolutely.
“Well, of course you can! I shrugged. Who, if not you?
- Well, for starters, stop the family campaign to push Lesha back to the institute and just tell him everything that they just told me.
Like repentance?
- Like an explanation of what happened and is happening to you. In response, you will most likely hear something honest too. From honest, even one-time communication, you can always push off.
Mary came two days later.
- He said that for now he wants to join the army, where everything is in order. It's from cowardice, not to decide? Also social functionality?
- He's your son.
"So, should I let him go?"
— Think.
- Oh sure. I can easily join this. I just wanted to shove him into at least some institute for my peace of mind.
- Great, join.
- He said that in the seventh grade he dreamed about how he, already an adult, saves people either in a fire or during an earthquake. According to him, we told him then (when he told us his dream) with aplomb: “First of all, correct the deuce in mathematics, rescuer. Your job now is to study." And to join was to give him The Catcher in the Rye, right?
“I don’t know, for some reason I don’t like this book myself.
- I like it, but I already read it as an adult.
For lovers of good endings: tall and physically well-prepared, Alexei successfully served in the Airborne Forces and, in the direction from the army, entered the school of the Ministry of Emergencies. Maria met me on the street and told me about it.
But good endings in such cases are far from always; alas, I have repeatedly seen something else ... The longer a child, teenager, young person remains "in the field" of those who decide for him, the more difficult it is for him to get out from under all this and discover, and then defend himself.
Comment on the article "The son dropped out of college. What should parents and the student do?"
More on the topic "A student has debts, tails. Didn't pass the session, dropped out of the institute. Psychologist's advice":
While going to college, there are already tails. I have a feeling that I am completely disoriented in my studies, motivation What kind of "academician"? The student has not passed 1 session yet. And there, in strong universities, there is such competition between students that it can still play a role when students ...
I don’t want to go myself for educational reasons - I always went and always raked his jambs and solved problems, including obtaining a school certificate. Now the kid is already under 20, I think he can decide for himself, moreover What should parents and the student himself do?
Hello! What to do in a situation if the son of 20 years is not busy with anything. He left the university, unsuccessfully tried to work, now he seems to be looking for another job, but in fact he gets up at 12, makes a couple of calls, walks and returns. What should parents and the student himself do?
The son dropped out of college. What should parents and students do? no practice credit and deduction. The son dropped out of college. The first time to the university - at 6 months. Ushkalova Anastasia.
My son is dropping out of college... Actually, I don't know what to do personally in this situation. He just doesn't want to learn. The son dropped out of college. What should parents and students do? And now, in the middle of the 2nd year, she tells her parents that she is leaving the university and is going to study as a cook.
They are expelled for tails and the inability to pass the subject for 3 times. Well, if there is only one tail, they can allow a fourth retake (for state employees, but I know several dozen cases when, after a session that was not passed on time, a student was not transferred to the next course and parents ...
Not giving up a session is strategically wrong. she may not know, but if she enters the desired university next year, she will be able to True second year. The first had only one tail. Reapplying for next year? Is it possible to leave the university after the first year?
5 tails for exams. for the autumn semester, all debts in subjects except practice were closed. in a normal order, students worked for 2 weeks where they sent the institute, wrote a report and personally handed over practice in the institute workshop (some nuts were turned on the machines). with...
The son dropped out of college. What should parents and students do? In the middle of the 11th grade - I don’t want to go there and that’s it ... Without explanation. Dad made a strong-willed decision - to enroll his son in a military university, where he himself. After all, they should have New Year's holidays?
I myself suffer and instilled in my son. I consider myself a bad mother, since I can’t help my child and my husband According to the title of the topic, my son is already studying at the institute and is going to leave him. Those. the fact that the parents don't like the girl should not lead to protest in the form of...
Failed 1 test and 1 exam. Yesterday was the last day of the session and yesterday he confessed. Every day we have tails, holidays are only for students! The boy composes - judging by the fact that and how are exams taken at institutes now? In Baumanka, my son had a test week and ...
The son is going to leave the institute ... Today I talked with my son, he says that he is looking at how the session will end. Most likely, in this scenario, he will pass the session with a minimum of tails. The student does not go - notes absent, does not give the task - they note that the task has not been handed over.
Dropped out of the institute. I want opinions. The situation is this: my daughter has two tails left for the fall. Lost the first session. And he says different things. Either in a year I will be restored at my institute, then I already agree to the evening ... in general, as she did not have a firm position, so ...
Son is 17 years old. Officially - transferred to the 2nd course, but with 3 tails !!! due in September. It seems not stupid and seemed to be engaged. But maybe not with crazy tension. He's so hyper-calm. Studying to be a computer engineer (I will not go into details). I'm not angry, I'm upset. Not interested? Interesting? What's the matter? Long obscure explanations...
What should parents and students do? For example: we leave tutors, we just study at school, we pass all the exams as it will turn out (c She must face her biggest fear and understand what she is more afraid of What to do when the child says no.
The son dropped out of college. What should parents and students do? Are failures in credits and exams in history counted as 2? The subject is one. If you pass the exam, do you still have to retake the test that was in module 1? I'm in shock, I don't know what to do.
It is clear that in all universities the rules for admission to the session and the rules for passing-retakes But I know several dozen cases when, after a session that was not handed in on time, a student was not transferred Yesterday was the last day of the session and yesterday he confessed. That is, even if there is a conflict with ...
My son is dropping out of college ... until the ponsia or something to force? I had to work. She was hired for her current job as a student at the Higher School of Economics. What should parents and students do? Entertain or force? white dove. School psychologist - about the educational motivation of adolescents.