Fipi oral part of the exam in Russian. Demo version of the oral part of the oge in Russian. You can download the demo
The world is indispensable without communication. You need to build relationships, sometimes declare yourself and argue. It is difficult to do this when, while communicating with others, you experience a feeling of awkwardness, stiffness, fear of starting or maintaining a conversation, and also perceive yourself as an object for discussion by others. All this is experienced by a shy child, who then has every chance of becoming an unhappy adult.
You can change the situation for the better in childhood, when parents notice “alarm bells”: the kid always prefers solitude to games with peers, falls into a stupor if you need to read a quatrain on a matinee in the garden, hides behind his mother or grandmother for any reason. And if communication skills are not formed in time, it becomes more and more difficult to overcome shyness with age. The child closes in on himself. And mom and dad, wanting to help him, often aggravate the situation.
Common Mistakes Parents of Shy Children Make
Parents most often occupy one of two extreme positions:
1. They strive with all their might to remake a shy child. They are sent to a theater studio, forced to stand on a stool in front of the guests - to sing songs and read poetry, etc. In other words, they do everything so that the child gets into a situation in which he does not want to be, and cope with his shyness in one fell swoop. In fact, parents create a lot of unnecessary stress. The baby, in addition to other experiences, begins to form a sense of guilt (that did not live up to parental expectations) or fear (after all, the threat of punishment is also frightening).
2. Do nothing and turn a blind eye to the problem of shyness. Here, most often, parents proceed from their own selfish interests. In psychology, there is such a concept - “secondary benefit” (for example, a person’s emotional state or even illness brings some benefit that he himself may not be aware of). And the "secondary benefit" of shyness is a "convenient" child for parents. Some perceive the shyness of the child simply as a kind of character trait and do not seek to somehow change the situation for the better. They believe that the child has no problem. He does not make noise, does not run, does not climb anywhere, sits quietly and is silent. But between the concepts of “comfortable” baby and “happy” it is impossible to put an equal sign. It is naive to believe that a shy child will grow up and at 15, 20, or even 30 years old will say: that's it, I'm tired of being shy, I won't be shy anymore. “By slowing down” the situation, parents deprive their son or daughter of a further successful life.
How to proceed?
Look for the golden mean. Support a shy child, taking into account the characteristics and causes of the child's shyness, provide the support that he needs and help him to be happy.
Why is the child shy? Looking for reasons
To successfully deal with childhood shyness, you first need to determine its cause.
1. The child is shy due to age
It happens that a child is shy of strangers due to age characteristics. For example, at 6–9 months, and sometimes up to 1.5 years, the baby will no longer go so easily to strangers. For the crumbs at this moment, any unusual person is a source of danger. This is how the instinct of self-preservation of the crumbs works. This is a stage of development, and there is no need to fight it.
What to do?
Just get through this period. Respect the fact that the child behaves this way, support him with words and actions - be there when there are a lot of strangers in the room and the baby is afraid.
2. The child is shy due to lack of experience.
This often happens if a child grew up in a family for a long time, in which he communicated mainly only with his father, mother, grandmother or nanny and a couple of familiar children. For example, if he lived far from the playgrounds. And it happens that before kindergarten, the child, in principle, had little contact with children, because his mother or grandmother protected him from this in every possible way. If also, then communication problems are very likely. After all, it can be stressful. And one of the reactions to stress is the child's shyness and unwillingness to make contact.
What to do?
Teach your child to communicate with other children. Look for opportunities when the baby will decide on his own, to the best of his ability, emerging conflicts, build relationships. Of course, the parents themselves need to be an example for the child, to show how it is to make friends, communicate, go to visit. Help your child pick up games that will be of interest to his potential friends.
3. The child is shy in a new environment.
Getting into an unfamiliar place, people adapt to it at different speeds: someone needs 2-3 weeks, someone will need a couple of hours. The children are the same. Once in an unfamiliar environment, the child needs some time to get used to it and begin to get to know other children.
What to do?
It is important here to give the child as much time as he needs. Don't rush him and don't drop one. Just be there and, if necessary, hold the hand. It is useful to talk in advance with the baby where you will go, what will happen there - whether it is a holiday at the children's center, or a meeting with friends. Promise that if the baby does not like it, you will leave immediately (and, if this happens, keep your word). It will be superfluous to praise too much the place where you are going. Having disappointed a child once, it will be more difficult to restore his trust.
4. The child is shy because of self-doubt
The child believes that he is the worst and ugliest and no one will play with him, and therefore does not seek to establish contacts. As a rule, the reason for such an attitude towards oneself comes from parents who, consciously or not, inspire the child with such thoughts. It happens that pedagogical errors also take place here, when the child’s attention is too often focused on mistakes, and not on achievements. Ignoring the child, when preference is given to other children in the garden or at home, leads to the fact that the baby ceases to take an active part in collective affairs, is afraid to answer once again, so as not to incur the wrath of parents and the teacher. All this looks like.
What to do?
Change your relationship with your child. To do this, you first need to recognize the fact that you are disappointed with the baby, that he is not what you wanted. Then you need to start tracking when you either ignore a child or scold too much, and do the opposite: increase his self-esteem, more often praising not only for some merits, but also just like that, kiss and hug. Pay attention to those of his actions that led to the result (painted the drawing, completed the garage from the designer, learned to ride a bicycle), not forgetting to praise the efforts that the child spent on this.
5. The shyness of the child is caused by the peculiarities of temperament.
It is believed that shy sanguine and choleric people are less common than timid phlegmatic and melancholic people. If the child is more an extrovert, that is, as if turned to the outside world, then he is more likely to be active and sociable. And if the baby is an introvert and is more focused on his inner world, then noisy companies, long communication with peers may not be interesting to him at all. He is so good.
What to do?
Understand what temperament your child has, what drives him during communication (or not communication) with other people, and realize his features. You can seek help from a psychologist who will explain what can and cannot be corrected in the behavior of the baby. Teach you how to do it and help you deal with accepting the situation.
Whatever your child is - a mischievous fidget or a quiet silent one, he always needs you. And the harder it is for him, the more he needs you. Be there!
star parents
Stas Kostyushkin, singer, and Bogdan (10 years old):
“Bogdan and I have a lot in common. He is just as sociable. I also cried a lot as a child. It was enough for me to hear from my mother: “All children are like children, and you ...” I immediately burst into tears. And Bonya is vulnerable. As soon as he says sternly: “Bogdan, come here,” he comes up, and I see that his lip is already trembling. I immediately begin to calm him down, because I remember myself at the age of my son and do not try to break him.
Maria Petrova, figure skater, and Polina (6 years old):
“Polya is not shy at all. She took a lot from me and my husband. True, when he is mischievous, Alexei says that he looks like me. She is not easygoing, but I like her character. I love it when an imp lives in children! Polina definitely has it! Sometimes you don't know what to expect from her. Naughty! Especially with her grandmothers, with whom she spends more time today than with us.”
No need to label. Parents should not once again emphasize the shyness of the baby to others (“Pay no attention, he doesn’t greet anyone with us:”), as if apologizing for him. Just as one should not belittle - intentionally or not - his dignity ("For five years now, and everyone is afraid of strangers"). Instead, point out the strengths of his personality, carefully use words that emphasize the positive aspects of his behavior (not "shy", but acts "cautiously" or "cautiously"). Pay attention to the moments when he is sociable and open, and those when he is acting shy, quickly forget.