Oral part in Russian. Fipi presented the draft of the oral part of the Russian language exam. Questions only sound once
I did not think about this question until I had a conversation with one of the mothers of my son's classmate after the parent meeting. We were returning home, and in a conversation, this mother suddenly began to say that her son was embarrassed by her. She tries very hard to be closer to him in order to know what he is interested in, lives. Wants to meet and chat with his friends, because it seems to her important and interesting. And she told, literally the last case.
Friends came to her son, she went out to say hello, ask the guys, talk a little, and her son interrupted her and, blushing, began to pull towards the door. And after the guys left, he generally asked her not to interfere with them when friends come, because he is uncomfortable with the way she behaves.
It became interesting to me what exactly the son of the mother reproached. It turned out that he was embarrassed that his mother was trying to use their slang. An adult woman, saying “cool”, “cool”, “mobile”, “otpad”, looked ridiculous and funny in the eyes of her son.
Seems like a terrible thing? I know for sure that my son would not pay attention to this, although, if you think about it, I never tried to look like a sort of “my boyfriend” in front of his friends. I asked my friend, but usually, in everyday life, does she also use such words? She said that she wanted to talk to the boys in their language, she thought that it would be better that way.
Probably, many teenagers would have reacted to such a situation more calmly than her son, but the fact that parents often put children in an awkward position and do not think about it happens quite often. For example, one of the parents meticulously begins to ask the guys who came to visit their son or daughter about their parents, place of work and income, or they make gentle, but embarrassing jokes for children when a girl comes to visit their son or a boy comes to their daughter .
It happens that children are embarrassed by the homely appearance of their parents, especially if the father is used to walking in shorts, and the mother is in curlers and a washed-out bathrobe and does not consider it necessary to change their habits with friends of their son or daughter. There are many more situations in which parents put their children in an awkward position, but they treat this differently. Someone will say indignantly that the owner is in his house and has the right to behave as he wants, and the children are still small to tell their parents. And someone will sincerely wonder why his child suddenly reacts so strangely.
In many situations, children's maximalism also affects, so you should just endure such a reaction calmly. Psychologists say that for children from 4 to 12 years old, a certain amount of embarrassment for other people is natural. After all, children already know exactly what their peers like and dislike, and you may be completely unaware of this.
The feeling of embarrassment for someone can be compared with shame, and after all, the feeling of shame for a person close to you is familiar to everyone. So it is hardly worth being surprised or condemning your child. It is much wiser to talk and find out what your children's friends don't like, so as not to get into awkward situations yourself and not cause embarrassment to the child.
You can, of course, let everything take its course, but the conflict, left unattended, can grow and one day spill out. And, besides, if your child is constantly embarrassed by you, then he will begin to move away, and you may lose contact with him.
Most likely, you look at the current situation with different eyes. And, having taken a step towards mutual understanding, you will be able to understand for yourself what exactly you do not understand in each other, and why your children are embarrassed by their relatives.
Our children are our joy. So I want every day to be happiness and discovery for the child. But here we notice some shyness, and then severe shyness - the child runs away when guests arrive, lowers his head low when you just need to say hello, is afraid that he will be called to the board or instructed to speak from the stage at the matinee. And we understand that the child is shy of other children, adults, in general, all strangers. What to do about this problem? How to help him overcome shyness, how to teach a child not to be shy?
● Why is the child shy? What is the cause of excessive shyness? Where does shyness come from at an early and school age?
● What to do about shyness? How to teach a child not to be shy?
● Is it possible to overcome the child's shyness and how to do it?
It's so good when a child is not shy. What a kid the neighbors have: from a very early age, only guests in the house, he already climbs into a chair and reads poetry or sings songs. There is no shyness at all. And on the street - all the children greet, smile, talk. Yes, and at school - he learned a lesson or not very much, and the child goes to the blackboard, tells him nothing at all, that it can be funny and clumsy somewhere.
And here is such grief: our smart kid, so curious, knows long rhymes by heart, but so complicated that the neighbor never dreamed of. He is so handsome that he can perform on stage easily. But guests come, and the child begins to be shy, hides in the farthest corner, afraid to go out and just say hello, not to mention telling a rhyme. Further more, when moving to school, the constraint not only does not go away, but intensifies.
And most importantly, there is no way to get him out of this state. The child is embarrassed to tears and no persuasion, pushing, even threats or punishments help him. He hides behind his mother's skirt or under the table, does not want to leave his room, is frowningly silent and lowers his eyes to the floor. When did it start? Did the child begin to be shy at 3-4 years old or already at school? In fact, age is not important, in childhood any problem can be removed, you just need to know HOW.
Why is the child shy? - the answer should be sought in the visual vector
In order to understand the root causes of childhood shyness, you need to know at least a little psychology. All our desires are innate and given by nature. System-vector psychology divides them into vectors. One of the vectors - the visual one - has a whole set of desires, which are expressed in certain features, it is very easy to recognize them at a very young age.
And emotional openness, as well as shyness - these are just two manifestations that lie at the roots of the visual vector.
Fear is something the viewer can swing on, magnifying it. When, in response to emotional openness, the visual child hears laughter, name-calling, they beat him, instead of an emotional connection, fear arises in him. The child begins to sway not on empathy, which would be good for him, but on fear, as a result of which fear increases significantly. This is the child's shyness - the fear of showing oneself, opening up to the world, loving and being loved.
And so it turns out that children with a visual vector, the most potentially educable, the most quick-witted, the kindest and smartest by nature, become closed sociophobes. Having received a blow, having experienced fear, the viewer stops opening, but only closes even more.
From the outside, it seems that most children are not shy. Actually it is not. Most children simply do not have a visual vector - they have neither fear nor emotional openness. So, they simply manifest their desires outwardly in the way they want.
If a child is shy in a kindergarten or school, this is a signal that somewhere there was a visual vector injury - the child closed in on the fear of showing himself. There can be many reasons: in response to openness and emotionality, someone laughed at him, said a rude word, joked, called him names. As a rule, everything comes from other children - "kind" peers will always find something to cling to. The child does not pronounce "r" or lisp, he will be mimicked. The child fell and got dirty, now he will constantly be shouted that he is "crooked". The child is overweight and gets the nickname "fat trust". In general, external beauty is very important for the viewer, and if he is bullied, they say that he does not open his mouth beautifully when he speaks or eats, that he has an ugly expression on his face when he recites poetry, then this puts him in a state of fear of showing himself further. , open up.
Not only peers can introduce a visual child into a state of shyness. It can also be from siblings, from teenagers, from adults, even from your own parents. “Oh, well, you are a clown with us, Sasha, when you fall, you can laugh”, “A-ha-ha, look at your daughter, how she dances, not a single cow can be compared”, etc. - when we laugh at the cute attempts of a child to express himself, we often do not even notice that we ourselves hang a stone of shyness around his neck.
When I was very little, they gave me a gramophone. In my childhood there were no computers and music centers with CDs, and the gramophone was a real treasure. Every week my mother bought me a new record with fairy tales and poems, which then came out, as magazines do now. Not knowing how to read yet, I enthusiastically listened to other people's voices many times, scrolling through the record again and again. And my ability opened up - literally in a few days I knew the whole text by heart, moreover, I repeated it with the intonations of the actors, imitating them. Of course, it probably turned out quite simply, but my parents were literally shocked by my talent, they could not believe that I could do that. And I happily told my parents in the kitchen what I had learned. One day, my mother, while walking with me, asked me to tell a record for a friend of her aunt, who was also walking with her children. I began to tell, but my aunt’s eldest son began to laugh at me: “Che, che, I didn’t understand anything! Ha ha! Mom, why doesn’t she say the letter “r”? - he shouted all over the street. Aunt supported her child , said that I had no talent, and it would be better if they took me to a speech therapist, instead of showing strangers to people. They laughed at me, and I did not continue to tell. And then constant trips to speech therapists began - my mother took me to doctors who only said that the girl had a big problem.
"R" I learned to pronounce only in the 7th grade, but until the end of the 11th grade, my classmates "poisoned" me with my lisp. Today I understand that this was a big injury to my visual vector.
Severe trauma to the visual vector in a child can come from interacting with a person with an oral vector. It is oralists who come up with and "glue" offensive nicknames, which then accompany the child until the end of the kindergarten or school, they laugh and their laughter is very contagious, the rest of the children repeat it, and now the whole crowd is laughing at the baby. And often the oralists choose the spectators as their victims. This is how nature works, and it is necessary to deal with the consequences of such an influence of the oralist on the spectator not by censuring the oralist, but development, formation of the visual vector of your child.
And then the rule works - what you are afraid of will certainly happen. The more they call "crooked", the more you fall, the more they laugh, and so on in a circle. The situation is terrible, but what if the child is shy and it only intensifies. There is only one answer - sound the alarm! But, attention (!) This does not mean that it is necessary to run to school and protect the visual baby from ridicule. This most likely will not give anything, but will only aggravate the situation - they will laugh at him even more. It is necessary to act differently - through the visual vector and its innate desires.
Normally, visual fear, as the child grows up, should be transformed into the opposite property, pushed outward - turn into kindness, compassion, the ability to sympathize. Sincere openness gradually turns into empathy, a subtle feeling of the emotions of another person. Only developed visual people can be talented actors, excellent writers, excellent doctors. Moreover, it is communication with other people, love - this is real happiness, joy for the viewer, the highest content of his vector.
And if the child is shy, a signal goes to the parents - the visual vector does not develop, and it may not enter these states before puberty, but remain in fear, which means that, having matured, the viewer will experience fears, suffer from shyness, will not be able to normally contact with others.
The task of the parents of a visual child is to help him overcome fears, become emotionally open. And then the shyness of the child will go away by itself. How to do it? Only not with a violent "wedge wedge" - you are afraid to go on stage, we will pull you out. If you are afraid to go to the blackboard and answer in class, we will ask the teacher to call you more often. If you are afraid to communicate with your peers, we will ask them to come to visit every evening. This will not give anything, but will only increase the fears of the child even more.
Visual fears do not go away when they are overcome by force. So they only intensify, driving more and more into the person, into the heart. You can get rid of fear only by pushing it out - transforming it from fear for yourself into fear "for others", that is, into compassion.
It is also not necessary to focus the attention of the child on his shyness, to beg not to be afraid of adults and children. It is necessary to gradually show him that there are many others around him who need his sympathy, fear for them. Carefully guide him through all the stages of development of the visual vector: from plants to animals, from animals to people (read a small example of how to do this. Show your child that others are also hurt, and only he, with his kindness, can help them. Fear for yourself and fear for another - these are incompatible things in one visual person.Having learned to be afraid for others, to sympathize, he will never be able to sway on fear for himself, which means that he is not threatened by shyness, or psychosomatic illnesses, or social phobia.
Attention! This article is for informational purposes, it is impossible to accurately determine the vector set of the child on its basis. If you have a desire to truly understand your child, you must complete a full course of training in system-vector thinking. Sign up for introductory, free lectures.
Thousands of people have already been trained in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Their relations with relatives have improved, negative conditions have passed, the educational process of children has completely changed.
There are times when parents try to protect the child from any contact. Such complete isolation from society leads to the fact that the child does not know how to get along with people, make friends with his peers. Quite often, the child's shyness is explained by his habits, character and way of life of his parents.
There are mothers who are self-contained, gloomy, uncommunicative, they are suspicious and anxious, they are afraid of everything - the street, infections, fights, bad influences, and thus they set an example for their children. As a result, the child grows up amorphous and helpless. Remember, an anxious, nervous emotional atmosphere is very harmful for a child, because such situations can lead not only to the child's shyness and timidity, but also to neuroses. Also, a timid and shy child grows up in families where they treat him very strictly and demandingly.
How to teach a child not to be shy?
Quite often, mothers ask themselves: if the child is shy? Is it possible to teach him not to be shy around others? First of all, a child needs to be taught to communicate, he must be able to play with other children, and also get along with other people's adults. In order to develop communication skills, it is necessary to visit playgrounds, sandboxes, parks often ... After all, it is in such places that a child can smoothly turn from a passive observer into a rather active participant in games.
Feel free to play with your child in the sandbox, try to organize a game there with the participation of several children, try to invite your child's friends to visit. Never shame such a child, do not leave one in conflict situations, because children are sometimes very cruel, they not only quickly notice the weaknesses of other children, but also love to ridicule them. Never criticize a child for shyness, on the contrary, try to encourage and praise him more often. Quite often, parents make the mistake of discussing their child's shyness in front of other adults. He should only hear good things about himself.
If a child is constantly afraid that something will not work out for him, does not believe in himself, and often worries about this, is dissatisfied with his appearance or his achievements, then these are signals that the child needs help. You need to help him look for his positive aspects, try in such situations to publicly evaluate the results of the child’s activities, his successes and just personal qualities - accuracy, for example.
At the same time, you can overcome the shyness of the child with the help of various trainings, organizing such situations where your child can try his hand. Here you need to follow the principle “from the simplest to the complex”, first you need to give easy tasks that your child will certainly cope with. For example, you can ask the baby to buy something on his own in the store, or help set the table at home if you are expecting guests. By such actions, you will emphasize that the child can independently cope with assignments. Thus, the child will accumulate a positive experience of behavior in different situations. The main medicine for shy children is the warmth, attention and affection from their parents. Treat the child with respect as an adult, and at the same time remember that he is still a child.