Muslim obligations. Basic duties of believers. Dear and respected brothers

Indeed, many books have been written about the fact that for happiness in the family you need to become an ideal for your husband. Be for him a personal chef in the kitchen, deal with

cleaning the house, becoming a good mother for his children, daily turning all his sexual fantasies into reality, and at the same time remaining a gentle, faithful and complaisant wife.

"Isn't that too much?" - you ask. “Perhaps,” I answer. After all, I once asked myself this question. And believe me, to my great joy it turned out that it is not difficult at all. After all, we are talking about changing in the eyes of her husband, and not in reality. Do you understand what I mean?

So, let's start preparing a magic cocktail. Ingredients: 200 ml of affection, the same amount of tenderness, 0.5 liters of female cunning, 100 ml of intelligence, 0.7 grams of charm and 1 kg of wisdom (if some ingredients are missing, then wisdom will cover all the missing ones). Ready! We present a cocktail to our faithful, and happiness in marriage with a long-term guarantee for one century is guaranteed to you.

And now in more detail. If one day you got out of bed in the morning, ran to the kitchen to fry eggs for your precious one, and quite by chance you mixed the yolk with the protein, after which you received a severe reprimand from your husband, and spent the rest of such a “happy” morning in the bathroom, crying bitterly. tears; if you are really tired of all this, then at the same unfortunate moment, you should understand that everything needs to be urgently changed, from the same second, moreover, once and for all.

You need to change not only yourself, of course, but also your husband, children, if any, skills and even pets, and most importantly, your views need to change, your own views on life, family, work, children and life, such a vengeful and insidious.

The first thing to do on the path to perfection is to learn how to deal with your emotions. Believe me, even the most loving and most calm husband will not tolerate a woman constantly crying and screaming like a monster. Try to be less irritated, do not waste your nerves and your vital energy. Just learn to ignore the little things.

Of course, our life consists of little things, but believe me, the happiest person is the one who considers at least some things to be completely unimportant. But really, there are things more important than a failed scrambled eggs, such as your health, the health of your husband and children.

For example, I always loved cleanliness and order, but with the advent of the baby, irritation and constant fatigue simply attacked me. And then I realized that for a man it is important at all on a polished floor, but a kind, cheerful and gentle wife.

The second, golden rule treats with love and attention to yourself, beloved, unique and so special, which, among the daily routine, does not have enough time for itself. And it must be present - at least one hour a day exclusively for their own needs.

As you know, every person, from birth, has creative energy, and it is only necessary to direct it in the right direction. And it should be directed daily, otherwise your strength will run out behind the little things and the confusion of disorganization, and vital energy will disappear altogether.

Yes, and any skills in this life are not superfluous. Remember what you have always wanted to do: sewing, knitting, cooking, mastering the art of manicure, or maybe you have always dreamed of writing a book? Hold on, just don't give up. And do not waste time - start immediately, without delay.

The third, no less important rule concerns your appearance. How often do you pay due attention to your appearance? And, after all, we all know that skin, hair and teeth need daily care. In order to remain the one and only for your man, you need to work on yourself. And even if sometimes there is not enough money for salons, use folk remedies - they will preserve your beauty no worse. But still, in the routine of everyday problems, still find the opportunity to allocate for yourself, your favorite, at least a small monthly amount and find time to go to the hairdresser, get a manicure and pedicure ...

Believe me, this is a very profitable investment. We need well-groomedness for self-confidence and self-realization. Yes, and husbands do not leave those women who spend money on themselves, but those who neglect their appearance.

And, fourthly, I would like to say about the attitude, even about self-love. You must learn to love and respect yourself, no matter what. As long as we love ourselves, others love us too. But others also need to be loved and preferably as they are.

Improve yourself, reincarnate, be feminine and charming. Become an ideal for your husband: seduce him, praise him, tease him - anything, just do not be indifferent to his affairs, interests, his health and everything that worries him.

Learn to be happy, because we are all waiting for happiness, not realizing that it is near, and you just need to learn to appreciate and carefully store it.

I wish you warmth, good luck and patience!

— How to become happy in love?.. — How to become happy in marriage?.. — How to become a happy wife?.. — Are there any Secrets of Happy Women?.. Many women are looking for answers to these and other similar questions every day.

Maybe there are those who will say: “There are no special secrets, I was lucky with my husband - that’s the whole secret!”

Long-term observations allow the author to assert that Secrets of Happy Women exist, and happiness in love and in the family is not a gift from heaven, but a daily work. This work is based on a deep understanding of the psychology of human relations. This understanding of psychology (often intuitive) makes a woman happy.

This article, step by step, reveals the main Secrets of Happy Women . Our readers will not only learn these secrets, but also understand how to apply them in their lives.

So what are these secrets?

The first and most important secret , which underlies all other secrets: true happiness is born from within. True happiness cannot be found in the outside world or obtained from parents, a loved one, or even from one's own child. Perhaps the most important thing in life is to find yourself in the Universe, find true happiness within yourself and understand that this happiness does not depend on anyone and nothing.

A Happy Woman is always filled with Love and Respect for herself, even when she is alone. She experiences happiness and gratitude for this happiness, regardless of life circumstances, regardless of her beloved man and children.

This is the ideal state of the soul - the state.This state can be achieved through meditation, you can attend professional psychological training, or you can do psychological training yourself. you can usepublished on the site, or others.

If you learn to achieve this state and hold it, fear and anxiety will go away and inner strength, external attractiveness, freedom of choice and new opportunities in relationships, work and life will come. It is important to learn to be happy on your own, then you can be happy with someone else (with your husband, with a child), you can reach any heights in your career or business, you will be able to get all the best in all areas of life.

A happy woman is able to be self-sufficient and happy on her own. This does not mean that you need to give up love. At the same time, you need to believe in love and know that you deserve to be happy in love.

Use the law of attraction: "like attracts like" A woman who feels unattractive and unworthy of love and happiness attracts unworthy people and unpleasant situations that confirm this life position. A woman who has inner harmony and believes in love and in her happiness is attractive to men with a higher level of intellectual and spiritual development, who treat her well.

Second secret is that a woman should know: what kind of man she needs, what qualities she wants to see in a man. Meeting the perfect man is unrealistic, but you can and should try to meet a real man with ideal qualities for yourself.

You need to be absolutely clear about what you want, from appearance, intelligence level and size of biceps, to your relationship with him, the number of children and income level. Why is it so important?

You don't think that when you get married, you can change a man! Or do you think? Relax - it's impossible!

Many women, especially at a young age, naively believe that the main thing is to get married, and then you can "sculpt from what was."

Only those women become happy who understand that, firstly, a person can only “sculpt” and “remake” himself, and secondly, it is necessary that there be something from which one can “sculpt”. For example, a successful entrepreneur or highly paid specialist may eventually grow out of a student who tries to earn a living himself (namely, to earn, and not to mine illegally)! And it’s almost unbelievable that such a metamorphosis would happen to a guy who, at 25, is still “sitting on the neck” of his parents and spending their money on his own pleasures. A man who is more family-oriented than business-oriented will be a wonderful husband and father, but is unlikely to become a very rich person. A business-oriented man will provide you with material benefits, but will completely entrust you with the upbringing of children and all household duties. And if a man is more prone to risk than to stability, then frequent periods of financial crisis are possible in future family life.

Therefore, it is better to imagine in detail the image of an ideal partner for you and make a detailed list of qualities that you want to see in a future partner, which ones you are ready to put up with, and which are categorically unacceptable for you. And then think about whether such a man suits you, can you interact harmoniously? Or are there some qualities that need to be reconsidered?

Having decided on the necessary qualities, imagine life with your ideal partner every day for at least a few minutes, as if you already have a loved one. Feel that this relationship already exists. Accept this relationship, feel your mutual love and happiness.

With such an attitude, a worthy man will certainly appear in your life soon! And then take the trouble to get to know him well before you allow yourself to seriously fall in love with him and marry him! If you do not know the person you are marrying well, disappointments and conflicts are inevitable.

Third secret - you need to be seriously interested in the Man you like, be able to listen to him, understand and share his vital interests, hobbies.

It is very important for men that a woman listens to them with interest! An interested woman looks very attractive and seductive, she wants to win! And many men want a woman to be an interesting conversationalist, to be able not only to listen, but also to beautifully and competently express her thoughts.

It is very important to feel the measure in both, and to feel what kind of skill a man needs now: the ability to listen or the ability to speak. This ability to feel the mood of a man is especially useful in family life, so married ladies should also work on developing it. And the ability to speak beautifully will help to find mutual understanding not only in family life, but also with colleagues in a professional environment and with a variety of people in the social sphere.

The basis of mutual understanding between a man and a woman is common interests, and not just mutual physical attractiveness. For example, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie pay great attention to raising children, both are engaged in spiritual practices and charity, they are united by a common profession and passion for piloting an airplane, and probably something else that we can only guess about.

Therefore, if you like a man and correspond to your ideas about an ideal partner for you, then for the harmonious development of your relationship, you just need to seriously get carried away by his interests and captivate him with yours, in the end you can get carried away with something new!

Fourth secret is that Happy Women are always ready to meet the Man of their dreams.

If you don't want to miss a fateful meeting, get ready for it!

This secret should also be used if the man of your dreams has long been your husband.

In order to interest the ideal man whose image you have created, you need to become an extraordinary woman yourself. Engage in your development and personal growth, create a new image of yourself: remember everything that you dreamed of doing in life (do yoga or kung fu, learn public speaking or modern dance, learn English or learn interior design) and act!

Your hairstyle, face and body should always be well-groomed, your clothes and shoes - beautiful and tidy, your home - clean and comfortable.

And, of course, give a man the opportunity to appear in your life - do not sit at home, meet people, communicate and enjoy it.

At the same time, you should not enter into a serious relationship with a man if he does not have those qualities that are important to you, or there are features that are unacceptable to you. No need to spoil the life of yourself and him. Be thankful for this meeting and move on. Be free to meet the Man of your dreams!

And be sure, the Universe loves you and is preparing this meeting for you!

Fifth secret - sincere admiration for the beloved Man.

To keep love, a Woman must believe and know that this Man - the best in the world for her. Every person has a lot of positive qualities. When you fell in love with your husband and married him, you found so much good in him! And over time, they began to take everything for granted.

Read carefully the following words of Angelina Jolie:

"Enowhere I think my husband is so amazing that I don't know why he is with me. I don't know if I'm good enough.But if I make him happy, then that's all I want to be.".

Just think, one of the most beautiful women in the world, one of the most popular actresses of our time, UN Ambassador, smart, strong, .. and all she wants to be is to make him happy!

Of course, I believe that Brad Pitt is really “so amazing”, there is no doubt about it. But the secret of happiness is not in meeting an amazing man, but in continuing to consider him amazing after a year, and after 10 and after 20 years of marriage!

How to maintain this attitude? Pay more attention to the good deeds of your husband, to his positive qualities. Sincerely admire his mind, strength, kindness, diligence, caring for children, ability to help in difficult times - and you never know what else a beloved man can admire! This helps to keep in the soul a feeling of love for your Chosen One for many years of living together.

If a Man knows that he is the best in the world for his Woman, then he no longer needs to assert himself in front of her. Then he directs all his energy to assert himself at work, in science, in business, etc. And when a Man sees love and admiration in the eyes of his beloved Woman, it inspires him not only to be amazing. If She finds him amazing, He can move mountains.

Sixth secret - do not restrict the freedom of men. A man in love needs freedom, otherwise love leaves. A man should know that he is with you, because He wants now to be with you, and because it is His free choice.

In common family matters, there must be issues in which the decision is made by a man. For example, when buying a car, you say your wishes for its functionality (for example, for me it is automatic transmission, steering wheel on the left, climate control, heated seats), and He chooses the make and model and buys the best car that you can afford. Myself.

Believe me, He will do the best without your participation, valuable instructions and vigilant control! Trust his opinion. Do not allow yourself to interfere with your husband's decisions, criticize them, or question the correctness of his decisions. Allow yourself to be weak. Let him be strong.

At the same time, there should be issues in which the final decision is yours (for example, the color of the car, the color of the wallpaper in the bedroom, the kindergarten for the child). And there must certainly be an area in which only a decision taken by you unanimously comes into force (for example, what name to give a newborn child, whether to build a house of wood or brick, where to spend a vacation, what furniture to choose for a living room, or what to spend general savings on).

Often couples imperceptibly lose the harmony that was at the very beginning of their marital relationship. As a rule, a woman puts a lot of effort into family relationships and expects from a man, if not gratitude and tenderness, then at least approval. By virtue of our ideas about what a man should do, how to behave, we form a certain model of the behavior of our husband. And the man feels it and perceives it as an attempt to control him.

Do you think a normal man will allow a woman, even the most beloved, to control himself? No matter how! At best, he'll let her think... that she's in control of him.

Unfulfilled expectations give rise to resentment, irritation, disappointment, claims, quarrels. Can such an attitude cause a positive reaction in a husband? The answer is obvious.

A Happy Woman, noticing that she expects a certain attitude or act from her husband, says to herself: “Stop! He is a free man and is not obliged!.. to fulfill my expectations. He will do as he sees fit. This is His right. It's his choice". And then almost any variant of a man's behavior is perceived calmly, because free people, as a rule, choose the best options from all possible ones.

A happy Woman does not hold, does not direct, does not try to control a Man, but always recognizes his right to choose.

If you do the same, then getting rid of vain expectations, you will stop psychologically putting pressure on a man and free both him and yourself.

And when he does something nice for you, it will not be a fulfillment of duty, but a manifestation of His love for you.

Seventh secret - to combine incompatible qualities, to be different and always new.

A variety of images and versatility of character is a real magic that is subject to women and fascinates men.

A woman can be familiar and unknown, multifaceted and always delightful, modest and sexy, serious and cheerful, bold and timid, daring and patient.

She is able to dissolve in her beloved, to be his soul mate and at the same time remain herself, live by his interests and at the same time be interesting to him.

It is natural for a Woman to be weak and help in difficult times.

She always manages to look beautiful and be a thrifty hostess.

She manages not to part with her beloved for a long time and find time for solitude.

This is the only way to maintain harmony in the family.

You, too, can do all this, because you are a Woman ...

So, now you know that the Secrets of Happy Women are not some tricks or tricks. This is wisdom and correct behavior based on knowledge of the psychology of human relationships.

Now you know how to become happy in love and marriage:

1. Find true happiness within yourself and understand that this happiness does not depend on anyone, and on nothing. Achieve a state of "harmony with the universe." Believe in love and know that you deserve to be happy in love and marriage.

2. Imagine the image of an ideal partner for you and make a detailed list of the qualities that you want to see in a future partner. Imagine life with your ideal partner every day for at least a few minutes. Accept this relationship as if it already exists.

3. Be interested in the Man you like, be able to listen to him, understand and share his vital interests, hobbies.

4. Prepare to meet the man of your dreams. Engage in your development, personal growth. Be free to meet the Man of your dreams!

5. Sincerely admire your beloved Man.

6. Do not restrict the freedom of Men. Recognize his right to choose.

7. Combine incompatible qualities, be different and always new.

Of course, there are many difficult situations in the life of Happy Women. But, they overcome difficulties with honor, and the more valuable is their experience of achieving happiness.

I hope these Secrets will help you achieve what you want and survive all the hardships, while maintaining harmony, love and happiness.

I invite all readers to discuss and comment on this article. Your opinion is very important for the author!

The number of marriages and divorce proceedings is almost equal. Why do people first get married, and after a year or 2 they run to get divorced? This problem should be considered, since all readers have the hope that happiness in marriage is possible.

Statistics say that out of 100 marriages, 10 are based on love. All other marriages are concluded for profit (by calculation), by flight (the girl became pregnant), because of loneliness or because of the desire to change something in her life. It is not surprising that such approaches do not allow you to create happy. Why? Because a person does not initially create a family, but solves his problems through a stamp in his passport.

Marriage will not be happy on its own. It all depends on what feelings a man and a woman have for each other, what actions they perform, whether they achieve the goals they have set for themselves, whether they support and help each other, whether they develop their relationship and do everything together or someone alone tries. To build a happy marriage, you need to constantly work for both partners (and not just one). Otherwise, the following typical situations are obtained when:

1. A woman stays with a man in marriage so as not to be alone, because she believes that after a divorce she will not be able to improve her personal life.
2. A woman saves a family for the sake of children. Like, when they grow up, then it will be possible to think about parting with her husband.
3. The woman does not want to get divorced because the man provides for her. She agrees to live with him for the money.

And how many unfortunate stories are there about how husbands cheated on their wives? Here, women can also not break off relations, but live miserably, because whoever likes that they are cheating on him.

Men beat, rape, insult, cheat on their wives, and they forgive them, which makes the marriage as a whole unhappy. And so it continues until the woman gets tired of such a life or her partner himself decides to part with her. Many women suffer until old age. Only then do they begin to ask a simple question: “And for what, in fact, do they keep something that does not bring them happiness?”

1. Why live with a man who hits or cheats?
2. Why save a marriage if it doesn't bring happiness?
3. Why continue a relationship in which a woman does not achieve what she started for?

This is how most of the women live, who hope that everything will change soon. However, years pass when it was possible to change something, but nothing changes in marriage. The man, as he mocked the woman, continues to mock. The woman, as she felt unhappy, continues to experience the same emotions.

The most interesting thing is that men can also suffer in marriage with women who are unhappy. Often, women saw their husbands, they themselves change or do not do what men created families with them for. Often both are unhappy in marriage, only each of the spouses experiences this in their own way.

Why are people unhappy in marriage?

The propaganda that a person should create and give birth to children almost from a young age has led to the destruction of many marriages. Young people get married and get married, give birth to children as soon as possible. Literally during the first 5 years of marriage, they understand that they made a mistake. Marriage life has become hell. For some reason, husbands are forced to listen to reproaches every day, because spouses consider it their legal right. Wives hear criticism every day about how ugly they are. They have to cook food for their husbands, wash, clean. At the same time, they take care of children, work, because husbands cannot earn enough money.

The institution of the family is being destroyed, because a man and a woman feel not just unhappy people, but slaves in their own home. “Why do I need a family if this is hard labor?” - people disperse, no longer wanting to build a love relationship. At the same time, children suffer, who were also born because it was necessary.

Marriage becomes a prison. Both suffer. A woman expects only obligations from a man, and a man demands that his wife plow for him. This is what marriage is: it is the union of two slaves, where each one thinks he is the master, but, in fact, is the same miserable and unhappy creature as his partner.

Why not start a family now? If people continue to promote marriage, forcing young people to play weddings without understanding why they need it, then the institution of marriage will fall apart. Disappointed in family life, people will tell their children that family is bad. “You see, your father abandoned us. There is nothing good in the family”, “Your mother cannot even cook and constantly yells at you. Don't get married, son," parents will pass on their own frustrations to their children. As a result, people will soon stop entering into official marriages. Everything is moving towards this.

If people are unhappy, why should they build family ties? It is not marriage itself that makes a person unhappy, but the inability of him and his partner to make a life together happy. A family is built by two people. If they do not try to make the union happy, then the relationship itself will not become happy.

Marriage is neither good nor bad. The negative impact is the following: people create families without even understanding why they need it. Women often marry those who are simply rich. Men often marry those who know how to make the house cozy. But time passes, and they realize that they do not like. They begin to look for lovers and mistresses who will fill the gap that they themselves have created.

People do not get to know each other, but just walk, have fun, sometimes quarrel. If their union lasted for several months or a year, they play a wedding. There is no mention of any love. It is impossible to say that the partners know each other well. After the wedding, men are surprised that women stop sleeping with them, and women see how men comfortably fit on sofas and do not want to do anything. Have they become different? No, it's just that no one wanted to know them well enough to see who they were.

Partners do not face the problems that arise in family life. Before marriage, they have fun, and after the wedding, they begin to resolve serious issues. If we talk about concessions and compromises, when it turns out that the partner does not like what you like, and you want to live differently from the way your loved one lives, everything leads to daily scandals and quarrels.

People don't learn to live together. It seems to them that in family life everything will develop by itself. All problems will pass by just because they are together. But being together does not mean that you have a loved one. Together is when you and your loved one go in the same direction, help each other when necessary, protect and make stronger.

People become unhappy not because marriage and family are wrong concepts. All misfortunes come from having to be husbands and wives where no one has taught them how to live with each other. Each begins to think only of himself, wondering why the partner does not obey his will. Everyone forgets about what he can lose, starting to become impudent.

Unhappy marriage - endure or divorce?

If the spouses are unhappy in marriage, then the question of getting a divorce may soon arise. It can be the initiative of both men and women. It all depends on how valuable marriage is to each partner and how much patience someone has. Usually, the one who is already very tired of the partner, as well as the one who can no longer endure, begins to talk about divorce. If the marriage is unhappy for a long time, then divorce is inevitable.

What makes a marriage unhappy?

• The inability of spouses to solve the problems they constantly face.
• Attempts to improve the relationship of only one partner, when the second does not care what happens to their marriage.
• Cheating, indifferent attitude, bullying, insulting at least one of the partners.
• Lack of love and respect for at least one of the partners.
• Lack of desire to do anything for the sake of the relationship of at least one of the partners.

Marriage is the union of two people. If someone does not try, be indifferent, does not maintain and does not protect the relationship, then the family falls apart. Alone, the second partner will not be able to do anything.

What advice do psychologists give spouses to save their marriage? You can often hear that a man and a woman parted for a while and stayed apart. Over time, they will be able to understand for themselves how much they need their family relationships. If both need a family, then the spouses will begin to try to restore what was destroyed. If someone no longer needs marriage, then it is better to get a divorce and not torment anyone.

What is a happy marriage?

People are already so used to the fact that usually marriages become unhappy that they forget about what a happy marriage is. Many cannot even give examples of happy families. However, absolutely everyone can list unhappy marriages.

Dreaming of a family and a loved one, people often talk about a happy future. If you build relationships, then only happy ones. If you register a marriage, then only happy. If you give birth to children, then only in a happy family. All people wish to live in a happy future. But in order to get there, you need to create your happiness in the present tense. If you do not live happily now, then it is unlikely that you will be able to live in the future without changing anything.

How do you know if you are in a happy marriage or not?

1. Decide for yourself what happiness is for you.

For some, happiness will be the presence of a large capital in the husband, and for another - the appearance of children. What is happiness for you personally? Otherwise, this question can be asked as follows: why did you create a family? What did you want to get when you registered a relationship? Someone wants to get the status of a husband / wife. Someone wants to get approval from society: “What a fine fellow you are!”. Some people want to have their own family. Each person has his own reasons why he created a family.

And the second question: what for the sake of which you registered the marriage, do you now receive? If you're not getting what you expected from your marriage, then chances are you're unhappy. But if you have achieved your goal, because of which you registered the union, then you are happy.

2. Are you growing in your marriage?

One of the components of happiness is the ability to develop, become better, more successful, more beautiful, healthier, happier. In other words, the relationships you are in help you improve. Do you feel positive changes in yourself? Does your partner support you, help you? Does it push you to develop useful character traits and skills? Let's just say that from the moment you register your marriage, you feel that you have more space for self-realization.

A person feels happy only when he can realize himself. Use your potential, finally try your hand, create something new - that's what makes a person happy. All this can be achieved alone. But since we are talking about a marriage in which your partner is also in, the question is different: does your partner support you in your aspirations and self-realization?

A happy marriage is one in which people feel confident, strong, calm. They can realize themselves, because their partners support or even help them in this. They understand that since the moment of marriage, their life has improved qualitatively. They move forward, leaving behind their "loser" existence. If this is about you, then you are living in a happy marriage. But if you feel that you are increasingly withering, degrading, becoming insecure, then your marriage cannot be called happy.

Family life becomes happy:

• When people consciously chose each other.
• When they told themselves that they would try for the sake of their beloved partners.
• When they respect desires and opinions that do not coincide with their own.
• When they are looking for common goals, they are interesting to both, they communicate openly, and do not hold a grudge against each other.
• When they understand that they succeed in building relationships, they can easily create a family in which children will appear.
• When they are ready to face problems, at the same time they agree to help each other if something does not work out for someone.
• When everyone understands that the “atmosphere” in a relationship depends on what he himself does for the happiness of himself and his beloved.

It is not marriage that makes people happy, but the kind of marriage they create depends entirely on the partners.

The results of unhappy marriages

Watching other people's misfortunes or facing grief in marriage, people are increasingly beginning to live in a civil or guest marriage. These relationships do not require a stamp in the passport and obligations. This relationship may suggest that the so-called spouses do not live together. This is a relationship where partners do not owe anything to each other and can easily leave at any time. These are the results that come when it is not possible to build a happy marriage.

The saddest thing is that the children of unfortunate spouses are watching all this. It is beginning to be considered normal to live in a civil or guest marriage, to create unhappy unions where they will be humiliated, endure bullying and suffer. Every parent should think about what kind of example he sets for his child, who looks at him and believes that the way his parents live, you need to build your love relationship. Do you want your child to live the life you live?

Do you think the Prince would have taken Cinderella as his wife if she was a poor and unhappy girl? And would he marry one of her sisters, if they were beautiful, but miserable and unhappy?

Perhaps you think that you will finally find and become truly happy when you meet your soul mate, and your state of unhappiness is associated solely with your loneliness. If yes, then you will be interested to know what I came to in my 42 years, doing counseling for couples.

People who are happily married were in a state of happiness even before they met their spouses. Happy people create happy people. Those who constantly feel unhappy do not marry or continue to be unhappy in marriage. Only the one whose soul is filled with joy and love can give it to another person.

Was Cinderella happy, you ask. Yes, regardless of the circumstances in which she found herself, she was a harmonious, loving and happy person inside. So was the Prince. External circumstances are not able to change how a person feels and feels. The one who is always dissatisfied and feels like a victim will remain so regardless of the situation. The fabulous “they lived happily ever after” is not a consequence of creating a family, but rather the result of the rallying of two happy people.

I often hear from my clients: "I want my marriage to be happy." I repeated many times: if you want a happy marriage, focus on how to become happy yourself, then you will find happiness in family life.

If the way you feel depends on the other person, he becomes the master of your state of mind. And since we attract our own kind, such people attract the same person who will take responsibility for his emotional state. As a result, dependent relationships are formed, where the state of each depends on the state of the other, in such a couple the spouses do not complement each other, but rather both are in a state of eternal despondency and blame each other for not making them happy.

Of course, there is nothing shameful in striving for a happy marriage. But the chances of finding happiness in marriage tend to zero if you are unhappy yourself. A person who is in a state of happiness seeks to share his happiness and love, joy and interests. Unhappy people expect a relationship or another person to make them happy, and that doesn't work.

Let's go back to the Cinderella story. Despite the conditions in which she lived, and how her stepmother and stepsisters treated her, she was loving, caring and kind, which made her happy. She sought to share her fortune with others and tried to make her stepmother and sisters happy. But they were never truly happy. Why? Because their souls were filled with a sense of envy, the way they felt themselves depended on those around them. They placed the responsibility for their happiness on Cinderella. And it didn’t matter how wonderful Cinderella was, because their misfortune was created by themselves and the way they treated others.

The story of Cinderella is a fairy tale, but there is some truth in it. I've had to work with many people who were never truly happy, no matter what their significant other did for them. As long as they delved into themselves and others, instead of taking responsibility for their feelings and condition in their own hands, they experienced a state of sadness, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, pain and anger. As long as the responsibility for their own happiness was directed towards others, they were in a state of complete despair.

The way out of unhappiness is simple - take responsibility for your happiness in your own hands. Everyone is the blacksmith of his own happiness. If you hold on to the belief that relationships and other people will make you happy, then you are probably on the wrong path.