Funny stories. Funny and funny short stories Write a funny story

Call Natasha on the phone!
- Natasha is not there, what can I tell her?
Give her five roubles!

The patient came to the doctor:
- Doctor, you advised me to fall asleep, count to 100,000!
- Well, how did you fall asleep?
No, it's already morning! Sent by Yana Sukhoverkhova from Estonia, Pärnu on May 18, 2003

- Vasya! Does it bother you that you're left-handed?
- Not. Every person has their own shortcomings. Here you are, for example, with which hand do you stir the tea?
- Right!
- Here you see! And normal people interfere with a spoon!

A psycho is walking down the street and dragging a thread behind him.
A passer-by asks him:
- Why are you dragging a thread behind you?
What should I push forward?

- I have a neighbor - a vampire was.
— How did you know that?
- And I drove an aspen stake into his chest, and he died.

"Boy, why are you crying so bitterly?"
- Due to rheumatism.
- What? So small, and you already have rheumatism?
- No, I got a deuce, because I wrote "rhyme" in the dictation!

— Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
- And the day after tomorrow?

"Petya, what are you laughing at?" Personally, I don't see anything funny!
- And you can’t see: after all, you sat on my sandwich with jam!

— Petya, how many excellent students are in your class?
“Not counting me, four.
- Are you an excellent student?
- Not. That's what I said - except for me!

Phone call in the teacher's room:
— Hello! Is this Anna Alekseevna? Tolya's mother says.
— Who-whom? I can't hear well!
- Tolya! I spell it out: Tatyana, Oleg, Leonid, Ivan, Kirill, Andrey!
- What? And all the kids are in my class?

In a drawing lesson, one student turns to a neighbor on the desk:
- You drew well! I've whetted my appetite!
— Appetite? From sunrise?
- Wow! I thought you drew an egg!

During the singing lesson, the teacher said:
Let's talk about opera today. Who knows what opera is?
Vovochka raised his hand:
- I know. This is when one person kills another in a duel, and he sings for a long time before falling!

The teacher handed out notebooks after checking the dictation.
Vovochka approaches the teacher with his notebook and asks:
“Maria Ivanovna, I didn’t understand what you wrote down here!
- I wrote: "Sidorov, write legibly!"

The teacher told the lesson about the great inventors. Then she asked the students:
- What would you like to invent?
One student said:
- I would invent such an automaton: press a button - and all the lessons are ready!
- Well, lazy! the teacher laughed.
Here Vovochka raised his hand and said:
- And I would come up with a device that would press this button!

Vovochka answers in a zoology lesson:
- The length of the crocodile from head to tail is 5 meters, and from tail to head - 7 meters ...
“Think about what you are saying,” the teacher interrupts Vovochka. - Is it possible?
“It happens,” Vovochka replies. - For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!

— Vovochka, what do you want to be when you grow up?
— An ornithologist.
Is this the one who studies birds?
- Yeah. I want to cross a dove with a parrot.
- Why?
- And if suddenly the dove gets lost so that he can ask for the way home!

The teacher asks Vovochka:
What teeth are the last to appear in a person?
“Artificial,” answered Little Johnny.

Vovochka stops the car on the street:
- Uncle, take me to school!
- I'm going in the opposite direction.
- All the better!

- Dad, - says Little Johnny, - I have to tell you that tomorrow there will be a small meeting of students, parents and teachers at the school.
What does "small" mean?
“It’s just you, me, and the class teacher.

We wrote a dictation. When Alla Grigoryevna was checking notebooks, she turned to Antonov:
- Kolya, why are you so inattentive? I dictated: "The door creaked and opened." What did you write? "The door creaked and fell off!"
And everyone laughed!

“Vorobiev,” said the teacher, “you didn’t do your homework again!” Why?
— Igor Ivanovich, we had no electricity yesterday.
— And what were you doing? I suppose you watched TV?
Yeah, in the dark...
And everyone laughed!

A young teacher complains to her friend:
- One of my students completely tortured me: he makes noise, hooligans, disrupts lessons!
“But does he have at least one positive quality?”
- Unfortunately, there is - he does not miss classes ...

At the German lesson, we went through the topic "My Hobby". The teacher called Petya Grigoriev. He stood and was silent for a long time.
“I don’t hear an answer,” said Elena Alekseevna. — What is your hobby?
Then Petya said in German:
— Their bean briefmark! (I'm a postage stamp!)
And everyone laughed!

The lesson has begun. The teacher asked:
- Duty officer, who is missing from the class?
Pimenov looked around and said:
- Missing Mushkin.
At that moment, Mushkin's head appeared in the doorway:
I'm not absent, I'm here!
And everyone laughed!

It was a geometry lesson.
- Who solved the problem? asked Igor Petrovich.
Vasya Rybin was the first to raise his hand.
- Excellent, Rybin, - the teacher praised, - Please, to the blackboard!
Vasya went to the blackboard and said importantly:
Consider triangle ABCD!
And everyone laughed!

Why weren't you at school yesterday?
“My older brother is sick.
— And what about you?
And I rode his bike!

— Petrov, why are you learning English so badly?
- What for?
- What do you mean why? After all, this language is spoken by half of the globe!
“And isn’t that enough?

- Petya, if you met old Hottabych, what wish would you ask him to fulfill?
— I would ask to make London the capital of France.
- Why?
- And I answered yesterday in geography and got a deuce! ..

- Well done, mitya. dad says. — How did you manage to get an A in zoology?
- They asked me how many legs an ostrich has and I answered - three.
“Wait, but an ostrich has two legs!”
— Yes, but all the others said four!

Petya was invited to visit. They tell him:
Petya, take another piece of cake.
Thanks, I've already eaten two pieces.
“Then eat a tangerine.”
Thanks, I've already eaten three tangerines.
“Then take some fruit with you.
Thanks, I already got it!

Cheburashka found a penny on the road. Comes to the store where they sell toys. He gives a penny to the saleswoman and says:
“Give me this toy, this one, and this one!”
The saleswoman looks at him in surprise.
- Well, what are you waiting for? Cheburashka says. - Let's change, and I went!

Vovochka with dad at the zoo are standing by the cage where the lion sits.
- Dad, - says Little Johnny, - and if a lion accidentally jumps out of the cage and eats you, which bus should I take home? ..

- Dad, - asks Little Johnny, - why don't you have a car?
— No money for a car. So don't be lazy, study better, become a good specialist and buy yourself a car.
- Dad, why were you lazy at school?

“Petya,” Dad asks, “why are you limping?”
“I put my foot in the mousetrap and got pinched.
Don't poke your nose where it doesn't belong!

— Grandpa, what are you doing with this bottle? Do you want to install a boat in it?
“That's exactly what I wanted at first. And now I would be glad to just pull my hand out of the bottle!

“Daddy,” the daughter turns to her father, “our phone works ugly!”
— And why did you decide so?
- Now I was talking with my girlfriend and did not understand anything.
Have you tried taking turns speaking?

“Mom,” asked Little Johnny, “how much toothpaste is in the tube?”
- I do not know.
- And I know: from the sofa to the door!

- Dad, get on the phone! Petya called to his father, who was shaving in front of the mirror.
When dad finished the conversation, Petya asked him:
Dad, are you good at remembering faces?
“I seem to remember. And what?
“The thing is, I accidentally broke your mirror…

- Dad, what is "telefigurotivization"?
- I do not know. Where did you read it?
I didn't read it, I wrote it!

- Natasha, why are you writing a letter to your grandmother so slowly?
- It's okay: after all, grandmother also reads slowly!

Anna, what have you done! You broke a vase that was two hundred years old!
What a blessing, Mom! I thought it was brand new!

- Mom, what is etiquette?
- This is the ability to yawn with your mouth closed ...

The art teacher says to Vovochka's father:
“Your son has exceptional abilities. Yesterday he drew a fly on the desk, and I even beat off my hand, trying to drive it away!
— What's that! Recently, he made a crocodile in the bathroom, and I got so scared that I tried to jump out through the door, which was also painted on the wall.

Vovochka says to his father:
- Dad, I decided to give you a present for your birthday!
- The best gift for me, - said dad, - is if you study for one five.
“Too late, dad, I already bought you a tie!”

A little boy is watching his dad at work, who is painting the ceiling.
Mom says:
- Look, Petya, and learn. And when you grow up, you will help dad.
Petya is surprised:
“What, he won’t have finished by then?”

The hostess, hiring a new maid, asked her:
“Tell me, dear, do you like parrots?”
— Oh, don't worry, madam, I eat everything!

An auction is taking place in the pet store - there is a sale of talking parrots. One of the buyers who bought the parrot asks the seller:
Does he really speak well?
- Still would! After all, he was always raising the price!

- Petya, what will you do if you are attacked by hooligans?
- I'm not afraid of them - I know judo, karate, aikedo and other scary words!

— Hello! Animal protecting community? In my yard, a postman sits on a tree and calls my poor dog names with various bad words!

The three bears return to their hut.
— Who touched my plate and ate my porridge?! Papa Bear growled.
Who touched my saucer and ate my porridge?! squeaked the little bear.
“Calm down,” said the mother bear. - There was no porridge: I didn’t cook it today!

One person caught a cold and decided to be treated by self-hypnosis. He stood in front of the mirror and began to suggest to himself:
- I won't sneeze, I won't sneeze, I won't sneeze... A-a-pchhi!!! It's not me, it's not me, it's not me...

“Mommy, why does daddy have so little hair on his head?”
- The fact is that our dad thinks a lot.
"Then why do you have such curly hair?"

- Dad, today the teacher told us about an insect that lives only one day. That's great!
- Why - "great"?
- Imagine, you can celebrate your birthday all your life!

One fisherman, a teacher by profession, caught a small catfish, admired it, and, throwing it back into the river, said:
“Go home and come tomorrow with your parents!”

Husband and wife came by car to visit. Leaving the car at the house, they tied the dog nearby and told her to guard the car. When they got ready to return home in the evening, they saw that all the wheels had been removed from the car. And a note was attached to the car: "Do not scold the dog, it was barking!"

One Englishman went into a bar with a dog and said to the visitors:
- I bet that my talking dog will now read Hamlet's monologue "To be or not to be!"
Alas, he immediately lost the bet. Because the dog didn't say a single word.
Coming out of the bar, the owner began to shout at the dog:
- Are you completely stupid? I lost a thousand pounds because of you!
"You're stupid," said the dog. “Don’t you understand that tomorrow in the same bar we can win ten times more!”

- You have a strange dog - she sleeps all day. How can she guard the house?
- It's very simple: when someone else approaches the house, we wake her up, and she starts barking.

The wolf is going to eat the hare. Hare says:
- Let's agree. I will give you three riddles. If you don't guess them, then you will let me go.
- I agree.
— A pair of black, shiny, with laces.
The wolf is silent.
- It's a pair of shoes. Now the second riddle: four black, shiny, with laces.
The wolf is silent.
- Two pairs of boots. The third riddle is the most difficult: lives in a swamp, green, croaks, starts with "la", ends with "gushka".
The wolf shouts joyfully:
- Three pairs of boots!

Bats hang from the ceiling. All, as expected, heads down, and one - head up. Mice hanging in the neighborhood are talking:
Why is she hanging upside down?
And she does yoga!

The crow found a large piece of cheese. Then a fox suddenly jumped out from behind the bushes and gave the crow a slap on the back of the head. The cheese fell out, the fox immediately grabbed it and ran away.
Stunned crow with resentment says:
- Wow, the fable was reduced!

The out of breath director of the zoo comes running to the police station:
- For God's sake, help - an elephant ran away from us!
"Calm down, citizen," said the policeman. We'll find your elephant. Name special signs!

An owl flies and shouts:
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!
Suddenly he hit a pole:
- Wow!

A Japanese schoolboy enters a company store that sells watches.
— Do you have a reliable alarm clock?
“There is nowhere safer,” the seller answers. “First, a siren goes off, then an artillery salvo goes off, and a glass of cold water is poured over your face. If that doesn't work, the alarm will ring the school and let you know you've got the flu!

Guide: - in front of you is a rare exhibit of our museum - a beautiful statue of a Greek warrior. Unfortunately, he is missing an arm and a leg, and his head is damaged in some places. The title is "Winner".
Visitor: Great! I'd like to see what's left of the vanquished!

A foreign tourist who has arrived in Paris addresses a Frenchman:
- I come here for the fifth time, and I see that nothing has changed!
– What needs to change? he asks.
Tourist (pointing to the Eiffel Tower):
- In the end, did they find oil here, or not?

One secular lady asked Heine:
What do you need to do to learn to speak French?
- It's not difficult, - he answered, - just instead of German words, you need to use French.

In a history lesson at a French school:
Who was the father of Louis XVI?
— Louis XV.
- Good. What about Charles VII?
— Charles the Sixth.
What about Francis the First? Well, what are you silent?
“Francis… Zero!”

In history class, the teacher said:
Today we will repeat the old material. Natasha, ask Semyonov a question.
Natasha thought about it and asked:
What year was the War of 1812 in?
And everyone laughed.

Parents had no time, and grandfather went to the parent meeting. He came in a bad mood and immediately began to scold his grandson:
- Disgrace! It turns out that you have solid deuces in history! For example, I always had fives in this subject!
“Of course,” the grandson replied, “at the time when you were studying, the story was much shorter!

Baba Yaga asks Koshchei the Deathless:
- How did you relax on New Year's holidays?
- He shot himself a couple of times, drowned himself three times, hanged himself once - in general, he had fun!

Winnie the Pooh congratulated the donkey on his birthday, and then says:
— Eeyore, you must be many years old?
- Why do you say that?
"Judging by your ears, you've been tugged at them a lot!"

The client enters the photo studio and asks the receptionist:
- I wonder why everyone is laughing in your photos?
— And you should have seen our photographer!

- What are you complaining about? the doctor asks the patient.
“You know, by the end of the day I just fall from fatigue.
— What do you do in the evenings?
- I play the violin.
- I recommend that music lessons be stopped immediately!
When the patient left, the nurse asked the doctor in surprise:
- Ivan Petrovich, what does music lessons have to do with it?
- Absolutely nothing. It's just that this woman lives on the floor above me, and we have disgusting soundproofing!

- Yesterday I pulled out a pike weighing twenty kilograms from the hole!
- Can't be!
- That's it, I thought that no one would believe me, so I released it back ...

The summer resident addresses the owner of the dacha:
Could you lower the room rate a little?
- Yes, what are you? With such a beautiful view of the birch grove!
“And if I promise you that I won’t look out the window?”

The millionaire shows his villa to the guest and says:
- And here I am going to build three pools: one with cold water, the second with warm water, and the third without water at all.
- Without water? the guest is surprised. - Why?
The thing is, some of my friends can't swim...

At an art exhibition, one visitor asks another:
Do you think this picture depicts a sunrise or a sunset?
Of course, sunset.
- Why do you think so?
— I know this artist. He doesn't wake up before noon.

Buyer: I would like to buy some book.
Seller: - Do you want something light?
Buyer: It doesn't matter, I'm in a car!

An unknown young man set a world record in the 100 meters. The journalist is interviewing him:
— How did you do it? Have you trained a lot in any sports club?
- No, in the shooting range. I work there to change targets...

- I recently ran two kilometers in one minute at a school competition!
- You're lying! That's better than the world record!
Yes, but I know a shortcut!

Writing short humorous stories is an enjoyable activity that will help you realize your passion for writing and hone your sense of humor. Humor helps to relieve tension in difficult situations and bring people together with laughter, which is very useful if the plot is complex or tragic. It doesn't matter why you need to write a humorous story (for a literature class or just because you have a great idea) - this activity will allow you to show your sense of humor and find a way to express yourself.

Steps

Planning stage

Decide where the action will take place. Some people like to think through the plot first, but in humorous prose, a lot depends on the situations. Before starting to work out the plot, it will be useful for you to think about where the action will take place and what can contribute to funny situations.

• Try to choose an unbeaten place. If you are not original in your choice of location, the reader will quickly lose interest, because it will seem to him that he has already heard it.
• Humorous stories should have as few scene changes as possible. Strive to have only one seat, maximum two.

1. Consider the plot. Plot is the most important element of any story. The plot is what happens in the story, the characters and how they interact.

   • A good story should have a beginning, a middle and an end. Within this structure, there must be a source of tension, a climax (maximum point of tension) and a denouement that leads to an end.
   • Think about what could be the source of tension in your story, and adapt it to the place and time of action that you have chosen.
   • Consider how this source of tension might play out in your story. Perhaps the setting can add to the tension or create a romantic setting.

2. Think of heroes. Any story should have interesting and realistic characters. In humorous stories, the reader expects to see characters who either have funny traits or find themselves in funny situations.

   Use of humor

   1. Try to see the funny in everything. Thinking through a future humorous story, collect as many funny things as possible from all areas of life. It can be something personal or related to politics or culture. When you come across something interesting, write it down in relation to your story (plot) and the situation (i.e. the topic you are working on - for example, it could be friendship) and note why you find it funny.

      • Write down all the ideas that you come up with. Record all the funny things you see and hear, as well as any thoughts about plots and characters.
      • Don't be afraid to take stories from your personal experience or from the lives of friends.
      • A humorous story doesn't have to be completely autobiographical, but if it has elements of what you yourself have experienced, it will make your work special.
      • Follow the events in the world. You may not write a story related to breaking news or celebrity gossip, but it may lead you to think about a story based on real events that have cultural significance.

   2. Have your own strong convictions. In the humorous genre, honesty on the part of the author is important, which means that you, as the author of short humorous stories, must be honest with yourself. Before you begin, think about what you believe so that you can build on this your observations and the text as a whole.

      • You can hardly tell a joke on a political topic without deciding which side you are on. In the same way, one should not remain neutral in writing.
      • Don't be afraid that your humor will turn off people who disagree with you - just know what you think is right as it will help you find humor in certain situations.

   3. Look for sources of inspiration. If you want to write a short humorous story, it's a good idea to look for something that inspires you. Inspiration can take many forms, but the most effective way is to read and watch as much comedic material as possible.

      • Read humorous prose. It can be found on the Internet, in the library, or you can buy it in a bookstore.
      • Watch humorous films and series. It's not exactly the format you want, but it can also give you some useful ideas.
      • While reading or watching, try to analyze the humor.
      • Think about why something seems funny to you. Analyze how the writer or screenwriter came up with the plot and characters, and look for ways to adapt these techniques to your work.

   4. Know what the joke is. You can include jokes in text, and to do it right, you need to know how comedians do it. Using jokes is optional, but if you plan on doing it, it's best to learn the basics. The joke should be simple and the reader doesn't have to think long to understand it. Ideally, a joke should cause laughter at the moment when the reader finishes reading it.

      Use humor not all the time. It may seem strange that not everything in a humorous story should be funny, but too much humor can spoil even a good plot. Don't push jokes into readers - the story should be funny, but not oversaturated with humor.

      • Remember that a humorous story should have a realistic plot, characters and dialogue. A story cannot consist only of a sequence of jokes.
      • You can find funny in the place and time of the action, in the characters, in the situations, or in combinations of these elements. If you try to fit too much humor into one text, however humorous, you end up with a parody, not a story.

   Work on the text

   1. Describe the setting and characters as early as possible. In any story, you first need to explain to the reader who the story will be about, where the action takes place, and give a hint of what will happen next. This also applies to humorous stories, they just have something funny in them. Readers should not remain in ignorance for too long, otherwise they will leave the story before reading to the end.

      • At the beginning of the story, the scene and at least one character should be described.
      • Tell where the action takes place, but mention only the most important. Try to extract as much useful and funny content from the scene as possible.
      • Consider how and where the humor will appear. Try to at least hint at it in the plot.
      • Remember that at least something should appear in the plot - a source of tension, a source of humor, or something that will become important in the future.

   2. In the middle, events and circumstances should become more complicated and funny. It is in the middle that the obfuscation of the story usually occurs. Short humorous stories contain a lot of good humor in the middle, or at least create the conditions for humor to show up towards the end.

   3. Write a short summary. In a short story, there is little room for long discussions and conclusions. The story should end quickly and briefly, and by the end of the story, the humor should already be evident (especially if you set the stage for funny situations in the middle of the story).

      • The conflict should develop rather quickly. The humor may be in how the conflict is resolved, or it may simply be related to it.
      • The ending should be short. Remember that due to the format of the story, you will have to discard all minor details.
      • Try to make sure that the ending takes only one paragraph. The last sentence should contain humor so that the reader can breathe a sigh of relief.

   4. Write realistic dialogues. You already have characters that look like real people, and now you need them to communicate with each other so that the reader believes you. If the reader is immersed in the story, and he does not have the thought that it was all fictional, the story can be considered well written.

      • Think about how people talk to each other. Read the dialogues out loud and ask yourself if people really say that.
      • Good dialogue should have plot development. Throw out the excess and don't talk about the obvious.
      • Dialogue should reveal the characters' personalities, including how they communicate and treat other people.
      • Do not overload explanations for remarks with unnecessary details. For example, instead of the following phrase: "What should we do?" he asked, looking nervously at the ground and avoiding her gaze, it would be better to say this: "What should we do?" he asked, without taking his eyes off the ground ".

   5. Say whatever you want to say in a few words. This is one of the most difficult tasks in writing short stories. It may seem that writing a long book is more difficult, however, in a short story, the same tasks should be performed, only with a limit on the length. Everything should come together at the end, but in addition, the story should also be filled with humor.

      • You may have big ideas, but it is important to remember that when writing a short humorous story, you are limited in the amount of text.
      • Don't leave an idea unfinished. In the story, the main idea should be fully developed.
      • To reduce the volume, you can get rid of unimportant elements and words.
      • If you have said everything you wanted to say (either explicitly or through descriptions), you can assume that the idea has been fully implemented.
      • For example, you need a lot of space to describe the complexity of human relationships. In a short story, you can highlight a specific aspect of friendship (for example, forgiveness of hurtful words or actions).

   6. Focus on what's most important. It may be difficult for you to write your own story if you have not read similar stories from other authors. You can condense a long story or expand a short one, but the most important thing is to keep in mind the key elements of any story.

      • Some writers find it easier to write a long text and then shorten it. This approach guarantees completeness of thought.
      • Other authors like to start with a small passage and work on it. This will make it easier to write a short text, and this way you will save yourself from the anguish associated with deleting some parts of the text.
      • There is no right or wrong way to write a story, so choose what works best for you.
      • Whichever method you choose, keep the storytelling complete, reveal the characters, and use humor wisely.

   Editing

   1. Before you start editing, set your work aside. The worst thing you can do is start proofreading the text as soon as you finish working on it. You need to take a break from the story, then to look at it with a fresh mind. This will allow you to distract from small details.

      • Between the completion of work on the text and the beginning of editing should take at least one to two weeks. Ideally, it is better to leave the text for a month.
      • Ask a close friend or relative to read your story. Ask him to be honest with his criticism. Say that it is very important for you to know what you did poorly and why.
      • Reading the text with a fresh mind will help you see mistakes you may have missed. When you're engrossed in writing, you may feel like you've written something because it's still in your head, when in fact you might have omitted it.
      • Rest from the text is also necessary because then it will be easier for you to throw out the excess. Perhaps you really like one scene, but after a few weeks you may decide that it is not as important as you thought.

   2. Remind yourself what your goal is. What is the purpose of your story? Have you tried to pay attention to the real situation in society? Wanted to analyze a certain aspect of human nature? Laugh at personal experience? Whatever your intentions, you should remind yourself of what you wanted to convey to the reader before you start editing.

      • Remembering why you started writing this text, it will be easier for you to understand what you wanted to achieve. Thanks to this, you will understand whether you managed to achieve your goal.
      • Consider whether the tone of the story matches your intentions, as well as all the events in the story.

   3. Explain anything that seems incomprehensible. This is one of the reasons why the text should be put aside for a while. Once you've completed your story, you probably won't be able to notice things that will confuse the reader. If after that some time passes, it will be easier for you to find your mistakes.

      • Misunderstandings can be caused by the content of the story (or the lack of things in the plot) or poor transitions between scenes. Transitions should be smooth: from scene to scene, from chapter to chapter.
      • A successful transition ends the previous episode and leads the reader to the next one.
      • Here is an example of a good transition between scenes: "He followed her with his eyes until she disappeared into the darkness. In the morning he began to look in that direction again, although he knew that by this moment she would already have overcome half the road to the house."
      • Ask a friend to read your story and say which points seem unclear or confusing.

   4. Check the text for errors. Proofreading text is not the same as editing. When editing, you rewrite some parts of the text and throw out what is written poorly. When proofreading, grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors are corrected.

      • Look for spelling, syntax, grammatical errors, bad sentences and parts of sentences, punctuation errors, and weak explanations of lines.
      • Use a spell checker or ask a friend who is good at proofreading texts to check your story.
      • Try reading the story aloud. Sometimes mistakes are easier to catch by ear.
   • Do not give up! If you can't think of anything, take a break and start over.
   • Keep in mind that newly written stories are never perfect. The task of the writer is to change the texts and bring them to perfection.
   • Let a close friend read your work. You must trust this person and value their opinion. Ask him to point you to those fragments that you succeeded, and those that need improvement.

In this section of our site, we have posted a variety of short funny stories. For lovers of stories and anecdotes, these cool stories are exactly what you need. A lot of time is not required, they are fully loaded with humor, and most importantly, they cheer up the only way! Cool funny short stories are a kind of anecdote, only they are usually taken from real life, and sometimes it is in such stories that the famously twisted plot or the degree of comicality gives out such turns that you laugh non-stop for several minutes.

We hope these short funny stories not only will they cheer you up, but they will also encourage you to write your own funny stories, of which each person has quite a lot, if the memory is good. In any case, we will be glad to see you on the pages of our site more than once.

Reminds me of a story from my high school days. There was a thin, weak amateur astronomer Andrei in our class. Everyone who missed, had the honor to offend the calm and harmless "nerd". Once, at a physical education lesson (we had joint physical education in the hall, without separation of male / female), the boys pulled themselves up on the crossbar, and it was Andrey's turn. The first hooligan of the class ran up from behind to the pulling up "nerd" and pulled down his pants along with his shorts... In complete silence, the girls' jaws slowly dropped, the boys got their first complexes... No one offended Andrey anymore.

I, like my older brother, in the past - an avid gamer. Only I have always loved strategies, and he has rpg games. We went rollerblading with him. He rushes ahead and broadcasts something, turning to me. Suddenly I see - going straight into the pit. Very deep. My, then still a child's brain, did not come up with anything better than yelling: "Space!!!". You know, he jumped...

There is a mineral spring Cook in the Chita region. Naturally, the water from the spring is bottled and sold. The name of the water is appropriate - "Kuka" ... Late autumn. Two o'clock at night. Little-visited stall. Sleepy salesman (woman aged 45). Single shopper (male). The buyer, knocking on the window, waiting until it is opened, holds out ten rubles and says:
- Kuku!
The seller, not fully awake:
- Ku-ku...
Buyer, insistently:
- KUKU!!!
Salesman:
- Cho, at two o'clock in the morning, did you cuckoo something? ..

The ability to sell goods well is also an art. We went with the men in China just to have dinner. Well, as usual, we decided to take one hundred grams. I go to the bartender
- Three for a hundred! - And I'm throwing money away.
The bartender silently places three glasses and an unopened bottle of vodka on the bar.
- I asked three for a hundred!
The guy's answer first plunged me into a state of mild euphoria, and then I realized that knowledge of Russian psychology increases sales, for people like him, to heaven. He said:
- Stay, bring it back.
Well, how could she stay?

One day, the management of a large Western company decided to hold an attraction of unprecedented tolerance. Decided to arrange a gay festival from representatives of all offices. An order came to the Russian office - to send 3 gays. Management thought hard. They called a meeting and started thinking. Come up with. A resolution has been issued: the leaders of the three divisions, which will show the worst results for the current quarter, will go to the gay pride parade. The company has never seen such production, sales, marketing, advertising, supply!..

At work, an employee says that her lover gave her a new gold chain, but she does not know how to explain her appearance to her husband. Everyone begins to give advice: like, say that a friend gave a vilification, she bought it herself, they gave a bonus at work, etc. One man advises: - Better tell me what you found. My wife, for example, recently found a gold bracelet. The man somehow did not immediately understand why everyone was suddenly giggling ...

Dacha, grandmother and granddaughter drink tea. There is jam on the table, to which ants crawl from different sides. The girl, without thinking twice, crushed one. Grandmother puts pressure on the pity of the child:
- Lizonka, what are you, how is it possible ?! Ants are also alive, they hurt! They have kids! Just imagine: they are sitting at home and waiting for their mother. But mom won't come.
Liza (squeezing another insect with her finger):
- And dad won't come either...

A friend got to write SMS until one in the morning every day. I wrote a program on smart, which automatically answers all SMS: "Yes, my love", "of course", "very", etc. - in random order. In the morning I saw 264 incoming SMS. The last one at 5:45 with the text: "But when will you, bitch, fall asleep ?!"

In the 9th grade (children aged 14-15), a scheduled medical examination was held at the school, including a gynecologist. For many girls, this was the first time: everyone's knees were trembling. To save time, a lady gynecologist of Balzac's age asks more questions than examines. The question is the same for all 60 girls from four classes:
- Are you sexually active?
- How many years? - with a positive answer
The lady was tired.
Actually the story: my girlfriend (P), having gathered her will into a fist, approaches her aunt (T).
(T) - do you live?
(P) - zhiiiivvuuuu (shaking with fear, forgetting the essence of the matter)
(T) surprised - How old?
(P) almost crying - cheeeeeeeeeteen ...

I have a friend. Works for a computer company, in a warehouse. And through the wall he has neighbors - a veterinary pharmacy. The doors are close, and therefore visitors are often confused. Yesterday he wrote to me in ICQ: “Today a man came, stood the whole line! I waited until the clients took the printer, floppy disks, some other garbage ... The dude eventually comes up and asks the question: "My horse is coughing ... What should I do?"

Instruction

Remember that one of the main criteria for success in inventing jokes and writing funny stories is that a person has a sense of humor. Psychologists have long proven that an excellent sense of humor and erudition, as well as mental abilities, are directly proportional. In other words, the smarter a person is, the funnier their jokes can be. But this does not mean at all that all professors and candidates of sciences are born comedians. It is very important that the jokes you come up with cause laughter from the public, and not just from their direct author.

To write a funny story, come up with or remember a funny story from life and, most importantly, be able to present it “tasty”. For this purpose, humorous writers use a whole range of expressive means to help achieve the desired effect. In the first place among these means is hyperbole - an exaggeration of a situation, character trait or property. If hyperbole is used skillfully in a story, then a simply amazing comic effect is created.

Also, if it is appropriate and possible, use the litote technique, which is the reverse of hyperbole, that is, it is a deliberate understatement of some properties, traits, etc.

Add to the list of means, the use of which is possible when writing a humorous story, a literal interpretation, winged expressions and other words with a figurative meaning, an unexpected comparison, a listing as homogeneous incompatible objects, the use of words with a figurative and direct meaning in a specific context, and so on.

To keep the reader intrigued until the end of the story, use a technique such as an unexpected denouement. Do not forget also about the use of various absurdities in the behavior of your heroes. Endow their characters or appearance with comical features, put them in unusual situations, call them unusual names and give them "talking" surnames.

Useful advice

In fact, there are a lot of different tricks and ways of writing funny stories, it all depends on the author's imagination. And, of course, from his extraordinary sense of humor.

Sources:

• come up with a funny story

In the modern world, self-presentation plays an important part in the personal success of a person. You need to clearly know how to present yourself, your pluses and even minuses. A person does not have a complete absence of minuses, but, along with this, it is possible to paint each minus as a plus - it all depends on the point of application of quality and the specific situation of use.

You will need

• - Paper
• - A pen

Instruction

First of all, decide on your positive qualities. Highlight those that, in the opinion of others, are positive in your case. It is in your case, and not in someone else's, due to personal characteristics, different qualities can manifest themselves in different ways.

Write down all your negative qualities. Determine which ones are critical to assessing your personality and which are not. It is necessary to remember not only about those qualities that you consider negative, but also about those that were identified in you as negative from the outside.

Combine everything into one picture. The most important thing is not to embellish the truth, but to slightly rephrase and mix the former negative qualities with positive ones.
Write a full text describing your personal qualities, without focusing on any one. Write the text in dry academic language - this will help to give more impartiality to your own assessment of yourself.

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Useful advice

Remember that if you do not focus on one thing, the order in which the qualities are presented is decisive.

Laughter prolongs life, and a sense of humor helps to win over people. So if you need to talk about yourself when entering a new company or preparing a presentation for a competition, try to make the story funny. Listeners will surely love it.

You will need

• - Photo;
• - old magazines.

Instruction

The easiest way to give people information about yourself and make them laugh at the same time is to tell a few funny stories from your life. It is desirable that the described episodes could most fully reveal your character. If you love freedom so much that you ran away during nap time in kindergarten and tried to take a bus to Honolulu, and on your last hike in the mountains you narrowly escaped a bear that you were trying to photograph, this can be mentioned. But if in your biography there are stories that happened to you while intoxicated, it is better to hide them from the general public.

If you are preparing a story about yourself for a presentation, you can submit the necessary information to. Try not to abuse the lyricism of the narration, insert jokes, insignificant but funny episodes into the text. If you see yourself exclusively as a lyrical hero, try to bring a bit of absurdity into the text with descriptions of experiences and metaphors. Write how your tears flowed like a river when you, as a child, sat for hours over a boundless plate of semolina porridge you hated with lumps reminiscent of the snowman you made and destroyed by the older guys. If you have a bit of talent, you can impress your listeners.

Accompany your story with illustrations. But looking at photos can sometimes be boring, so armed with an unnecessary magazine, try to make a couple of collages. Let the model from the Chanel show, to which you glued your face, demonstrate how you went to prom, and the oligarch, who is relaxing on his own island and also acquired your disguise, makes your dreams of the perfect vacation come true.

Find parallels between yourself and a popular character in a book or movie. Perhaps you, like Harry Potter, had to live in terrible apartment conditions. Or your hair looks as good as Thor's, and you, like James Bond, love dry martinis. Focus on the age and tastes of your listeners in order to select successful characters for comparison.

When talking about yourself, do not get carried away by quoting other people's poems and sayings, no matter how witty they may seem to you. Your audience will be more interested in the name of the author whose work you used than consider you a hilarious one.

In modern life, there is often no time for a long relationship when you can be studied and well known. Often you are faced with a situation where you need to tell about yourself when you meet someone on the Internet or at a friendly party. Few girls can easily and naturally tell a guy about themselves. And you need to do it right.

What can you tell a guy about yourself?

Guys are conservatives and do not like sudden movements, defiant behavior and appearance, strange humor. Boasting and arrogance are also unattractive. But simplicity, accessibility, sincerity impress and understand. Therefore, you should not embellish yourself, at the same time, you can unobtrusively emphasize your positive qualities, and keep silent about unprincipled shortcomings. To know what to talk about, it is better to prepare in advance. Understand yourself, analyze your life and actions.

No need to be taken aback by excessive frankness and by all means try to consolidate the acquaintance with a joint secret. Also try not to talk about your problems at work, in life or with health and other troubles. It is better to make a first impression of a positive person, with an easy life and not obsessing over failures.

You should not wash the bones with acquaintances, especially the former, tell about your relationship, about how many romantic attachments you had in general. It is reckless to start eternal gender disputes: who is more important, smarter and more logical - women or men.

Try to find common hobbies and common ground. Develop this theme. Tell us about your plans for the future, try to dream together.

How to talk to a guy, telling him about yourself?

When telling a guy about yourself, speak confidently, calmly, without straying or getting confused in facts and sentences. You don't have to retell your entire life, from infancy to kindergarten attachments. Do not get hung up on trifles, remember the brightest and funniest cases.

Try to speak contagiously so as not only to arouse the interlocutor's interest, but also to arouse in him a desire to tell something personal on the topic of conversation. If you want to continue the relationship, do not try to speak out immediately and without a trace, get interested, but leave a lot of mysteries and unsaid for the future. Give your counterpart the opportunity to insert remarks and reason in response. The more interested in his person you look, the more detailed you can find out. Listen carefully, show your support and approval.

All these tips seem to be obvious, but in practice they are difficult to implement, especially if you really liked the guy ... Be natural and do not lose your head.

Sources:

• what can you tell a guy about yourself