How to stop fighting with yourself. Self-control and analysis. Constant tension and stress

04.11.2019

Swearing is considered a kind of verbal aggression, the danger of which is not noticeable to everyone and not immediately. Like other bad habits, the tendency to express your emotions through raising your voice and using swearing is quickly and easily formed, but getting rid of it is much more difficult. Some people do not even notice the excess of profanity in their speech for a long time, and when they finally notice, they are horrified and begin to feverishly look for ways to get rid of this scourge.

Why is verbal aggression considered a bad habit?

The use of profanity is by no means unreasonably considered a harmful phenomenon: like any other manifestations of verbal aggression, swearing lowers the level of speech culture, vulgarizes the language and creates a painful impression of communication among interlocutors. Often and in large quantities used inappropriately, swearing suggests that a person has problems with vocabulary or psyche (it is known that people burdened with numerous complexes with low or high self-esteem swear more often).

Unfortunately, even the awareness of the problem does not always lead to getting rid of it.

Swearing speech firmly grows into the everyday vocabulary, and is sometimes used by people consciously - as a protest and rebellion against phenomena that are unpleasant to them for some reason.

Cursing children are a special conversation: watching the people around them, babies copy the behavior of adults with their inherent curiosity, who, as we know, are not always restrained enough.

But be that as it may, a guy or girl who has crossed the threshold of a difficult and emotionally unbalanced puberty needs to be able to restrain his impulses and express even the strongest feelings in decent language.

How to stop cursing?

Ways to wean yourself from the use of obscene language are not so few. It is difficult to choose the most effective one, since each technique affects different people in different ways. Ask guys and girls who got rid of this bad habit how to stop swearing, try several different methods on yourself - and you will find your own option. The most common way is "self-training": a person systematically disaccustoms himself to swear, using available means.

Can:

Seek help from a friend who will be next to you and constantly remind you of the need to restrain yourself;
Learn to avoid provocative factors, at least at first - do not stand in long lines at stores, drive less often and stand in traffic jams, do not watch football (each person has his own triggers). Over time, swearing will become much easier to control;
Use a special piggy bank in which you need to put a certain amount of money for each swear word spoken aloud. Get such a piggy bank at work in order to effectively deal with swearing in the team;
It hurts to flick your wrist with a rubber band for every curse - cruel, but effective, because soon the mat will begin to be associated with pain and will gradually disappear from your vocabulary;
Avoid watching movies and listening to music with an abundance of obscene language.

The second way is a deep psychological analysis.

Sometimes, for the final parting with an unpleasant habit, it is enough just to understand yourself and stop being shy, complex, angry and worried about trifles. In addition, it should be remembered that the abundance of obscene language in communication immediately puts you in an unfavorable light, even if in fact you can rightfully call yourself an educated person who received a good upbringing in childhood.

Do you want others to notice your positive aspects? Try to stop swearing and a lot will change!

It is useful to learn positive thinking: if you stop worrying about trifles, the desire to swear will become less pronounced. Usually, with the help of swearing, we convey the strongest emotions (usually negative ones), and if the emotion itself has come to naught, what is the point of polluting our speech with swearing? Every time you slide into negativity, mentally stop yourself, take a deep breath, and look at the situation in a positive way. Understand that there is nothing fatal in a bus that has left from under your very nose, bad weather or an unpleasant conversation with your superiors.

Be loyal to yourself. Patience in this case is the key to success. A friend may tell you how he stopped swearing in a week, but this does not mean that you will cope with a bad habit just as quickly, and this is normal. The habit of swearing must have been developed over the years, so it can take more than one month to eradicate it.

The third way to get rid of swear words in communication is to change the general manner of speech. You need to understand in what situations you swear most often, and gradually replace swear words and expressions with more decent counterparts.

To make the process of replacing individual words and whole turns easier, try to select consonant phrases - for example, those beginning with the same letter as an obscene curse, or similar in sound. Even if at first glance they look completely meaningless, they will certainly play their role, and you will swear much less often, and over time you will be able to completely abandon this bad habit.

Try to set the right example for your children. Do not swear in front of them, so as not to infect with your bad habit. Keep in mind that sometimes there are moments in life when even the most restrained people swear - from pain, fear and other strong emotions that are 100% beyond the control of consciousness.

Therefore, do not scold and do not blame yourself if at some point you swear in your hearts. Your task is to learn to control your speech in everyday situations. If you can't handle your emotions and you feel like you're boiling over at the slightest provocation, do gymnastics when you're angry. Physical exercise will help overcome aggression, and it will not have to look for an outlet in your speech.

More and more people begin to swear, gradually get used to using obscene language in their speech. Often this transition from printed words to swear words is associated with psychological problems, emotional overstrain, and general fatigue. A person experiences difficulties at home, at work, begins to get annoyed more often. Conflicts arise, the nervous system is constantly in an excited state. Negative energy is looking for a way out and finds it in verbal form. It is not uncommon for people to admit that they use foul language during a quarrel so as not to go into a fight. And someone mat helps not to fall completely into depression. How to stop swearing, learn to control yourself and express yourself normally? How to get used to always behave within the bounds of decency, not to tire yourself and others with negative energy? It is important to get down to business seriously, to understand the essence of the mat, to devote time to introspection and special studies. Having stopped swearing, you will be surprised yourself how much easier and calmer it will be for you to live.

Why are you cursing your mom?
Try to find out why you started cursing. What gives you the use of these expressions when you switched to a new lexicon. Imagine: you decide to be cured of an illness. You need to find out its causes, its source, otherwise, even if you get out of the habit of swearing for a while, you will soon return to it again.

Take a piece of paper and a pen. Stay calm, focus. Start with the main thing: remember when you started using foul language. What was it about? Write everything down on a piece of paper.
Think about why mate helps you. Depending on your answer, you will need to build your "fight" with the mat.
Think about the times you swear the most. Try to create a certain system, find out what exactly pushes you to curse once again.
Imagine how you would behave if you didn't swear.
Answer the question: how much do you need a mat? Is it possible to do without it, but at the same time not start to feel worse, show aggression in a tougher form? If you feel that you cannot do without harsh expressions, you need to pay attention to your ability to control yourself. It is impossible to completely depend on your habit of cursing. Get rid of it to start feeling more confident.
Write down separately on a piece of paper all the reasons, actions and words of other people, situations because of which you usually swear. To overcome an addiction, you will need to make efforts to eliminate negative factors. Of course, getting rid of all the negative is difficult, but you need to reduce the number of irritants.

After understanding yourself a little, you can think about which type of behavior is more similar to yours. Highlight the main global reason why mate has become a habit for you.

Why they swear: common reasons
There are several well-known reasons why people choose obscene words to communicate.

Growing up. Often teenagers swear, wanting to assert themselves, to show their “opinion” in this way, to challenge society. They seem to act boldly. However, such behavior is just a sign of weakness, poorly concealed self-doubt. It is important to convey this to a young person so that he can look at himself from the outside, unlearn a bad habit.
Release of nervous tension, excessive aggression. Many people use harsh language in a conflict when they don't want to escalate it into a fight. The tension is released. In such cases, you can be advised to do physical training. Having learned martial arts, regularly spending time in the gym, a person will not only be able to get rid of negativity, but also accustom himself to discipline. It is advisable to work out with a trainer, on a strict schedule.
Life style. Another phenomenon is also common: people do not swear, but talk with it. They are so accustomed to these words that they insert them into ordinary speech without experiencing special emotions. Just "for a bunch of words." If you are just one of these people, the most important thing for you is to try to look at yourself from the outside. Pay attention to how you will look in a society where it is not customary to behave this way. It has been noticed that most often people with an unbalanced psyche, criminals, swear. Of course, being part of this diverse group is not for you. Make a little effort, and you will certainly get rid of the habit of swearing that is unpleasant for you and those around you.

See familiar reasons? There are some good tips for you.

Simple Tips

Grow up, develop, but do not prove your point of view using a mat. You will show your inability to argue, communicate! Attempts to insist on one's own, impudence and curses immediately betray in a person his fear, insecurity. Learn to make a good first impression.
Get rid of nervous tension, do not let aggression get the better of you, but never use the mat as a tool. So you will once again cause an unexpected reaction: another person may well start a fight after hearing curses addressed to him. A more solid and legally savvy citizen can strike you differently. Having received a summons to the court, where the case of insulting a person is being dealt with, many swear lovers are surprised. But ignorance of the law is no excuse.
Stand out with positive, not negative traits. If swearing has already entered your regular vocabulary, expel it immediately. You don't behave like that in polite society. It is possible that you have an unexpected peak ahead of you, a great career, the love of a wonderful person. And just one word, spoken out of habit, will close the cherished door to a new life, where you could be realized in a different capacity. Of course, swearing is not something so criminal, for which a person needs to be exiled, severely punished. But they repel other people, create a negative impression.

Learning to live without a mat. A few recommendations
You have already figured out what type of swear-lover you are. You managed to determine and write down what exactly makes you want to swear. Now you know how important it is to build your life correctly so that the habit of swearing does not become an obstacle for you on the path to development and happiness. Remember a few recommendations to make it easier for you to stop swearing.

Think. Train yourself to think about the answer first, and then speak. Don't speak spontaneously.
Don't answer the same. Never respond to swearing, rudeness with a foul language. Are you offended? Then don't stoop to the low level of your abuser.
Read. Enlarge your vocabulary. This will help reading books. You should not use a mat as a replacement for unknown words, epithets. Why do you need this primitive language? Learn to be above the mat.
Control yourself. Don't let emotions control you. You are the master of the situation.
Keep track of misses and wins. Keep a diary. Write down every time you were forced to swear. This is your mistake. Do not forget to celebrate achievements: you were already on the verge, but you restrained yourself and did not swear. You own yourself, get rid of a bad habit.
Look for an alternative. Come up with funny words, use euphemisms, fancy vocabulary. Count to ten silently if you feel like you are already having difficulty controlling yourself. Mentally utter curses of your own composition.
Train. Do one exercise regularly. Sit down, focus and remember the basic mat you used. Imagine that all this is said to you. Got an uncomfortable feeling? Did you understand that mate is only negative? The exercise can be stopped. Gradually, you will get used to treating swearing negatively, you will have the necessary strong association of obscene language and situations when you are insulted. After all, it is so: when a person swears, he offends himself.

Work on yourself, get rid of your habit. Then you will be able to stop swearing, learn to control yourself and communicate correctly. Keep your nervous system and do not insult others. Checkmate is a serious hindrance for any person who wants to get more opportunities out of life.

Until about the middle of the 19th century, foul language in Russia was a criminal offense. During the time of Tsar Alexei Mikhailovich Romanov, a person was subjected to public flogging with rods for using swear words!

Obscene speech has always been considered a sign of lack of culture and belonging to a low class. It was a kind of sign: before you is an uneducated person, leading a dubious lifestyle and not striving for positive changes.

Why do people swear

To talk about the lack of education of modern people is absurd. Now more than ever, the environment provides an incredible amount of resources for raising the cultural level, self-development and creativity. It is logical that the checkmate should have become an ordinary atavism. So what's the reason?

1. The need for protection and self-affirmation

Obscene language is a unique phenomenon. It exists, but speaking it is forbidden by society. As you know, ignoring the rules occurs either out of naivety, or out of fear and hopelessness. So lovers of a strong word can not be called in any way.

A person tries to hide vulnerability and self-doubt behind a demonstration of aggressiveness, independence and rudeness.

The more a person experiences confusion, disorientation in life, the more often he resorts to obscenities. Like a scared and angry animal. Growling, hissing and showing fangs.

As a result, teenagers swear because of the fear that they will not be accepted as real. It is easier to assert oneself according to the general laws of the pack, to be like everyone else. And adults, bearing a huge burden of responsibility, swear to drown out the feeling of fear due to possible failures.

The saddest thing is when people use swear words in communication with each other. Insulting and humiliating the interlocutor, the opponent tries to assert himself at the expense of the other and at least for a second feel his superiority. Albeit in an inappropriate way from a moral and ethical point of view.

2. Sloth of mind

Indeed, why strain and waste energy on the correct construction of sentences, the selection of expressive words and the use of effective oratory techniques.

After all, why waste time explaining in long-winded florid phrases what can be expressed in a second in one word.

Pronounced "bl ..." with different intonation coloring will save the sleeping brain and not disturb the memory. Disappointed: “Well, dear Klavdia Petrovna, you again forgot about the existence of a new model for writing memos.” Aggressively: "Colleague, didn't you see that you were putting this heavy box right on my leg." Admiringly: “Look how unusually beautiful it is around!”

The ability to fully and beautifully communicate is replaced by useless lowing of different duration and tone. Gradually, the vocabulary is depleted, and it becomes more and more difficult to speak the correct Russian language.

3. Constant tension and stress

It has long been proven that the mat briefly helps to let off steam and feel in working order again. Modern people have enough reasons for stress and conflict situations.

A person uses foul language as a defense against the outside world. He's like a bristling hedgehog.

Such a person constantly experiences such strong psychological discomfort that over and over again he simply ceases to notice the problems of other people, becomes less sympathetic, benevolent.

And this model of behavior is transferred to the whole worldview, a negative self-perception is formed, other people and events begin to annoy. It has been proven that swear words increase the level of adrenaline, body temperature and pressure. Like alcohol or drugs.

A person understands that he is beginning to be sucked into a destructive funnel of aggressiveness, a split in interpersonal relationships, and a lack of self-understanding. He loses control of himself and his life.

How to stop cursing

It turns out that the mat does not exist by itself, but is a side effect of the negative changes taking place in a person.

It is useless to force yourself not to swear. You need to find the root cause and understand yourself.

Take some time for introspection. Take paper and a pen, sit comfortably in your favorite chair, relax. Write down your ideas and thoughts.

Try to remember what was the prerequisite for the use of swearing in your speech. Write down on a piece of paper the actions and words of other people, situations because of which you usually swear.
To what extent does foul language help you, and under what circumstances? What hinders its use?
Imagine that you stopped cursing. Are you more comfortable? Or, on the contrary, do you want to pour out the accumulated aggression and negative emotions in other forms?
How badly do you need checkmate?

Analyze your answers. Think over a plan of action to return the beautiful Russian language to your speech based on the recommendations given.

Change your attitude towards people and circumstances. Having understood the reasons that make you want to swear, try to either change your attitude towards them, or delete them from your life.

For example, you swear while driving. It is clear that you are constantly worried internally, being responsible for the passengers and the safety of the car. Pedestrians scurrying across the road anywhere and dashing drivers are perceived by you as a potential threat. You are afraid, this is normal.

But is there any point in getting angry and foul language, thereby reducing the concentration of attention behind the wheel? Other road users are unlikely to pay attention to you, and the mat will not change the overall situation on the road. Maybe it's easier to exhale and, singing your favorite melody, calmly drive home in a great mood, without winding yourself up.

Learn to relax. You can relieve stress by doing sports, your favorite hobby, spending time with loved ones or in nature. As you learn to make time for yourself and de-stress, you will find yourself using foul language less and less.

Build your confidence. You cannot endlessly assert yourself at the expense of other people. You need your own inner core, a sense of yourself as a person that you respect, appreciate and love. The one who is self-confident, has inner strength and a strong spirit, will never allow himself to humiliate a person and go through his pride.

Try to control your emotions. The most effective option is to mentally count to ten before answering an unpleasant person or reacting to the current situation. Replace obscene words with alternative expressions from normal Russian. It takes a little practice and patience to get used to.

Constantly develop. Don't stop there. Read more quality literature, replenish your vocabulary. Go to virtual educational platforms, improve your skills, master related specialties, take an interest in the world. Set new goals, dream, move forward.

This will give you self-confidence, make positive changes in your life. It is likely that you will meet interesting people with whom it is pleasant to talk without swearing. In addition, you will learn to enjoy the use of beautiful and rich turns of speech.

Conflicts are an integral part of any relationship, but sometimes it happens that because of constant quarrels, love is increasingly replaced by pain. Working on your own response to conflict can make all the difference. It takes a long time to learn how to be open, understand and accept your partner, but it is a necessary step towards improving your relationship.

Steps

Part 1

Understand the causes of conflict

Find out what you fight about the most. It can be something small, like hygiene, or something more important, like jealousy, infidelity, or mutual obligations.

Identify other factors that can provoke conflict. It can be alcohol, physical and emotional fatigue, stress at work or school. Solving these problems can improve your relationship.

Determine what role you yourself play in conflict situations. It may seem to you that only your boyfriend is to blame for all the troubles, but try to take a step aside and realistically assess your “contribution” to the emergence and development of conflicts. In some cases, admitting that you yourself have done wrong to your partner can significantly reduce the number and intensity of fights.

Try to find an acceptable solution. Perhaps, although not necessarily, you know a way out of the situation. Think about what solution to the problem would be ideal for you. Then ask yourself what other solutions might be acceptable to you. This will help you see the conflict in the broader context of your needs and relationships in general.
- If it helps, write down on a piece of paper everything you would like to say to your boyfriend.

“You won’t praise yourself - you walk all day like a spat upon!” There is such a hint.

Why praise yourself and rejoice in your success? Then to live in joy. Then, to get a new skill to replace the old one.

And he, the old habit of “scold yourself”, is definitely there if you do not praise yourself and devalue your own achievements.

Here because of failures, getting upset is a trifling matter, right? And scold yourself, blunder or klutz. Here for a word you do not climb into your pocket.

Perhaps you are accustomed to censure?

Perhaps the habit of reproaching yourself was formed a long time ago, when your parents scolded you for your “failures”?

Perhaps they did not even scold, but they were visibly upset, looked with such disappointment and reproach.

But your successes were taken for granted. They accepted, they say, this is how it should be, “flight is normal”, the child does not fail, somehow he will behave further, because the control is on the nose!

A disappointing result of such upbringing: you hardly remember them, your successes. They are not emotionally charged. Where is your childish “yess!”, sorry, “hooray!!!”?

Rather, in the business of achieving success, you have an anxiously charged expectation of another failure, and success can only be accompanied by a sigh of relief: "Uff ... passed this time ... not taxed ... it seems ... ".

But "failures" ... yes, you will not forget this ...

You get used to “gain experience”, “learn from mistakes”, because it is them, mistakes, failures, and not successes, that parents discuss with you.

The dominants of your perception (this is what you tend to pay attention to first of all) are strengthened by neural connections in the brain and the skill is fixed.

You yourself help build that very critical factor in thinking that you are a loser and a klutz.

All your subsequent achievements will be required to break through the veil of disbelief in your successes. Through your critical factor of thinking that success is something that has nothing to do with you.

How to stop berating yourself? And start praising?

It is unlikely that it will be possible to reorganize quite quickly, so that now you always praise yourself.

It takes three months of "hard training" and constant control over thinking to acquire a new skill.

And it will “roll down” to the previous response models, because neural connections in any, even very strong-willed, brain do not switch so quickly.

It's like letting a river run in a new direction. It is necessary to build a "dam", that is, to establish control over thoughts and prevent defeatist moods. Not easy, but doable.

Then dig a new channel, that is, begin to rejoice at successes, and direct the thought-flow exactly there. Only there.

It requires a strong will and perseverance, as well as faith in your success.

Because every time you habitually scold yourself, you learn to… lose.

Vicious circle.

It is possible to break this bad infinity in immersion, where the subconscious is given the opportunity to correct the situation at the very beginning, until a rigid structure is obtained. Shake the stability of the critical factor of thinking.

Hypnosis is an opportunity to bypass this most critical factor. This is one of the definitions of this state (hypnosis).

The factor of criticism of all your successes, broadcasting something like: is it a success, something is unbelievable, for sure, this is another crap, and not a success, ”it is easy to manage on immersion, since the will, as an element of consciousness, rests here. Deep layers of both the psyche and the brain work on immersion. The subconscious comes to the fore.

No wonder they say that "if a person does not realize what is happening to him, he thinks that this is fate." I invite you to hear the voice of the subconscious and realize your deepest motives.