What to do when betrayed by loved ones. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one and recover from betrayal. things that your loved ones do that don't need to be forgiven

02.07.2020

Betrayal of a loved one and its causes. The article will discuss the wrong behavior of the initiator of the conflict, which jeopardizes the established relationship. Options for overcoming the crisis with the least losses for the participants in the quarrel will be offered.

The main reasons for the betrayal of a loved one

Before executing or pardoning the offender, it is necessary to understand the origins of the committed action. The reasons for betrayal can be the following factors that pushed a person to the voiced act:

Unnecessary requirements. Sometimes we want too much from our inner circle, presenting them with our model of behavior as a model. If the response does not justify the hopes placed, then the offender is automatically assigned the status of a traitor.
Annoying circumstances. Sometimes it is difficult to control what is happening in life, because often circumstances are above us. Unwittingly, we commit acts that bring mental pain to loved ones. All this is done not from evil thoughts, but from the inability to control one's actions.
The effect of alcohol. Regrettably, it sounds, but sometimes intoxicated couples can work all sorts of miracles with the behavior of even an adequate person. And not always his actions will be positive, because the green serpent clouds the mind. Most betrayals occur precisely with the voiced factor, when, at the stage of sobering up, the traitor regrets the event.
Refusal of problems. This is how the windy womanizers see the situation, who leave a pregnant woman from them. They do not plan to create a family, preferring numerous intrigues and thus causing pain to the victim of betrayal. In some cases, people refuse to look after their sick relatives, because this can drastically change their lives. To hand over to a nursing home for the elderly - also does not paint the person whom they raised and put all their love and care into him.
Benefit. Not all people are perfect in their thoughts when it comes to money or career growth. Often the victim of a situation that has arisen has an acute question of how to survive betrayal by a more prudent partner. Profiting at the expense of a person outside the couple looks unattractive in the eyes of the public, which does not approve of such behavior.
Cynicism and callousness of the soul. We do not choose our inner circle if we are connected with it by blood ties. People are not always lucky in terms of relatives, because there can be egoists in every family. For them, hurting the feelings of loved ones is the norm, because they do not want to be responsible to others.
Desire to make everyone happy. It sounds, at first glance, paradoxical, but this reason for betrayal tends to be. Kind and sympathetic people want to give a piece of themselves to everyone around them, which can have a deplorable ending. You can't be good to everyone because it's a dead end. As a result, the unfortunate person can really bring joy to one loved one and bring significant pain to another.
Fear of retribution. It is no secret that often human nature is weak in the face of an alarming situation that has arisen. Trying to save themselves from retribution, weak-minded people willingly hide behind the backs of their loved ones. Sometimes they are even ready to sacrifice them to save themselves, which looks even more ugly than physical betrayal.

Signs of a possible betrayal of a loved one

Sometimes relatives or friends make you doubt the sincerity of your actions. Experts recommend paying attention to the following points, which should make a potential victim of deception alert:

Abrupt image change. We all love to coordinate something in our lives, so the voiced factor is not a 100% guarantee of a possible betrayal. However, if at the same time the eyes of the second half begin to burn in a clearly different direction, it is worth thinking about what is happening. The betrayal of a loved one does not arise from nowhere, so you should deal with the reasons for the collapse of the relationship.
Sudden coldness of a partner. Love is not always an eternal concept, because there are many temptations outside the emerging couple. The expression about swan fidelity is very popular, but this does not happen in all families. Love is the daily work of each of the partners, but a passion that flares up on the side can kill any relationship. Therefore, with a sharp change in the behavior of a lover, it is worth thinking about the possible fact of betrayal.
Complete ignore. Sometimes relatives and friends begin to behave strangely, trying to avoid meetings and not answering phone calls. They do not go into direct dialogue, but all their strange behavior indicates that the relationship has given a fundamental crack. The reasons for what happened can be very different, ranging from resentment to banal betrayal.

You always need to keep your finger on the pulse when it comes to personal relationships. Trouble can be prevented at the initial stage of its occurrence. Rose-colored glasses can destroy even the most ardent love and devoted friendship. After all, no one can deny the fact that by their behavior a loved one is desperately signaling a problem that has arisen.

Varieties of betrayal of a loved one

There is nothing identical in the world, because even twins can be completely different in temperament. Therefore, it is worth paying attention to the types of betrayal by dear people:

Misunderstanding. Sometimes this factor provokes the beginning of a conflict between friends or lovers. If someone does not accept us with all the features of character, then this can be regarded as a fact of betrayal. People are blind and deaf when it comes to their own ambitions. It is possible that there was no Judas-style act on the part of a dear person, but rage often clouds the brain of the offended.
Moral treason. Only fools can claim that this will never happen to them. Quite often, wise people are faced with the problem of how to survive the betrayal of a loved one. After all, no one is immune from mistakes, when an awkward act hurts loved ones. The situation is much worse when everything is done consciously. An example is platonic love with another partner, which does not cross the line in the form of physical infidelity. However, even such a hobby on the side can bring mental anguish to the injured side. A classic example of the situation described is the behavior of Katie-Scarlett O'Hara towards Captain Butler, which did not end well.
physical betrayal. If we are not talking about convinced voluptuaries, then it is necessary to look for the reason for such an act. They don’t look for good from good, because with a stable and trusting relationship, there can be no question of an affair on the side. It is very difficult to forgive a romance outside of a relationship, because at the same time, an inferiority complex begins to be added to the experienced humiliation.
Slander and gossip. This factor is very close in the nature of its formation to moral treason, but that is sometimes simply the result of careless actions. In this case, we are talking about outright sabotage, when a tangible blow is deliberately dealt to the reputation of a loved one. A word can sometimes hurt much more painfully than physical violence, which is proven by life practice.
Sitting at work. Friendship is friendship, but tobacco is apart. Some will smile at this expression, but it has a very wise meaning. It's hard to turn down a possible career path, even if your best friend is standing in the way. Man is created in such a way that self-sacrifice is not his main character trait. No one has canceled decency yet, but the facts of the described phenomenon still take place.

Ways to recover from the betrayal of a loved one

Everyone has the right to choose for himself a line of conduct in the created critical situation, which poisons the life of the victim. Sometimes it is very difficult to decide on your own how to forgive betrayal. There are two ways out, and they are all fundamentally different from each other.

Breaking up with a betrayer

The easiest way to take this step is to cut yourself mentally from the traitor. However, in this case, you should find out all the nuances of the plan:

Demonstrative care. Very often, when a betrayal of a beloved man defiantly collects things and goes to live with a bachelor friend. A woman, when convicted of infidelity of her husband, asks for asylum from her mother in order to restore her state of mind after the incident. All this is a temporary phenomenon, because deep down the victim is not ready to let go of the soulmate. Such an educational method can bring a positive result if both parties are ready to radically change their relationship. However, the expression that a projectile does not hit the same funnel twice is very arbitrary. It falls if one of the couple is seriously in love with another person or is simply sexually promiscuous.
Care-call. At the same time, the traitor will listen to everything that is thought of him from an angry partner. Very often, the victim of betrayal will not go beyond the threshold, because she does not want to do this at all. Trying to hit harder with a word, the offended person will try with all his might to wrest a declaration of love and apology from the offender. An oath of further eternal fidelity also does not hurt if leaving is really only a provocation and a challenge.
leaving forever. All dots over the "yo" are dotted, and all bridges are burned. It is difficult to glue a broken cup together because it is a pointless exercise. Relations after the fact of betrayal can become a burden for both parties. In this case, the expression that leaving - leave is excellent. It is very difficult to revive the former passion, and sometimes it is simply futile to believe the betrayer.

Forgiveness of a betrayer

Breaking the vicious circle after the final showdown is easy, and restoring trust in a couple becomes a serious problem. You can forgive the cheater in different ways, because it all depends on the reason for the betrayal by a loved one:

Ultimatum. If the injured party is not ready to break off relations, then she can clearly define the boundaries of communication with the offender. Trump cards are exclusively in the hands of the victim only if the offender himself is interested in continuing the love story with the victim of deception. At the same time, you should calmly explain to your partner that no one will tolerate such an attitude towards yourself anymore. Therefore, the message will be given that the guilty person is forgiven, but warned about the last chance for rehabilitation.
Behavioral Changes. The betrayal of a husband may be the reason that the wife does not share his interests or simply neglects her appearance. The beloved begins to look towards other men if her chosen one seems less responsible to her. A person is able to change any situation, if at the same time he shows a willingness to fix everything.
Silent acceptance of the situation. You can forgive betrayal simply by closing your eyes to it. This method does not always bring the desired result, because only strong personalities are respected. You can come to terms with many things, but the fact of spiritual or physical betrayal cannot be lowered. A mistake is a mistake, but the initiator of what is happening must understand that he is doing wrong and risks relations with his soulmate. If a friend stumbled, then it is worthwhile in a calm atmosphere to find out the reason for his act.

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one - look at the video:

The betrayal of a loved one is always painful, because the honor and dignity of the injured party are affected. Everyone must decide for himself how to get out of the hellish circle. To forgive or let go - the choice is small, but the decision must be made exceptionally well after considering all the possible consequences of the act.

Probably, indeed, betrayal is the worst thing that can be. Betrayal of friends, relatives, those whom we do not doubt, those whom we trust without hesitation. It's like losing the earth under our feet and the sky above our heads, because those whom we trust, after all, they are our earth and our sky.

Isn't it stupid to uproot a good old tree in order to hopefully stick a dubious market seedling in its place. Isn't it stupid to torment the good old, whether it be wives or leaders, for the sake of their naive hopes.

Understanding, empathy, kindness, love are the only ideals. And when we betray them, we become what we despise. And we lose our humanity, and then after us in the world there is only violence and destruction.

Loyalty in love is entirely a matter of physiology, it does not depend on our will at all. Young people want to be faithful - and they don't, old people would like to change, but where can they be.

Betrayal of a man is not treason. Betrayal is not that he left for another. Betrayal - when the fact that you are pregnant ... he will tell you to go for an abortion.

Thanks to those who left me in difficult times. You have made me stronger. So much stronger that it's better for us not to cross paths.

Reliability is a stigma, for the acquisition of which it is necessary to do some dirty trick.

Never forgive change. Any betrayal is a comparison, a search for something better than you have. He who seeks the best will never appreciate what he has...

We must remember that those things that bring you a lot of money will betray you sooner or later.

He who has sold his homeland also sells himself.

What could be more humiliating for the betrayer than the realization that they were not able to properly use his betrayal.

Kings know no more about the affairs of their ministers than cuckolds know about the affairs of their wives.

Don Juan is the one who cheats on a woman, but not on women.

It's a shame when you are a Judas, and they sell you like Christ.

Betrayal, destroying hope and faith, kills love.

That physical betrayal is only a consequence of spiritual betrayal. For people who have given each other love have no right to lie.

Nothing in the world smells so good as the corpse of an enemy, a traitor or a traitor.

Love is not a matter of morality. But feeling knows no betrayal. It grows, disappears, changes - where is the betrayal? It's not a contract.

To whom chastity is a burden, he should not be advised of it, lest it become a path to hell, turning into filth and lust of the soul.

Whoever is alive waits in vain for the praise of the arrogant crowd. Only the devotion of friends is the treasure of the masters, It is more beautiful than all the riches of the world.

The most cruel, the most evil and intolerant of their opponents are traitors and renegades.

He is capable of any deception who is accustomed to making white out of black and black out of white.

Keep me, Lord, from those I trust. Whom I do not believe - I will beware of those myself.

Betrayal, like the law, has no retroactive effect.

When your head is turned, it is difficult to notice the moment when your neck has already been turned.

It is pointless to kill petty traitors in a state where the government itself consists of traitors.

Love and friendship - this is what you have to endure betrayal and betrayal.

The first betrayal is irreparable. It sets off a chain reaction of further betrayals, each of which moves us further and further away from the point of our original betrayal.

Forgiving betrayal is little different from betrayal itself.

He already left you once and will leave you again. You can't depend on people who let you down.

Believing the vows of a traitor is like believing the piety of the devil.

The biggest competition is in the market for salable skins.

Every backstab has its own face.

You can't betray one to protect the many.

Closest to the body is a selling skin.

Is there even one person who has never betrayed? Loyalty - exclusively canine quality!

The betrayal of the people closest to us kills us slowly, very slowly... It seems to rip off the skin from your entire being... you can live without a soul, you can live without a hand... but without skin? When your body is one continuous wound?

He was a personality, he betrayed - he became a circumlocution.

Betrayal- This is a violation of the agreement by a loved one. Moral harmless forms of betrayal are a violation of this oath or promise, not justification of hopes or infringement of interests on the part of a loved one. The most serious case is physical betrayal - this is a betrayal that leaves a deep and aching scar in the soul of every person, after which a person loses faith in people.

The emotions of a person who has been cheated on are overwhelming and all his actions will be dictated by the state of his soul. He is looking for reasons for betrayal, delving into the past, blaming himself for his betrayal and trying to find faults in himself. Then he begins to hate the person who has changed, considers him a vile traitor who is guilty of his misfortune. A little later, a state of depression appears, under the influence of which the offended person begins to blame and threaten, cry and curse, and begins to beg to return.

Psychologists compare the state of mind of such a person with a mirror. A person stands in front of a mirror and sees himself beautiful, smiling in the mirror - and in a moment, he looks - there is nothing. It also changes in the soul of a person who has been cheated on, in a short time it becomes empty. Instead of love and trust, anger, resentment, and a desire for revenge settle in her.

As you know, having broken firewood in the heat of the moment, it is impossible to solve the problem. Therefore, having learned about the betrayal of a loved one, first of all you need to calm down and think about how you are going to continue to build relationships with this person. No one can force you to be with the person who has hurt you and made you unhappy. Do not forget that every person is the blacksmith of his own happiness, and it is up to you to decide whether to suffer further or cut the thread that connects you.

Forgive betrayal and survive betrayal, you can only rid yourself of the negativity that has settled in the soul. To do this, you must try to change your view of betrayal, and put yourself in front of the fact that you cannot fix what has already happened. So you need to look for the reasons that pushed a loved one to commit treason. Maybe he just made a mistake, and did not act to spite you, or he is just a weak person and needs to be pitied. After all, any ugly act is associated with a combination of circumstances and time. Think about why someone close to you chose to hurt you.

In order to forgive the unforgivable, you need to try to understand what made your loved one do this to you. To forgive betrayal means to live like this, as if everything is fine and everything is forgotten, everyone is loved and nothing terrible has happened. However, it is very difficult to imagine such a life after betrayal, because what to do with resentment and fears of repeating infidelity, distrust, alienation, and maybe hatred. Many, remaining to live on, want to take revenge, which is fundamentally wrong and useless. The thirst for revenge is a destructive feeling and it will not cancel the fact of treason.
Having learned the fact of treason, there is a desire to break everything, disperse but not everyone gets it. Statistics show that most often married couples continue to live with their unfaithful half. Only love pushes people to such heroic deeds, gives strength and patience, which allows many not to feel lonely in this world.

Answer to the question: how to survive the betrayal of a loved one without studying the motives and causes of a particular situation, no psychologist can give. This answer should be found only by the person who was betrayed. Whether to forgive a loved one, if he only stumbled and promises to improve, is up to you, not listening to other people's opinions and advice. Listen to your heart and it will not deceive you.
There are times when a breakup is inevitable, or the traitor just leaves on his own, leaving you.

In this case, try accept it as a gift of fate and in the future try not to lose confidence in people. After all, a distrustful person suffers first of all himself. Life cannot be lived alone, without support, support and trust. Next time, learn from this betrayal and don't make so much room in your life for a new loved one. After all, it has been noticed that the stronger our feelings about betrayal are, the more responsibility for our fate we managed to transfer to the person who cheated on us.

If a relationship with a person lasts for many years, then anything can happen in them. Sometimes, willingly or unwittingly, betrayal can creep into them. It doesn't have to be cheating on your husband. Such manifestations are unfulfilled promises, deceit or refusal to help in a difficult situation. Sometimes self-elimination becomes such an act in cases where support, lies or participation in intrigues on the side of enemies are needed. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? Let's figure it out.

The victim is at a crossroads. He is faced with a choice: whether to stay on with the one who betrayed or close his eyes and move on along the same path with him. Both decisions are very difficult to make. The more people have in common, the more they love each other and the more they trusted before, the worse will be the blow that was delivered in the back. In any case, it will have to endure. But what to do after, here everyone decides for himself separately.

Essence of Betrayal

Nothing can justify such an act of a loved one. And there is no need to try to measure the degree of depth of his meanness. It is a violation of all moral and legal obligations or a refusal to help.

Of course, you need to somehow survive such a blow. But one should not rush to forgive the culprit for the betrayal only for the reason that he may not have caused much damage. His main offense is to trample on trust, destroy love and cause severe resentment. By his behavior, he completely destroys the other person's ideas about the kindness of people, destroys dreams and joint plans for the future.

The victim forever remains an unhealed wound and therefore betrayal cannot be looked upon as something insignificant.

Can do it:

beloved person;
workmate;
Chief;
confidant;
neighbor;
familiar;
business partner, etc.

Do not think that a person has at least some right to this. You also do not need to look for your guilt in what happened or consider the situation from different angles. Betrayal is always betrayal. In no case should you resort to tactics: hit on one cheek, turn the other.

If you don’t want to break off relations with the culprit or you can’t, then you should draw certain conclusions for yourself. Right now, more than ever, it takes self-respect to survive the blow.

There is no doubt that the traitor was dissatisfied with something, otherwise he would not have done so. But, most likely, he was driven by ordinary cowardice. Honest people have their own principles, uphold them, and most importantly do nothing behind the back of another.

Therefore, you should not immediately look for ways out of this situation, but it is better to temporarily stop communicating with him. It is advisable for everyone to give time to think over their own and other people's actions.

It is necessary to understand that it is no longer possible to trust and trust a loved one. Sometimes affection, friendship or partnership remains, but trust can no longer be shown to him under any circumstances.

Surely the wound will never heal. Trying to forget about it or heal it is unlikely to succeed. It is better to think about what such an experience has taught and how to apply it in the future. The man stepped over the deeply personal things that were associated with him, treated love with contempt and did not regret the other when he understood how much pain he causes with his betrayal. He is no longer capable of being a support in life. In cases where the consequences are too severe, and resentment turns into hatred, it is better to part with him forever.

Betrayal of a loved one

Most often, betrayal is understood. Husband, friend or sex partner. In this case, you do not need to pretend that nothing happened and build yourself a super-woman or, on the contrary, an all-forgiving saint. The situation must be carefully and calmly thought out in order to survive with the least loss.

It is especially difficult when a betrayal is committed by a husband, beloved or close friend. Such people have an entrance to the soul and with their meanness they simply kill another. This happens because they usually trust them unconditionally and entrust their whole life, fate and happiness.

It is also not always possible to break off relations with them, if not because of the remaining love, then because of close financial dependence.

Once a betrayal is revealed, don't try to ignore it or pretend that these things are just a part of life. Of course, you need to pull yourself together in order to think about how to live on. It is necessary to honestly admit that the person who was given complete trust did not deserve it. This fact must be accepted. Trying to forgive what cannot be forgiven, a person exposes himself to a new blow.

There is no need to withdraw into yourself, trying to cope with betrayal completely, as if it had never happened. Denial of reality is also a dangerous tactic. It is necessary to temporarily postpone all affairs and simply carefully comprehend what happened and its causes. You can’t blame yourself for temporary inaction. This is not laziness at all, but intense intellectual and nervous activity. Only after fully passing through such a period can you get back on your feet.

Therefore, if there is a need to cry, make a scandal to the culprit or temporarily leave home, do not deny yourself. Emotions must be thrown out. Otherwise, they can turn into severe depression, craving for alcohol or the development of a psychosomatic illness.

If the husband has already outstripped his wife and himself went to his mistress, then you need to ease the soul of your mother, sister, girlfriend, or, at worst, your diary.

If communal conditions allow, it is better to give yourself free rein by shouting enough or beating the pillow. In any case, you should feel that some of the tension subsided.

Reaction to betrayal

Meanness remains meanness, no matter what motives move a loved one. Neither frivolity, nor passion, nor the inability to resist temptation, is an excuse for him. The husband would not want his wife to do this and would not accept her reasons as an excuse. So there is no need to put yourself below him. It requires deep respect for oneself and recognition of oneself as a highly valuable person, worthy of a reverent attitude.

Listening to your husband, of course, is worth it, but only in order not to hush up what happened. During the conversation, it will be possible to understand whether love has already died or is it still alive and needs to be fought for.

It is possible that the moral foundations of a person are such that he considers it possible to commit betrayal, being in full confidence that he is not doing anything out of the ordinary. If his conscience does not torment him, then there is no need to try to justify him or try to keep him in your life. He would not hesitate to do so again again. The severity of what happened should not be underestimated either.

If severe pain is felt, then it cannot be suppressed. The other person must know why he is losing his lover or wife. If he's begging for forgiveness and doesn't seem to really mean anything, you should give him another chance. But not more.

However, there are people who consider themselves superior to others and, clearly understanding that they are committing betrayal, are sure that they have a moral right to it. They must be immediately expunged, if not from life (this is not always possible), then from the heart. They are incapable of love or any serious human relationship. Happiness and joy communication with them will not deliver. Even if they ask for forgiveness, one must be very careful, since in this case the most ordinary manipulation is possible.

If resentment and insult are very strong and it is impossible to survive them, then it is best to completely distance yourself from such a person and reduce contacts with him to the very minimum. Moreover, you should always be on the alert. If he has not disappeared from the horizon, then a new betrayal can be expected from him.

If love is very strong and there is no strength to part with a spouse, then a very difficult path lies ahead. If there are children in the family, then the relationship should be saved for their sake, unless, of course, they also suffered because of his betrayal.

If the pain does not subside, but becomes stronger, it is necessary to part with your loved one. For a time or forever, it will be seen later. Everyone has the right to have someone next to him who, under no circumstances, will stab him in the back. Parting with a mean personality, a woman opens the door to new, honest and truly intimate relationships.

It also happens that a person realizes too late what he has done under the influence of a minute or temporarily forgetting about his moral principles. Then he is hard going through the loss of trust and the destruction of intimacy. The culprit himself will do everything to make amends for his act and there is no need to punish him indefinitely. But let's not forget what he did either. There is always the possibility that such an incident will happen again.

A way to survive the betrayal of a loved one and continue to exist

In any case, there will be nowhere to escape from such a fact. No matter how expensive the previous relationship, it should be taken into account for your own safety. Now you need to look at a person with new eyes. Christian forgiveness is now capable of performing a very dangerous service. Mean people will not change just because someone was better than them and looked through their fingers at their misdeed.

You should not condemn yourself, considering yourself evil, tough or vindictive. This is self-defense and a woman is obliged to protect herself and her children from new troubles and troubles.

Thus, betrayal is a very serious blow to any relationship, love, friendship, family or partnership. It is important to remember that life did not end after him. On the way you will still meet people worthy of all respect and trust.

In the meantime, it is advisable to get a little distracted, treat yourself and the children to small joys and invite the person with whom the relationship is over to completely disappear from your life.

Of course, it is impossible to immediately find a great mood and inner stability. But a little distraction from the painful thoughts of betrayal is still necessary.

In any case, no matter what happens, and whoever is the culprit of what happened, you must follow the following rules:

not make an ugly scandal;
temporarily stop communicating with a person;
don't try to justify it;
do not look for your fault;
assess the degree of need for the further presence of a traitor in your life;
set clear barriers in further relationships;
discuss after a break, when both have already come to their senses, what happened;
understand that full trust cannot be restored;
build relationships on a new basis;
prepare for the fact that life will have to start anew.

It is worth remembering that there are still many people in life who can be recklessly trusted and it is better to focus on them.