How to develop charisma in yourself. How to develop charisma: the secrets of natural charm. Ability to express your thoughts

02.11.2019

Each of us has a familiar person who instantly attracts attention. Such people have charisma, which is difficult to resist. Fortunately, this quality can be developed in yourself. To begin with, it is worth working on self-confidence and learning how to express your respect for others, and then you should develop the skills of verbal and non-verbal communication.

Steps

How to build self-confidence

Think about what you like about yourself. People will like you faster if they see you the way you see yourself. You may find it difficult to appreciate yourself. In this case, you should remember your strengths, your skills and what makes you special. If you remember your positive traits more often, it will be easier for you to deal with doubts.

Make a list of your positive qualities, skills and accomplishments. Ask loved ones to tell you what they like about you.
Experiment with the external features that you like about yourself. For example, if you want to draw attention to your eyes, learn how to draw elegant arrows, and if you are proud of your legs, dress so that your legs are visible.

Learn think positively . A positive attitude draws people in and makes them want to spend more time with a positive person. Be an optimist, try to see the good in every situation and cheer others up. Treat problems and obstacles as opportunities rather than insurmountable difficulties. Here are some tips to help you stay positive:
- Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. If you find yourself thinking that you will inevitably fail, respond with a positive affirmation. For example: "This is an opportunity for growth and development."
- Surround yourself with positive people. This will help you stay positive.
- Laugh to cheer yourself up. Watch a comedy, make a joke, or share a funny story with people. Daily laughter will help you have a positive attitude towards life.
- Make a list of things you are grateful for.
- Work on what you are not happy with. If you feel like blaming yourself for something, remind yourself of your progress.
Dress to impress people. Your clothes say a lot about how you feel about yourself and how people should perceive you. Clothing is also a reflection of how you feel at the moment. Choose clothes that make you feel great. This will communicate to others what you want to convey to people.
- Wear clothes that fit you well. Choose attractive colors and patterns.
- Don't wear things just because they are considered fashionable. If you don't like a thing, you won't feel comfortable in it, and it will be noticeable from the outside.
If you need to feel confident in your abilities, remember some of your achievements. When a person thinks about their achievements, the brain releases oxytocin, a substance that helps a person feel satisfied with himself. If you lack self-confidence, increasing your oxytocin levels will help you feel more confident for a while. If you have some important event coming up, remember what you have achieved in the past.
- For example, you can keep photos that remind you of three great achievements in a special folder on your phone. Review them before you go to any event or important meeting.
Sign up for free improvisation classes. Improvisation will teach you how to speak in front of people and how to think quickly. Improvisation classes will help you get out of your comfort zone in a circle of like-minded people. Besides, you will surely have a good time.
- Look for courses online or on social media.

How to express your interest and respect for others

Do not use electronic devices while talking to people. If you are busy with an electronic device while talking to others, people will feel less important. Put your phone on silent and put it in your pocket or bag. Do not play games on smart watches or other devices. Give your full attention to the people you interact with.
- Take time to check for new messages on your phone. Apologize from time to time, go to the restroom and read the messages.
Attentively listen when people talk about themselves. Focus on what the person is saying, not on your response. Nod, comment on what has been said (“yeah”, “interesting”, “wow”) to show your interest.
- Ask people questions that require a detailed answer so that the conversation does not stop. Listen to the answers with sincere interest.
- Try to paraphrase what the person said to let them know what you were listening to.
Make people sincere compliments . Tell them what you like and appreciate about them. This will lift their spirits. To make the compliment more meaningful, be specific. For example, instead of the neutral “good presentation,” say: “You were very good at articulating your thoughts during your presentation today.”
- If you compliment a person's appearance, he will be pleased. You may even like the person even more. However, this is not appropriate in every situation, especially at work.
- Praise work, accomplishments, and skills. It will motivate and inspire people.
Remember people's names. When meeting people, repeat their names out loud to make it easier for you to remember them. Address the person by name when you want to speak to them. If the person sees that you remember the name, they will feel special and interested in you.
- To make the name stick in your memory, repeat it several times during a conversation with a person.
Manifest empathy in relation to others. Think about what other people's motives might be. Try to see the situation from their point of view. Put yourself in the other person's shoes to understand how they feel. Let people know that you understand their feelings. Acknowledge their feelings and listen to their words.
- Ask the person how they feel and listen carefully to the answer.
- Don't judge people for acting differently than you would in a similar situation. All people have their own experience, which affects the formation of character.
- Tell people that you have felt the same as them in the past.
Talk about your challenges and how you overcame them. Inspire others with stories from your life. This will make you seem like a mature person with your accomplishments, but people will also see that you have worked hard to get where you are now.

How to communicate with people

Learn to keep up empty conversations. This is difficult for many, and this is normal, but charismatic people can talk to everyone. Make a list of topics for such conversations. Practice talking about these topics on camera or in front of a mirror to hone your communication skills.
- For example, you can talk about the weather, your city, sports, favorite music, holidays or seasons.
Joking to get closer to other people. You can tell jokes, funny stories, or make fun of yourself. This will make people feel more comfortable around you and want to spend more time with you.
- But don't overdo it. Use jokes at the right time in a conversation or presentation.
- For example, you can start your presentation with a joke or tell a funny story at a party.
Don't hesitate to tell stories. This skill attracts people and makes a person more interesting in the eyes of others. Tell stories about yourself. Share your experience. Use special intonations, bright gestures and lively facial expressions to make others interested in listening to you.
- Acting classes will help you develop this skill. Actors and charismatic people use the same techniques to keep the attention of the audience and awaken their emotions. In the courses you will learn how to use different intonations, shades of voice, gestures and facial expressions.
Be firm in your convictions. People are repelled by uncertainty, so you should clearly define your position. Believe in the correctness of your choice and your words. Tell others that you know the answer, even if you are not completely sure. If over time you realize that you were wrong, you can reevaluate the situation and make a different choice.
- Even if you're not sure, you will seem like a charismatic person to people if you act like you're convinced that you made the right choice. Make decisions based on the information you have now. If you decide later that you were wrong, you can change your mind.
- For example, say "I believe in this plan" instead of "This plan might work." The first phrase shows that you are confident in your idea, and the second - that you do not fully believe in success.
Treat what you are talking about with great enthusiasm. We are all attracted to people who are passionate about something. Don't talk mindlessly - only tell people what you really believe. Speak passionately and invite people to share your passion.
- Build your life around the things you are passionate about. So you will be interesting to others as a person. If something doesn't make your heart beat faster, put it aside.

Charisma is the exclusivity, giftedness of a person, special psycho-emotional qualities that allow him to influence other people, be a leader and lead others.

Charismatic leaders change the destinies of peoples and states, determine global events and remain forever in history. Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, Churchill, Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi and an endless chain of people captured in history - they all knew how to convince millions of people, infect them with their ideas and change the world.

However, not only great leaders and spiritual leaders have charisma. Among ordinary people who have not distinguished themselves by great achievements, there are also strong personalities.

As a rule, they have a greater influence on people than the rest. Their advice is listened to, they are respected and loved. Since all people in general are social beings, and society and place in it is of great importance for human happiness, the owners of charisma can be called lucky.

We figure out how to determine the degree of your charisma.

How to check if you have charisma

There are a lot of tests on the Internet designed to determine whether a person has charisma, but many of them seem to be complete nonsense. Questions like “Do you attract people?” or “Do you think you could be successful in politics?” are based on the self-esteem of a person, and not on an assessment of his emotionality.

We suggest taking the test by Howard Friedman, professor of psychology at the University of California. With its help, you can check the subject for the qualities of a "transmitter" - a person who knows how to broadcast his emotions and moods to other people.

So here is an adapted 16-question quiz from Howard Friedman's book The Longevity Project: Sensational Discoveries Based on Nearly 100 Years of Research.

Below you will see 16 statements. Evaluate how much what is said in each of them characterizes you, and put from 1 point to 9 points opposite. 1 point - it does not look like you at all, and 9 points - the statement very accurately characterizes you. Write down the answer numbers and then calculate the total score.

When I listen to cool music, my body automatically starts to sway to the beat.
I always try to dress fashionably.
When I laugh, everyone in the neighborhood hears it.
I always pay attention to details.
When I talk on the phone, I express my feelings loudly and openly.
I am always prepared.
Friends often tell me about their problems and ask for advice.
I use to-do lists.
I try to work on something until the result is perfect.
People say I would make a good actor.
I make plans and follow them.
Sometimes I forget to put food back in the fridge.
I'm good at solving charades.
People usually think that I'm younger than I really am.
At parties, I'm always in the thick of people.
When I talk with close friends, I often touch them - hug, pat, put my hand on my shoulder or knee.

Calculate your scores for answers 1, 3, 5, 7, 10, 13, 15, 16. These are really important questions - the rest are just supplements to the test to make it harder to consciously select answers.

And now the results.

From 0 to 37 points. 25% of people score in this range. Perhaps you are shy by nature or have become so through a strict upbringing. Or you just do not like to attract attention and prefer to spend time alone.

From 38 to 49 points. Most people fall into this category. You can be successful in communication, but not due to natural charm, but thanks to social skills and intelligence. You can also use non-verbal techniques, but you will have to use them consciously, not instinctively, as more charismatic people do.

From 50 to 60. People with such scores have natural magnetism. You are an extrovert and a natural leader, although there are enemies in your environment as you stand out from the crowd. Sometimes you feel burdened with attention and responsibility for your followers.

From 61 to 72. You are one of the lucky 5% who scored so high. You are one of those people in whose presence the room becomes brighter. You know how to emotionally charge other people and at the same time feel what they experience.

The emotions of people with high scores are transmitted instinctively, even without the help of speech. This confirms the experiment of the same Dr. Friedman.

After creating another test, similar in content to the one above, but consisting of 30 questions, Friedman conducted an experiment on the transmission of emotions by more and less charismatic people.

The scientist selected a few dozen people who scored high on the test, and a few people with the lowest scores. Then he asked all participants to fill out a questionnaire that determined their feelings at the moment: joy, sadness, sadness, anxiety.

Friedman then placed the high-scoring participants in separate rooms and matched up with two low-scoring participants. Participants simply sat together for 2 minutes without talking or even looking at each other.

In just 2 minutes without a word, people with low scores adopted the mood of participants with high scores.

This is high emotional expressiveness, which helps people to infect others with their ideas and moods even without words. However, this is not all that is considered to be signs of charisma. Even if this is one of the strongest components, there are at least five more signs of a charismatic person.

5 signs of charisma

Emotional sensitivity

Charismatic people are able not only to infect with their emotions, but also to subtly feel the initial emotional mood of other people, as well as build interaction based on this mood. They quickly establish emotional contact with people, so that the other person very soon begins to feel like "the only person in the room", and who doesn't like being that?

emotional control

Charismatic people know how to control their emotions. The emotional state becomes their tool, they use it for their own purposes, from which, however, their emotions do not lose their sincerity.

Ability to express your thoughts

Almost all charismatic people are good speakers, so they influence the interlocutors not only with the help of emotions, but also with the help of words.

social sensitivity

Charismatic people subtly feel social interactions, know how to listen and be on the same wavelength with their interlocutors. Therefore, such people are almost always tactful and attentive to their surroundings.

Self-control in communication

This is an important skill of charismatic people, which allows them to maintain composure and grace in dealing with any audience. They can establish emotional contact with any segment of the population.

So, up to this point, we've been talking about people who are naturally charismatic. But what if your charisma scores are at an average or low level? Is it possible to become more charismatic?

We develop charisma

Before you infect with ideas and emotions, you need to catch fire with them yourself

It is impossible to infect other people with something that you yourself are not sure about. Therefore, before infecting others with emotions and instilling self-confidence in them, you need to learn to experience all this yourself.

Stop suppressing your emotions. If something pleases you - laugh heartily, without trying to suppress a giggle, and if it upsets you - do not make an indifferent face, experience the emotion in full.

Of course, not all emotions should be thrown out on interlocutors, this is fraught with eccentricity, and this will not add popularity to you.

All people want to be brave and positive, not to doubt themselves and their abilities. If you experience these emotions and openly radiate positivity and self-confidence, it will be transmitted to those around you.

Proper body language

The position of the body during a conversation, the actions of the hands, facial expressions - all this greatly affects the perception of you by other people. Even if your interlocutor's consciousness does not mark your nervousness and insecurity, the subconscious mind will certainly tell him whether it is worth communicating with you or not.

Fortunately, body language also works in the opposite direction: if you take a more relaxed posture, you begin to feel more relaxed, if you smile, your soul becomes a little brighter.

So watch the position and behavior of your body: do not slouch, even during the most intense conversation, do not fiddle with objects in your hands and do not wrinkle your fingers, try to smile more often and not take closed poses.

Respect the interlocutor and listen to him

If the transfer of emotional state is not so easy to establish, then learning social sensitivity is much easier. All you need to do is stop thinking that you are the most important person in the world and pay attention to the interlocutor.

Listening to other people is a real art. If you listen to another person and are interested in him, he starts to feel special. I don't think I need to explain how cool it feels.

What do you think, is it possible to develop charisma or is it an innate gift, the absence of which can not be helped?

Often at any event or in a company there is a person whose charm is so strong that it is impossible to resist. He may not be the best dressed, he may have the least money in his pocket, but he is just becoming the center of attention at the moment. People call it charisma, there are many different opinions about this human quality, a lot of speculation.

Someone believes that charisma is the grace of God, that is, exceptional giftedness from nature, from birth. Others are of the opinion that as a result of working on oneself, a person can become a charismatic person.

The desire for new qualities is inherent not only to the fair sex. Any man would also like to have charisma in order to be attractive to women, to achieve success in his career and, in the end, to be happy in his personal life.

This word has been known since ancient Greece. Charisma - to attract attention. Skeptics argue that it cannot be developed, it can only be imitated. But you need to try. And it is necessary to start with the most famous and important human qualities, which together will lead to the desired result.

What will charisma say yes to?

The main qualities of a charismatic man:

Always has precise and clearly set goals in life.
In achieving these goals, the main principles are independence and consistency.
Shows respect for others and is always ready for positive communication.
Appreciates and respects himself.
A lifelong optimist, in all situations he tries to extract only pluses.
Always attractive and well-groomed.

What will hinder charisma?

Charisma will never tolerate the following qualities in a man:

Pessimism, tediousness, negative emotions.
If you yourself are guilty of something, you should never look for the guilty among others, you must answer for your actions.
Under no circumstances should you express superiority over other people.
Don't get annoyed if something doesn't go as planned.
There is no need to criticize people.
Do not give advice to others if they have not asked for it and do not need it.

An important quality is self-confidence.

Not a single man with self-confidence has been left out of society. It is very important when a person is confident in his exclusivity. No need to rush around, argue, reproach yourself for something, constantly seek advice from others.

A man must inspire himself and believe himself that he is an outstanding personality, that all his actions are correct, attractive and talented. This is not selfishness, this is confidence. Such a person should radiate health, positive emotions and optimism. Therefore, no bad mood, best friends are sports, yoga, auto-training. A man is able to correct his image, love him and assure others that being with him is a pleasure.

Be a great conversationalist

- one of the main qualities of a charismatic personality. When another person speaks, you should never interrupt him, he should finish his thought to the end and feel comfortable from communication. It is necessary to show your interest in the interlocutor, ask him questions about himself, about his hobbies. Do not overload with your information. It is desirable to touch upon in conversations only topics on which the opinion of the interlocutor coincides, then the dialogue will be positive. We must remember that it is good to have an interesting conversation, but the ability to listen is the highest art.

It is necessary to compliment people sincerely and freely, in no case to flatter, but to confirm the best qualities. Accepting good reviews in your address should also be kind.

A man must learn to speak on absolutely different topics, with any people.. You should always be on an equal footing with your interlocutor. When talking to a sponsor or employer, don't assume they are superior. If talking with new acquaintances, you should never show your superiority over them, no matter who they are.

It is necessary to develop eloquence, train the skill of a speaker, learn to speak convincingly, accessible and beautifully. Often charisma depends on the voice.

Become bolder

How often people are frightened by many things, doubts and fear are present in their lives, they do not commit bold deeds, the danger of losing paralyzes them. If a man wants to become a charismatic leader, he must overcome all fears in himself, let go of all doubts, stop being afraid of defeats, feel more confident and free in the field of life.

Charisma in everything, even in body language

A person with charisma always stands or walks straight, decisively, confidently. He will not cross his arms over his chest, but will gesticulate beautifully with them. Reliable, competent, successful people are always very adept at using sign language. You can follow these people and take on board the most interesting of them.

You should never be afraid to look people straight in the eye, you should not look away, you should not look around, constantly distracted by the phone or watch. You need to attract attention not only with your voice, but also with a sincere look.
A real smile can disarm anyone. And you can practice your gestures, looks and smile at home in front of a mirror. Incorrect body language can betray shyness and indecision. Regular training and work on your mistakes will bring excellent results.

A sense of humor doesn't hurt

A charismatic party leader should be able to make people laugh. True charisma is manifested in the fact that a man should be able to laugh at himself, but he should never make fun of his shortcomings in public. When there are a lot of people around, you should joke, but you should not be too funny. Good jokes are remembered not by quantity, but by quality.

A few tips for an almost charismatic man:

When a man is with someone for a long time, it can become mundane and lose its original value. We need to give people some rest.
You should always argue and defend your point of view, but with dignity and without insults.
Always be patient and in harmony with yourself.
You need to stand out from the gray crowd, people are attracted to everything unusual.

So if you really want and try, then everything is possible. And any man can become a leader, gain a special gift of attraction and influence, feel a powerful, not yet fully explored, force called charisma.

Tuesday evening. I'm at the hairdresser's. Everything is as usual: shorter on the side, shorter on the back - and very uncomfortable inside. Dead silence, broken only by the clicking of scissors. It's not the hairdresser's fault, he's already covered all the usual topics (my hair, my weekend plans, what I'll be doing on holidays). Now the ball goes to me. What to do?

What is charisma? Obviously not the quality that could be suspected of me. But who do you need to be to be told about you: “Yes, this guy is special”? Can charisma be learned? Next to me sits the one who thinks: yes, you can. His name is Danish Sheikh and he is a charisma coach. His clients include executives from Yahoo and the BBC, whom he trained in the art of gaining self-confidence and "personal attraction." The Sheikh is confident that he can turn anyone into George Clooney or Brigitte Bardot. And I will be his student for two days.

I sit in my chair, choosing where else to turn the conversation. It seems easy: I'm pretty smart, I understand music and sports, I'm up to date with the latest news. In short, there are thousands of options. “What about you? I finally squeeze out. “Are you going somewhere for the holidays?”

In the mirror, I see the Sheikh wince.

- Starting from the basics, charisma is the ability to win over people solely through the strength of your personality. It's hard to put a price on that skill, he says, although he's actually already done so: £150 an hour to be exact. And many are ready to part with them.

Being attractive isn't easy

Why is charisma such an important thing? Ask Richard Reed, a British cognitive psychotherapist who - far from a timid himself - calls himself "Mr. Charisma." Reed specializes in different areas - addictions, depression, crisis management - but in 2009 he was one of the first in the UK to start teaching courses on developing charisma. Since then, his clients have included the London Transport Department, the National Crime Prevention Agency and Google.

Those who lack the proverbial EQ rely on instructions. And those who have it rely on their influence

“These organizations are no longer looking for managers,” he says. - They need leaders. And being a leader means being emotionally intelligent. Essentially, that's what charisma is."

Those lacking the proverbial EQ rely on instructions, Reed says. And those who have it rely on their influence. “If you learn to win over people, you will open up more opportunities for yourself. Plus, you will have more fun with everything - parties, interviews, communication with colleagues and friends.

Someone who, but I'm definitely not one of those whom nature has endowed with the gift of charm. Rather, I balance somewhere on the verge between clumsiness and arrogance, where the second is a way to overcome the first. But I'm 33 years old, and I'm beginning to suspect that awkwardness has finally won.

Some time ago I wrote a column for the local newspaper and the column was quite popular. But when readers met me in person, I felt that they were disappointed. One of them said: "It's strange - your articles are written with a twinkle, but I don't feel it in you." I understand it, but I don't know what to do with myself.

The new leader is a charismatic leader

Dr. Eric Matser is a neuropsychologist who has worked with Chelsea Football Club and the Dutch Olympic swimming team, specializing in talent optimization. “Few people are really comfortable with being themselves,” he told me. − For everyone else, charisma training can help. It is your right to want to be the best version of yourself, but you may need help. The development of personal potential is too difficult a task to solve alone.”

Meanwhile, my coach Sheikh is just self-taught. Born in India, he was a nerdy teenager, then head of operations at Yahoo. He fretted over his inability to make friends and spent ten years studying the psychology and neurology of everyday communication. Eventually, in his nearly 30 years, he turned into a full-time guru.

My first impression of him is yes, handsome, but, frankly, his charisma is not outrageous. “But you liked me,” he retorts. “So our relationship started on a positive note.” I had nothing to cover.

His first impression of me was more ruthless. He said this the morning after his visit to the barbershop. Prior to that, he walked with me everywhere all day, watched how I talk, how I behave. He summarized his observations in his office, on the blackboard. Not the most pleasant reading. But, as I was told, “only by admitting our weaknesses can we confront them.”

We can develop, practice and improve the methods and subconscious skills of interpersonal communication

So, here's what happened: I find it difficult to start and maintain a conversation; I don't look confident enough when I walk into a room; I have a closed body language; I don't look people in the eye because I perceive eye contact as an invasion of personal space. Unless I'm talking about topics that I'm interested in (football, literature, 19th-century history, or British railways), I speak languidly, without enthusiasm.

“But don't worry,” the Sheikh encourages me. "We'll fix it all."

Natural gift or years of training?

The Sheikh's classes are based on the idea that we can develop, practice and improve the methods and subconscious skills of interpersonal communication. I think of the most charismatic people I know: did they win people over with methodical training? I think of Martin, my friend, a great journalist who is 30 years older than me. He always looks solid, but with a share of ease. It does not look out of place in any situation. And most importantly, it seems that he does not at all try to create an image for himself.

I met with Martin and asked him: did he really achieve this through conscious work on himself? “I guess I just listened more than others,” my friend shrugged. “But I don’t think that it needs to be specially studied.”

I began to tell him about my charisma lessons. He nodded, asking questions. Finally I asked him what he thought of it. “Complete bullshit,” he snapped. “Shall we crush another mug?”

By showing interest in people, you make them feel important: they will then associate this feeling with you.

Until recently, I thought that charisma is a nice addition to a public image, but not something necessary. I didn't need charisma to get the traditional benefits: a partner, a home, a job that I quite enjoy. When I called the Sheikh, I was driven by pure curiosity. I wanted to understand why the quality, which was first talked about by the ancient Greeks, suddenly became an indispensable attribute of success in the 21st century.

Perhaps, with her help, I would have got a dream job, would have been the soul of the company, instead of painfully thinking how to keep the conversation going.

“Showing interest in people, you make them feel significant: then they will associate this feeling with you. If you're distracted even for a minute, people catch it in a split second,” Sheikh explains. - Concentrate all your attention on the person in front of you - and he will be grateful. It doesn't matter where you are - in your porch or backstage at a Rolling Stones concert. If you are currently talking to a janitor, your attention should be given to him.”

We are learning the "enter the room" exercise: chin up, shoulders back, eye contact ("don't look too long, 4 seconds max, then break"), gestures ("sparingly"). Same with the voice: don't speak too fast or too slow; change the tempo to keep the listener's attention. Good posture, a strong voice and an open stance mean power.

Be yourself?

It's time for practice. Worldly chatter. Sheikh advises to keep the conversation in a semi-serious tone, to speak expressively, to ask open-ended questions. He transforms into my hairdresser, then into a production editor, then into a stranger at a party ... Not once, I must say, did I have to resort to the unfortunate question about plans for the weekend.

The Sheikh gives an exercise to develop awareness: he teaches you to be in the present moment, completely on the interlocutor. His personal secret: if he feels himself getting distracted, he takes off his glasses and wipes them down. This action, he says, makes him pull himself together. When he talks about this trick, I admire its simplicity. Later, over coffee, telling my best anecdote, I noticed that he began to wipe his glasses.

I meet the Shaykh at the last class - at the exam, if you like. We go for spontaneous acquaintances on the street. So far so good: we manage to captivate people. In a bar, a physics graduate talks about black holes, and a truck driver admits that he will be in Arbrow at the same time tomorrow. “Beautiful city,” I say, trying not to sound artificial in my voice. "You were there?" he asks in surprise. I pause and consider my answer options. “No,” I say after a moment. "But I'm sure it's a wonderful place."

During the breaks, the Shaykh gives advice: “Don't cross your arms; Maintain eye contact with everyone in turn while talking. Remembering everything—hands, eyes, active listening—is hard work. Finally, feeling that I won't last long, I clutch at straws: I tell a couple of people about my charisma development courses. And immediately the conversation revives. “I don’t need this,” the guy across from me says. - Being charismatic is just being yourself. No tricks."

Perhaps charisma is inherently simpler than we think. It's about better understanding what you are

This goes against everything I've set my mind to over the past two days. Changing all your behavior in order to learn to please others - isn't that the opposite of what is called "being yourself"? And what if, in trying to become someone else, I lose something more important - more important than the (presumably) newfound charm? Maybe it's not that I missed some opportunities? Maybe my authentic "I" never aspired to them?

I share my thoughts with the Sheikh, who already has an answer. “You exchanged contacts with this guy,” he recalls. - This is a contact built on mutual sympathy. This is exactly what charisma is for. This means that your training was no longer in vain.

Do I feel like I've changed? Not really. I will never pose like a gorilla or admire Scottish cities that I can't find on a map. But perhaps charisma is inherently simpler than we think. It's about better understanding who you are.

As we left the bar, the Sheikh and I shook hands before parting ways. Then he calls me from across the street, "Hey, let me know how your next haircut went." He raises his hand, thumb up, apparently wanting to send me a parting shot of his charisma. Still, I like him.

about the author

You have probably come across people who can arouse interest and attract the attention of others for a long time. And the point here is not at all their extravagant antics or stunning appearance - the interlocutors were fascinated by the charisma of these personalities. They had a special gift to arouse sympathy, trust and a desire to imitate.

What is this magical quality? How to develop charisma? These questions are by no means idle, because it is she who often becomes the source of success. This is our article.

What is charisma

Let's take a closer look at what exactly is hidden under the term "charisma". This definition implies a set of qualities that help a person stand out among others, captivate them with him.

But pay attention: a person becomes noticeable not due to extravagant or even hooligan antics, indicating contempt or even hatred for others, but, on the contrary, knows how to inspire people's trust and confidence in their own wisdom and even exclusivity.

Yes, everyone would like to have charisma. Fortunately, this is not an innate quality - it is acquired through self-improvement, which means that anyone can acquire it. So how do you develop charisma?

The main qualities of a charismatic personality

To have charisma, one should train and acquire certain character traits. And perhaps the most important of them is self-confidence. A charismatic person has firmness in decision making and a willingness to go his own way. Such a person is able to fight for his beliefs, and this always inspires others. And that is why they are always ready to be there to “get infected” with such power.

This means that self-confidence and firmness in following the promise given to oneself should be remembered first of all when thinking about how to develop charisma. The exercises that allow one to acquire these qualities should be reduced to the maintenance and development of certain character traits in oneself.

1. Appearance will help you gain inner confidence.

In order to believe in yourself and in your strengths, you need to find an inner support that will help these thoughts become stronger, become habitual and eventually turn into a character trait. And this will help you take care of your own appearance.

It is noticed that the most positive impression is made by a person who looks perfect. No, when deciding the question "how to develop charisma", a woman and a man do not have to buy "haute couture" clothes and visit expensive beauty salons (although this will not hurt either!). But elementary actions in this direction can be performed by anyone. Every day you should spend time on your appearance and look a little smarter than required, regardless of whether you are going to work, to the theater or to the nearest cafe.

And forget about your shortcomings. Stop telling yourself that if you had a different nose, belly, legs (and the list goes on), everything would be different. The actor Stallone has had a facial nerve injury since childhood, but his wry smile has long been the hallmark of a self-confident person.

2. Get rid of complexes

For a self-confident person, the opinion of others ceases to be decisive. He does not try to please everyone (note that this is a priori impossible!). Charisma involves your calm and friendly attitude towards those around you. That is, you do not need to win sympathy - act as if it has already happened. And, to your surprise, this will surely resonate with others.

Regardless of who needs to get an answer to the question "how to develop charisma" (man or woman), everyone should stop thinking about their own shortcomings, and even more so look for them in themselves. Each of us is who he is, and this must be respected in ourselves. And there will always be critics, especially if you succeed. Alas, such is life!

3. Don't be afraid to make mistakes!

There is not and never has been a person who has not made mistakes. Remember this and forgive yourself for those wrong steps that you have already taken in life. After all, if you remember them, then they taught you a lot. And this, you see, is excellent. Now, as you become wiser, you continue on your path and move forward with confidence, contemplating how to develop charisma in order to improve the quality of life.

Mistakes make you more experienced and wiser, and a charismatic person is attractive precisely by this quality. After all, only wisdom allows him to be tolerant of other people's mistakes and indulgent to human weaknesses. But at the same time, note that you should not become a babysitter for unfortunate people and try to help everyone, regardless of whether you were asked to do so. Let those around you live their lives the way they see fit.

4. Learn to look boldly at what is happening to you

Agree, it is illogical to think about how to develop male charisma (or female), and at the same time be afraid of responsibility. A charismatic person will not blame only external circumstances for what happened. He always realizes that everyone is the creator of his own happiness. And what happens in life is the result of his choice, and not the machinations of evil uncles and aunts who harm him at every turn.

In order not to return to these thoughts all the time, every time something important happens to you, ask yourself the question: “What did I do for this?” At first, you will feel how everything inside resists, nodding at the coincidence. But over time, this will pass - and you will be able to honestly discuss the situation with yourself. Moreover, mind you, excessive self-flagellation will also go away - you will simply calmly look for and find a way out. In addition, now you, as a truly charismatic person, will not be afraid to take risky and responsible actions.

But do not go to the other extreme: being responsible for your actions does not mean that you should be responsible for the whole world. That is, if you do not go to work with a high temperature, your office will not collapse!

5. Develop your talents

A charismatic person always knows his strengths and weaknesses. He is able to compensate for shortcomings or turn them into advantages. And strong qualities - to emphasize and actively apply. Therefore, when thinking about how to develop charisma, it is important to find talents in yourself and develop them.

To do this, focus only on yourself and your hobbies. Try, do not be afraid that something will not work out - sooner or later it will turn out that everything turns out as well as possible. Don't go along with the "well-wishers". If you want to discover new stars, and you are advised a warm place in the trade - do not agree. After all, you will feel yourself out of place and, most likely, you will not achieve success.

More about charisma

When thinking about how to develop female charisma, or how to make a man a charismatic personality, remember: it is your personality that will be the starting point on this path. Do not be afraid to be original, love yourself and people, appreciate your abilities and do not give in to difficulties - all this can make you a leader, interesting to others and able to lead. Dare!