How to survive the betrayal of her husband and move on. How to survive the betrayal of her husband - advice from a psychologist. Useful experience: testimonials from women who have experienced adultery

02.11.2019

How to survive cheating husband? This question is faced by women who have experienced the betrayal of this loved one. Usually, representatives of the beautiful half of humanity subtly feel any change in relationships. Suspicions arise on an intuitive level. Or there are "well-wishers" who help open their eyes to the truth. After the infidelity of the spouse has been revealed, there are only two ways - divorce or the preservation of the family. If divorce is not an option for you and you want to save the marriage, then all further actions should be directed precisely at this.

Much, of course, depends on how the spouse himself relates to all this. Does he repent of his deed, or does he continue to meet with a rival, not wanting to return to his wife? Set your priorities. Divorce or relationship? There is an option for every woman here.

Control over emotions

If divorce is not an option and you decide to keep your union, then you need patience, work on yourself. You have to learn how to deal with the situation. Usually the first emotions are pain, anger. They squeeze, do not allow you to breathe calmly. If the husband is cheating, how to survive? Release your pent-up emotions. Only in this way can you soberly assess the situation and act as your mind tells you.

Don't be afraid to cry. How to survive cheating husband? The advice of a psychologist is to first eliminate the accumulated emotions. You can cry, scream. So the negative will splash out a little.

Of course, one tantrum is not an option; it is very difficult to accept and understand betrayal. But when passions boil and emotions rage, it is unlikely that the decision will be correct.

You don't have to keep replaying the details of what happened in your head. Try to take a little break from what is happening. You can sign up for the pool, fitness. There is no need to be shy about talking with loved ones, as this is another way to throw out your emotions.

When the storm subsides a little, look at the current situation from the outside. Everyone is alive and well, the catastrophe did not happen, the asteroid does not fly in a direct course to Earth. When comparing global catastrophes and personal tragedy, we can conclude that now it is bad, hard, the man betrayed, but life did not stop there. Especially if he does not agree to a divorce, but also wants to save the union.

Don't manipulate children

How to save a family? If you do not agree to a divorce and are trying to save the marriage, then you need to focus on maintaining harmony and comfort. In no case do not try to set the children against your spouse, exposing him in an impartial light. You can't use a child for your own revenge.

Children's psyche is very vulnerable. Constant clarification of relationships and so traumatic. Therefore, there is no need to additionally load it, putting it before a choice, saying bad things about dad. Many women make the mistake of trying to transfer their own selfish needs to the child. Now we need to do everything to make the children feel loved and important.

Alcohol - no

If the husband cheated, how to survive the betrayal? For some women, alcohol helps to get rid of feelings of betrayal and resentment. Yes, indeed, for a while, he can dull emotions. But the thoughts aren't going anywhere. Also, remember that it is easy to start drinking, but it will not be easy to stop yourself.

The same applies to taking sleeping pills and antidepressants. All drugs can be used only after they have been prescribed by a doctor. It is better to choose a different way of calming and relaxing. For example, take a herbal bath, go to the pool or get a massage. Find something to do. Perhaps it will be a long-forgotten hobby, or unfulfilled desires (for example, dancing, singing, drawing, knitting, driving a car).

Now is the time to change for the better, not only in your life, but also in yourself. It's time for yoga classes, special trainings. Such options will help restore peace of mind, deal with thoughts and feelings.

If a divorce does happen, a divorced person will be able, thanks to spiritual practices, to let go of the past and tune in to a new life. How to survive the betrayal of a beloved husband and divorce? Work on yourself, analyze and draw conclusions.

If you cannot cope with the situation on your own, it is better to contact a specialist. He will tell you how to survive the betrayal and betrayal of her husband, how to save a marriage or how to survive depression after her husband's betrayal, how to adequately endure a breakup.

This situation is often found. And not everyone can get out of it with dignity. These simple guidelines can help you get back to life again:

Don't forget pride. Don't ask, don't beg. Gone - let him go. Don't threaten, don't blackmail. Be above showdowns and scandals.
Decide whether you want to continue the relationship, whether you are ready to forgive. And only after that proceed to other actions.
Believe in yourself. Realize that this is only a new stage in life, and not a disaster. Accept the situation in your favor, think about what has changed for the better. Remember that all difficulties are given only to those who can survive them.
Be honest with yourself. And the way out is not in divorce, but in getting rid of pain, resentment, despair, negative emotions. Tune in to the fact that this is just a nightmare that will end soon. This will make it much easier to get through the situation.
insist. You are the legal spouse. And you have every right to demand the termination of relations on the side. If the spouse agrees and also wants to maintain family ties, this is already good. Now you need to forgive. Without forgiveness, the relationship is waiting for a fiasco. Consider yourself a winner in the struggle for family happiness.
Shift on the shoulders of the faithful the main worries about the house, duties, life. Discuss current affairs, financial expenses, take into account other opinions. Learn to hear each other.
Learn to negotiate. All grievances and negativity in the past. Now it's time for a constructive dialogue. Discuss your problems, express desires, dissatisfaction, claims. Also, hear his opinion, desires and claims yourself. Be prepared to give in. Now it's time to change your life and relationships. And you should work mutually to strengthen the relationship.

Remember that a black stripe will definitely be followed by a white one. If you can’t get out of depression on your own, it’s better to visit a psychotherapist who will help you understand yourself and understand what you really want.

A romance on the side of a woman has always been a greater disaster than a romance for a man. The latter is often seen as a light fling, fleeting and not meaningful to him. Women's infidelity is often associated with deep feelings, physical infidelity often occurs after she has already broken her spiritual ties with her regular partner. And this is one of the most difficult tragedies that is difficult to cope with for the rest of your life, this is if your wife cheated on you.

How to survive the infidelity of a partner? According to statistics, this trouble is in third place after the death of a child and the death of parents. Very often, it is the wife's betrayal that serves as the basis for a further divorce. Since a man is inherently active and decisive, he has a desire to instantly, immediately upon the fact of what happened, deal with the situation and punish all those responsible. Therefore, immediately after her betrayal, it is better to resolve the situation not with a flash of anger, but by doing the following.

Best after this news:

Be alone for a while. Without flooding grief with alcohol, without sharing rage and resentment with friends, just be alone with yourself and your emotions.
Think with a cooler head why the spouse did this. What in behavior could push her to this step. Listen to yourself - do you love her, and if not, then for how long. And if you love, then this will be the basis for further decisions and actions.
Divorce is the easiest solution. but not always the most necessary. It is more and more difficult to restore, but if feelings are preserved, it is worth forgiving her, albeit not immediately.
If rage and anger rages in you, try to understand that this is exactly what is happening and not give vent to these temporary emotions. In a fit of passion, you can do something that you will regret not only in relation to her, but you can also drop your dignity. Do not raise your hand against her, no matter how painful it may be, do not humiliate or insult her - in time you may regret it, but nothing will be changed.
Try to find out the reasons for betrayal - the real ones. Whether you could influence the situation or nothing depended on you - this can help you calm down and deal with your guilt if necessary.

Causes of female infidelity

Why did she cheat on you, why did the wife go to her lover with whom she was better than with you, albeit for a short time?

a new hobby has appeared, perhaps even falling in love, which seems to be a new love;
she might want to take revenge on you for the wrong done long ago, which she never forgave you. Perhaps you once cheated on her, and you might not know that she knows everything, but she could not stand it and decided to answer the same;
lack or lack of attention, feeling of own uselessness in the life of your partner;
sexual dissatisfaction;
if the affair was a one-time affair, then the usual temporary weakness could be the cause, which she might later regret;
an unexpected meeting with someone from a past life, to whom she had feelings in those days - a friend, ex, classmate;
she is looking on the side for what she does not receive in the family.

Pay attention to those people whose opinion she listens to. Often, infidelity is influenced by significant people around them - relatives, girlfriends, especially if they are angry at the male sex or at you personally. Usually the fair sex does not change without feelings, there is at least an element of love or sympathy.

What not to do

How to cope with the betrayal of his wife and not do something irreparable?

Do not persuade her, forbid or ask. Do not threaten her or her lover - it will not help. It won't get her feelings back for you.
No need to take revenge - her or your opponent. Including starting an affair on the side - in retaliation. Revenge is the perfect way to end your marriage.
Do not tell everyone around about a personal tragedy, do not seek support, do not expect recommendations from your friends. Advice from them may be useful, but the final decision is still yours.
Don't blame yourself. The betrayal of a woman is her choice. Although you could have influenced him, you should not look for the guilty, but understand the reasons and understand what needs to be done next.
Do not get excited and do not make decisions in the heat of emotions. Put your feelings in order, restore your emotional balance. that the decision taken was justified and balanced.
Do not avoid communication and conversations with your spouse, do not ignore her, punishing her with cold silence.
Don't say everything you think right away. The words cannot be taken back.

First of all, you need to be sure that your wife has cheated on you, not be guided by your own speculation and other people's rumors.

Until it is, don't make any decisions. You need to understand what you want now, whether you are ready to forgive and whether you need further relationships. Not all men can sincerely forgive everything and forget what happened, but if you have great love for her, it’s worth doing it and starting to build life and feelings from scratch, not remembering what happened, not reproaching her and not being tormented by memories.

Analyze what happened

How to survive the betrayal of his wife? How to cope with trouble when there is only one thought in my head: “Why do I feel so bad, am I going crazy with jealousy?” First of all, analyze the situation if your partner is cheating or has cheated on you.

think about whether the girl’s betrayal was a temporary weakness or her behavior can change greatly and not always be controlled by herself, for example, under the influence of alcohol. Or a girl by nature is prone to playfulness and frivolity;
whether there were extenuating circumstances (eg depression, severe stress);
perhaps with this act the girl wanted to reach out to you, to say something that she could not express otherwise. than in such a sharp painful form. Maybe you began to move away from each other, or she wanted to make you jealous, to show her feelings for her;
how she behaves after infidelity has been revealed. Whether he blames himself, repents, or reproaches and blames you.

What to do

Sometimes it is very difficult to figure it out on your own in such a situation, while maintaining self-control and sobriety of judgment. In such cases, recommendations that a professional psychoanalyst or psychologist can give will be useful. So, how to survive the betrayal of his wife, the advice of a psychologist will be as follows:

Responsibility for what happened lies with both spouses, so you should not blame yourself alone. Just like her. Better think about how to live with the betrayal of his wife.
Talk, find out everything from her, do not poison your soul with the thought: “Why did she cheat on me?”. Usually internal factors push for such actions: mental suffering, emotional insufficiency, dissatisfaction. Listen to her side, which in a frank conversation can open up new things for you. If you live in different apartments, the pain of cheating on your wife will not decrease. Moreover, the conversation should not turn into a loud quarrel with breaking dishes, should not turn into a list of all long-accumulated grievances, claims and unfulfilled promises. If the atmosphere becomes explosive, the conversation should be stopped and continued after that. how emotions subside. The decision of the situation in one conversation will not be accepted, do not expect. 3-4 heart-to-heart conversations, constructive, meaningful, will help you figure it out. But to forget the offense, of course, it will be possible not less than 2-3 years.
Try to understand why the rival, your wife's lover, is better, why she went to him. What attracted her to him. Try to understand your partner as he understood her - after all, women go to someone with whom they can be open. If it disappeared in your relationship, it arose in their relationship. Give her this openness and trust, and she will not want to look for them on the side.
Try to perceive the fact of infidelity as a spiritual disease. The husband in this disease is the cure for the virus, the lover. Become one with her, as it was once, surround her with yourself and your attention, care, warmth. And here, too, patience is needed - nothing will change at once.
If the thought of how to live on after infidelity completely owns you, imagine your life without it. There are no family holidays and joint trips, quiet evenings in front of the TV and pleasant little things of living together. What should be more upset - wounded by a betrayal of one's own pride or the complete absence of a loved one in life.
If you have a common child, you should not forget about him. With a child, you especially need to be careful at this time and make sure that the showdown does not affect him.

Conclusion

Since there cannot be a general recipe for everyone, then on the question of how to live after the betrayal of a wife, everyone must decide on their own, based on their situation, the nature of their own and their partner, but the proposed recommendations can facilitate the process. If the affair is not repeated for the first time and in the final one of the trips to the left became final, perhaps you should be glad that the situation is closed and the frivolity of your ex-girlfriend is no longer your concern.

A PHOTO Getty Images

It's been a year and a half since I found out about my husband's infidelity. On the surface, everything is fine with us now, but I find myself that I can no longer believe him. I don't know how to live with this. We worked on the relationship for a long time after his love affair, and everything seemed to be fine with us again. And here is the confusion again. Sometimes I feel like I've stopped loving him. I'm already tired of thinking about what happened every day, but I can't help myself. Is there any way out?

Anna, 42 years old

"Write down and analyze your thoughts and emotions - this will help you manage them"

Andrew J. Marshall, family therapist

Do not despair. I am familiar with this situation because most of my clients struggle with the same dilemma. In short, I can boil down my approach to five simple steps.

Accept your feelings

Please don't beat yourself up for not being able to magically leave it all in the past and move on as if nothing had happened. Perhaps your husband's infidelity has been the biggest shock of your life so far, and it poses a serious threat to your well-being, so I'm not surprised that the pain keeps coming back and the same thoughts are spinning in your head. And you still can't understand how this monstrous betrayal could even happen.

Reception 1: Name your feelings out loud, instead of letting them bubbling endlessly somewhere inside - it really helps. Say to yourself, "I feel angry, I'm worried, I'm confused" or something else. You don't have to do anything about these feelings - just acknowledge them. Sometimes I ask my clients to start keeping a diary of feelings, where they record the time, the feeling, and the reason that caused it at the moment (some event or thought). Run it for a few days or weeks and you will find certain patterns. Believe me: if you notice your feelings, observe them, and do not suppress them, they will gradually weaken and become more manageable over time.

Work on your thoughts

Many feelings arise as a result of our thoughts. We tend to believe everything that our inner voice broadcasts as the ultimate truth. However, he often exaggerates or combines events from different life situations to provide us with irrefutable evidence that life is over. (I call this "catastrophic thinking".)

Reception 2: Do not let harmful thoughts poison your life, but for this, write them down. Write as if your inner voice is dictating to you. And when you write everything, word by word, you will see that there is nothing particularly frightening there. Go back to the beginning of the text and look for exaggerations. For example, you wrote: "I'm so tired of thinking about cheating every day." I would be hooked by the phrase "every day." I think the word "often" reflects reality more accurately.

I know this is a very minor change, but the new word is no longer perceived as helpless, right? And then you might want to add a few clarifications. And write: “I often think about cheating and sometimes feel exhausted after it, although it also happens that after that I feel better.” I guess that the latter option is not only softer, but also more accurate. Reread the text again and pay attention to “always”, “never”, “should”, “should” and other words from the category of black and white vocabulary.

Think about what these memories want to tell you

You remember your husband's betrayal for a reason. Not because you are a bad person and are not able to forgive your partner or do not want to save the marriage. Most likely, your feelings are trying to tell you that some issues remain unresolved and that your relationship needs to be given more attention. For example, your sex life has become too insipid, or your husband is constantly in conflict with your daughter, and you are forced to be torn between them, as if between two fires. If you continue to ignore these warning signals, your unconscious mind will send them over and over again.

Reception 3: Go back to the diary entries that your inner voice dictated to you. Once you've filtered out the exaggerations, you're left with a few fairly straightforward tasks. For example, balancing work and home life; go out somewhere together, because you have not done this even once in the last couple of months. Since you have already guessed what the memories are telling you, it would be quite logical to take practical steps to solve these problems. For example, turn off your phone after 9 p.m. or book a table at your favorite restaurant.

Stop expecting the impossible from your partner

If a person works as a secretary in the reception, you are unlikely to expect that he will balance correctly or conduct excellent business negotiations. But I sometimes meet pioneers who expect from their partner some special spiritual subtlety, the ability to be aware of their own and other people's feelings, which in no way corresponds to his upbringing and character traits.

In particular, to the question "Why did you need this novel?" in many cases, the answers will be incomprehensible, simply because up to this point no one has asked a person about motivation. You may be counting on your partner to listen and empathize with you even when you are angry, criticizing or shaming him, while he (she) most of all needs now to work with a therapist who can reach through the shell to the person who is looking for support.

Reception 4: We tend to see our partners the way we like to see them, rather than the way they really are. And yet, for some reason, we are sure that they think exactly the same as we do. Although girls are usually raised differently than boys, the appearance of children affects women and men differently. Try to accept in a partner not only his strengths, but also his shortcomings. Be aware that there is something impossible for him, beyond his strength.

Get rid of perfectionism

The most destructive of all emotions is shame. You will feel embarrassed for the recent tantrum or outburst of anger, and even more ashamed of you for being cheated on, and for the fact that you, apparently, are not good enough. Since this feeling is unpleasant for us, we desperately try to avoid it. The most typical way is to try to be perfect in everything and hope that this will protect us from possible future suffering. We try to be the best for our partner and hope that he too will turn out to be the perfect repentant sinner. And I often meet people who paint their relationship before the betrayal as ideal and then doubly angry at the spouse who ruined this whole idyll.

Reception 5: I like the phrase of the German philosopher Immanuel Kant: « From such a crooked log as a man, you can’t cut anything straight » . In other words, we cannot be perfect because we are human. And when we make a mistake or fail to achieve the impossible, we are nonetheless ashamed of it. Returning to the first point, take this feeling in yourself and analyze the thoughts that arise about this. It's certainly worth aiming to be the best version of yourself and your marriage to be the best version of yourself, but please, let's not aim for absolute perfection.

About the expert

Andrew J. Marshall- family therapist, author of I Love You But I'm Not in Love With You, Bloomsbury, 2007.

Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read history carefully Marina Kozlova Read →

Finding out the reason

A woman who finds out about the betrayal of a loved one is rarely able to think rationally. She is overcome by heartache, a flurry of negative emotions and many different thoughts, the main of which is "this is a betrayal." Some are heartbroken and endure, thereby allowing their husband to repeat infidelity, some cut on the shoulder, not taking into account many factors that indicate the possibility - such actions are not correct, the problem must be approached competently and consciously. In this situation, it is important to determine the reason why the man committed such an act. This largely determines the scenario for further development of events:

1. The state of intoxication led to a one-time intrigue. In this case, adultery may indicate a man's propensity for connections on the side, his irresponsibility and promiscuity in sexual relations, then a relapse is very likely. If for a long time nothing like this was noticed behind him, it makes sense to forget this unpleasant event and forgive the partner. Psychologists recommend trying to discard subjective experiences and talk frankly with a man. Based on the experience of this relationship, knowledge about this person and his behavior after this act, one can understand how large the scale of infidelity is.
2. The search for new sensations, because the wife is "bored" and does not evoke former feelings. This is a betrayal, but both are to blame for it. Relationships are a constant job for both men and women. Being consistently attractive, desirable, and interesting is hard work. A woman needs to give an objective assessment of herself as a partner. If the husband's connection is short-lived and he repents, then a timely reaction can save the family and prevent the connection on the side from developing.
3. Lack of sexual life with his wife. This is also a betrayal, in which both are also to blame. Most often, intimate life comes to naught when a woman cannot afford it for health reasons - if she is pregnant, and the doctor forbade sexual intercourse or during periods of hormonal changes - women aged 50 and older who are going through menopause. The ingenuity of a couple in sexual relations plays a big role in the options for getting out of this situation.
4. New love. This is the most serious reason for cheating and, according to statistics, the couple does not have a happy future. And to live after betrayal together, even for the sake of children, does not make sense.

To find out the reason, you need to sincerely talk without undue emotions and reproaches. Defending himself, a man is able to show aggression and draw erroneous conclusions about the correctness of his act.

Often the reason for the betrayal of a man is called a banal lack of attention from his wife and her neglected appearance.

Husband's ingenious revenge for treason

Decision-making

When making a decision, you need to consider several important facts:

1. Is there love - this is the main thing that can save a family. If life without a boyfriend is not possible and complete, and even after infidelity, quivering, tender feelings remain, it makes sense to try to live together further and become happy.
2. Having children. Many families for the sake of children, and this was the right decision. Over time, everything was forgotten and forgiven, the right conclusions were made, and there were no more betrayals. But many others were not saved by common children, and then all family members suffered. If spouses love each other and want to stay together, including because of children, this is advisable. If the relationship has exhausted itself for a long time, and betrayal is just one of many problems, then it is better not to force children to look at daily scandals and absorb this relationship model.
3. What connects (except love and children). This question is relevant for couples who are faced with infidelity after 30 years of marriage or more. Children grew up, created their families, stormy passions have long been replaced by regularity and kinship. If the memory of the events of a common history takes your breath away and at the thought of a divorce covers melancholy - you need to live on. Sometimes couples are connected by a common business, financial affairs and goals. Then, too, it is necessary to weigh everything before a responsible decision.
4. With whom he cheated. The most difficult thing is to survive betrayal with a girlfriend or other close person. Then trust is lost immediately to two. But it is important to learn the right lesson from the situation and, in case of forgiveness of the husband, be more careful to let other women into the house.

What to do next

Surviving the betrayal of her husband is difficult in most cases. A woman's self-esteem instantly drops and a desire for revenge arises. This is a normal reaction, but harmful and meaningless. To recover from this event, you need to follow the effective advice of a psychologist:

1. If you have been betrayed and you can’t forgive, the following will help you survive a divorce:

Being busy with interesting things - allowing yourself to go to dances, cooking classes, art school - is what will help heal the soul and distract. In addition, new hobbies will expand the circle of communication.
Women's joys - shopping, spa treatments, travel, vacations, etc.
Healthy sleep is very helpful in recovering from stress.
Image change.
Career focus.
Communication with children. Surely it will be difficult for them to survive the divorce of their parents.
Communication with a psychologist, psychotherapist, loved ones will help not to go crazy. It is important to speak out and discuss the problem. Often, relief and intermediate solutions come by themselves after a confidential conversation.

The most important thing is to learn to trust your loved one again. The worst thing you can do is remember betrayal, blame your partner and suffer. The best thing is to devote more time to communicating with each other, to understand where the relationship has weakened and strengthen them. Talking to a man about your desires, asking directly disturbing questions, being interested in his opinion - any manifestation of sincerity will benefit. Checks, interrogations, suspicions, although natural in this situation, are inappropriate.
Take care of yourself. Time during this difficult period should be spent on yourself. Update your wardrobe, regularly visit a beauty salon, buy sexy lingerie, get additional education, positively tune in to the future and improve yourself in every possible way.
Draw the right conclusions: what could be the fault of the woman (but not voice it to her husband, otherwise he may take it as an excuse for his adventures on the side), what can be expected from this man.
Passionately making love. It is difficult for many to let a person who has recently had an intimate relationship with another. But both need it. Firstly, emancipation in bed increases the libido and self-esteem of the woman herself, and secondly, this is an occasion to know yourself and your body in a new way, to learn how to have more pleasure. Thirdly, any man will appreciate this, and the desire to look for a connection on the side will disappear.
Add romance to relationships. A joint bath with rose petals, a candlelit dinner, walking around the city at night and passionate kisses will rehabilitate any relationship.
Don't remember the past. Many believe that if you stop blaming for treason, a man will decide that everything is possible for him and will repeat the betrayal. But this is a superficial judgment. In fact, a man will be haunted by guilt, regardless of whether he is reminded of the misconduct or not. Only if the spouse shows wisdom and generosity, "forgetting" the unpleasant event, the man will appreciate this and will repent within himself, trying to beg forgiveness for his partner with courtship and worthy deeds.

No matter how events unfold after the betrayal, you need to avoid falling into depression and despair. Life goes on anyway, and one event should not negatively affect its quality.

The thought of the presence of another woman in the heart of a native man either breaks out in a heart-rending cry, or comes around inside with question marks and dots. How could it be?!.. How could he do this to our family happiness?! Did he not have enough of my love, care and warmth? Didn't I try to be the best wife? How to live on this meaningless life, if only the pain from the betrayal of a loved one remained in it?

Something is happening to your life. You are afraid that your husband is cheating on you. There are no obvious reasons for concern, but every day the oppressive heaviness intensifies inside. His frequent absences from home on weekends “for work”, long smoke breaks on the balcony, paired with a phone attached to his arm, detachment and a cold look, lack of desire for intimacy - all these symptoms are disturbing. You are still close, but the orbits of your planets no longer touch. And a rattling tension thoroughly settles in my head: “And if the husband is cheating and lying? What should I do?"

Each new day intensifies doubts and fear of losing what you created hand in hand - your family, your small, one-for-two whole world.

An accidental glance at the awakened screen of his phone - and in an instant your soul is broken into hundreds of living fragments. And each of them exacerbates the pain many times over. A couple of tender words written to your man by a strange woman burns out the soul with the power of an atomic explosion. The thought is pounding in my head: !

A black, heavy wave rolls over the fear of loneliness. It's hard to breathe, wake up, think. It's hard to live. Every minute of your semi-alive existence you ask yourself questions: - what to do? Is it worth it to forgive a husband for treason and how to live after the betrayal of a loved one? and find the strength to understand and justify what cannot be justified? Seek salvation in the advice of a close friend or seek help from a specialist? What decision to make?

Why betrayal hurts and does not let go

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help to understand the soul-exhausting questions for a woman who is faced with.

System-vector psychology explains in detail all the features of the human psyche - 8 vectors. The properties of each vector provide its owner with distinctive features of his behavior. The desires, feelings, thoughts and experiences of each person are dictated by the peculiarities of the combination of his vectors, laid down from birth. And the attitude towards the family, and the causes of betrayal will vary depending on the human psyche.

The hardest part of the relationship is experienced by people who have.

The priority values in the anal vector are family and marriage. People with an anal vector are wonderful wives and husbands, caring, attentive and devoted.

The owners of the anal vector look closely for a long time, get used to the partner, and when entering into marriage, they completely rely on the honesty, loyalty and decency of their soul mate. The fact of cheating on a husband or wife plunges a person with an anal vector into the most difficult state of experiencing the pain of betrayal and resentment.

The unique properties of memory that are endowed by nature with people with an anal vector do not allow us to forget the tragedy of betrayal experienced by a loved one. Memory reliably preserves the memories of the betrayal experienced. The experience of a failed relationship can be a heavy anchor in the depths of a person’s soul for a very long time, preventing him from entering into a new relationship. No faith, no trust. In memory - only the pain of betrayal.

It is very difficult for people to experience betrayal. Visual people are naturally endowed with a huge range of emotions that can range from fear to all-consuming love.

People with a visual vector very subtly feel the state of another person. They are able to sympathize with someone else's pain, experiencing it as their own. Special sensuality endows these people with a unique feature - the desire and ability to create emotional bonds. Through the creation of an emotional connection, a visual person feels fulfilled and, in his highest manifestation, is able to love like no other. For the owner of the visual vector, the whole meaning of life lies in love. Giving his love to another, a person with a visual vector feels alive and happy. But he also needs to receive love in his address.

A woman with a visual vector, experiencing a break in the emotional connection from her husband's infidelity, experiences severe suffering, which can be expressed in fear and a feeling of inability to cope with life's difficulties alone.

How to survive cheating husband

The fear of loneliness and the loss of the meaning of life without love, the pain of resentment and loss of trust in a loved one, no matter how a woman feels it, is a difficult condition that can be very difficult to go through alone. This leads her for advice and practical advice from psychologists on how to live after her husband's infidelity and what to do if there is no more strength to live?

All sorts of advice from psychologists on how to survive the pain of losing trust in a loved one, and whether it is worth it to forgive her husband’s betrayal, is given out in a search engine in a multi-page stack. Some advise you to love yourself, throw trash out of the house, change your wardrobe. Others advise to occupy yourself with something extreme. Adrenaline is likely to help drive out the painful feelings of infidelity. Still others insist on the journey, the fourth, by order of order, demand to get angry and finally become a mind-blowing bitch. In addition to informational advice, psychologists offer specific exercises and various practices. Everything would be fine, only these tips and gestures do not work or bring temporary relief. And the tormented heart wants one thing - if only it would just let go, if only peace would return to the crippled soul. Let it just stop hurting!

The question of why treason happened after all remains open. But if there is a question, there must be an answer.

Why cheating happens

Where do those feelings of all-consuming happiness that both once breathed go?

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan gives an answer to this question.

For the first few years, sexual attraction dominates in a couple. The strength of sexual attraction is explained by the natural need to give birth to a child within three to five years and save his life. Therefore, during this period of relationships, lovers are absorbed in the emotions of happiness. Behind the back are the wings of love, and the whole world around is only for two.

But a few years pass, and the love flair fades away, the passion given by nature disappears. In the family, quarrels, misunderstandings, quarrels and resentments are increasingly happening. She is annoyed by her husband's inhibition and his daily ritual question about the missing slippers. He is annoyed by the endlessly flickering, fussy wife - she knocks down the ordered rhythm of her husband's thoughts. Again and again the course of his thoughts is interrupted by a million tasks, orders, claims, tantrums and tears. It becomes unbearable, and it seems that the male heart can not cope with such changes. Increasingly, the wife has a “headache”, and accusations are thrown at each other: "Do you understand me!".

It's true, we don't understand. We look at a person, but we see him through ourselves. We evaluate the behavior and attitude of another through the prism of our desires.

For example, a wife is perplexed and offended, not understanding why her husband does not pay enough attention to the family, limits himself in expressing feelings, is more interested in work and career. After all, she herself is caring and attentive by nature. She does not know that he is the owner, and the properties of her psyche are completely opposite - she is the bearer of the anal vector. Expecting and demanding behavior from a man that is not characteristic of him, not understanding his natural desires, values and aspirations, a woman makes mistakes that often lead to.

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan unmistakably teaches to understand the mechanism for creating and maintaining happy, stable relationships. This is possible if mutually in a couple, in addition to sexual attraction, there is trust and emotional intimacy.

According to systemic knowledge, the woman sets the tone in relationships. It is she who leads a man, filling his life with meaning. For her sake, a man is ready to conquer space, launch hadron colliders, implement the most complex mechanisms with the power of engineering.

The ability of a woman to create an emotional connection with a man based on an understanding of his innate characteristics, the manifestation of sincere attention and intimate sensuality to him excludes the possibility of betrayal. Receiving understanding, trust and attention to himself from his woman, a man will not feel the need to look for it on the side. While the claims, resentment, tantrums and manipulation of a man’s feelings can lead the relationship to the question “Why did he cheat on me?”.

When creating an emotional connection, it is important to share sensual experiences with your man. Gradually open up to him. Sincerely share your emotions, vivid memories from childhood, be interested in his affairs. Be sensitive and attentive to what he shares with you. Slowly and without rushing your man, increase the level of intimate trust between you. And you will always be for him the desired and the only one.

In the common denominator of the advice of a systemic psychologist on how to behave to a woman so that her husband does not cheat, there is not so much. All you need is:

understand the nature of desire, theirs and their man,
understand the leading role of women in relationships through creating an emotional connection.

Is it possible to forgive a cheating husband?

At the training "System-vector" psychology, everyone finds their own answer to this question and to many other questions related to pair relationships.

Realizing the true motives of betrayal, you can avoid fatal mistakes in the future.

Understanding the role of a woman in relationships, awareness of the peculiarities of her psyche and the peculiarities of the psyche of a man will help heal a heart wounded by betrayal.

Eradicate the fear of experiencing the pain of past negative experiences, keep the family on the verge of a foul, rebuild family happiness, or end unhealthy relationships painlessly for both

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»