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02.11.2019

Capricious behavior is a cause for concern for many moms and dads. Sometimes children begin to demonstrate stubbornness and disobedience from a very young age.

And how to react to children's tears, parents can not always understand. How to determine if a one-year-old baby is crying because of something serious, or are you faced with another whim?

Let's find out where moodiness comes from and what parents need to do to stop tears and tantrums.

If such reactions appear regularly, adults begin to treat them as quite natural features of early and preschool age. However, this opinion is erroneous. Babies are not born naughty.

The main reason for children's tantrums is the wrong approach to raising a child. And the younger he is, the more impulsive and unrestrained his behavior.

Baby whims: fact or fiction?

Children who have barely been born have no whims, as we understand them. Crying and tears that signal discomfort are not whims. To avoid problems, you need to make sure that:

dry baby;
not hungry;
he does not suffer from gas and colic;
the child is healthy;
you follow the schedule.

As we can see, the reasons for crying are quite reasonable and can be anticipated.

If the baby constantly reminds his parents of his inconvenience by screaming, then he may develop a habit in this way to achieve the satisfaction of his own needs. That is, constant negative emotions, becoming habitual, become a prerequisite for the appearance of whims.

Whims in children 1-2 years old: causes and features of manifestation

At the age of one year, babies experience the first age crisis in their life.

The reason for its appearance is the accumulation of certain knowledge and skills by the child. This situation requires a transition to a new stage in the relationship between parents and children.

A child of the second year of life begins to perceive himself as a separate person. He takes his first steps, begins to talk, which allows him to get to know the world in a new way.

However, this also leads to an increase in the number of whims. And often they are provoked by the parents themselves.

The baby tries to cry to satisfy any, even a fleeting desire, and mom and dad immediately fulfill them.

Soon, the crumbs form a not very pleasant habit - to achieve their requirements through tears and screams. Once established, this behavior becomes a trait of character.

Another manifestation of whims in the youngest children is undesirable perseverance.

For example, a child strives with all his might to take possession of an object that interests him. Numerous "don'ts" don't stop him. If adults remove a curious little thing higher, the baby tries to climb on the furniture, starts shouting “Give!” Usually it all ends in tears.

Of course, one should not exclude the completely natural causes of the appearance of whims and tantrums - the state of children's health.

However, nothing brings relief to the child, and he begins to act up and whimper.

What to do if the child is naughty?

Even the most calm and obedient baby is sometimes naughty. And it can happen at a very early age. That's why parents need to know how to respond and how to deal with whims. What should adults do?

Learn to say "no". From a very young age, your child should know important words: “Stop”, “No”, “No”. Of course, there cannot be very many of them, but their presence will help save the baby from constant whims. By the way, these phrases will be excellent helpers for children's discipline.
Try to calmly respond to screams. It should be remembered that stormy scenes are designed for the audience and sympathizers. Try to leave the naughty child alone, making sure he doesn't hurt himself, of course. When he is convinced that his cries do not bring the desired result, the habit of capriciousness will gradually disappear.
Make sure it's a whim and not an important need. If the baby calmly and reasonably (in accordance with age) explains why he needed this or that thing, then this is a need. Perhaps you should go to meet the crumbs and satisfy his desire.
Be consistent. In order to avoid the escalation of whims into full-fledged tantrums, agree with the household on uniform requirements and rules for upbringing. If you forbid something today, be firm tomorrow, despite all the children's requests.
Do not Cry. Of course, screaming and crying can piss off the most emotionally resilient parent. Even if you are tired, try to restrain yourself and calmly carry on a conversation. Do not forget that you and only you are an example for your child.
Explain the reason for the refusal. The whims will subside if you tell the baby about the reason for the ban. Do not shrug off your child in annoyance if he asks for something. Even a very small person can understand why you will not buy this wonderful toy if you calmly and intelligibly explain to him.
Provide choice. Agree that it is better to prevent whims than to fight them heroically later. For example, if you notice that your child refuses to wear a hat for a walk, then offer to choose: “Which hat do you want - yellow or green?” In this case, the child feels control over the situation and feels independent.
Play the conflict. Try not to subjugate the baby, but to beat the situation. For example, ask him for help: “Something I forgot how to brush my teeth. Please show me how to do it right." Usually, children do not miss the opportunity to teach something to their mother, and in the process of “studying” they themselves will brush their teeth.
Report a pleasant prospect. If the child categorically refuses to do something, talk about the pleasant events that await him soon. For example: "Dima, let's collect all your toys now, and then I will give you an album with paints so that you can draw a beautiful picture."

And how to respond to children's whims, if the baby not only does not calm down, but also begins to beat in hysterics?

Sit down next to the baby, look into his eyes. Try to find out what he wants - a talking child can already formulate his need aloud.

If a tantrum has begun, hug the child, hold it tightly to you, speak softly and calmly.

Tries to hit you? Hold his hand, but don't push it away. Children need to hear their mother's voice and feel your support.

Should whims be punished?

First of all, decide what you mean by punishment.

Of course, you can’t beat with a belt, you can’t spank regularly. Physical influences will not lead to anything good.

On the contrary, violence will only aggravate children's behavior, besides, the baby will accumulate resentment against you.

As we wrote above, the most effective way to help wean children from whims is to deprive them of their attention when the child behaves badly, and give him more time when he is obedient and communicates with you and his peers with joy and pleasure.

In order to understand how to react and deal with the capriciousness of your child, you should firmly understand: children's whims and tantrums do not appear from scratch.

They have good reasons, and the wrong parental reaction only supports and reinforces them.

Refresh the child's age characteristics in memory, set and follow the daily routine, develop uniform requirements for the child, find the golden mean between excess and lack of attention. And, of course, love your child and treat with understanding his psychological characteristics.

Children at 3-4 years old are quite independent people: they attend kindergarten, prefer classes to their liking. In addition, they are old enough to talk about their needs. Then where do the tantrums and whims that worry parents so much come from? What should tired mothers do if a three- or four-year-old baby is constantly crying and acting up?

The age of three is a fertile time for the emotional and cognitive development of children. They gain new experience, understand more and, at the same time, acutely experience conflicts. A crisis of three years is superimposed on all these problems, when previously complaisant children become whiny, capricious and obstinate, categorically refusing to fulfill the demands of adults. Often they behave ugly: stomp their feet, cry, scream, throw objects that are in their reach.

Causes of children's tears and whims

Many parents do not understand why their child is constantly crying and acting up. And the sources of such behavior usually lie on the surface, but not always they can be immediately recognized.

Baby needs your attention he lacks communication with his parents, he wants to see evidence of his own "need". The desire for maternal love and affection is a basic need for a child.
Naughty, children want to get what they want, for example, a gift, sweetness, permission to take a walk - something that moms and dads do not allow for reasons incomprehensible to kids.
Child protests against parental dictate, excessive guardianship, demonstrating a desire to become independent and independent. This is typical for authoritarian methods of education. Remember how often you tell your son or daughter: “Put on this sweater quickly”, “Stop staring around”.
Crying and whims can be without a clear reason. Maybe baby tired, didn't get enough sleep I saw a family quarrel. Many components influence children's mood, so you need to analyze them all.

Let's look at each option in more detail and find out what parents should do if a child at 3-4 years old is constantly naughty and crying.

Desire to communicate

The advice is both simple and complex: if you want to avoid tears and whims, spend more time with children. Of course, often parents do not have enough time for close and full communication with the child. But the main thing here is not the number of minutes, but their quality. No need to throw household chores, communicate with your child in the process of their implementation.

Arrange common holidays and family gatherings more often. In addition to the traditional feast, come up with interesting entertainment, contests for all family members. Another way is to go to a circus, an amusement park, or go out of town. There would be a desire, but there are a lot of options for having fun with the household.

Reaction to bans

The baby should have the opportunity to explore the world around him. Your task - help, not interfere with children's curiosity. For this you need set clear boundaries, streamline the requirements and reduce the number of prohibitions, leaving only the most important. Usually they concern children's safety, and they must be strictly followed.

Make a baby homework helpers, presenting new responsibilities in a playful way. Are you preparing lunch? Invite your child to wash the vegetables or “feed” the cookie. Do you wash clothes? Give him a basin and offer to wash your blouse. There are several advantages to doing business together. First, you control the actions of your child. Secondly, you can explain to him the danger of household items.

self-affirmation

At the age of 3-4, a child begins to perceive parental care not only as a manifestation of love, but also as a suppression of independence and an annoying hindrance. At this age, children need a kind of balance of care and freedom. After all, you don’t want to raise a “comfortable” baby who causes little trouble, but does not strive for accomplishments himself, do you?

For example, a three-year-old behaves badly at dinner: refuses porridge, demands other dishes, pushes aside a mug of jelly. If you start to force him, he will continue to act up, and here it’s not far from a full-fledged hysteria. Accept the fact that now he is an independent person and has the right to choose both the list of dishes and the size of the portion. Believe me, he will definitely not die of hunger.

Implicit causes of whims

Children are born with different types of nervous system. More "strong" babies are resistant to irritants, do not cry because of every trifle. A child with an unstable nervous system is vulnerable, his reaction to troubles and difficulties is too emotional.

In such children, minor pain causes hysteria, a lump in porridge leads to vomiting, and an excess of impressions in a day deprives sleep. Whims and tears are a constant companion of three- and four-year-old melancholics. Parents should prevent the occurrence of tantrums, and in case of prolonged stress, you should seek advice from a neurologist or psychologist.

What to do?

If a child at 3-4 years old is constantly naughty, analyze all of the above reasons and try to eliminate them. Try to prevent the occurrence of stressful situations.

If you still start whining, try switch the baby's interest to something else.

“Look, what huge tears are pouring from my eyes. Let's put them in a jar.", - says one inventive mom.

Offer some baby new subject or interesting activity: look together cartoon or read your favorite book. Joint communication will help him feel your love and save him from unconstructive ways to attract parental attention.

Raising children is hard and continuous work, which does not always give the expected effect. It is extremely difficult to predict how this or that decision of the parents will affect the character of their baby, his worldview and relations with the world. Today, each of us has access to information about raising children, and to the developments of leading child psychologists. But it is very difficult to find a grain of truth among the mass of knowledge. And when the child’s behavior is confusing, and you don’t know what to do at all. We will clarify on this page “Popular about health” what to do if a child at 4 years old often freaks out and is naughty and what to do in the same situation at 3 years old.

A child at 3 years old often freaks out and is naughty

At the age of three, children for the first time feel like separate people, and not part of their parents. Of course, this awareness is accompanied by changes in behavior. The child tries to be like adults in everything and to reach the same level with them. This can manifest itself in many so-called whims: the requirements to go to bed only all together at the same time, attempts to dress and undress on their own, even in the absence of proper skills. At the same time, he can perceive any failures or opposition from adults with hysteria. The child is crazy...

At this age, parents' attempts to help are no longer accepted. And the difference in many actions between adults and children significantly exacerbates the conflict. After all, adults usually do not allow three-year-old children to iron, sew, watch TV or play with a computer. And the child enters into a struggle with such restrictions, refusing to follow the orders of the parents.

Sometimes children resort to another form of behavior, which psychologists classify as active negativism. They do the opposite: they perform actions that are directly opposite to those that the parent asks (requires). So the child is naughty ...

What to do in such a situation?

In order not to “break” the child and remain adequate ourselves, it is necessary to develop a strategy of behavior in case of whims and tantrums. And it should be shared by both parents.

In addition, it is extremely important to provide the baby with the opportunity to feel like an independent person, an adult. It's time to give the child his own space (a room, a corner, a shelf in the closet, toys and clothes), in which he can dispose of himself. Parents need to learn to respect the decisions of the child, and sometimes even let them feel the consequences of bad decisions.

You should periodically be interested in the opinion of the child and give him a choice. Ask what to cook for dinner, what is the best way to go to the garden or to visit, where to put things and what to wear today. At the same time, offer options for such a choice yourself - no more than two or three, and be sure to follow the chosen baby.

Ask your child to teach you something. This will help him feel like an adult. Let him show you how to play with a toy correctly, or how to put on a T-shirt or trousers.

At the same time, try to realize for yourself that the child is really getting older, he already needs to be respected as a separate person. You should not put pressure on him and influence him, learn to negotiate: talk about conflicts, analyze their causes and find compromises.

If possible, you should make concessions, so teach your baby to be accommodating, flexible and not stubborn.

A child at 4 years old is freaking out and naughty

By the age of four, the crisis of three years usually ends successfully, and parents can breathe a sigh of relief. But in some cases, the crisis is late, so all of the above recommendations remain relevant. But sometimes the cause of whims and tantrums lies in something else.

Quite often, the cause of bad behavior is explained by various types of violations of upbringing in the family. In this case, whims and tantrums help parents pay attention to their mistakes. So, the most common violations of education are hyperprotection (permissiveness) or hypoprotection (strict prohibitions). Also, at the age of 4, a baby is naughty and freaks out if the family does not have one line of education. Then the child simply does not know what to do, who to listen to more (mom or dad) and whose requirements to comply with.

Also, whims and tantrums can be a reflection of various problems in the family. In this case, the child's behavior is designed to show parents that he needs peace, love and tranquility. It is worth noting that children can react not only to obvious scandals and screams, but also to hidden conflicts, perceiving them on a subconscious level.

How to respond to the psychos and whims of a child of four years?

You should not take a tantrum as an attempt by a child to take revenge on you or punish you for something. Try to understand that the baby is much worse from his condition, but he cannot / does not know how to cope with it. Therefore, whims and psychos need to be experienced or waited out, while trying to identify the cause of their occurrence and correct it. Sometimes independent work may not be enough, in such a situation you need to seek help from a qualified child psychologist.

The main method of dealing with children's whims and tantrums is reason, patience and love.

A child at 3 years old became very capricious are frequent cases. Every family goes through this, it's just that for someone everything goes more smoothly, but somewhere sparks fly in all directions. It seems to any mother that everything is going as it was before. But at this time, our relationship with the child is moving to a new level. The baby goes through his first major crisis in 3 years.

The kid is growing. So he was born, now he is a year old, already two, and then parents begin to face the problem of a crisis of three years. This is the name of the children's transitional period, when the child turns into a little monster that cannot be distracted by something funny or new, it is impossible to agree with him and calm incomprehensible tears, whims and tantrums. If this happens several times a week, then this is not scary, that's all. But if this happens several times a day, then this indicates that your baby is having a critical period of development. State very naughty child at 3 years old pushes us to look for a solution and build our relationship with it in a new way. Therefore, every parent in the end knows what to do in one case or another.

All children are different and all show tantrums and whims differently. For some, this is hysteria, lying on the floor, rolls from side to side, loud screams and hail of tears. For others, it is throwing everything that comes under their hands, toys, things, products. Child at 3 years old can be very capricious and even uncontrollable.

Causes

In children for such whims lots of. This may be: a sudden surging desire to drink juice or milk late in the evening, but the desired was not at home; I wanted to walk by the hand along the road, and my mother's hand turned out to be occupied by a heavy bag. For adults, all these cases are incomprehensible and inexplicable. And if you ignore and react incorrectly to tantrums and whims, then you will get capricious child and in 4 years too. At the same time, it is important what You will make and how to respond so that this crisis does not drag on, and your baby is formed as a full-fledged personality. I would like to point out that start a crisis maybe in a child and at 4 years. That is, if he becomes suddenly capricious, then you don’t need to scold him: hug and try to understand him!

Parents they begin to think about what they did wrong, where they made a mistake in education and how to correct the situation now. Finally - what to do correct and what is not? But not always the reason for such behavior in a child is his illiterate upbringing. The kid is growing up every day and, despite the fact that he is only 3 or 4 years his "I" is undergoing a strong change. The desire to be independent grows and grows stronger with it every day (!). He wants to be independent in many matters, and especially in those for which he is still very small. If you really want to ease his situation, then accept and try not to escalate the situation in the house. The main thing is that at this time the child does not have the feeling that he is not infringed, but appreciated.

How to deal with a naughty child

What do parents child 3 years old, which has only whims. It is important to learn first of all to control your emotions. Can't show capricious child your annoyance, your displeasure. Try not to yell or yell. You need to try to reach out to the child, not just distract, as it will only be for a while, but try to do it so that the baby listens to you and understands why and what you want from him.

For example, your child does not want to leave the street home in order to have lunch. Begins hysterics on playground: “I don’t want to go home ... I want to walk ... I want to swing ...” And so it can be indefinitely.

Try to convey your position to the baby very calmly, without screaming, without swearing or shouting. Explain to him that you understand him and understand that he wants to walk, that he is small and therefore he likes to swing and play in the sand with shovels, but all small children need to eat, they need to get strength for walking. Just explain calmly, without irritation. Try on the example of his favorite toy clarify the situation, perhaps this way it will be more clear to him, and he will be able to morally give in to you and agree to the offer.

If a whims turn into hysteria- do not give in, do not indulge, do not please the child, if only he would calm down. This will lead to the fact that the next time everything will repeat itself. It is enough to agree with the child's demand once, as all early prohibitions will simply dissipate, and the child will feel power over you.

What can be done to prevent in a 3 or 4 year old states in which he becomes nervous and capricious:

Patience and sensitivity, show these qualities more often because the baby needs your help so much. Believe me, you won’t even have time to look back, how he will grow up and will try to do everything on his own, so don’t immediately throw a burden of responsibility on him, but help (especially at first) to cope with him;
Observe one principle of education. Don't flip from one side to the other. Such a swing for the baby will become an impossible burden, and most importantly, he will not understand when and how to act correctly;
Once the tantrum starts, be patient. No need to scream, swear and freak out. Show by your appearance that you are not interested in listening to this, so you are busy with something else, for example, look out the window. Just don't do irritated actions, don't sort things off the table or wipe the dust. The challenge is to convey to capricious child all the salt of your removal from his hysteria;
No need to rush, let him do everything himself, even if it all happens very slowly. Be patient and just wait. If he wants to change clothes himself after the section, let him take his things and get ready. In two or three months you will not even think about changing his clothes yourself. He will do it himself. As well as follow the filling of water for the section and clean things;
In minor details, you can give in to show that you can accept his choice. For example, if he wants to eat first the second dish, and then the first, let him eat, it's not scary. After all, for him this is an experiment, for you it’s just a deviation from the standard sequence of actions;
Invite your child to choose a toy that he will take with him to kindergarten or for a walk. Such a seemingly trifle will help teach him to choose the main thing! In the future, he will be able to plan his day correctly prioritizing.
Offer your help more often, but do not do any things instead of the child. Even if you really want to. For example, he changed his clothes himself, but has not yet had time to fold things - do not rush at them, as soon as he realizes that he has dressed, he will fold everything himself. And he will be proud of himself, because he did everything inside and out!

Useful video

Naughty child at 3 years old this is normal, Dr. Komarovsky will tell you more about it in your program. what to do:

Results

crisis, like whims at 3 or 4 years old is one of the most important periods in life child. Remember that you, too, were children and your parents went through this. Treat this period a little easier and easier. The child is not a robot to repeat everything as you wish. He is a man, though small, but with his own desires and forming opinions.