Sexology Articles

Why don't you want sex

2013-09-27

Unfortunately, the problem of regular intimacy with a regular partner in the modern world is acute for many couples. Sex happens less and less until it disappears completely, turning the relationship of the spouses into companionable ones and forcing them to look for emotions on the side. To avoid this, it is very important to understand why you do not want sex and how to save an intimate relationship.

So, the main reasons for not having sex.

Reason number 1: Hormonal disruptions and diseases of the reproductive system

Libido, that is, is affected by hormones. Therefore, any failure or disease, accompanied by a change in hormonal levels, can lead to the fact that a person ceases to feel the need for intimacy. When it comes to men, the first thing to check is the level of testosterone in the blood. In women, a decrease in sexual desire can also be observed while taking oral contraceptives (OC).

In this case, it is important to be examined by an endocrinologist and carefully check the hormonal profile (hormone analysis). If problems are found, the doctor will prescribe treatment. As soon as the hormones stop "naughty", the former desire will return.

If oral contraceptives are to blame for the decrease in libido, it is recommended to consult a gynecologist for the selection of another drug or to consider other contraceptive options.

Reason number 2: Resentment or complexes

No wonder they say that for some people, sex first occurs in the head, and only then in bed. For such men and women, praise and a positive assessment of a partner is very important. But a remark or criticism, even if not uttered out of malice, can hurt painfully and instill in the soul doubts about one's own attractiveness and sexuality. Subconsciously, the brain will refuse sex in order to protect itself from new disorders and experiences. This is how a psychological decline occurs, requiring confidential conversations with a partner, and sometimes consulting a psychotherapist or sexologist.

Unfortunately, quarrels, quarrels and dissatisfaction with each other in everyday and personal terms also affect intimate life. If the wife “nags” her husband about a small salary, and the husband is unhappy that his wife breeds cats, believe me, it’s not far from problems in sex. You should leave mutual nit-picking and treat each other with great respect. Such simple rules help to establish a warm climate not only in the family, but also in bed.

Reason #3: Banalities

Even in those couples who had African passions at the beginning of the relationship, a decline can occur. Partners know everything about each other, nothing surprises and does not excite an acute desire. In such cases, if you do not bring a twist to intimacy, you can completely “bury” marital sex.

Role-playing games, unusual underwear, a date in a hotel, perfumes with aphrodisiacs - in sex with a regular partner, there should always be a place for novelty and bright flashes that warm up the fire of desire.

Reason #4: Chronic fatigue and lack of sleep

In the modern world, a person has almost no time left for proper sleep and rest: work, many hours of traffic jams, a lot of various things and worries. But chronic fatigue and lack of sleep hit not only immunity and mood, but also libido! What kind of sex can we talk about if the only desire is to get to bed as soon as possible and forget about sleep? In this case, you need to give the body a rest. Have a weekend at least a couple of times a week - do not do household chores or take a part-time job home - devote this time to a loved one and restore intimate life.

Fatigue can be not only physical, but also psychological, when a person has a great responsibility or is in a state of chronic stress. In this case, of course, we can recommend a relaxing massage, sedatives and aromatherapy, the purpose of which is to harmonize the functioning of the nervous system.

Reason #5: Hypodynamia

From home to the car or the bus, from the bus to the chair in the office and in the evening the same way back? This is how most of the inhabitants of our country live, suffering from physical inactivity, that is, a decrease in physical activity. Our advice is a gym, swimming pool, yoga, jogging in the morning, dancing or a football section for amateurs. It is believed that people who exercise regularly have a regular need for intimacy.

If there is no desire and opportunity to play sports, it is recommended to take as a rule:

• climb on foot, not by elevator;
• walk in the nearest park before going to bed at least 1-2 times a week;
• go one stop to the house and walk this distance on foot;

As for sleep, then it must be a hundred-accurate number of-whether - at least 6 hours a day (ideally, a -le 8 hours). Obligatory-for-tel-but sleep in a pro-ve-t-ren-noy room-on-those - fresh air-s-s-s-s-vu-et ka-che-st-ven-but -mu dis-weak-le-niyu.

Reason #6: Poor Diet

Dieting or, conversely, the abuse of fast food and alcohol can lead to the fact that sexual desire gradually “melts”, and may even disappear altogether. Lack of vitamins can also negatively affect the bed issue.

Sex in our society plays a huge role in self-affirmation. Recent Research Has Virginity Lost Its Virtue? Relationship Stigma Associated With Being a Sexually Inexperienced Adult . showed that virgins do not want to enter into relationships with other virgins.

At the same time, the “norm” established by us in the amount of sex creates a vicious circle. Many women are “cool macho” and at the same time “womanizer”, few women are “loser”. Many men - a girl "with reduced social responsibility", which "no one will marry." Virgin - "boring in bed", "will change."

As a result, everyone ends up at the tail end of the race for recognition through sex. So for starters, we suggest remembering one thing: everyone has their own norm for the amount of sex, and if this is once every six months and you are so comfortable, then this is normal. Even the complete absence of sex, if it does not bother you, is also the norm.

But sometimes the libido is sharply reduced compared to the usual state. And this is far from uncommon.

According to research, 30-40% of people around the world experience a lack of interest in sex for at least a few months a year.

The reasons for this phenomenon are complex, because not only the emotional state affects the libido, but also medication, health problems (which you may not know about), stress, physical fatigue, phase of the cycle, and so on.

We will try to analyze the most popular of them and offer a solution to the problem.

Taking medication

Erectile dysfunction and decreased libido are side effects of a huge number of medications. Antidepressants can lead to this result (30-80% of patients experience this). Psychopharmacology for the Clinician. people, it is one of the main reasons for not getting treatment), opioid painkillers, oral contraceptives, antihistamines, anti-anxiety medications, hair loss medications, contraceptives, and many others.

If you are taking any of these medications and feel less sexual desire than usual, go to your doctor, describe the problem and ask him to find an alternative remedy for you.

Contrary to popular belief, remedies like Viagra will not help you in case of a decrease in libido and, since the problem in most cases is not solved by blood flow to the genitals. And the possible side effects of Viagra are no better:

• headache;
• stomach upset;
• blurred vision;
• eye sensitivity to light;
• sudden decrease or loss of vision in one or both eyes;
• an abnormally long erection that can harm the penis;
• irregular heartbeat;
• stroke;
• heart attack, which can lead to death.

If there is no way to stop taking some of the drugs that reduce libido, "natural Viagra" can help. This is L-arginine - an amino acid, a precursor of nitric oxide, which leads to relaxation of smooth muscles in the vessels. As a result, they expand and blood flows more freely.

L-arginine can also increase microcirculation in the genital tissues, which leads to increased erection and sexual sensitivity. But a doctor should prescribe such a remedy, since an integrated approach is often needed to solve the problem.

Health problems

The reasons for the decrease in desire is one of the most popular questions in the sex enlightenment blog of Tatiana Nikonova. And sometimes the question is formulated like this: “How to relieve stress from a partner in order to increase his desire?”

In response, Tatyana told her story.

All last year, I basically didn’t want sex, and then it turned out that I had a vitamin D deficiency. The endocrinologist, for other indications, prescribed horse doses to increase to a normal level, and now I really want to. Question: how would the removal of unnecessary worries revive my desire for sex? No way. How could I have guessed that I have a vitamin deficiency if the doctor had not sent me for analysis? Also no way. How would I feel if my partner said that he was humiliated by my refusals? Under pressure because of the responsibility for something that I have no idea about and have no control over.

Overall health really does have a huge impact on your sex life. For example, an increase in blood sugar levels or simply the constant presence of sweets in the diet can actually turn off Monosaccharide-induced lipogenesis regulates the human hepatic sex hormone-binding globulin gene. the gene responsible for sex hormones.

Therefore, if you have been without desire for several weeks, but you are not taking medications from the list above, you do not have relationship problems and stress, then it is best not to delay going to the doctor. Decreased libido can be caused by high blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, hormonal changes, diabetes, and more.

Fatigue and stress

Fatigue is not an ephemeral state that will pass in one day or that can be ignored because "everyone gets tired."

If recently there was a strong shock in your life - moving, exams, death of a relative, then, most likely, the desire will return when the problem is solved or you cope with your feelings.

But a serious, long-term change in life is another reason for the decrease in sexual desire. Emigration, financial instability - all this makes us live in an unusual rhythm.

The birth of children in general turns life upside down for many years ahead, and fatigue becomes a permanent state. Stress causes the body to produce cortisol, a hormone that is incompatible with sexual desire.

In this case, the reorganization of life, the distribution of responsibilities can help. But this should be on an ongoing basis, and not for a week, otherwise the fatigue will quickly return or simply will not have time to recede.

It is also worth adding more time for yourself to your loved one, even to the detriment of other things. Prolonged stress exhausts the body, and it won't be long before lack of desire is no longer your only problem.

relationship problem

If a decrease in sexual desire caught you in a relationship, then before checking all of the above points, you should answer yourself the question of whether everything suits you in them.

Perhaps sex in this relationship has never been chic, and when the time for falling in love passed, it became too obvious? Perhaps you are limited in expressing feelings and emotions and your sexual desire has never been important? Perhaps you just want something new, but you don't know? Perhaps you have become less likely to want to have sex, but it suits you, but your partner does not?

Talking about sex is hard. But the only advice is to start talking about it. A partner who treats you as a person and respects your desires will accept them and be prepared for a long absence of sex if, for example, you are being treated for depression.

The one who will wait must remember: sex may not return. Especially if the problem is still in a different norm for each of you. And no persuasion and "perfect courtship" will make a person want more than he needs.

For many, sexual activity is an important part of life and relationships, but we must remember that problems with libido are a common thing. It is worth taking care of your health first of all, and not waiting for it to “pass by itself”.

At the beginning of any relationship between two people, there is something that begins to elude over time - passion and desire. Family life is not only spiritual and physical intimacy. This is responsibility, raising children, caring for the elderly, distributing finances, and so on.

What was considered natural at the beginning of a relationship, for example, burning sex, sympathy for all the obvious and hidden shortcomings of each other, over time, to put it mildly, changes.

When the period of euphoric love ends, the couple is faced with situations that experience their true feelings. Dissatisfied partners seek connections on the side, get divorced.

For men, the topic of sex is very important in life. Everyone wants not only to have a wife, but also to see next to him the very personification of sensuality, passion, and constantly. But what if the beloved, once desired man, ceased to excite? Why don't you want to have sex with him? Or the end of passion - and the end of the relationship?!

A few important "whys" to understand

Physiology

Often, improper organization of sleep and rest, malnutrition and a sedentary lifestyle can be good reasons for not having sex. The combination of several, and often all of these reasons, affects the desire. The modern rhythm of life dictates its harsh conditions.

Psychology

A tired, stressed-out woman is tuned in more to regulating the balance in her head than to having sex. The inability or inability to fully relax seriously affects the appearance, look, real desires and feelings.

resentment

The sexual life of a woman and her perception of the world through emotions are closely related. If she is offended by her man, but no claims are made, and the question is not settled, the desire to make love will decrease and eventually disappear completely.

Temperament

It happens that partners have completely different temperaments. A woman with a low libido may well be satisfied with sex once a week, while a man is most often not impressed with this alignment. Moreover, at the beginning of a love relationship, wanting to impress, a woman showed great initiative.

Sometimes other than natural causes:

• fatigue background,
• stress,
• the problem may be in the man himself.

Chop off the shoulder, breaking off relationships, jumping to conclusions about yourself or your loved one, letting destructive doubts into your head - these are delusions.

It is worth first of all to try to understand yourself, to sensibly analyze the current situation. If necessary, seek expert advice.

What to do? Beloved man does not excite!

Excite your sensuality. Use your own imagination, imagine yourself in an unusual setting, in underwear that you denied yourself, read books and watch films of a light erotic genre. Listen to your feelings.

What did you like the most?

Study your body, please yourself. Every day, catch yourself thinking that you are sexually attractive, take relaxing baths, fantasize.

If in your ideas you have a beloved man, and not an abstract image, then, most likely, both of you need to work a little on sexual relations. Perhaps your loved one has relaxed, does not pay due attention to foreplay, does not give compliments, does not care about his appearance.

You should definitely discuss the situation with your husband. When starting a conversation, do not get personal, because you are only trying to figure it out. And if there are problems in sexual life, then your loving man cannot ignore them.

Let him know what is important to you. Speak from the position of a strong desire to resolve the issue together, and not with the desire to prove your case. After starting a conversation with your spouse, analyze your grievances.

Think about it, are they serious, far-fetched or just related to PMS?

Perhaps the internal unresolved situations passed prevent you from wanting your loved one.

After weighing the arguments, decide which part of them is worth it to start debriefing.

Maybe your loved one has stopped worrying about their appearance, about the elements of hygiene, the absence of which makes you extremely depressing?

If you caught yourself thinking that something does not suit you in the appearance of your spouse, the fault is not nature, but the lack of discipline, say, but not reproachfully, but tactfully. At the same time, playing with one goal is dishonest, do not forget about self-discipline.

Consider the gym and swimming pool option. Take a bath together, give your favorite perfume, fragrant shower gel for no reason. Hygiene is a matter of habit.

Offer to visit an intimate goods store together. If you correctly presented your thoughts to your beloved, then he must correctly understand you and accept the offer.

Choose the attribute you like among the categories of intimate products together, it should be something that you will like equally. Undoubtedly, it will bring diversity and chic to your intimate life. Both of you need a change.

Sexual desire is not born with a click, it is a very subtle interaction.

Feeling that you cannot decide for yourself where your reluctance comes from, do not refuse the advice of professionals. If the partner is dear, and you don’t want to destroy the relationship, but sexual desire is at zero, only a specialist can extract the problem from the subconscious. It will also help resolve it.

Immersed in daily chores, giving most of herself to children, a woman often forgets about her nature. Attractiveness and sexuality is not only an external entourage, it is, first of all, an understanding of one's needs. A desirable woman is not a candy wrapper, it is a delicious filling. Feel like this. Mentally or on paper, formulate how sexually attractive you are, re-read, relax, love your body.

nivin.ru

What to do if you do not want to have sex with your husband?

Greetings, dear readers! The lack of desire to have sex with the man you love is not only a problem for older women. More and more young ladies are wondering where their libido is.

Libido is a passionate desire and attraction for a partner with whom a sexual relationship is brewing or already exists.

But this concept also has a broader meaning, in which libido is a psychic energy that prompts one to strive for some kind of activity.

It is believed that stress leads to low sexual desire in women, but is it really so? In today's post, I will tell you why you don't want to have sex with your husband and what methods work to increase female libido.

Enemies of the female libido

Everyone knows that men are attracted to beautiful women. The beauty of a woman says that she is a healthy female and with her you can get healthy offspring. Thus, the first enemy of female libido is lack of health. Following the basics of a healthy lifestyle leads to health.

Important! Every day, despite fatigue, poor health, depression, a quarrel with a husband or children, continue to follow the basics of a healthy lifestyle, namely:

• Healthy food;
• Move a lot;
• Purify the body;
• Dedicate 1-2 hours of time to your favorite business;
• Protect yourself from the active sun, cold, electromagnetic radiation, chemicals in household products, hair dye, cosmetics and so on.

Dedicate a few months to sorting out all these issues, start with nutrition, it gives quick and tasty results, you will definitely want to learn the basics of a healthy lifestyle further.

Free download the book "Easy way to health"

And consider abandoning the use of any spirals and hormonal contraceptives in favor of quality condoms. Any interference with the work of hormones, as well as the installation of spirals itself, does not bring anything good to a woman's health. In addition to reduced libido, such unpleasant symptoms as hair loss, skin rashes, itching in the perineum, lack of sufficient lubrication during intercourse, and headaches can occur.

Since a condom also reduces the sensitivity of a woman, it will be good if you learn how to use the calendar method of preventing unwanted pregnancy. With a healthy cycle, it works great.

Enemy number two is the lack of intercourse. The less often a woman has sex, the less she wants it in the future. The sensitivity in the womb is greatly reduced due to its insufficient massaging by the male phallus. There is no blood flow, and there are no necessary hormones for the emergence of sexual desire.

You can not leave alone the near and far sections of the vagina. They need regular stimulation, even if the man is absent for some reason. There are many ways to play with yourself, there are also intimate toys for this, forget about judgments and use them for the benefit of health.

Sex is extremely important for mental and physical condition. Orgasmic women are very calm, cheerful, they have no tension and it is pleasant to have a relationship with them.

Enemy number three is the wrong attitude. It is necessary to prepare for intimacy long before the light turns off in the bedroom, and you lie down under the covers with your beloved. Sexual foreplay begins the moment you wake up in the morning. Stretch, do a set of exercises for intimate muscles.

Make sure that the whole morning was only yours. To do this, you need to wake up early. You can safely exercise, take a shower and clean yourself up. Then set the table for your beloved household. A tasty and healthy breakfast for the whole family is a very good start to the day and a manifestation of self-love.

To make the morning really sweet, you need to go to bed on time. Determine how much time you need to get good sleep. If you have small children, be sure to take the time to get the right hours during the day. All things can wait, the main thing is a healthy mother and wife. The woman in the family sets the rhythm, the lack of sleep takes her out of the rut, and this threatens with serious destruction of what has been created over the years.

Sexual foreplay should be maintained throughout the day. Kisses, hugs, winks, passionate texts...

Set aside the evening for even closer contact. To create an atmosphere of love and disconnect from the outside world, taking a bath for two, massage, subdued lighting in the bedroom and beautiful bed linen, some berries and fruits for intimate enjoyment and pleasant music will help.

A woman warms up much more slowly than a man, so foreplay for her should be part of everyday life. Enjoying yourself beautiful, your body, feminine clothes, sexy lingerie - all this brings a slight excitement to a woman's life, which also contributes to the release of hormones of happiness.

And this is very interesting...

Wanting your husband is always and everywhere possible if there are no disagreements in the relationship. And if they are, but at the same time you consider your husband to be a wonderful, sexual partner, caring and responsible, then just pretend that you agree with everything at any showdown.

Let him speak out, let him feel that his word is the main thing, that he leads the relationship, for men this is so important.

Your time to persuade to your point of view comes 15 minutes after rough sex. It is noticed that a satisfied man largely agrees with his woman, use this until this fact has reached him.

Girls, if the article turned out to be useful for you, write reviews, you have the opportunity to do this anonymously. Keep my blog bookmarked so you can come back here again for useful information. All the best!

The course "Secrets of ideal wives" - was created by the founder of the center of sexual education Svetlana Kerimova, at the moment already known in many countries of the world. The course is unique in that it is suitable for women of all ages, married and unmarried. You can get acquainted with the program and find out all the details of basic family education here.

Sincerely, Nina Domnina.

female-magazine.net

The wife refuses to have sex with her husband. Is it possible to make her understand

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EVEN THE MONKEYS UNDERSTAND IT

To begin with, a scientific parable - in the subject, as they say. From the sex life of gorillas. Behind them - one male and five females - biologists have been watching for several years. And they noticed: some representatives of the weaker monkey sex often and persistently offer sex to the male, depicting an extreme degree of readiness. At the same time, the one who is already pregnant is the most active - she clings to her "husband" - the father of her unborn child. Why, one wonders, if the goal has already been achieved and the continuation of the family is ensured? And then, it turns out that the male is not distracted by other females. According to scientists, such behavior became a harbinger of monogamy in humans.

Salt of the parable: even monkeys understand that the male needs sex, that he strengthens the family. But some human females do not understand this.

"TIRED - HEAD HURT - WANT TO SLEEP"

“Sexless” is the term used by psychologists to designate a disgusting phenomenon that has struck both Western and Russian society. Namely, the lack of regular sexual intercourse between spouses. It happens, of course, that husbands also deprive their wives of intimate attention. But women are more often denied intimacy. And men, tormented by their libido, hear: "I'm tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep." Or quite offensive: “Where did you go ?!”

If a wife constantly refuses a man, and, mind you, a normal one, take my word for it, for no reason, then this humiliates a man, - someone Sasha, who wrote on the KP forum, expresses the most common emotion. He also offers a solution to the problem - also very popular:

I went to meet my wife. And relieved her of his desires for intimacy with her. She doesn't even have to come up with reasons to refuse now. I give my tenderness to the one who wants it.

And we have complete harmony, - Maria shares her experience. He doesn't want to, and I don't need to.

But what if the husband still loves his wife? If he is devoted and conscientious? He wants only her. Dreaming of real sexual harmony? Suffering. Tormented by guesswork. There are a lot of them, trust me. How to be here?

Psychologists have found the answer. But you won't believe how simple and straightforward it is.

YOU REJECTED ME THREE TIMES, THIS IS YOU

An amazing experiment was conducted by a sex therapist from Australia, Bettina Arndt. She asked 98 men and women (spouses) to keep anonymous diaries of their intimate lives for a year. And tell them the truth. Once she got what she wanted, the researcher wrote an entire book, Why Women Quit Sex and Other Bedroom Battles.

Reading other people's revelations, Bettina did not make a shocking discovery, discovering that there are many reasons. And they are usually different for everyone. But I did come across a few common ones.

First: most wives for some reason believe that sex should be only when, there and the way they want. But at the same time, they do not convey their thoughts to their husbands. And they just refuse. Like, he should understand. And he, the goat, does not understand. And climb. And offended even then.

In other words, wives make husbands guilty of untimely harassment. And they themselves are offended by them - such is the female logic. And this resentment, in turn, becomes a reason for refusal ...

The result is sexless that gets worse over time.

Second: the wife holds some kind of spite against her husband, even a very small one: for example, she didn’t take out the garbage, didn’t ask how she was at work, her mother-in-law said nasty things. And, pouting, "punishes" the deprivation of intimacy. But again, he doesn't tell the reason for the sex strike. They are silent as hell. Further - see above.

But even saying those very notorious “tired, my head hurts, I want to sleep,” many women omit the details. Or maybe they really had a hard day at work. And they are so preoccupied with her that there is not even a place in their head for thoughts about sex.

Conclusion: the bedroom is not a battlefield for psychics, and husbands are not quick-witted telepaths. They need to be explained in detail. And do not bring the matter to deep resentment.

DO NOT NEED ROMANCE, BETTER IMMEDIATELY IN BED

Mrs. Arndt herself was shocked by something else in her diaries. It turned out that all the common advice that psychologists love to give is no good. Add romance to a relationship, have a heart-to-heart talk, go to theaters and restaurants with your wife, send your children somewhere, visit a sex therapist, finally watch porn together ... All this is nonsense. Works only in very rare cases.

“I love my wife,” someone Igor writes to us on the forum, in fact, confirming the conclusion of the Australian researcher. - I want a wife all the time, although we have been together for 20 years. And she didn't tell me. And all the talk on this topic does not give anything. She doesn’t go to the doctor: “I’m not sick.” Physically healthy - porn turns on her, but knowing this, she doesn't allow her to turn it on. And nothing helps: we go on holidays, go to restaurants, and go to dances - romance is more than enough ... "

Bettina Arndt explains that passion, and even elementary lust, which pushes the newlyweds into each other's arms, cannot last forever. And even more so, it manifests itself equally in both spouses. Yes, even after many years. The production of the sex hormones responsible for it - passion - fades away in about 18 months.

The researcher has found the most primitive production enhancer - sex.

But how can one “treat” with sex, if it is just not there?! Very simple, says the researcher. I can't through. Through "tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep."

A woman must realize the perniciousness of sexless, understand how painful it is for a loving husband, destructive for a family. And do not refuse - always agree when the husband asks. Unless, of course, she had an attack of appendicitis.

By the way, Arndt learned from the diaries: there are a lot of women who, going to bed with their husbands, do not feel any sexual urges. But, suddenly succumbing to the pressure of touches, they suddenly feel that the corresponding excitement begins to rise. And the process ends up going well.

The secret of happy couples is that they just do it, says a stunned researcher from faraway Australia.

Maybe for Russia such a simple secret will do?

AND AT THIS TIME

The third is not superfluous if he is a hypnotist

Italians sexless brought almost to shamanism. Namely - to hypnosis, with the help of which they try to influence wives who have declared a sexual strike. According to the newspaper La Repubblica, 8 million people aged 18 to 65 have already applied to the services of hypnotists. And if she - the newspaper - is believed, then it helps many. And much faster than psychoanalysis.

In some mysterious way, hypnotists (for 10 sessions, 80 euros each) manage to awaken the former sexual disposition of the wives-refuseniks towards their husbands. So, somewhere in the subconscious, it still remains. And this is reassuring.

HIGH SCIENCE

And the pills won't hurt

It must be understood that the wife who has become ill with libido will be the first to refuse her husband. Gone. And this, perhaps, is the thick root of all problems. And one of the probable reasons for the loss - purely biological - was discovered by Katherine Esposito from the Second University of Naples (Second University of Naples).

The researcher knew that men with high cholesterol had lower libido. At least due to the fact that fatty plaques constrict blood vessels and interfere with normal blood flow to the genitals. Do women have similar problems? Ms. Esposito decided to check it out. Examined patients with normal and elevated cholesterol levels. And the harsh truth was revealed to her: in the latter, suffering from the so-called hypercholesterolemia, the ability to be sexually aroused was extremely reduced.

However, "abnormal", according to the researcher, can be treated. Medically. By means of drugs that block the work of the enzyme necessary for the production of cholesterol in the liver. A group of such substances is called statins. This is how they should be accepted. Naturally, after consulting with a doctor and making sure that the cholesterol level is really elevated.

www.spb.kp.ru

The wife does not want sex. Why?

• Why a woman does not want sex
• Tips for men and women

Women's sexuality…. How many articles and books have already been written and rewritten about her, how many scientific treatises have been created, but the sexuality of beautiful ladies, as it was, remains a mystery. More recently, her beloved was burning with fantastic passion, trying to do everything possible to kindle desire in a man. And now she is increasingly avoiding intimacy.

Either she has a headache, or she is wildly tired. Or maybe the critical days have come again, which, it seems, already happened last week. And if, nevertheless, the dear spouse can be persuaded to have sex, she behaves as if she is doing her husband a favor. “And what did I do that the wife does not want to have sex?” - the missus is perplexed, scratching his head thoughtfully, - “What am I guilty of?”.

Familiar situation? But how! Many women today, having married, begin to gradually forget what passion and orgasm are. They do not seek to focus on the sexual side of the relationship, they are quite satisfied with a calm, measured life with their spouse, without any "bed fun". Why does a woman not want sex? What is it - complacency, laziness, habit? Perhaps it is the environment that affects us so much that we lose the ability to enjoy sex and do not feel any desire to devote time to it? And what should a husband do then, whose wife, by hook or by crook, is trying to evade the performance of marital duties?

If you look at it, then this is not even so much a male problem as a female one. The lack of quality sex negatively affects both the physical and mental health of women, depriving them of the opportunity to relax. That is why these ladies have constant neuroses, which is the reason for the deterioration of family relations.

Because men simply do not understand why the beloved refuses such a pleasant activity and what to do in such situations. After all, they are always ready! Well, maybe not always, but a couple of times a week for sure. Blessed - never! But before she was so insatiable that it was time to hide herself ... What happened? Out of love? What are the secrets of female sexuality?

No. Not necessarily in love. The reasons for the sudden appearance of female coldness can be different. And the fact that wives do not want sex with their beloved husband is not always their spouse's fault. A woman can refuse intimacy due to various circumstances, the main of which we will now list.

Why does a woman not want sex?

• Reason one. Fatigue

The most powerful factors that significantly reduce female sexuality are fatigue and lack of sleep. Exhausted by work, with nervous nerves, a lady who does not get enough sleep all week long can hardly be a good sexual partner. What does she think about when she comes home from work? About anything: about conflicts with colleagues, about what to cook for dinner, about how to quickly go to bed, finally. Not about sex, that's for sure. It is very difficult for a tired woman to psychologically adjust to a sexual wave; she constantly thinks about what needs to be done first and how to get out of this or that situation.

The husband, who is on fire with sexual desire and is able to forget at such moments about everything in the world, is not aware that his wife cannot do this. Male and female sexuality are different in their qualities. A husband can suddenly become ardent with desire and completely switch to him, but a woman also needs a psychological attitude, in the absence of which she will not receive any pleasure from sex with her husband. So the wife, tired and preoccupied with everyday problems, resists her husband who desires immediate caresses. Well, she cannot adequately respond to these caresses, she cannot! Unless it will lie like a log, if the faithful one is completely unbearable.

How many times have we been told that dieting should be done carefully and selectively! Some diets imply a violation of the hormonal balance, which, when fasting, must be supported by concomitant vitamins. However, we often do not bother to learn in detail how to adhere to a particular diet, and rush to destroy our extra (and not always extra) pounds in the way described in a fashion magazine or once used by a girlfriend. As a result, a fierce struggle with one's own weight turns into violence against the body, inflated nerves and a decrease in female sexuality to a minimum. And the frightened husband, perplexedly looking at his haggard and brutalized half of hunger, cannot understand why the wife stopped wanting sex. What kind of sex is there if she only imagines fried potatoes or cakes and chocolates, and the hormonal background continuously storms and throws from side to side!

• Reason three. Pregnancy

A pregnant woman often neglects marital duties. And there are many explanations for this. First of all, future mothers seriously fear for the health of the baby, they feel a sense of responsibility for how the child will develop inside the womb. And in addition to fear for the well-being of the baby, a pregnant woman feels a sense of embarrassment from the fact that she is doing “this” while the baby is in close proximity to intimate places. Suddenly the baby will feel something?

In fact, there is nothing to fear here. Pregnant does not mean sick, many of the joys of life continue to be available in this happy period of your life. If the pregnancy is proceeding normally, there is no threat of miscarriage, then nothing will prevent you from enjoying intimacy with your husband. Yes, and your baby will not feel any discomfort, as it is very securely protected in your tummy, and no “invasion” will harm him.

Many ladies are sure that a pregnant woman does not look sexy, that a big belly and weight gain will only push her husband away at the most crucial moment. But if your husband loves you, then he is proud of your “interesting” position and watches with excitement how your body changes. And, believe me, he cannot experience any contempt for your forms, simply because you are the mother of his unborn child. So stop doubting yourself and go to bed with your beloved husband. In the end, your good mood will benefit the baby.

• Reason four. Passivity

Strange as it may sound, but the development of female sexuality significantly depends on how active a woman is in bed. And this activity is often suppressed due to the fact that the initiative in sex is always on the side of the partner. Surprisingly, this situation most often occurs when a woman marries the object of her dreams. We all dream of a real man who would solve problems for us, help in everything, take care and take care of us. It is so? Oh yes, it's just wonderful - to put the burden of responsibility for yourself on the shoulders of a strong man, and hide behind his back, like behind a stone wall! Amazing. But over time, excessive guardianship on the part of a man makes a woman unable to act independently. She gets used to living according to her husband's instructions and does absolutely nothing without his instructions.

All this, on the one hand, is very good. You can relax, not answer for anything, decide nothing and do nothing to create a prosperous family. There is only one "but". Such a wife becomes a slave everywhere, including in sex. And this cannot in any way have a positive effect on the development of female sexuality, since constant passivity and dependence on the desires of the husband in the intimate sphere completely kills desire in the spouse. It is these women who most often cannot achieve orgasm. No, a woman who is absolutely passive and dependent on her husband, of course, will not refuse sex with her husband. But she will accept any kindness sluggishly, without excitement, without offering anything in return. And over time, her attitude to sex will turn into a boring duty that you don’t want to do at all.

• Reason five. Lack of gymnastics

One of the necessary conditions for a high level of male and female sexuality is attention to one's own body. When we barely move around the house and office, growing fat and cultivating our laziness, when we hardly climb the stairs to the third floor, panting and cursing, all signs of female sexuality disappear without a trace. If a woman cannot cross her legs normally, what kind of passionate sex can we talk about? However, this applies not only to overweight, but also to thin women who do not bother to devote at least a little time to gymnastics.

Do you want to get bright, multiple orgasms with your husband? Then do not forget about your own health and the physical attractiveness of your body. Flabby muscles and vertebrae and joints crackling during movements do not at all contribute to the appearance of pronounced signs of female sexuality. Not every one of us has a natural grace that does not need to be maintained. The lack of physical activity completely destroys the flexibility of the body and the elasticity of the muscles, and we simply stop feeling our own body. So it takes revenge for the neglect of itself by the lack of pleasant sensations during sex with her husband.

The husband is trying with all his might to excite his wife, caressing her erogenous zones, and she giggles because she is tickled, or lies like a block of ice, completely unresponsive to caresses. And the husband no longer wants to know the amazing secret of female sexuality, because all his attempts are doomed to failure in advance.

• Reason six. Rare Encounters

Oddly enough, but one of the reasons why women stop wanting sex is too rare intimate relationships with their husbands. On weekdays, work separates them, and two or three hours of evening meetings are filled with household chores. In their free time, everyone strives to do what they love: the husband goes fishing or fiddling with the car, the wife runs around the shops, salons or takes care of the children.

It would seem that this is a good situation in order to get bored, burn with a frantic desire and spend the whole night in each other's hot embraces. But, alas, alas! Yes, they always think about their soul mates, yes, they dream of making them happy with something, yes, they always talk about their family to colleagues, friends and acquaintances. But this is not enough! Because spouses are connected only mentally, and their bodies wean from each other. This is a kind of physical memory that is necessary for normal intimate relationships. And in order for the spouses to “remember” everything, it is necessary to have sex regularly. Otherwise, a woman does not get an orgasm at all, and a man’s discharge is fleeting and dull. Bottom line: wives do not want sex with their husband, because he does not bring them any pleasure.

• Reason seven. Male forgetfulness

Another reason why wives stop wanting sex is the careless attitude of husbands to their requests to nail something, fix it, rearrange it, and so on. What do the faithful usually answer us if we irritably repeat our request again and again? Yes, they can’t think of anything better than to say, they say, I’m sorry, I forgot! And after a couple of minutes to forget again. Does it make us angry? Oh, how annoying! In addition, many women, having noticed obvious signs of “sclerosis” in their husband, decide that he is good for nothing. Today, they say, he forgot to nail the shelf, and tomorrow he will forget about the family altogether. And besides, for some reason he does not forget about sex!

And what kind of sex can there be if a woman remembers all the unfulfilled promises of her missus and is more and more inclined to think that sleeping with such a man means wasting time and energy for nothing? In the foundations of female sexuality, one of the dominant positions belongs to the instinct of procreation. But is it possible to continue the race from a lazy and "sclerotic" male representative? No, as a manufacturer, he seems to be nothing. But as a protector, earner and master in the house - this is a problem. However, what is the demand from a person suffering from constant memory lapses? None. So, there will be no sex either.

• Reason eight. Coarseness

Long gone are the days when a woman could be subdued by simply hitting her on the head with something and dragging her into her cave. The times have gone, and the memory of them still controls the minds of some dorks, who only know what to wag their women's nerves, speaking to them exclusively in "New Albanian" and using the missus as a punching bag. If the wife of such a frame was brought up in the traditions of house building or grew up in a dysfunctional family, she can endure rudeness and beatings all her life. However, there is no longer any talk of her sexuality with her despot husband.

Every girl and woman expects tenderness and romance from intimate relationships, not every one of us can just “fuck” with a shameless spouse. After all, nothing destroys a woman's libido like psychological and physical violence. Unless it's intentional, consensual violence from couples who love silk whips and handcuffs in the bedroom. Well, there are actually very few of them.

• Reason nine. Untidy appearance

Maybe for some of the men this will be a discovery, but what is, that is: women also love that the appearance of their life partners is pleasing to the eye. Well, a flabby, unshaven man rooted to the couch with a beer belly hanging over torn sweatpants doesn't look sexy, not sexy! Especially if there are examples of more athletic, well-groomed men before your eyes. How does it feel to come home from work, where all the male colleagues are dressed to the nines and smell of pleasant perfume, and on the couch of your own house to see a sweaty, untidy husband?

No, it is clear that at home the faithful should relax completely. But at least put on newer pants (they've been in the closet for two years!) and shave, brush your teeth and take a shower before going to bed, can he?! Laziness? Well, then let him not ask later why the wife does not want sex.

• Reason ten. infantilism

It is believed that any woman has a strongly developed maternal instinct and this helps them get along with infantile husbands. But a spouse who is not able to make decisions on his own and depends on others in everything is unlikely to arouse sexual desire in his wife. No, well, what kind of a normal wife would burn with an unquenchable passion for a rag-husband who cannot take a single step without her instructions? At best, such a faithful will cause tenderness in her, at worst - neglect.

Needless to say, wives stop wanting sex with their husband-child pretty quickly? In order for a man to be sexually attractive to a woman, he must dominate her in some way. And if he continues to whine and shift the responsibility for making decisions onto the shoulders of his wife, then it will be impossible to perceive him as a sexual partner.

• Reason eleven. Greed

Greedy men evoke even more negative feelings in women than infantile ones. The husband, who controls his wife's spending even in small things, constantly subjects her to humiliating interrogations, after which the poor thing does not even want to think about sex. This is not about male rationalism about money. We are talking about the pathological stinginess of the stronger sex, trying to save on everything, even on toilet paper. Of course, such mean people will complain that the wife does not want sex! Offended by the reproaches of the spouse, the nervous woman is not up to intimacy. She would go through the insult, but put her nerves in order!

Well, here, perhaps, are all the main reasons for the extinction of female sexuality in marriage. Undoubtedly, there are also many other reasons, but they are not as common as those that we talked about above. So how can you fix the situation in cases where the wife does not want sex and refuses to share a bed with her husband?

What to do if the wife stopped wanting sex? If a couple of years ago you made love almost every day, and now your wife has stopped responding to your husband's hints about intimacy, then you need to urgently take action. Which? Let's talk about this separately.

• Eliminate the possibility of overwork and sleep well;
• Learn to forget daily problems and switch to intimacy;
• Pamper yourself with delicious food and other pleasures more often;
• Do gymnastics regularly and train your body;
• Try to be as active as possible in bed;
• Spend as much time as possible with your husband.

• Be attentive to your spouse;
• Do not allow rough treatment of your wife in everyday life;
• Help your wife with housework;
• Give her the opportunity to take initiative in any matters;
• Take responsibility for making decisions on many family problems;
• Do not count a penny in the costs of your spouse;
• Look after yourself.

These are simple tips, but for some reason we very rarely follow them and do not want to do anything that would help correct the situation .. And as a result, after five years of family life, we begin to forget what first-class sex is, thereby depriving ourselves of one of the biggest pleasures.

The fact that the wife stopped wanting sex is a problem not only for her husband, but also for herself. Is this state of affairs good? Of course not! So let's appreciate our sexuality and enjoy it!

They say couples break up when sexual attraction to each other fades and intimacy becomes less. In one case reason for not having sex lies in lost or wasted feelings. In another, it is a banal habit, mixed with a lot of everyday problems and raising children. The third reason for refusing intimacy can be hormonal changes in both men and women. But if there are reasons why you do not want sex, then there must be ways to eliminate them. The author of the following article tells how to overcome all complexes and obstacles and harmonize intimate relationships in the family.

Why don't you want sex

Unfortunately, the problem of regular intimacy with a regular partner in the modern world is acute for many couples. Sex happens less and less, until it disappears completely, turning the relationship of the spouses into friendly and forcing them to look for emotions on the side. To avoid this, it is very important to understand why don't you want sex and how to save intimate relationships.

So, the main reasons for not having sex.

Reason #1: Hormonal disruptions and diseases of the reproductive system

On libido, that is sexual desire are influenced by hormones. Therefore, any failure or disease, accompanied by a change in hormonal levels, can lead to the fact that a person ceases to feel the need for intimacy. When it comes to men, the first thing to check is the level of testosterone in the blood. Among women decreased sex drive It can also be observed while taking oral contraceptives (OC).

In this case, it is important to be examined by an endocrinologist and carefully check the hormonal profile (hormone analysis). If problems are found, the doctor will prescribe treatment. As soon as the hormones stop "naughty", the former desire will return.

If oral contraceptives are to blame for the decrease in libido, it is recommended to consult a gynecologist for the selection of another drug or to consider other contraceptive options.

Reason #2: Resentment or complexes

No wonder they say that for some people, sex first occurs in the head, and only then in bed. For such men and women, praise and a positive assessment of a partner is very important. But a remark or criticism, even if not uttered out of malice, can hurt painfully and instill in the soul doubts about one's own attractiveness and sexuality. Subconsciously the brain will refuse sex in order to protect yourself from new disorders and experiences. This is how a psychological decrease in libido occurs, requiring confidential conversations with a partner, and sometimes consulting a psychotherapist or sexologist.

Unfortunately, quarrels, quarrels and dissatisfaction with each other in everyday and personal terms also affect intimate life. If the wife “nags” her husband about a small salary, and the husband is unhappy that his wife breeds cats, believe me, before problems in sex near. You should leave mutual nit-picking and treat each other with great respect. Such simple rules help to establish a warm climate not only in the family, but also in bed.

Reason #3: platitudes

Even in those couples who had African passions at the beginning of the relationship, a decline can occur. Partners know everything about each other, nothing surprises and does not excite an acute desire. In such cases, if you do not bring a twist to intimacy, you can completely “bury” marital sex.

Role-playing games, unusual underwear, a date in a hotel, perfumes with aphrodisiacs - in sex with a regular partner, there should always be a place for novelty and bright flashes that heat up the fire of desire.

Reason #4: Chronic fatigue and sleep deprivation

In the modern world, a person has almost no time left for proper sleep and rest: work, many hours of traffic jams, a lot of various things and worries. But chronic fatigue and lack of sleep hit not only immunity and mood, but also libido! What kind of sex can we talk about if the only desire is to get to bed as soon as possible and forget about sleep? In this case, you need to give the body a rest. Have a weekend at least a couple of times a week - do not do household chores or take a part-time job home - devote this time to a loved one and restore intimate life.

Fatigue can be not only physical, but also psychological, when a person has a great responsibility or is in a state of chronic stress. In this case, of course, we can recommend a relaxing massage, sedatives and aromatherapy, the purpose of which is to harmonize the functioning of the nervous system.

Reason #5: Hypodynamia

From home to the car or the bus, from the bus to the chair in the office and in the evening the same way back? This is how most of the inhabitants of our country live, suffering from physical inactivity, that is, a decrease in physical activity. Our advice is a gym, swimming pool, yoga, jogging in the morning, dancing or a football section for amateurs. It is believed that people who exercise regularly have a regular need for intimacy.

If there is no desire and opportunity to play sports, it is recommended to take as a rule:
climb on foot, not by elevator;
walk in the nearest park before going to bed at least 1-2 times a week;
get off one stop before the house and walk this distance on foot.

As for sleep, there should be a sufficient amount of it - at least 6 hours a day (ideally 8 hours). Be sure to sleep in a ventilated room - fresh air contributes to quality relaxation.

Reason #6: Irrational nutrition

Diets or, conversely, the abuse of fast food and alcohol can lead to the fact that sexual attraction gradually "melt", and maybe completely disappear. Lack of vitamins can also negatively affect the bed issue.

To avoid this, you need to learn the list of products that should always be on your table:
protein (lean meat, fish, eggs, dairy products);
potassium (baked potatoes, rice, nuts, bananas);
iron (green apples, liver, buckwheat);
vitamin C (blackcurrant, sauerkraut, tomatoes, rose hips, oranges);
vitamin E (spinach, lettuce, olive oil).

And, most importantly, remember that sexual problems should not be left to chance. It is necessary to look for the cause and eliminate it so that life sparkles with colors again!

Once upon a time, you were excited only from the mere thought of a loved one. Now you would watch a series with great pleasure or play a game of checkers. It is possible that these are the first signs of reduced libido, which affects millions of the fair sex.

There are 10 main reasons why women do not want sex:

Reason #1: Mess in the bedroom

The bed is dismantled, things are lying in piles everywhere, the floor is littered with magazines, and the dust on the nightstand has settled in a thick layer ... Do you know this? Recent studies have shown that bedroom clutter is directly related to sadness and signs of depression, as well as a lack of desire.

Chaos is annoying and constantly distracting: you look at the bills and remember if you paid for the light, think about the need to put an extra chair or hanger. All this destroys the sense of relaxation that a woman needs to focus on love and intimacy.

What to do? Cleaning! Do not keep bills and diaries on the bedside table. If you watch a lot of TV, move it to the living room or kitchen.

Reason #2: Anger

If you have been noticing a lack of interest in sex for some time now, it may be due to repressed anger. Psychologist Pepper Schwartz claims that it is the most common cause of a decrease in libido in women. Ladies who are angry with their men (does not help around the house, did not put away socks, did not read with a child) do not want sex. Anger crushes desire.

What to do? Understand what annoys you and try to eliminate the cause. Don't let anger ruin your relationship.

Reason #3: Perfectionism

What kind of sex is there if a lot of laundry is not ironed, you just returned from a workout and did not have time to take a shower, and the child will wake up any minute? Perfectionism is a huge hindrance to sex drive. Women often believe that in order to be intimate, they need to look perfect, smell like roses, and have fresh manicures and pedicures. However, perfection is, in fact, unattainable, and you lose strength in self-justification instead of enjoying your partner.

What to do? Arrange a break. Just have a good time in bed - in fact, this is the only thing he wants from you.

Reason #4: The state of the economy

How did the financial crisis sneak into your bedroom? We are distracted from love pleasures not only by doubts about relationships, but also about our financial stability. Today, when the economy can hardly be called sustainable, many successful people complain about a decrease or loss of libido.

What to do? Set aside time to worry about money during the day. This method may seem strange, but it works. Allow yourself to worry about finances only from 4 to 6 pm, and also remind yourself that sex helps to cope with stress.

Reason #5: Psychological Trauma

Survived a robbery? Did someone close to you die? Even if the sad event happened a long time ago, you can still worry, and this will be reflected in the bed. Some psychotherapists even point out that decreased libido should be considered a symptom of post-traumatic psychological disorder.

What to do? Forgive yourself and the one who caused your anxiety. Feel free to seek help from professionals.

Reason #6: High Cholesterol

Not so long ago, researchers found a link between high cholesterol levels and lack of arousal and orgasm in women. Cholesterol impedes blood flow in the vessels - this also applies to the small pelvis, which reduces sensitivity during sex.

What to do? Change your diet. Cut down on whole milk products and those high in animal fats. Vegetables and fruits (and other sources of fiber) should be abundant on your table - they will make it difficult for cholesterol to penetrate and give a feeling of cheerfulness.

Reason #7: Contraception

Ironically, the thing that was supposed to make sex more free and comfortable is killing him. Leah Millheiser, M.D., director of the women's sexology program at Stanford, claims that hormonal contraceptives reduce testosterone levels. And this means that your pills lower libido.

What to do? Switch to barrier contraceptives or talk to your doctor about switching from one OC to another. Remember that different pills affect women differently.

Reason #8: Thyroid Problems

This little gland can create big problems for the body. Hypothyroidism, or an underactive thyroid, can lead to weight loss, dry skin, and decreased desire, according to Dr. Millheiser.

What to do? Make an appointment with an endocrinologist and get tested for hormones. Hypothyroidism is treated fairly easily.

Reason #9: Not dating

Psychologists say that if you haven’t had dates with your husband for a long time and you don’t remember at all when you sat and talked (even if it was at the table at home), then sex will suffer. The lack of emotional connection in women directly affects the desire for intimacy.

What to do? Make an appointment. Book a table for dinner or buy tickets for a late movie.

Reason #10: Breastfeeding

You are almost back to your pre-pregnancy shape, but when will your libido return? If you are breastfeeding your baby, then do not rush things. Prolactin (the hormone responsible for lactation) reduces the production of estrogen and testosterone. Hence the uncomfortable dryness and lack of desire.

What to do? Accept that feeding will end sooner or later, but for now, get lubes and spend more time on what is guaranteed to turn you on.